Upstairs, Downstairs, Family Room, Living Room?

I wrote this post on Sunday and had planned to post it on Monday, but then thing's came up - I had my crown prep and didn't feel much in the mood for anything.  Then Tuesday happened and I vented about something else.

Anyway - sorry about hearing about my giant to-do list again, but this was written before Tuesdays or Thursdays or Friday - whenever I wrote that last one's post. 

10-31-2010

Lately I've been going nuts.  Nuts with how I feel like I don't have a handle on anything.  My house seems to constantly be a mess.  I am behind on balancing my checkbook.  Laundry, editing, taking pictures, videoing, blogging, reading blogs, phone calls, cards, exercising, projects, dinners.... ect...  How do you just get a grip!

One thing at a time... I know....

Jaren has brought up making our upstairs family room into a living room for a while now.  I'm always hesitant because upstairs is where I've decorated, painted and made into a nice homey warm home.  Downstairs is cold - figuratively - it's white, not really decorated.  Basically it's where we stick stuff.  But since I've started my photography business my computer is set up down here.  And so we've put half of Nae's toys down here and I'm down here every day.  It's become more familiar and not so cold.

And because I feel like there isn't a room in the house that is in order - except Nae's room - I'm all for roping off the upstairs and wrangling the circus to downstairs.  First thing on the list is to paint.  Painting the downstairs will give it the finished warm homey feeling that I need.  We will move some of the furniture from upstairs downstairs - bookshelf and T.V. stand.  That will help.  I'm going to decorate downstairs.  And over time it will feel more like the upstairs.

What we are most looking forward to is after Nae is put to bed we can walk upstairs and sit in a nice, clean space.  And the mess is all in one place.  And when people decide to drop by I wont feel like the worlds most horrible house wife because my house looks like it was ransacked.

I'm hoping this will help me to not feel like a housewife failure.  Which happens quite often....

Better

Today is better.  Much better.

A few things happened after my melt down.  Jaren and I had a few talks, one of which lasting almost 2 hours about "feelings".  Mine, in particular.  I think we got to the bottom of the cause of my increase of emotions.

I have a giant to do list.  Ranging from my photo business, household chores, projects - I have a lot of projects and things I want/need to do.  I can't seem to look at something as an individual.  I group it all together and feel like I need to tackle, not one thing at a time, but all of it.  I want to either finish or start on something all in one day.  Problem with that is I can't.  I start and I get overwhelmed and I shut down.  The next day comes, I decide to start on it again, the same thing happens.  This goes on for days until I get a question, "What's for Dinner?"  and I break.  I cry, I feel horrible because the floor isn't vacuumed, the kitchen isn't glistening, I haven't started on or finished any projects and then I haven't made dinner.  It's hot dogs again.

So then I think, "what kind of housewife am I?"  I'm a failure.  I can't seem to get a hold on all of the things I need to do.  I dwell on those feelings and I am sad, and it get's worse and I feel like a lump of a person.  Then everything sets me off.  Everything.  And it seems like I finally start getting something done and more creeps up.  It's like, I clean the bathrooms - whoo for me!  Then a week goes by and it's time again.  Oh... but I have other things I'm trying to do, two weeks go by and I am feeling bad and every day that goes by I feel worse.  It's a vicious cycle.  But the worst part is that it only takes 10 minutes to clean a bathroom!  So, it's like, seriously?  You can't just do it?

My post the other day was a glimpse of a moment.  A sad, weak moment that I needed to vent about.  I'm not a giant mess like that all day long.  I promise.  Come to find a lot of other people have the same moments.  After talking to some friends and family I realized that they all set to-do lists that grow and can't get a hold of and it causes intense emotions.  I think in this society, being a housewife has this notion that the house is always nice and clean.  That because we/I call ourselves homemakers we should be able to do just that.  Make our house a home.  And when it's not perfect, I feel like I fail.

I didn't have to deal with this before I had Nae.  I was in school and so first, I wasn't home all day and second, I didn't feel like a 100% stay at home Wife.  I was busy - very busy.  So when things didn't get done, it was because I was gone.  Or doing homework.  Or at a group project.  Now, when something doesn't get done it's because I'm doing something else.  But I feel more obligated for everything to be nice and neat and clean.  Always.

Jaren and I have come up with a solution.  After telling him how I felt and why I felt that way he is able to understand why.  Why I start crying when he asks if I got the mail.  So, I am taking things one at a time and am trying to get caught up.  I'm working on getting a routine down so I can get a handle on it all.  I have high expectations that I think I can meet.  I just have to realize it's going to take time and it doesn't make me any less of a person if I can't get it all done in a day.

The thing is.  Is that when I'm having my super low emotional moments I'm still happy.  I'm happy with my life.  Happy I'm married to Jaren.  Happy I have Naomi.  Happy I live where I live.  Happy I'm in the house I'm in.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Except to not be so emotional :)

PPD is real.  And the spectrum is so vast.  If I have it, I think I'm on the itty bitty bit of it end.  And I think exercising and tackling my to-do list and talking to Jaren about it will help.  I think I can go back to my happy carefree - not so quick to take offense as easily Whitney.  Life is about growing and making adjustments and changes and figuring out what works.  With the time it takes to raise a kid, I am making adjustments to the way I normally would do things.  It's the process of making the adjustments that seems to be the hardest thing.

