Another One?

Yes, Please!

 Another one of these....  Uhhhh....

 A sweet thing who never burps, farts and only poops pink fluffy poofs that are so easy to clean up and smell like roses...

 A nugget who wants to snuggle all the time....

 And is happy every moment of every day...

 And wants nothing more than to make her Mama's life so super easy...

 And is incredibly silly and entertaining...

 And perfect and makes us incredibly happy to have another girl because with one like this, we can't imagine anything better than 4 piggies bobbin up and down around the house.

I just hope they like each other..... 

And I'm excited to use all my girl clothes again... 

And I don't have to re-do the nursery....

18.2 Weeks

It's official.  This pregnancy is continuing to be worse than the first.  I am so excited for the baby.  To have another child.  I have been feeling stronger, bigger movements and feel kicks all throughout the day.  That is the light in all this.  All I think about is this kid.  What's best for her/him. So... I continue to force food in my mouth ever hour or so.  I fight the nausea; not as often as with the first 15 weeks, but it still comes a few times a day.  Some days are better than others, some not so much.  I have good energy days where the low blood sugar thing doesn't seem to be so bad and then I have days where it's all I can do to make it off the couch to the bathroom or to the kitchen to make something to eat.  Unfortunately, it's a rare thing to find food that tastes good.  My fall back snack that I had been eating every day; saltine cracker, cheese slice and pickle slice that had tasted so yummy isn't so yummy anymore.  I have no idea what happened.  Sunday I made it, took a bite and didn't like it.  I forced it all down, but I haven't had it again since.  I had some boneless honey BBQ wings from Applebees the other day and it was the best tasting thing I've had all pregnancy.  Except for maybe the fajita's from Hard Rock in Florida. 

Cramping.  It's getting worse and coming more often.  It seemed to mostly come at nights and not last for too long.  Well, now it's almost all day and is really painful.  The only good thing I think is that I should hopefully be done with so much cramping with my pregnancies since now both sides will have been used and stretched.  That's my hope, anyway. 


PSD.  It has begun.  I noticed a week ago while taking off my pajama bottoms that it felt a bit uncomfortable standing on one leg.  Well, every day since I notice it doing different things.  And in the last 2 days or so it's been bugging to bend over, lean down or stand up.  I'm still feeling okay walking, it's not too bad.  I had hoped to have a little more time without it, but maybe because my body has done it all before those tendons and ligaments are all weaker, so it's happening sooner? 

The Tummy.  When I took a nap yesterday, I was on my right side and went to shift a little back to the left and something pulled on the right side of my stomach quite painfully.  I went back to the former position, but forgot about it and went to shift again and ouch.  It's too early for this!!!  Then tonight on the couch I yawned and my stomach expanded and the same painful pulling/stretching on the middle/right side of my stomach happened again.  I'm only 18 bloody weeks!  Not big enough for that.  It's too earlyyyyyyyy.  Yes, that was whining. 

It is what it is.  I've accepted that, I know I was signing up for 9 months of not being comfortable and being in pain for most of it.  I will honestly say I didn't expect it to be worse than the first one.  But it is.  So, I decided that I expect the third to be worse.  So, I shouldn't be too disappointed, right?  I'm all for waiting for quite a while before number 3. 

Lately I've been really just wanting to know exactly what it looks like inside.  Not that I want to see for myself, but I would like a nice diagram or drawn up picture.  I need to understand and I need to know the severity of it.  There's nothing I can do to change how this pregnancy (or any of my pregnancies) will go, but I just feel better knowing.  All I know is the term is "severely bifurcated uterus"  But that seems to encompass quite a few scenarios.  Tomorrow I go in for my 18 week and find out what we are having (yay!) and my doctor is making notes of things he see's or something like that so he has something to send the Perinatologist.  I'm going to Idaho Falls to have an ultrasound by a Perinatologist who comes up from Primary Children's (I think) in Salt Lake.   This is the one extra step they are doing this time knowing what we know.  I am hoping, but not totally expecting, he/she can tell me something more.  If not, I think after I have this kid I'll go into someone who knows what to look for and has a high res ultrasound machine to take a look and give me better answers.  Unless my doc can during the c-section.   I had one at the hospital here in Rexburg after I had Naomi, but it was just to determine if I had 2 kidney's and had blood flow to those and either uter and ovaries.  And I did to all. 

If the trend of "with my girls, I wasn't as sick as I was with my boys" or vice versa holds true for me, this should be a boy.  But I wont be surprised if it's not.  I don't hold a lot of stock in wives tales or the trend.  I want a boy someday, so it would be nice to have one now.  I'd have to buy a few things, but not much.  And it would be nice to have a girl because I already know I like them a whole lot and I don't have to buy anything and Naomi would have a sister somewhat close in age.  So... we'll see tomorrow! 

I vent, I rant, I whine about it all (cause it helps), but I am always so grateful that I can carry a child.  That I am pregnant.  That things are going well with the baby no matter what is going on with me.  It just takes it's toll - the sick and the pain all day every day.  Some days I'm in better moods, some days not so much.  Today is a mellow kind of mood.  Which is why the tone of this post is kind of blahish. Oh, I haven't mentioned that having to eat all the bloody time is putting weight on like I did with Nae.  My good start isn't meaning a whole lot.  And it's worse since I haven't been able to exercise much.  Since I fight for energy all day.  Anyway....  maybe I'll talk about it later.

Low Blood Sugar

Turns out that's what I've got.  Can't seem to raise it for more than a half hour at a time, though.  I am supposed to eat often.  Like every hour to hour and a half.  You'd think that wouldn't be a problem, except that food still isn't super appealing yet.  And the stuff that is isn't what would be good for a snack.  Like, hot cheetos.  Mmmmmm.....  I used to go through a bag every other day when I was pregnant with Naomi.  When I went through that phase.  I think it lasted a few weeks.  I'm trying to keep it much more reasonable this time.  Like... 1/4 of a bag a day.  Or just on the days I eat it. 

The bummer of a thing is that I've done so well with my weight this time.  Not even on purpose.  I was more sick this first trimester - not throwing up, but incredibly nauseous with all food being disgusting and forcing down every bite.  First trimester with Naomi I gained 6-8 pounds.  This one: 3.  So far I'm at a 7 pound weight gain at 17 weeks and with nae I was 5-7 pounds ahead of where I am at this point.  And, I started out 2 pounds lighter than I did with Nae.  Smaller than I was in high school.  Well, from my Jr. year and on. 

So, I'm on the hunt for low calorie snacks that I can eat often.  So far I eat a saltene cracker, slice of chedder cheese and a pickle slice on it as a snack.  Ooooohh, so good.  I have 8 of them and that gives me about a half hour of energy till I'm ready to drop again.  An apple does really well.  I've been forcing all kinds of healthy things down.  Not that I don't like healthy, because I do, but this pregnancy is just so strange. 

