Lacation

I always thought the word "lactation" was such a funny weird word. 

I've not had any problems nursing.  Not since my milk came in and the nugget has been able to get plenty to eat and has been gaining weight steadily after her near whole pound drop in her first 5 days of life. 

My concerns are how much am I producing?  I pump about every time after I feed her.  I want to store LOTS of milk.  I fear getting mastitis or some type of infection where I cant breast feed or my production will go down.  I'm so adamant about breast feeding because of a lot of reasons, but the biggest is my antibodies.  With this winter being one of the worst the sicknesses have seen I am quite nervous.  We are still staying home and not taking her out.  And now that she is a month old, she's not been sick yet.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself to make more milk.  I'm pumping and taking these supplements and have heard about this tea that is supposed to help.  I figure why not try?  So I'm trying those things and I do think it helps a bit. 

But, are there other ways?   

Showering is So Overrated

I have been a slave to the baby for the last month.  And my desire to get on the computer or blog has gone out the window with my sleep.  I'm going to try to get back in the swing of things.

My life has been rather uneventful since I stay at home all day. In the last week my desire to get out has been rather strong.  I'm feeling better, but am still quite sore, but I want to start walking.  If only I can find the time.  I'm hoping I can make the time - put the nugget in her bouncer and go walk on the treadmill.  I think I'll try soon.  Like tomorrow.  The weight is coming off, but SO SLOWLY.  Like 2-3 pounds a week and I want it to go MUCH faster since I still have like 20 pounds to go.  So, exercise is my only option since dieting is out of the question.

Another issue?  Showering.  I can't leave her by herself for more than 5 minutes because she starts to cough or choke (she has reflux) and it scares me to death.  That and she is too young/small for me to feel comfortable leaving her out in the house by herself. 

So, I have to wait till Jaren is around and so far, we've managed a good every other day thing.  It's not enough for me.... but it's ok.  But today?  Today is day number 3.... I feel like I stink and it feels so gross.  Jaren is at church right this second but when he get's home he is watching the wee one and I'm going to shower.  For a good hour or so. 

When did you feel comfortable enough to leave your baby out by her/himself while you showered?

She's Here!

Finally, I know.  She's a week and a half old and I am barely getting around to posting.  For me, the last week and a half has been one big long day broken up by 1-3 hour naps.  I knew sleep would be scarce, but I didn't realize it would be this scarce.  Every day get's better and we get to know her better and I get a little more sleep between each feeding. 

My C-section went well.  I was so surprised at how fast it went.  I'll try and do a post about it.  I know I would have liked someone to tell their c-section story before I had mine so I knew what exactly to expect. 

I guess I'm a speedy healer.  I was released from the Hospital 48 hours after the surgery.  I was up and walking half a day before they expected me to be.  I was also eating a regular diet much sooner than they expected.  From the moment I came home I was up and moving.  It wasn't easy to get around or stand up for the first few days, I was walking quite slow, but each day got better.  I had some upset stomach issues for a day or two - no throwing up, just a very tender tummy. Because of Motrin I was more swollen than during pregnancy and it was horrible.  I stopped taking it and since I've been sweating up a storm whenever I sleep - it's gross, but I can see my ankles and my face is thinning up a bit again! 

I ordered a cesarian support belt thingy that has really made quite the difference.  Within the first day of putting it on that night I lost more water weight and my stomach visibly shrunk quite a bit.  I'm a big fan!  It was quite the task to put on at first but then after that first day it got a bit easier each time.  I highly recommend it.  I can give you the link if you'd like.

As for the baby; she is perfect.  Her name is Naomi and she looks exactly like Jaren.  She has my nose and my detached ear lobes.  But that's all we can find of me.  She has Jaren's long skinny fingers, toes and arms and legs.  And each day as she get's a bit older I find she is more and more the spitting image.  In a much prettier daintier package.  :)  I'm rather impressed that Jaren makes such a beautiful girl!  He quite enjoys it.  He is such a wonderful father and since the second she has come out he has been right there taking care of her without complaint of sacrifice. 