I think one of the worst things you can do is to dismiss the issue.  Like there's nothing wrong.  Because that's the last thing I want to hear.  Is that it's normal for me to be this emotional and sad and take things personal and feel like a failure all the time.  I was not like that before and I refuse to stay like this.  So, yes, something isn't quite right.  But it's fixable and I don't think it's too serious.  Things seem worse when your in physical pain, right?  Like with my root canal and another tooth that has started to be pressure sensitive on the other side. So, basically I can't chew.  Oh, wait, I have my front teeth and very back last molars on top and bottom.  Ugh. That's a whole other story!

And thank you for all of the support and nice words I got.  I really appreciate the advice and a bit of validation that it's not all in my head; that I'm not making it up.  Thank you, again :)

I Didn't Realize.....

The effect my emotions were having on Jaren.  Or even the extent. 

Since I was pregnant with Naomi I became much more testy, emotional and I took everything personal.  Since I've had Naomi it's been worse.

I cry a lot.  If the house is a mess I feel like it's my fault and I feel like a failure at a housewife.  Jaren says, "have you balanced your check book?"  and I get on the defense, "I haven't had time!"  When really, I could have made time.  But then I feel like a failure and I feel bad, then worse, then I cry. 

Because Jaren is just asking a totally innocent question and I respond in a defensive tone, then cry.  It puts him in a down mood, too.  I think the real wake up call came yesterday.

I had a root canal a week ago.  Yesterday I went in to get my tooth prepped for a crown.  Jaren called after wards and asked how much it was.  I told him and he repeated it, and then complained about it for about 5 seconds.  In those 5 seconds I started crying, almost hysterically.  I was emotionally and physically taxed for one thing.  I didn't expect to have so much drilling done.  And then my tooth ground to a tiny nub, part of my bone scraped away and my gums cut back.  I felt it with my tongue.  It was a bit traumatizing to feel my tooth pretty much gone.  And it hurts... 

Anyway, I had to get off the phone.  Even after I got off the phone I was holding myself together by a thread.  I went to the grocery store to get some carrots for dinner.  On the way home I called my Mother in Law to check on Naomi.  I was starting to cry just talking to her!  It's embarrassing.  Then, I get home and I cry a bit.  I have this horrible sinking heavy feeling in my chest.  And I go about my business.  Making dinner and trying to get over this giant hump.  Jaren came home and after a few minutes, sat down put his hands up in the "don't hurt me" pose and said, "This is just a conversation.  I just want to talk about this"  And he asks about the bill.  Wants it broken down.  All the sudden I realized that it's about 1,400 dollars more than what we were quoted.  How did I not notice that?  Why wasn't I able to be able to just TALK about it with him on the phone in the first place?  Why did I take it personally and get defensive?  It's not my fault I had to get a root canal.  The tooth was DEAD!  Worse than we thought.  Starting to calcify.  Apparently this has been happening for years and I didn't notice.  Started when the tooth was wrongly filled in the first place over 3 years ago, then had to be re-done a few months later. 

Anyway.  I felt bad that I didn't notice that.  That I automatically started to blubber like an idiot and didn't give Jaren a chance to explain on the phone.  This morning it was the same thing.  We were taking Nae in for her 12 month check up and shots.  He took her out and got her buckled in the car while I was putting my shoes on.  I went back, got my ring and another blanket for Naomi and on my way back to the door I hear, "WHIT!!!"  And then stomp stomp stomp, Jaren opens the door from the garage and I say, "What?!  I'm coming, you didn't have to yell."  "I didn't yell..."  "Yes you did, and you stomped up the stairs."  "I just walked up the stairs..."  It took him 10 minutes to get over the bad mood from that tiny encounter.

Before we went into the office we talked about it.  About how I'm always on the defense.  I asked him if he saw a pattern.  (Thinking maybe it's just PMS, so it may happen for 2 weeks or so out of the month).  He said no, it's pretty much constantly sporadic since I was pregnant.  I explained the heavy chest and really sad mood that I can't kick for hours after one of my melt downs.  He mentioned Postpartum Depression. 

I am (normally) one of the happiest people you'd ever meet.  I'm carefree.  I even think I'm kind of funny.   I don't usually take everything personally.  I never ever ever ever thought I would have any sort of chemical crazy imbalance.  My chemicals are just happy with life!  I still am.  I'm still normally happy.  I just don't know how to get past this heavy sadness that comes so often lately. 

I talked to my doctor about it today.  He said first thing is to stop blaming myself for everything.  Ok.... but isn't it all my fault?  Aren't I the governer of my time in a day?  If I don't get the house clean or pictures edited or read my daughter 15 books?  If I take a nap, read a book myself or spend 20 minutes on facebook?  So, if I spend all day editing, and the laundry doesn't get folded, the bathrooms don't get clean, my bedroom is still a mess - isn't that my fault?  I'm being serious.  Isn't it? 