Good news?  We find out what we are having one week from tomorrow!  I'm excited.  Nervous.  Not expecting one or the other.  Jaren is sure it's a girl, I don't really have an opinion or an inkling one way or another.  With Nae, it was on the way to the ultrasound that I felt like it was a girl.  We'll see about this one. 

And since I'm on the computer with all of the pictures, here is a picture! 

This was taken 2 weeks ago.  So I was a few days past 15 weeks.  Huge, right?  But wait.... I'm smaller in the next picture...

Angles.   And this next one is from my first pregnancy.  This is what I mean, I think I'm showing about 2-3 weeks ahead this time. 

Huh.... I think I look more like a mom now.  But, maybe that's cause I don't do my hair as well?  Or... also cause I am?  So, I don't do my hair much.  Oh well.....

16.5 Weeks - No. 2

A few new things.  Besides feeling like my uter has decided to fall out of my abdomen and make laying on my right side uncomfortable because of gravity.
Oh wait, that's right, that's news too.  Baby is on the LEFT side this time.  Here, I thought it was on the right - tricky little nugget.  So explains that I'm still cramping.  I thought I wouldn't cramp so much or so bad since the right side had already been stretched.  But we are doing it all over again.

The cramping has picked up.  It's more often and hurts worse than I remember it hurting with Nae.

The other night, I was getting out of my Pajama pants to get into bed, and I was standing on my left leg and started feeling the pull of PSD.  A little pain.  I thought, oh crud, here it goes again.  See, I expected to have it again, but I sure hoped it would wait a bit longer to show itself.  My guess is in another month it'll hurt constantly.

It's the strangest thing.   Please tell me I'm not the only one.  It sounds weird tryin to describe it but you can only get what I'm saying if you see it in person.  And Jaren's been the only one around when it happens.  So, I'll feel a little funny sensation where the baby is. Like pressure, like something pushing on my stomach from the inside (since that is exactly what is happening).  I'll look down and there will be a huge lump.  My whole (or as much as can come out) uterus is pushing out/up against my stomach.  You can cup your hand around it and it's like holding the baby in your hand.  It's been happening more often and that's how I knew it was on the left side.  3:30 one morning when the call of the wild woke me up, I rolled onto my back and felt it, I put my hand on my tummy and woke RIGHT up - LEFT SIDE?!?!!.  In my very tired state I was scared and couldn't sleep the rest of the night.  In the morning I just realized that we just have to hope it'll stretch to at least 37 weeks like the right side did.  That's it.  No scary stuff.  And it's so nice to know it works!  So, I have 2 halves of working uteri.  And they both somehow come out of my tummy while I'm laying on my back.  It's like a buoy.  The kid isn't strong enough to push it's whole body against it to push it up.  Right?  I've just never heard anyone elses uter's rising.  But, after a little while it goes back in.  And if it's really out there and I get up or do something that flexes my muscles and forces it back - OUCH.

I felt the kid move for the first time the day before I turned 14 weeks while in Florida.  It was a tiny little flutter, but I knew it wasn't gas.  It wasn't!  And since then I'd felt it every few days, just a little flutter.  Then about a week ago I started feeling kicks.  Maybe one a day or so.  Usually when my pants were pressed up against it.  But yesterday (when I finally found chocolate tasted good again, well, dark chocolate anyway (which I don't usually care for...)) it was kicking and moving a ton!  It was really nice to feel it so well.  It was then I had my emotional experience.

I didn't realize until yesterday that I had been keeping myself as emotionally unattached to this pregnancy as possible.  I had wondered a bit why I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of attachment and connection to this fetus like I did Naomi.  With Nae it was like that from day one.  Well, even before day one, really.  When I found out I was pregnant with this one I cried and cried.  Tears of gratitude and relief.  Since finding out about my "condition" I've worried about being able to get pregnant again or being able to get pregnant again very easily (it took 2 tries with Nae).   So, when we got pregnant on the first try I was immensely grateful and relieved.  But then I was scared.  Scared of a miscarriage, which so many women have and is very common with someone with my innards.  So, I've kept myself as detached as possible so if it happened I wouldn't be as devastated as I would have otherwise.  Now, I don't think I realized this fully until yesterday.  That's why I've waited as long as I have to make the pregnancy public.  I was sitting down, changing Naomi's diaper (usually where epiphanies happen, right?) thinking about how I was finally really feeling excited about the baby.  And thinking in more detail of it and what it means and what it might be like and what it would be like when it comes and picturing my life with two kids.  I realized that I was holding so much back for fear of miscarriage and with feeling the baby move so much that fear went away.  Well, mostly.  I'm still nervous, but I'm a few days away from 17 weeks and am feeling mostly safe.  It just feels nice to feel this way again.  And to understand why I haven't been as emotionally moved (I cried about every time with Nae) when I hear the heartbeat.  It's more a feeling of relief and I say, "It's still alive!"  And you know, my ogre mood I'd been in lately has mostly dissipated.  I'm a bit more of a happier person. 

Onto one more nugget of information.  With Nae I often felt dizzy and lightheaded.  I'd stand up and immediately have to sit back down again or flop on the floor until the blood returned to my head.  Then I'd get up and get whatever I needed to get done done, but I felt better and there wasn't any lingering stuff.  I even do this sometime while not pregnant.  Mostly in the shower (we have a tiny square thing that doesn't let any steam or heat out).  Well, it was getting so bad in the shower that I was basically showering on the ground because I couldn't stand and raise my arms over my head for more than 30 seconds.  I moved to our hall shower that is a tub shower - so the heat can move out.  I haven't had bouts of "gona pass out, sit, sit sit sit!"  that were too bad.  But, the last few days I've noticed that I'm getting really tired really easy.  Not, like, I'm sleepy tired, but like, I can't lift my arms up tired.  I'll have to sit for a while, it was really hard to stand in the kitchen to make a meal.  Then yesterday all morning I couldn't take more than 10 steps without being out of breath and needing to drop to the floor or I'd pass out.  I couldn't say more than 2 sentences without leaning on the counter and breathing like I'd just sprinted for 5 minutes.  Needless to say it was a bit alarming.  We live in a split level, I could make it up the first set of stairs and halfway up the next before sitting down to catch my breath and let the blood move to my head again.  I can't lift my arms above my head without dropping to the ground till I knew I wasn't going to pass out.
We looked it up and we thought it was low blood sugar.  So, I was eating a bit more fruit and I felt better after lunch and then didn't feel so well a while after.  After my nap I ate my favorite snack of saltine crackers, cheddar cheese and pickles and felt a bit better.  Better enough to put fish sticks and tater tots on a pan for dinner.  The first time I've ever done that.  But it tasted good, so oh well.  Talking to my sister in law, Vicki, she mentioned she had iron deficiency and is taking iron supplements and felt the same way before they diagnosed it.  And now she's feeling better.  She's also expecting.
Today I've been struggling with the out of breath and getting light headed/dizzy again.  But not as severe as yesterday.  After waking up from my nap I felt especially bad. Not only super weak, but also a bit nauseous.  I grabbed applesauce (which I hate) thinking if it was low blood sugar this should take care of it.  I ate it, and nothing.  I felt more nauseous and still felt dizzy and weak.  So, then I thought, if it's iron I need meat.  I made half a sandwich (with pickles, because I can't seem to get enough - wasn't a craving I had with Nae, but Oooo so yummy now) and ate it.  Afterwards I felt like I had more energy, not as dizzy and the nausea went away.  For a while, anyway.  Seems a constant struggle.  So, I'm making an appointment tomorrow to have them take my blood and tell me what the heck is going on.  I can't live like this.  I can't carry Naomi for more than 5 steps.  I can't play with her.  I can't get anything done because I can't stand in the kitchen for more than a few minutes!  Dishes - ugh.