He said if after being conscious of it (and I always have been.  I'll be crying and say out loud, really, this is ridiculous, I know it's fixable and not my fault... but I can't help this sad feeling) and trying to work on it.  Jaren being my wonderful understanding patient husband that he is who will help.  If it starts to affect my ability to mother.  Which, thankfully, I am still happy with my daughter.  I don't get mad and yell.  I never yell.  I don't leave her crying and walk out of the room.  I get frustrated at times and I take a deep breath, remember that she is 12 months old and then I deal.  I wrestle with her on the floor and sing and dance and make her laugh.  She is such a bright light in my life.  Anyway, if it get's worse - then we might do something about it. 

I don't want pills.  I don't want to be diagnosed.  I don't want this to be real.  In my mind this isn't me.  I am having hormone overload.  Maybe I do have a touch of PPD?  I don't know.  I just want to be back to my super happy self.   I'm going to start running again.  As soon as the basement is finished (the post on that is coming tomorrow).  I think that will help a ton.  I'm spending this week finishing up the sessions I am working on and so I'll be free to write, clean, craft, decorate, run - whatever. 

It will go away, right? 

Sippy Skippy!

I am skipping because Naomi drank a good 3 ounces or so from her sippy cup today!  I have been trying every day - 2-3 times a day to get her to drink and maybe 3 or 4 times total she has taken a few sips and then let out an angry cry and pushed it away. 

I started to get discouraged because - I mean - she wouldn't even TRY!  And I don't want to do a cold turkey, take bottle away in a few months.  I really wanted it to be a gradual thing.  But she wasn't showing any progress.  But today she chugged water.  I almost cried.

And she's taken her first steps and wants to hold our hands and walk EVERYWHERE.  All the time.  She'll let go of something and take 2 or 3 steps, but get's scared when she falls.  So she's not too brave yet. 

Walking, drinking from a sippy and a cup.  What's next?  Soccer?  She's going to be a toddler.  Time flies. 

Holy This Is Getting Ridiculous

That phrase applies to a few things.

How long it's taken me to post.  Seriously.  The biggest thing going on in my life right now is my daughter and her blog is elsewhere.  And that is terribly neglected too.  Especially since she is so funny and fun and doing so many new things now.  It's a shame.  Shame on me.  I'm aware of the shame.... 

The other biggest thing is my photography business.  And I guess I'm not 100% comfortable going on and on about my annoyances, stresses, ideas and complaints.  I want it to be professional and so I can't vent about it all in a public forum.  But call me and I'll tell you all about it.

The other ridiculous thing is that I didn't realize how badly I need to vent!  Or talk!  It wasn't until I talked my Mom's ear off today for about 40 minutes, I think, about everything.  I didn't give her hardly any time to get a word in and she tried to end the conversation a few times.  Sorry Ma.  :)   On my way home I realized how badly I wanted to call someone else and just TALK.  But I wanted to talk someone's ear off and I couldn't do that in 10 minutes.  So.. I sat in my car thinking.. and thinking.. .and realizing that I'm so very ready for Jaren to be done with harvest.  Done with being busy and being gone.  We were able to have a quick lunch in town today - haven't had lunch with him in a while and usually he comes home for lunch.  We were talking with no other distractions and I remembered things that had happened days to a week ago that I hadn't had a chance to tell him!  Seriously.  He's been coming home around 9 each night and leaving around 7:30 each morning.  I just miss him.  Miss everything about having him around. 

What's funny is that normally this feeling happens much earlier during the farming season.  Sometimes even before harvest!  But I think having Naomi to take are of and keep me company is helping a lot.  But she isn't the best conversationalist.  Sometimes she doesn't even listen very well.  She interrupts me frequently by blurting out some obseinity such as, "Ma!" or "Tah, Tah, Tah, Tah" or "Dadatayada!".  Or she wants a hug, or she runs away for her bedroom (which she loves) when I didn't even tell her to go to it.  Or she starts playing with a toy that makes noise to drown out my ramblings.  She's not very subtle.  It's obvious I'm torturing her.  So then I smother her with kisses to tell her I don't care.  :)

Anyway... right now Nae is sick.  Poor thing, she's so boogery and tired and rubs her nose and get's boog's all over her face and hands and toys and me.  Jaren is sick with a sinus infection and I'm starting to not feel so well.  I feel pretty bad for Jaren.  He doesn't get to rest; we do.  He's not even home yet and it's 9.  Their projected date to be done is Wednesday next week.  I cant tell you how much I'm looking forward to how happy and free he will feel when he comes home that night. 

And Nae's birthday is in two weeks and I need to make invites.  Well, I don't need to I want to.  And I have a bunch of stuff I'm working on for my business.  And I have to plan the party.  I mean, she'll be one so she wont care.  She'll wonder why there are so many people in her house.  Oh man... the house!  I have to clean clean clean!  And what will we do?  What do you do at a one year old's party?  I suggested pin the diaper on the Nae Nae and Jaren said no.  It's a really hard game.  We play it daily.  I'm going to make cupcakes!  That's decided....  Maybe I'll google "One year old birthday party games that adults will want to participate in and wont require a walker because mine isn't quite there yet"  But then pictures of old people walkers will come up and I'll be back at square one.

Oh!  AND I want a blog makeover.  But I don't have time to do it right now.  And I want to read blogs and comment.  But I haven't had a chance to read a whole lot more than a few friends and family.  Shame on me again. 

I love you all, though.  Know that.  And I know that lot's don't like the long ramblings.  But I think that's what I need to do to get back into the blogging groove.  So bear.. bare (right?)  with me.  I might even make you laugh if you get my sense of humor.  :) 

Wordpress?

Before I started my photo blog (which uses wordpress as a platform) I thought about switching, but couldn't think of a reason to.

Now that I've had experience with both I'm sorely tempted to switch all three of my other blogs over to wordpress.  And since I've already paid for a hosting site I think I can change the other's addresses to dotcom's.  Which I would like.  What I'm worried about is that people may not be able to find my blog when I change the address.  AND can I keep all of my posts?  Or is it like starting a new one all over again?

One of the biggest push's to change is how blogger resizes the image for me.  And when I've already done that it makes the image super pixely and grainy.  I love my pictures and I want them to be as crisp on my blog as they are in my editing software.

I haven't decided 100% for it or not.  I'm definitly over 50% for it.  Maybe even 77% for it.  The other is just the time it will take and if I'll loose readers and... and... you know.  All that.  Oh, and can I make it private?  For my daughters blog?  Which, by the way, I have been vigorously updating.  Trying to catch up.

Here is an example of the picture problem.

Resized

Not resized

Can you tell a difference?  I thought I could...  Another thing is the upload time.  It takes FOREVER to upload a non-resized image.  And only a minute or less to upload a resized one. 

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Experiences with this? 

I Get It

I usually have the T.V. on Nick J.R. just playing away and Nae just plays on the floor and watches occasionally.  And I can tell which shows she really likes.  Dora is number one.  She's fascinated by Yo Gabba Gabba and really likes The Backyardigans.  I think it's cute that she squeals at the T.V. every time the backpack song from Dora comes on.  And she dances.  It looks like a shimmy and it makes me smile or laugh every time. 

We were downstairs and she was going through my stuff next to my desk and the Nickelodeon mega music fest comes on.  The first person on is Dora.  I said, "Naomi, Dora's on!"  And she looked at me - the T.V. is on the other side of the desk so she couldn't see it.  I picked her up and turned her to the T.V.  Then it switched to Go Diego Go or The Backyardigans - I don't know.  But she squealed and was glued to the T.V. smiling.  They were singing Black Eyed Peas and so we got up and danced and she was so happy.  And I had tears come to my eyes because she was so happy!  And I realized, I get it. 

I get why parents wake up at 3 a.m. on black Friday to get their kid Tickle Me Elmo.  Or sit at the computer and the second the clock strikes 12 they are clicking away to buy Hannah Montana tickets.  Or whatever it is. 

It makes her so happy!  Such a simple silly thing to us, but whenever Dora is on T.V. she is smiling and making happy noises and talking and squealing.  I guess I adore the girl.  I probably wont buy her any Dora paraphernalia any time soon.  And probably wont pay hundreds for her to go to a concert.  But for now, I think I get it. 

Egg Recall

Have you heard about the egg recall? 

Normally, when I hear about recall's I'm just sitting around looking things up online.  The only other time I had something that was being recalled was the infants tylenol this last spring.  This is how it went for me today:

Naomi crawling all over me this morning whining and even when I'm holding her she's not quite happy.  She tries to crawl on the floor, so I let her down, then she turns right back around and wants back up.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  So I'm exhausted when I put her down for her first nap.

But I want to read!  I'm more than half way through the fourth Harry Potter book and it's been three years since I've read it so it's almost like reading it again for the first time.  Almost, except that I know the end result. So it's exciting again.

Anyway, so I put her down and read a chapter, then lay down myself because, remember, I'm exhausted.  I get maybe 40ish minutes and then Nae is awake.  So, I go in and grab her.  She wont drink much of her bottle, she is all whiny again so I take her outside - in just a diaper.  And I live in the middle of nowhere but that is when everyone decides to drive to my neighbors across the street and some of the farm boy's decide to drive into the yard - right past me in stretchy pants and a giant t shirt, holding this mostly naked baby. 

I bring her back in, she is still a bit whiny, wont take her bottle and so I give up and walk out of the room and start cutting the egg's that I boiled.  Well, had to RE boil because I originally boiled them last night, but upon opening one of them found that they were not all the way hard.  Annoying.  So, I'm peeling and cutting and peeling and cutting.  I had just read a few days ago that I can now give Naomi a whole egg.  So, I decide to take about 1/3 of one of the egg's, mash it up and put it in avocado and mash that all up.  Her first time with egg and avocado.  I probably should have just introduced one at a time, but I was feeling adventurous. 