So, I'll post about my results tomorrow!  And yay for feeling life; exuberant kicking, wiggling life.  Yay for better moods and yay for my daughter who brings me so much joy.  And frustration.... some bad habits...  that's for another day. 

15 Weeks - No. 2

Here it comes again, another baby.  Planned?  Yes.  Excited?  Yes.  Although I've kind of reached a limbo state.  Finally starting to feel well and get a bit of energy back just as my stomach muscles are starting to hurt a little and my belly is getting big kind of faster than I thought it would be.  Not to mention the girls hurt from day one worse than I ever remember (besides clogged ducts) them hurting.  And have every second of every day since.  I can't even lay on my back for more than 30 minutes without getting up and wanting to cry a little.  Not even mentioning laying on my side.... 

Last pregnancy I didn't have headaches, it was a miracle.  Literally.  Because I get head aches for as long as I can remember.  I remember going to the nurses office in 5th grade and asking for Excedrin.  They told me they could only give me Tylenol.  Pansy medicine.....  Come to think of it... what was I doing taking Excedrin at 10?!!!  Maybe I was older...  Anyway, 4 wheeling accident at 17 and they came more often and much worse.  So, to say I had not one single one from the moment I got pregnant until I had Naomi and got a spinal one from the Spinal thingy is a miracle.  I'm not so fortunate this time.  And Tylenol does squat.  It's made it a bit less fun. 

Also making it a bit less fun is the sickness that is much worse this time around.  And exhaustion the likes I never knew possible.  Except with 5 month old babies.  Seriously, I would go to sleep at 10, Naomi wakes up at 7 a.m. (9 hours so far) and I'm still in a coma so Jaren (the sweet wonderful man that he is) takes her out, puts on a show, gives her a banana then comes in to take a shower.  I sleep for another 30 minutes to an hour with this.  So, we are up to 10 hours.  Then, about 10-10:30 I've lost any steam I built up with my 10 hour slumber.  Another show comes on and I get my pillow, tell Naomi that Mama is tired and taking a rest and get anywhere from 30-60 minutes of sleep in between having toys shoved in my face or having to switch a show.  I wake up and feel like I can run a half marathon and then about 12:30-1 p.m. I'm down again.  Thank heavens Naomi goes down for a nap just after 1.  So then, do I.  For at least 2 hours.  That's anywhere from 13-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period!  Every single day until I left to Florida on the 2nd of January and had to stay awake if I wanted to see the parks.  And for the last 2 days I haven't been so sure I even need a nap.  Although, I still feel really tired and have taken them anyway.  Still getting 8-9 hours of sleep at night. 

Onto the sickness.  With Naomi it was something that was constant, but not always horrible.  And I was able to eat and fix it.  Well, for a while, anyway.  I craved things and not all food tasted bad.  Most of it actually tasted good.  Except sweets; those were yucky.  Never threw up and it ended around the second trimester.  This time?  Really bad nausea constantly.  Food helped for about 20 minutes and then it was back.  It felt like I was on the verge of puking at any second, although I knew I wasn't.  This time I took anti-nausea drugs that helped the second they hit my tongue.  Food was disgusting.  All of it.  Nothing sounded good or tasted good.  It was maybe once a week if I was lucky that I thought, "Hey, this doesn't taste so bad!"  And then I was fighting a gag reflex with each bite.  I forced the food down because I knew I needed it and because not only was I fighting the nausea without it, but I also had hunger pains.  I didn't puke at all until some sort of super bug that was like the 24 hour flu but only 8 hours long and totally completely miserable and violent at Thanksgiving.  But I decided not to count that because it was caused by a bug, not the pregnancy.  Until last Saturday in Florida when I ate some pancakes that were so gross, but the only food I had around me super early in the morning (which is my sickest time of day).  About two hours later my body decided it didn't want that nasty tasting stuff going through my digestive system.  Lucky baby.  So, my clean record is ruined.  But, again, last 2 days I've done better.  I'm feeling hopeful.  Oh, and I have to remember to talk about my Harry Potter Land experience. 

What's different this time now that we know about my "severely bifurcated uterus"?  Knowing the baby will come at 37 weeks.  Maybe even a few days past that.  And by C-Section, which I'm not excited about, but am okay with.  The risks are too high otherwise.  And I'll have more ultrasounds (I had quite a few with Naomi, too) than normal.  I'm going to a specialist at 20 weeks in Idaho Falls with a Neonatal Specialist person from Salt Lake - one of the big hospitals there who comes down a few times a month.  A high resolution ultrasound to make sure everything is looking like the rest of the pregnancy will go okay and the delivery and the baby looks okay.  Other than that it's just the biggest relief to know this time around why I'm cramping and why things will hurt so early and so much worse than my friends.  Why the kid is always on one side and not moving and breach and everything else that doesn't fall into a normal pregnancy.  It scared me so much last time knowing things weren't normal and not knowing why.  I've been cramping this time (with nae it was constant and annoying) and it's not as often, but it's more painful when it does come.  But this time I'm not thinking I'm losing my baby every time.  I'm expecting the PSD, rib pain, cramping, pain, bed rest, ect...  I will say that I'm glad I waited as long as I did, so Naomi is older and doesn't need as much as she would have 8 months ago.  Although, going through this this time has made me think I'm waiting even longer between 2 and 3.  I need the kids older and if the next one is worse than this one....  I just need lots of time between.  I'm not expecting it to be, but I'm not going to expect it not to be either. 