She is eating it, pulling some faces, but eating it.  Jaren comes home and it's all over.  She wants him to hold her and she's whiny again.  So I handed him the bowl and he fed her and that satisfied her.  I grabbed the computer to look up my itinerary for next week because I thought I was flying out of Portland early in the morning and getting back into Idaho Falls late afternoon.  (I was wrong, by the way, flying out in the afternoon and not getting in until later in the evening).  I open my email and found an email from Jaren's sister with the link to the egg recall.  I told Jaren to stop feeding her and grabbed some bananas and strawberries and he fed her that instead.  I got out both our cartons of egg's and looked up the numbers.  Turns out - we are safe. 

But seriously!  The day I decide to make egg salad sandwiches, and feed Naomi egg for the first time AND I had an omelet yesterday! Next thing I know I'll find out all my baby food I bought for Naomi (probably enough to get her through the rest of her puree'd food stage - $70 worth or more) is all bad. 

So I added some lemon and seasoning salt and ate the guacamole with egg in it for lunch.  With half an egg salad sandwhich.  Sure hope those are the only infected numbers on that site, or we'll have a sick family.

Spunky

Does any other word come to mind when you see this?

I haven't tried piggies yet, but they will come soon.

Lately

In the past few weeks I have:

Had a birthday - Happy Birthday to Me!  I am now a qualified 24 year old.  I was doing an exercise video and that night told Jaren that I'm getting old (sarcastically, because it get's a rise out of him) and that I feel 24. Before I could explain my thought process he laughed and laughed.  He is 28 and turning 29 in a few months.  I only meant that I did that video 3 years ago and was flying all over the place like it was no big deal.  And now I'm not really flying as much.

Made my own birthday cake!  It turned out good... but not super duper fantastic amazing.  I want to try to do a 7 layer chocolate fudge like I eat at restaurants someday.  If only I can find the recipe.

Jaren brought me home some beautiful flowers.  I love flowers.  And chocolates and a gift card to Gap.  Which I am going to happily spend in a few weeks when we (Naomi and I) go to the beach in Oregon.

Had to baby-proof everything at crawling level  since Naomi learned to switch it in drive.  She only knew how to reverse for a few weeks and it was really starting to frustrate her.  We are all much happier in this house now.

And she ate one of my birthday cards.  I tried to tell her she would have her own in a few months but she wouldn't listen.

Started re-reading the Harry Potter series since part 1 of the 7th book is coming to theaters on Jaren's birthday.  He told me no Harry Potter themed birthday parties...  but I'm still considering doing it anyway.  I am currently working on book 4.

Had a few 100 mph wind storms that would blow through about the same time every day anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes.  That happened around 4 or 5 days in a row.  Our power went out three of the times and one of them the internet and phone lines went out too.  Just down the road a power pole was blown down.  And for the next 5-6 days I didn't have the internet.

Got behind and am almost caught up on clients pictures.  Because of the internet issue.  I'm silly and don't look at the pictures on the online viewing gallery (which are numbered differently than the ones on my computer) and compare them to the ones on my comp and pull them all into a separate folder to be edited.  Because then when the wind tries to blow my house down (and it succeeded at knocking down some really big branches from my giant tree in the backyard, one of which came VERY close to the house) and the internet goes down I will still be able to get all the editing done.  So... I had to wait for the internet to get back up and then kicked it into high gear.

Have been re-doing my photography website.  I think I'm pretty happy with it right now, although I might change the size of my slide show as it takes up the entire screen.  Although, I'm horribly discouraged with the amount of traffic.  I don't know how to get people to go there.  I need to get it up on more search engines.  How do I pick and choose what people will type and what will bring it up?  Like, Target, has anyone noticed that no matter WHAT you type up target comes up like it has everything anyone could ever want?  But really.. it doesn't.  I really want to come up when someone types in, "Rexburg, Idaho Photographer"  Because that's what all the college kids who want engagements and whatever else will type. 

I've been spending some time with my sister, Lindsey.  And ever since she has gotten married she is a totally different person.  We don't fight anymore like we used to and we laugh and laugh and really LIKE being around each other.  It's quite refreshing.  I really don't want her to move.  Ever.

Jaren started grain harvest today.  So that means that the once hour long lunches I used to get with him are gone for the next 2 months.  And the coming home at 7ish is gone as well.  Bye sweetie pie.... see you in October.

Thanks for the birthday flowers, sweetie pie pants.

Naomi is 10 huge, long, gigantic months old now.  I can't believe that in 2 months she will be a whole YEAR old.  Time really flies.  Just seems like a year ago I was in Lake Tahoe trying to hold in my tears as my tummy had some sharp pains while riding in a fast boat in the front.  It was bouncing and bouncing and so was I.  And so was my tummy and I moved to the back and tried to hard to feel her move.  It took her a good 30 minutes or so to come back from being jiggled silly.  And I wore my frilly black swimsuit at the lake and was giant and took Unisom every night and went to bed at like 10 and everyone else went to bed at 1 or 2.  I was a party pooper.  But I was always pooped!

It seems that most everyone I know has a big party for their kids first birthday party.  AND it has a theme.  So... I can't figure out what to theme Naomi's party in two months.  She likes balls.... and cords.....  and this lion toy that "Rawwrs" at her and plays music.  I could have some lions on cords chasing balls?  No...  that could be catastrophic.  I'll figure it out.