My emotions have been crazy.  I'm crying over the littlest things.  Commercials, watching Naomi, watching Jaren, thinkin too much in my head.  I'm not as happy and carefree as I usually am.  At least it doesn't happen as often.  My mood swings lower more often than normal for me -since it's almost never low usually.  I can't seem to get out of the funk once it hits.  I'm just kind of mellow and blah.  I hope that goes away because I'd much rather be in a fantastic mood most of my days. 

One more thing.  I've been having a lot of low back ache/pain for the past 2 weeks or so already.  Not the best sign of things to come.  And my stomach muscles in one spot on my right side of my "6 pack" (once was, but not so much anymore) about 2 inches above my belly button hurt.  Just thought I'd document that.  I'm going to look back at my last pregnancy stuff and see if I mentioned any of this happening and when. 

I'll post some pictures soon.  :)

Bananas

Things that are driving me Bananas:

• Feeling restless, but having no desire to do anything productive
• Nae's patience is shrinking, she used to wait 45 seconds to a minute and a half into explaining what it was she wants before throwing a fit.  Now she doesn't even try to explain; just throws fits
• Sweets; when will they taste good again?  I figured out vanilla ice cream tastes good - yahoo!
• not having a garbage disposal: makes my drain stink, have to empty those gross food strainers and my garbage is horrific.  
• Naomi waking up at 6:30 EVERY morning since we've come back from Florida.  
• Naomi waking up once every night since we've come back from Florida.
• Christmas is still up and lights are going out on my tree; it doesn't even look kind of magical with only half randomly lit.
• Not having exercised since November.  I think I should start again....  but I just don't feel like it....  but I know I should... but I'm tired... but it would be good for me... but my hips will hurt....  (this argument happens every day)
• Food still not tasting right or very good
• Having to pee every 45 minutes
• Not washing my face at night because I'm lazy
• clenching my jaw while I sleep at night.  I think there is some grinding, too.  I wake up sore and with a massive head ache.
• My head aches!  For Heavens sake go away!  Tylenol is pansy medicine that doesn't help squat.

What you may not know, but have guessed is that I'm pregnant again!  Wahoo!  Yahoo!  Yay!  Yikes... this one has been worse than the first so far.  I'm finally (as of yesterday) not feeling so nauseous all day long and today is the first day since November that I didn't feel like I HAD to have a nap.  But I took one anyway.  I can't believe how fast my belly popped out and I had to unbutton my pants.   I kind of can't believe how long I kept it a secret.  Although, if Christmas and then our Florida trip hadn't happened during this time I don't know if I could have lasted as long without something to distract me.  I'm 15 weeks, due July 4th, but since I can't carry a baby full term I'll have it mid June.  I thought, "Oooo cool due date!"  But, it doesn't mean much when you can't make it much past 37 weeks. 

Anyway, I'll hopefully post more in the next day or so with more info.  Maybe this means I will post more?  I hope so!!!

Currently, In the Life of Whitney

I am now 25 as of yesterday.  I feel so grown up.  I can rent a car all by myself!  Last year I had to have my brother in law put his name on it because I wasn't old enough.  Although, I'd been married for over 3 years and had a kid and had the money to pay for it.  I felt silly.  But now, I'm bound no more!  I'm free to go anywhere I want!  Well... almost anywhere.  And if Jaren's with me it never would matter since he's been a grown up for lots longer than I.  Although, he's leaving his 20's this year and he seems to be taking it personally.  So anytime I mention feeling old I get quite this withering look.... 

I've also been training for a half marathon that's coming end of this month.  The training was going well until about 2 weeks ago.  Each run started to feel like it was dragging and felt difficult.  I bought new shoes and they really aren't agreeing with my feet.  I have blisters on each of my fourth toes (the one's next to the pinky's).  Right on the outside.  Painful.  A new blister on the insole of my left foot, an ankle that hurts and now after each run my KNEE'S hurt.  They used to not bug me so much.  And it feels like I'm just pulling  and pulling myself along.  It's discouraging.  Friday I did 11 miles in 80 degree's and it feel terrible.  My time was HORRIBLE and I didn't enjoy it.  Now, that's not what I signed up for.  But texting my sister in law, the marathoner, Lena, mentioned I might be burning out.  I realized I've been pushing myself quite a bit for quite a while.  I think I need to cool it for this week.  So, I'm going to try to do 5 miles 3 times, then a 10 mile Friday instead of 5, 6, 7, and then 12 like I had planned.  I hope it works.  I want to enjoy my runs and enjoy this half marathon.  Good luck to me.

Naomi is hilarious.  I need to video and take millions of pictures because I think anyone struggling to find happiness in life just needs a toddler.  Well, I guess a toddler and a massive dose of patience.  Because she can test mine quite a bit.  But, it seems every day she is doing something more and more funny.  Like waking up and saying, "Help!  Help!" over and over from her crib thinking that will get me in there faster.  Or holding her fork in her mouth, then stabbing it down into her food trying to spear it using no hands.  Or putting 15 animals on a little people train (I took pictures, they'll come someday - it's quite impressive).  Or making everything kiss.  A vulture and a seal, a bulldozer and a garbage truck, a puppy dog and a bunny.  Or, yelling, "POO! POO!"  around the house.  Repeating what we say, "I do."  "Cute."  "Stinky!"  "Alright"  "Otay"  Dancing and sitting on animals and jumping and scooting on her bum.  The other day she was looking at a Disney Princess book and pointed to Belle and said, "Mama"  I was like, "Ohh, that's so sweet, thinking I'm Belle"  I was just telling her how she would be my favorite always when she turned the page and pointed to Sleeping Beauties Fairy Godmother and said, "Mama"  Well...  then she turned the page again and pointed to the crocodile on Princess Tiana's page and said, "Mama" and LAUGHED.  Alright, she lost it.  Then she looks at me, smiles and says, "Ow whow"  Which is , "Love you".  So, I forgave her.  As long as she doesn't call the crocodile Mama again.

This week I'm trying to do 637 things before I take off to Washington for our mostly annual Oregon Beach trip.  This will be the first uber long drive with Naomi.  9 hours without stops (so, 10.5-11 with them) the first day.  Then a few days later 7 hours without stops (so, probably 9 with them) to the beach.  Then 7 hours back to Washington some days later, then I'll split the trip home (by myself) by stopping in Boise, then heading the rest of the way home (by myself) the next day.  All in all I'll be gone for almost 2 and a half weeks.  We still don't know if Jaren can join us at the Beach.  I sure hope so, because that's a long time for him not to see his baby.  Or babies.... :)

But I'm really excited about spending so much time with family.  And nervous because Naomi seems to have some sort of phobia of children.  Not all children, but lots.  And people she doesn't know.  I'm hoping this will break her of it, because it drives me CRAZY bonker bananas. 