Oh, and I went floating down a river on Saturday with my church's youth group since I'm a leader in the girl's group (Young Women).  I've not really been outside for long periods of time since I was training back in June.  But I'm so pasty and I didn't want to be anymore... so I put 6 year old tanning lotion on and am now the same color as a pale cherry tomato.  I couldn't reach my back and was in a hurry so my back is probably the color of a fully ripened cherry tomato. I want so badly for Jaren to have sympathy for me, but whenever I say, "I hurt..." he says, "Should have put on sunscreen, huh?"   "Like I told you, huh?"  Blah Blah Blah... he may have said as I was running out the door, "Did you put sunscreen on?!"  I may or may not have said, "I put on tanning lotion!"  and he may possibly have pointed out, "Your going to burn!"  I didn't anticipate a THREE hour long super slow moving ride in a tiny tube.  Well... lesson learned.

Lindsey and I went out and took some bridals of her out in the wheat before they cut it.  The sun went down WAY too fast and so we are going to do it again this week.  But here is a picture that I am so so so excited about because I thought it up all by myself while trying to fall asleep the night before.  And it turned out better than I imagined.

I can't decide which I like better: color or blank and white.  I love them both oh so much.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

If you saw the weird girl taking pictures of herself and her husband in a mirror in an ice cream shop in Jackson Hole last week... it was me.

I was still trying to get a picture of the two of us together and thought it would be perfect to get one in the ice cream shop.  But there were a TON of people and I still haven't quite perfected the "Hey will you (drop everything your doing, your conversation, your ice cream, your purse, your own camera and) take a picture of us?"  I mean, I don't mind at all when I'm asked... but do others?

There we were, standing in line and Jaren get's a phone call.  He goes outside and I'm standing in front of this mirror and I want to get him in it, too.  So, I'm testing it out and taking a few pictures of myself to get the settings right and the line is moving!  There is a little break in line in front of me and a guy starts moving towards it.  And that is where this comes from:

See this face?  It says, "Who do you think you are?  Can't you see I'm in LINE?!"  Then I saw that he was just going to talk to his wife who was in front of me.  Oopsey....

Jaren came in and I was past the mirror.  We got our ice cream and I asked the people who were about to move in front of the mirror if we could take a picture.  He waited, but obviously his look says, "Hey lady, hurry up so I can get MY ice cream!"  Jaren wasn't very excited about the idea, if you can't tell.  But being the good wonderful husband he is he stood there for me.  But didn't smile.  Ah well.  It was a little awkward. 

On a side note I'm running an August Special for my photog business.  Here is the flier or check it out at whitneykathleen.com 

Jackson Hole

FINALLY.  Finally after four years we made it to Jackson Hole.  Back in 2006 while we were dating Jaren took me all the time!  In one summer we went three times, which was quite a bit.  Every summer since then we talk about going, make plans to go and then things come up and we never do it.  I'm always very bummed.

For the last 3 weeks we've been talking about going and planning on going and then push it back and back and back.  Well, it went from Saturday to Monday and then to for sure Tuesday.  I never really get my hopes up.  But this Tuesday it was!

We didn't get on the road till 1:30 because he still put in half a day of work, then we got Naomi ready to go to her Grandma's after she woke up from her nap.  But it was just so nice being with him - I don't get to see him all that much because he is so incredibly busy.

I wanted our picture in front of the signature antler thinger, but couldn't stop anyone to take it, so we did some individuals.

Isn't he so dreamy? :)

And Jaren was so sure he could take one of the both of us.  So I let him try, but told him my lens wont allow that. 

So, we walked around for an hour and a half, going through shops.  We found Jaren a super snazzy beautiful (well I thought it was beautiful) shirt.  We got some ice cream and ate it in the park.  We wanted to have dinner at the Cowboy Bar or whatever it's called but they and every single other eatery didn't open till 5:30!  And Naomi decided that she didn't want us to have a real date day and only napped an hour so we had to cut it short.  So instead we headed back and ate in Driggs. 

But before we left I asked someone to take our picture!

And I took one of the arch msyelf.

And Jaren took this one of me.  I think I may put it as my profile picture I like it so much.

All in all it was so nice to finally have some time to just talk and be together.  Even though I didn't get to ride the Gondola like I wanted or the Alpine Slide like I hoped the time we were able to spend together was priceless.  Although I'm hoping for another trip before snow falls so I can finally ride that Gondola!  And next time I wont wear such squeaky shoes....

We stopped in a clearing of wild flowers on the way home that I'll post about next. 

Oh, and like my new header? 

Busy

I have been busy!  Busy cleaning, busy exercising, busy mommying, busy trying to create my website and busy taking and editing pictures!

I am pretty excited about this new adventure I am now on.  It's been a month now since I've decided that I'm for sure going to do this and I've thrown myself into it.  I wanted to do it right the first time so I've been taking my time with things.

My website is up and running.  It is a work in progress.  For one I cannot figure out how to get text under my photos - it's under it while I'm composing, but when I publish it goes on the side.  I'll be working on that.  So, be prepared to see plenty of changes in the next days/weeks/months.

The name.  So, the poll on my sidebar - Whitney Rae won and it happened to be the one I liked best anyway.  Well, whitneyrae.com was taken and I debated whether or not to go through with the same name anyway - I mean, her business is "coming soon" and mine is here and I doubt she is in South Eastern Idaho.  So then I checked Whitneyk and that was taken.  So, I figured I am probably the only Whitney Kathleen in existance, and turns out I pretty much almost am.  At least I am in the photography world.  So, Whitney Kathleen it is.  I still like the sound of Whitney Rae better, but Whitney Kathleen works.  I just wanted something simple.

My site is whitneykathleen.com and I have a facebook page as well - it's on my sidebar.  I'm still doing my free shoots for the next few weeks in July.  I've done 3 and have 4 more.  I'm ready to start making money so I can expand!  I.E. (did I use that properly?) equipment/photoshop stuff/new camera/pay things off.

Currently I am working on my packaging.  I really like what Jenna has done.  I want it to look nice and professional.  I want it to be something people look forward to about booking with me.  So, I'm trying to come up with my own stuff (and using some with permission- the tin and tissue paper and box idea).  Thanks Jenna!

Here is one I took of my super cute nephew last week:

Baby Favorites: Part 3

Ointments, Creams and Pastes:  One thing I didn't know - I'm sure this is common knowledge to all Mommies, but no matter how much baby sitting I did (a whole lot) I never had this explained or did I learn this.  But you should always use an ointment, paste or cream when changing a diaper and not just baby powder.  We didn't know and alternated between both when Naomi was first born and she got a really bad rash.  We then only used an ointment and it went away and she didn't get another till she was 5 months old and eating solids.  And even that was only caused by the Carrots.  Or her sitting in her poo for too long (when she started sleeping through the night).

When she got her first really bad open sore one I went on a massive diaper cream/ointment hunt.  I had to find which one worked!  Amazingly the best thing was lots of nakey time and lansinoh (did you know it's not just for boobies?) right on the owie, then I put the thickest cream I could find.  I changed her diaper every 2-3 hours and have continued with that.  I tried out two different Desitin paste's/cream's (the two tubs you see) and found that the light blue "rapid relief" comes off easily.  I wanted something that didn't.  So I found the purple tub "maximum strength" (also super expensive.. yikes) and that was wonderful!  It didn't come off easily (which means you use quite a bit of diaper wipes during diaper changes) so that when she pood or peed it would stay.

Once her rash was gone I went back to Aquaphor during the day (it's a clear ointment and is easy to remove and does a good job of protecting) since I change her diaper every 2-3 hours.  Then at nights I put the purple thick cream on and it's still there in the morning with her super full wet and or poopy diaper!  That's my diaper cocktail.

I like triple paste, too, but it's uber expensive as well, but only a few bucks more than the purple Desitin so I may try it once I'm out of that tub.  I haven't seen what all the hoopla is about with ButtPaste.  I've used it and it comes off pretty easily. But maybe the tub is thicker paste like the Desitin tubs?

Mommies, share your thoughts!

There's A Super Giant Owl In My Tree!

We had heard a story about a woman who lives around here who had a bunch of cats and one by one they went missing.  One night she looked out the window and saw a giant barn owl swoop down and pick up the cat in the yard and fly away with it.

I guess I believed it, but at the same time... I've never seen an owl big enough to carry a full sized cat!

Until now!

Jaren came home a few nights ago telling me about a giant owl that was in the yard when he came home with a huge wing span.  I wanted to see it!

So then, maybe two nights later he comes in and takes me outside and points up to a grain silo and there are two of them!  I wished I had my camera because it was just their silhouettes and it was a sight to see.  They were huge!  Jaren walked toward them making a crazy noise and they flew away and I saw how big they were.  It was awesome.

So yesterday morning he was outside setting up the sprinkler (Dooey) in the yard and I could see him looking at something in the tree.  So I opened the sliding glass door and he said there was an owl in the tree.  I told him I wanted a picture so he came in, grabbed the camera and went out and took these:

See the robin flying up above it?  Jaren thinks the wing span is around 4 feet.

So, then later that day I'm walking around the yard with Naomi and we are under the tree and I look up and wam! There he is again!  Scared me silly!

So what do I do?  Go inside, set Naomi down and grab my camera.

I shoot on Manual so I had my settings set, then extended my telephoto lens and was afraid he'd fly away so I took a bunch of pictures without checking them.  Stupid.  My aperture changed when I extended my lens and underexposed every photo.  So I fixed them in photoshop as best I could.

This next one is my favorite

And then he flew away!  We are going to stop bugging him so he will stay because I'm pretty sure he is eating all the mice that want to make our house their home.  Or maybe he is a she?

This morning I looked for him out my kitchen window and found him/her on a higher up branch just sitting.  I think he's about 7ish feet from a black birds nest and so the black bird kept yipping at him.  I wish he'd eat the black birds - they dive bomb at me every time I go outside.  RRRRg.  And it's 3 hours later and he/she is still there - looks like he's trying to sleep.  I really like having such a giant fascinating pet outside - especially when I can spy on him without him knowing.  :)  I decided we needed to name him.  So his/her name is now Hoots.  Because I do hear him/her hoot quite a bit. 