Oh, good news is she eats EVERYTHING.  She'll at least try everything and eats just about all of it.  She tried broccoli yesterday and seemed unsure of it, but still took a few bites anyway.  She still wont touch dolls or anything girly except necklaces and chapstick.  She loves anything with wheels and animals.  Hard or stuffed.  Mostly stuffed dogs.  Still loves Dora, Bubble Guppies, Baby Signing Time and her favorite song will probably always be Wheels on the Bus.  Oh, and I'm her favorite person.  Still :)  I kind of love it.  And I don't think I'll ever teach her the word, "Mom."  I like the sound of, "Mama" too much.  I hope she's 16 and says, "Mama, can you make spaghetti tonight?"  Or, "Mama, Jameraqui asked me on a date Friday, can I go?"  Or, "You know hot pants went out of style in the 90's, MAMA" 

One thing that's nice about burning hundreds and sometimes thousands of calories 4-5 times a week is that I eat whatever I want and I never gain more than a few ounces, only to lose them the days I run.  But I still can't figure out why I still have more stuff in the love handle region now than I did before I had Naomi and I'm running like a crazy person.  I'm just hoping that someday I can find a way to get that to go away.  Probably not till after the next kid.  Oh, and no babies coming anytime soon.  We keep decide to wait to start trying.  Lots of different things.  I just hope they are less than 3 years apart.  We'll see, though.  Can't say I'm too disappointed when I have a headache that makes me want to bury myself in a glacier and I can take Excedrin.  Like today.  Which is why I'm writing this, because I'm mad hopped up on caffeine.  And now I'm off to switch and fold laundry. 

Toodaloo! 

Don't Start With Me

Ooo I'm in a mood.  .  

Just a whiny exasperated mood.  There are no roses in this post.  No shiny happy people.  No sunny beaches.  No hot bubble baths with a good book.  No wonderful date nights with your husband.

Dangit.

My day started off alright.  Planned on going into town so I could run on some hills since the 10K on hills kicked my trash and I died.  And I don't want to die in August when I run a half marathon where there are still lots of hills. 

I planned on starting around 8:30-9 a.m.  You know, before it got too hot.  Well, I didn't get to my sister's apartment till almost 10, then she talked to me for 15-20 minutes and finally I was able to get started.  And by that time it was at least 10:30 or something.  I don't know.  I didn't look at the dumb clock.

Picture this:  80 degree's, no wind, not a cloud in sight, I know some of you are drooling and getting out the mental boat to put in the mental lake to do some mental wake boarding.  Well, put the darn boat back on the mental ramp and park it will ya?  Because I ran 8 bloody (is that a swear word?  I keep hearing it might be across the pond, but I like the sound of it.  I guess I could say something like...  smelly, or itchy or caboodley, or fanninnilily, or cotton-pickin (from Elf, eh?)) miles, with 6 of them being on hillyness and I died.

That's right, I'm not really here, I died.  Whitney, who would have been 25 at the end of this month died. 

Ok, then I came back to life.  But really, I hit about 7 1/2 miles and decided I've never felt so incredibly drained ever. 

Picture this:  a girl in a purple tank top jogging, red faced, looking like she's giving her all, then from behind comes a woman walking, pushing a double stroller with a baby on her back and a kid hanging on each leg and she passes the purple tank top, then does one last look back before she is out the front of the screen. 

That was me the last half mile.  Your grandma could have waddled past me, but I was sure not gonna stop jogging! 

So, I stagger up to Lindsey's door and I lightly knock (because my brother in law is sleeping).  No answer, I try the handle - nothing.  I knock a little louder.  Nothing.  I knock louder.  Nothing.  I yell through the door "OPEN UP!  I'M DDDYYYYIIIINNNGGG!!!!"  (I'm not making this up).  Nothing.  I walk to the window, bang on that.  Nothing.  I walk back to the door, "Lindsey!  I need water!!! I'm DYYIIINNNGGG!!!"  Nothing.  So then, I look at the parking lot, because I swear I saw her car.  There it is.. and.. wait... why is my car so far away?   Why is Lindsey's car so far away?  And Nate's?  Ohh... wait a minute. 

WRONG BUILDING.

See?  Heat stroke or something.  Delusional.  I went to the wrong building.  I waddle to Lindsey's door, lightly tap at the door and 2 seconds later the door opens and Linds says, "I didn't even lock it after you left."

So I stumble in, drink 3 gallons of water, eat one of her bananas, steal a gatorade, use her face wash, change and head back out the door.

I had a million errands to run.  One of which was picking out paint to paint my upstairs.  Now, my feet are killing me from the run and since I died and came back to life my left eye is twitching and so I enlist the help of my interior designer sister-in-law who has a paint-color-wheel thing and we figure out which color to do the entire upstairs and which color to do my one accent wall.  The guys were taking fooorrever mixing my paint.  So I say, "Hey, I'm going to run to Big 5 real quick, I'll be right back."  Ok, they say.  So I go buy my yellow version of the purple tank I was running in because it's my new favorite piece of exercise clothing and one is not enough. 

I come back to Ace, and see one of my paint cans sitting on the counter and the other wasn't.  So I wait, someone comes by, asks if I need anything.  I tell him I need paint can number two, he finds it in the mixer and I say thank you Mr. Kind Sir and pay and leave.

So, I'm just plum spent.

I get home, unload, thank my Mother in Law for watching my nugget, and then the nugget get's a little fiesty later and I'm just plum spent.  Jaren's not home,  feels like he never is these days (oh, wait, it's 10 p.m. and he STILL isn't home.)  I haven't showered, I feel disgusting, my feet hurt, my left eye is still twitching from my near death experience and Naomi is throwing things.  From behind.  She get's quite the distance covered that way, let me tell you. 

Jaren came home around 6:30, I made dinner, we ate, he said, "go take a shower, honey.  You really stink.  And would you do something about that left eye twitch?  It's really unattractive."  So, he takes Naomi down stairs and I shower and I'm done, and Naomi wants to sit on my lap while I try to pluck my eye brows and Jaren says, "Well, this has been fun, I've got to go check water or something.  See you all later."  So he leaves me juggling tweezers and a wiley little nugget. 

I get her ready for bed, put her down and this whole time I have a massive pounding head ache - I'm convinced it's from heat stroke.  Or the near death experience.  Or both.  Along with the eye twitch. 

So, she's down at 7:30 - HALLELUJAH!  I don't remember the last time I put her to bed that early.  But I'll just say that because of it, my eye stopped twitching.

So, I get ambitious, pull out the paint cans, open one, paint a square on my accent wall.  Open the other and - WAIT ONE COTTON PICKIN MINUTE!!!!  It wasn't MIXED!!  Those fanninnilily boys thought that when I walked away, they could too!  Without mixin my paint!  UUUUGGGH.  So, I have to mix my self, do I?  So... I do.  But it wasn't any fun, let me tell you.  Walkin around shakin a thing, talking on the phone to my sister-in-law.  Rollin the can on the floor, it get's away from me and slams into my shin.  I have a bruise.  Itchy can. 

I finally get it mixed, I put it on the wall - look at the accent wall and what?!  Wait one caboodley minute!  The accent square is cobalt blue!!  Or maybe it just looks that way because of the brown walls next to it and under it?  Oh man, I don't know.  All I know is I can't have a cobalt accent wall.  Can't wait to hear what Jaren says when he see's I desecrated his wall. 

So, I need to find a different color for my accent wall - I like the one on my other wall.  I have to tape my entire upstairs, get Jaren to caulk along the ceiling because it's not been done in the over 4 years we've lived in the house and I'm tired of lookin like a hillbilly. 

And.  HE IS STILL NOT HOME.  It's been this way since April.  He's got more ground he's running and is trying to get that running like all of the rest of it.  There are lots of break downs everywhere, I get it.  I get the why, but I'm starting not to care.  There get's to be a point where I'm tired of being a single mom and tired of Naomi going 3-4 days a week not seeing her Dad at all.  And I'm in a mood.  And I died today.  And my left eye finally stopped twitching.  And I have a cobalt square on my accent wall.  And my feet feel 73 years old.  And I have a sunburn on my neck.  ONLY MY NECK.  And my bedroom is a mess.  And my bathroom is a mess.  And I'm tired.  And Jaren isn't home. 

And he gave everyone the day off.  He says, "It'll only be 6 hours out of the day.  Instead of... 14."  Oh.  Fantastic. Yeah, I know, someone has to do it - why not the boss?  Look, I'll feel better tomorrow and I'm so grateful for all he does for us and everything we have because of all of his hard work.  But I miss him.  And Naomi misses him.  And so when I'm in a mood - like today - I just don't care and I just want him home.  Dangit.

This is the end of my giant rant.  Tune in next time for shiny happy people.

Half Marathon VS. 10K

I ran in the Teton Dam Marathons 10K last Saturday.  Remember last year?  I did the half marathon and enjoyed it quite a bit.  I had also been running for five months previous and spent 2 and half of that officially training.  I was totally prepared.  And I laugh at how I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it.

This year, I waited too long to start training.  Well, running again because the saddest thing is that I hadn't run for more than 3 weeks strait at a time since I finished that Half Marathon last year.  April rolled around and I kept thinking.. one year ago I was running 6 miles without stopping.  Then May rolled around and I thought... one year ago I was running 8 or 9 miles without stopping.  It was depressing.  But, I put off running because I kept thinking, I might be pregnant by June and running would be much harder.  So I didn't get myself out the door to run. 

Well, beginning of May came around and Chelsey, one of my friends asked me to run the Teton Dam 10K with her.  By that time we had already decided to continue waiting to start trying, so I knew I wouldn't be pregnant.  So, I started running again.  I had only been running for four weeks by the time last saturday rolled around.  What's amazing, is that 2 weeks before the race I was running and had meant to run 4 miles and felt so good I ran 5 and a half.  I was so happy that my body jumped right back into it.  Then Monday happened (Memorial Day) and I ran 3 miles and felt like poo.  Wednesday, felt even worse - Thursday same thing.  By that time my throat had started killing so I knew I was sick. 

I never kicked the cold/sore throat (Strep? who knows) by the time the race was and so I ran that 10K (4 miles up hill and only 2 flat/downhill) and didn't enjoy it.  I mean... I enjoyed it, I find I really enjoy a race although, I'm not really racing anyone, my goal is to run the whole thing without stopping and hit around a 10 minute mile. 

The results?  Last year I ran 13.1 miles with a 10.14 minute mile.  This time it was 10.21 minute mile!  What the?!  I ran less than half the distance and it took longer!!!  I realized that I need to do better training, run for more than 4 weeks before a race, RUN HILLS and do interval stuff. 

How did I feel?  Like poo.  I wished I had gone to the doctor the first morning I woke up with my throat in shreds and my voice gone.  I enjoyed the experience but after I crossed that finish line I didn't not feel the euphoria I did last year.  Last year I was inexpressibly happy and felt so good that I had accomplished that.  I was ready to do it again the next weekend.  I smiled the whole day.  This year I was like, "Oh, so glad that's over."  

Lesson learned:  Train, intervals, hills and DON'T GET SICK. 

I also decided that barring I'm not too pregnant or haven't just barely had a baby I will run in that race every year.  Even if I am 8 weeks postpartum and only do the 5K.   Although, they give you the really nice running shirts if you run in the half or the full.  If you do anything else you just get a cotton T-Shirt.  So, I'm aiming for the half if not the full (someday) every time so I can get the nice running shirts every time! 

Here are some last years and this years:

Last year this was the picture soonest to the finish line.  Jaren showed up about 15 minutes after I was done...

This year:  So he made sure to be there super early this time!

This Year: (since I didn't have any of him right after wards last year, here is this years)

This year:  Lindsey came!!!

Last Year:  I got a medal!  I think they only go to the Half and Full Marathoners, because I didn't get one this year. 

 

This Year:  no metal :(

 Last Year:  Number

This Year:  Number (last years was green (for halfers) this year was orange (for the 10K)

 

Last Year:  Family Picture!

 This Year:  Family!

 Last Year:  The Nugget

 This Year:  The Nugget!

 I just want to leave you with a picture of the year 2030's most beautiful woman in the world.

She's watching Dora :) 

Grateful

Tomorrow Jaren and I are driving to Washington to go to my Grandpa's funeral.  I feel like my thoughts and feelings are all over the place.  Losing my Grandma a year ago was incredibly hard.  Not that I ever worry about where she is, because she's better off than me, that's for sure.  But I just miss her.  And it was sad for what my Dad lost and what my Grandpa lost.

When I was 10 my Grandpa (my Mom's Dad) passed away very suddenly to cancer.  We found out one day and a few weeks later he was gone.  I don't remember a lot about him.  I was young, and a girl and he loved to fly fish and took my brother, Nathan out all the time.  I don't feel like I ever got to know him - but most of those things are supposed to come later.  Right?  What kind of a conversation could he have had with a 10 year old little girl?  I'll tell you what, especially from me, "I really like Bobby, but he likes Vanessa and I just can't figure it out because we are MADE for each other!!"