Baby Favorites: Part 2

Diaper duty, anyone?  What?  No takers?

First up:
Changing Table
I don't have an actual "Changing Table".  I have a borrowed dresser and put a changing pad on top.  I personally think that buying a changing table with the frame for the changing pad built in is a little dumb.  Because what will you use it for when your kid is either too big for the changing pad or is out of diapers?  I would rather purchase a dresser and put the pad on it or a lot of the dressers that come with nursery sets have a removable frame.  That way when they are older and you still want to use that dresser as a dresser you can and it wont look like it belongs in a nursery.  That's my opinion.

Changing pad.  I received one at my baby shower.  I wanted one because I have a sister in law who has one and always uses it.  I also have 2 other sister in laws who don't have one and just change their kid on the floor.  I wasn't sure if I would use it or not.  It sure looks cute in the room with the matching fabric from my bedding on it.

(I moved it to my family room for lighting purposes)

We have an automen and when Naomi was a newborn it was just easy to change her on that.  I have a diaper caddy (talked about below) that comes with a plastic changing pad - I used that and then laid a receiving blanket over it.  It wasn't until she was over 5 months old that we finally moved her changing station into her own room.  I changed her on the changing pad for ever diaper change.  And gradually in the last month or so, I've just started changing her diaper in the front room.  Before she goes to sleep she get's a bottle and I change her while drinking that - so it's easy to do it on the floor.  But, I still have my diaper cady in by the changing pad.

Do I think they are a waste of money?  No.  They are relatively cheap - here is one for $25 at Target.  I think you have to think if you are going to keep everything for baby in baby's room.  Jaren likes a nice clean picked up home and having Naomi's changing station in our living area bugged him.  Also, do you have hardwood or carpet?  I guess I prefer not to lay Naomi down on super hard surfaces - we have carpet.

Diaper Caddy:  I love love love mine.  I have a J.J. Cole Diaper + Wipes Caddy ($30 at Target) in brown and if I could buy one for each of my friends I would.  It's easy to grab and take anywhere in the house and we even take it on road trips.  I don't carry it to the rest stop (I use my diaper bag), but we take it to the hotel or house or wherever we are staying and have everything in one place.  The plastic mat that comes with it is good sized.  Right now I have it folded and put away in the front room for whenever I need it.  I will lay it on the floor then put a towel over it for when Naomi takes her baths - I put her on it.  Or when we are doing nakey time this is what she lays on.  Always with a towel or blanket because I would think it would be uncomfortable to be laying naked on plastic.  I highly recommend this!

This week I'll also do Diaper ointment/creams/paste's!

Super Fantastic Amazing Cookie Dough

I love cookie dough.  And brownie batter.  My super duper calorific treats of choice.

I have been using the Toll House recipe and wasn't liking the way they cooked flat and the dough would crunch when I bit into it.  I really don't like crunching on the sugar.  I like smooth soft dough and fluffier cookies.

So I Googled; "How to make your cookies fluffier" - I love that you can type anything and it yields results and 98% of the time I find what I'm looking for.

I came to one of those Yahoo question and answer pages and someone had the same question.  Maybe a little more eloquently worded.  Someone answered with a big long answer on how to make cookies three different ways: fluffy/puffy, soft/chewy and flat/thin.  I went for a bit of a mixture between fluffy and chewy, because I don't want my cookies too cake-like.

Except this time, with this recipe the dough is so unbelievably good and exactly what I have been dreaming for I'm not even making the cookies.  I'm just going to eat the dough.  And half of it is already gone.

So, if you love dough more than the actual cookie - here is the recipe (I changed the amount of flour from the original.  I also used regular flour instead of bread flour):

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 2 1/2 dozen cookies

2 sticks unsalted butter
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
Hardware:
Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets
Mixer

Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.
Pour the melted butter in the mixer's work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.
Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.


Here is the question and answer page.

Did You Know?

First, let me say thank you to all of the nice comments on my 2 posts below.  I've been so nervous about what the reaction would be and I'm so happy to hear that I'm not a looney who is out of my league.  If you haven't, vote on my poll on my sidebar on which name sounds better for my business name.  Man that sounds weird...

And here is a picture I took today of Naomi playing outside for our first outdoor playtime.  The weather has finally been good enough (no wind) for me to take her outside!  Joy!

And back to my Did You Know? post.

• That I am a certified Aerobic instructor? I really enjoy it. I just don't have a building to teach in or time in my schedule at the moment.

• That I know how to fix everything on the header of my swather(tractor that cuts hay/alfalfa) back home? I always felt so handy out there with my tools replacing blades and guards and screws.

• My toenails are never naked

• My fingernails are always naked

• I like my hair blonde better but hate the grow out and it's so spendy to keep up with it

• I had half a treatment of laser hair removal back home in Washington on my underarms. Then I moved and never went back to finish it. It would cost $75 here to finish - something I really want to do

• I have sprained both of my ankles. One tripping on an apple and the other playing soccer - both during soccer season taking me out for the rest of the season my 9th and 11th grade years. 

• I hate mustard. Jaren loves it. He tried to get me to eat it while pregnant because he was convinced Naomi would like it.