When I was 9 my Grandpa (Dad's Dad) had a severe stroke.  It left him having to learn how to eat, drive, talk and do just about everything again.  Even though I don't feel like I really got to know him (more than his mental capacity could allow) either I am so grateful he didn't die then.  Because the memories I have of growing up and going to their house are wonderful.  He was always so excited to see me and ALWAYS remembered me.  Even when I went away to college or came back huge (dramatically different than any pictures) pregnant.  He had to have at least 2 hugs and made me kiss each cheek :)  I would sit and listen to him tell me about "the boys"  and "the cows"  and anything else that was going on with the farm.  For the most part I always knew what he was talking about.  He would pull out old photo albums and yearbooks from when he was in high school and growing up.  I would sigh and realize I was going to be there for a while (I had seen and heard the stories countless times), but always would enjoy every second of it.  It made him incredibly happy to be able to talk about the things he knew and experienced.  It was so important for everyone to understand "I was smart" and he would point to his head.  He would say, "I had all the ladies, but one, only one... mama" (which was my grandma).  She would roll her eyes, smile and say, "Oh, Garn."

His passing isn't necessarily sad for me.  It was time, he was 89.  He didn't have the best quality of life and my Grandma was no longer here.  All I could think about was how he could be whole again and be with my Grandma.  And his Mom, who died when he was 8 months old.  I am going to miss him, his company, his stories, his smile, and how he always always told me he loved me.  "Oh, I love you" as dramatically has he could say it.  I felt special in a sea of over 50 grandchildren, he had to have my picture up so he could see it while he was sitting in his chair.  He would point to it and say, "that's my girl"  I know all of us granddaughters were "his girls"  but it still made me feel special. 

I still really miss my Grandma.  It wasn't until I graduated from High School and started working on the farm regularly and would go to her house for lunches and naps that I feel I really built my relationship with her.  And she always was so interested in my life.  So concerned with who I was dating, were they nice?  She was excited to find out that one of her best friends was related to Jaren (his Grandma's sister).  And she could find out everything she needed to know about the family.  And it was all good, so she told me I could marry him :)

Thinking about them, about everything I know and the time I spent with them I am left feeling incredibly grateful for the time I was able to spend with them.  That I was able to know such wonderful people.  That I grew up in the same town, saw them every Sunday and during the week.  Grandma came to some of my games and performances.  I know not everyone get's to grow up around their Grandparents, but I lived a few miles from one set and 30 minutes from my Grandma.  I am grateful for my family, who sacrifice so much without being expected to.  My Dad and Uncle who rotated every other night for the last year staying with my Grandpa, helping him with everything he couldn't do so he could stay in his home.  Where he was happiest and most familiar.  April 14th last year my Grandma went into the nursing home and passed away just over a month later.  April 14th this year my Grandpa when into the same nursing home and passed away within 4 days of my Grandma's 1 year date of passing. 

I'm so looking forward to this weekend and learning more about each of them through my Aunts and Uncles.  I cherish the stories.

I hope that I can reach into my 80's and look back at my life and legacy like they did.  With a full, happy life.  It's hard to say goodbye now, but I know I'll see them again and it's such a great comfort to know that they will be there to greet me when it's my time.

As soon as I get my external hard drive to work on this computer I'll have some pictures of my Grandma, too.

Lately

• I've been reading, but not as much as a few weeks ago
• I've been working on pictures again - taking and editing and sorting.  Feels kinda nice
• I've started running again.  Decided to train for the Teton Dam 10K.  Not a half marathon like last year - I wish I had started training 4 weeks sooner so I could have run that.
• I've been surprised and happy how easy it's been to get back into shape.  For the most part, anyway.
• We've been talking and thinking about baby number 2.
• I've been thinking more and more about baby number 2.  Maybe I'm ready?  Maybe I'm not?
• Naomi has been the sweetest thing since her top two K-9 teeth have come in.  I knew she was in there somewhere
• Naomi has discovered her love for salt and vinegar chips
• She still takes 2 naps maybe once a week, but mostly down to one these days.
• She is trying to say so many words, I only understand most of them because she points while saying it.  
• I love it when she says "Mama"  The tone she uses :)
• Jaren has been working like crazy.  It seems every year I see him less and less during farming season.  
• I've been buying loads of home/home decor magazines and have been cutting out things and writing down ideas because I want to be prepared when the day comes to build.  Someday in the next few years.  I hope.
• I have been making quite a few trips to Twin Falls to see Nathan, Stephanie, Conner and the recent addition - Jayden.
• I have also been working on a "Quiet Book" for Naomi for church so she will be distracted enough to stay in Sacrament meeting.  I'm tired of taking her out in the hall!
• I can't seem to enjoy folding and putting away laundry, but I love my new washer and dryer!
• Naomi has finally overcome her fear of the windshield wipers
• Naomi has picked up a new fear of yelling/screaming.  Any yelling/screaming on T.V. get's a whine and a drop down to the floor with her head shaking "no" over and over till it goes away.  Ugh.  I don't know where it came from.
• I have found running with a stroller is 5 times harder than running without one.
• I have felt a bit socially deprived.  I miss hanging out with friends.  
• I have been obsessed with Mindy Gledhill's album Anchor.  Fantastic.  Beautiful voice.  Saw her in concert and it was better live than on the album.
• I have been eating loads of dried apples.  Yum Yum.  My Daddy's dried apples to be exact.  
• Naomi discovered another love:  Red Peppers.  To my surprised and delight.  
• I have been trying to go to bed in the 10 o'clock hour.
• I have been trying to decide if I want to cut bangs again or not.  I hate that they get in my eyes.  I'm trying to decide if I look old without them.
• I have been trying to get myself to blog.  Hopefully I can do at least once a week, then build up from there.  I miss it.

We like to play Peek A Boo

She really didn't want to pose

Except for when I'm behind the camera :)

Vintage

How old does something have to be to be considered "vintage"?

Back in High School I was at my Grandma's house and my sister and I were trying on my Mom's wedding dress.  Turns out she is kind 4 inches shorter than I am so the waist hit at an empire level and my Mom was tiny, and I didn't want to rip the dress.  But, in the spirit of trying things on my Grandma brings out one of her Mom's outfits.  I often hear how she was always so well dressed and in every picture I've seen it sure appears so.

But for some reason I didn't try it on.  I think I was too afraid it was too small.  So, I went home and put it in my closet.  I was always sure it was just too small and wouldn't fit me.  So I never tried it on.

I have been looking for a nice skirt that hits at the waist and goes down past my knee's.  I can't seem to find one.  But then I remembered this whole suit set I have had in my closet for the last 7 years.  A whole tailored set: suit pants, vest, jacket and skirt.  I pulled it out and finally looked at the faded tag.  Size 6.  What?!  Why didn't I look at it sooner??

So I put on the skirt and I'm in love.

 

The sad part?  I took it to wear to church over Christmas at my parents house and had just finished changing Naomi's diaper and went to get off the bed and did a bit of the splits and "rrrrrriip".  Gasp. Tears.  Run around like a crazy person trying to find needle and thread.  So, I sewed it as best I could in the 3 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door.  But I still need to go seam rip it again and do it right on my sewing machine.  

I still feel awful, but I'll fix it and if I can't do a good enough job I'll find someone who will.  

Isn't it beautiful?  Well, I think it is and mostly probably because it belonged to my Great Grandmother.  She passed away in 2006 and I don't remember a lot of her.  She had Alzheimers and by the time she couldn't remember who I was I was around 10 - 12 years old.  But I do enjoy the stories my Grandma tells me about her in the nursing home :)  And anything I learn about her past.  

Wasn't she beautiful?  I love this picture.  And Grandma... I'm sorry I ripped your skirt because I'm stupid sometimes and don't think that some fabrics don't stretch.  I hope it wasn't your favorite.  Don't worry.... I'll fix it.

Bucket List

My friend, Paloma, left a comment on my post below about how a pair of those fantastic beautiful shoes were on her bucket list.  It got me thinking.... a bucket list!  What a great idea.  I'm making one.  So here is my first few things (in no particular order) (and some may be done already):

1.  Visit the Harry Potter Theme Park.

2.  Go on a Caribbean Cruise. 

3.  Surf in Hawaii (CHECK!)

4.  Skydive or bungee jump

5.  Visit New York City

6.  Eat at the top of the Space Needle

7.  Own a pair of Christian Louboutin Shoes

And that's it for now!  I think this will get pretty long at one point.  I can't forget the things I've already done, but should be on there anyway. 

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day!  Jaren came home with chocolates and a dozen, long stemmed red roses that are more beautiful than any that he has given me before.  And what did he want for his Valentines dinner?  Risotto?  Chicken Cordon Bleu?  New York Steak?  Fettuccine Alfredo?  Anything dinnery and something specialy?!  Nope.  Turkey bacon sandwich.  So, of course I smoked up the house and burnt the bacon.  But he still said it was delicious and exactly what he wanted.  Ahhh, he's the perfect Valentine. 

If I Had 7,387.49 Dollars

I would buy these things on my (mostly)frivolous wish list:

$399.00   Bose Sound Dock.  

I love music.  I listen to it all the time.  My daughter is evidence enough since she has been dancing since she was 7 months old and could sit up and bounce/sway/move her shoulders.  Currently I am toting around a pair of old computer speakers and my iPod.  Works alright, but doesn't have the sound or the look this much prettier choice has. 

$164.99  16 gig iPod Nano - Pink

Again, I love music!  I am currently using my 4 gig Nano that I bought with 4 months worth of tips back in August of 2006.  I paid $250 for it and I can't believe how the price and style has changed.  I love this new model since it's perfect for running and I wont have to have the tan-line from my arm band that I have to carry my current iPod in.  Not to mention I can get it in pink.  Or Graphite since it looks gold and it's fantastic.

$695.00  Black Pump - Christian Louboutin

Since it seems that in any given month I am dressing up in dresses and heels 4-5 times I want timeless staples.  And that would be some black leather pumps.  I love shoes and when I'm in a dress I prefer heels.  Since chances are more likely I'll never be able to afford a pair of these I could settle for the below example.

$89.95 Black Pump - Steve Madden

Cheaper, not as luxurious and comfortable and beautiful, but $600 cheaper, so who cares?  Me. Oh well, I can dream.

$795.00 Red Pump - Christian Louboutin

I really like paring red shoes with black and white outfits.  I have quite a few black and white outfits.  I don't know why the red is more than the black, but if I was ever able to afford the black I'm sure I'd be in the position to afford the red.  And they would last me forever - my entire life and then some, right?  Would that justify it? 

$89.95 Red Pump - Steve Madden

And here is the much, much cheaper (but not as beautiful, comfortable and not even real leather) option.  Right now I am using an open toed pump that I bought for $10 back in September of 2006.  They have a few scuff marks on the sides but otherwise are alright.  Oh, they are horribly uncomfortable.  I'm ready for an upgrade.  How about a $785 upgrade?  I know, stop rolling your eyes.  Or maybe you're nodding your head and drooling?

$89.95 Nude Pump - Steve Madden

Nude is supposed to go with everything and there are a few things I have that I don't exactly have the perfect shoe for.  So, I'm on the market for a Nude Pump.  And I really like the look of the hidden platform.  Which most of these options have.

$580.00  Nude Pump - Brian Atwood

I had to.  I believe I have a fetish with expensive beautiful shoes the same reason I have one with jeans.  They are better made and are more comfortable.  They also last longer - assuming you care for them properly.  I don't have any of these expensive heels, though.  I do have really nice jeans (although I am proud to say I have never paid full price for a pair) and can testify of their value.

$895  Nude Pump - Christian Louboutin

So, I know I'm looking for regular timeless pumps, but this is beautiful and I think I'd do it instead of the others if it were ever an option.  I think someday when we are ever somewhere where I can try a pair of Loutoutin's on, I will.  And I'll blog about the experience.  :)

$2,306.50  Canon 5D Mark II

I don't even think I have to explain this.  But the picture taking quality, the options, the high ISO - everything about it makes it loads better than my scrony t1i.  It's a purchase I hope to make in the next year - assuming I can save enough and book enough clients to make the money. 

$1419.00  Canon EF 16-35mm f/2.8L

I want a wide angle lens.  I wouldn't mind the fixed 35mm as I really love my fixed 50mm, but I want the zoom this provides.  I've found that with taking pictures of kids you need to be able to be further away and at a moments notice catch an expression closer up.  I would probably buy this before the camera body above - which would mean putting it off for longer than a year.

$179.00  Shoot Sac

Currently I'm using a bulky camera bag backpack thing that I have to take off my shoulder, unzip and pull out the lens I want to use, then change the lenses, put the other back in, zip it back up and put it back on my back.  Time consuming and inconvenient and costly since I lose shooting opportunities.  I have heard good reviews about this bag -so it's on my list of priorities.

$395.00  Black Studded Boot

I'm looking for a black boot with around a 3 inch heel to wear with jeans.  I've been on the look out for a while now, but haven't found anything that strikes my fancy enough.  These are beautiful and would work great.  But if I had $400 to spend on shoes, I'm not totally sure if I would choose these.  Although, I would use them more than any of the pumps that are on my list.

$139.00  Kindle

I love love love to read.  The library here is found wanting and I can't afford the amount of books I want to read.  Since books only cost a few bucks with the kindle I wouldn't feel so bad buying a book that I'm not exactly sure I'd want to read again.  Since I re-read books every few years I don't mind buying a book if it's good enough to re-read.  The only problem is buying one that I don't want to have in my library and not being able to return it.  It's a waste.  With this it would be alright.

And this, ladies and gentlemen concludes my current lust list.  What is on yours?