Sleep has been the biggest obstacle.  She likes to be held.  A lot.  She wouldn't lay down by herself in her bassinet for longer than 40 minutes.  Then I tried laying her on her side.  Oh man, she slept in that thing 3 1/2 hours today.  It makes sense!  It's how she likes to be held, it's pretty much how she was in my belly.  On her side.  So nice to find out all these little quirks that help us. 

Since this is the worst flu season ever we are in lock down.  She was born 3 weeks preemie and is so tiny.  It would be horrible to have a sick baby and it's dangerous with how small she is.  Because of this we are only letting immediate family come to see her and even then, they need to have their flu shots.  If anyone feels even a little bit under the weather they stay away.  We appreciate that.  It makes me sad that I can't show her off like I'd like, but I would much rather have a happy, healthy baby. 

Here she is!

She is so bright eyed and was since I first held her.  She is so much fun and every day has little things that show bits of her personality.  She's a happy wonderful baby.  I'm SO glad she is here and so glad to not be pregnant anymore.  I can move!

Her stats:

5 lbs 14 oz

18.5 inches long

Oober cute

Jaren look-a-like in girly form

Lots of brown hair - hangs down her neck

Loves to have her hands on her face

The private blog:  I've posted on there and added all of the email addresses I have.  If you have not recieved an email I either don't have your email address or entered it in wrong.  Send me an e mail at whitneykathleen at gmail dot com or leave me a comment with your email in it.  I'll try to update as much as I can on both, but until I have some free time it may be sparse. 

I love being a mommy!

37 Weeks: The End

Actually, I will only make it one day into my 37th week since tomorrow is her birth day.

But, just like the others, this re-caps the week before.  And what a week that was.  Since I kept separate posts for all of the crazy developments I'll sum everything up in bullets.  We like bullets.

• went into my 36 week appointment excited to see an ultrasound and find out if I was progressing at all and hopefully get a date to do a version.
• walked out of my 36 week appointment in shock finding out I had preeclampsia, we can't do a version, it's a for sure c-section and she will be coming sooner than later. 
• filled up one 24 hour urine jug and had to get another - so proud.
• spent the next 2 days wondering and driving myself nuts - "how bad is the preeclampsia?"  "when exactly will she come?"  "is she okay?"  "will I make it to full term?"
  
• Thursday we had our first Non Stress Test (NST) and the nurse was great and the entire time baby girl was performing wonderfully.  Very active and had everything we wanted to see.  I left there in a bit of a high with knowing she really was protected in her little bubble.  
• went to the doctor right after to be told that I'm getting worse, I'm on strict bed rest, no salt and Wednesday is the day.  
• we were also told that if I have any crazy mood swings - get really mean all the sudden or loopy and spacey and not at all myself - "get her in here! she is going to seize!"  So, of course, Jaren was afraid to leave me alone for a second - would just stare at me trying to determine if I was not myself.  My sister basically moved back in.
• Saturday we had another NST and had a super boring nurse.  She didn't put the monitor on correctly and her heartbeat was basically flatlining (which is BAD) and it (the monitor - not her heart) kept stopping and starting.  We grabbed someone else and she came in - exhuberant as ever and fixed the monitor, gave me apple juice and within 45 seconds of taking a sip the baby was all. over. the. place.  
• the nurse said, "She likes juice, give her juice because in a few days all she will have is milk."  Jaren had Lindsey buy me orange juice and has been forcing down two huge glasses a day. :)  All because his little girl likes juice.  It was too cute to be annoying.
• Another NST Monday (yesterday) and she performed a bit better, but was still not as active as she normally is.  I just think it's because it's morning time.  I felt horrible.
• went to the doctor, they took my urine and blood and gave me a flu shot (never had one in my life).  We were given the time for Wednesday and are still waiting on a call from the Hospital for details.  If they don't call in the next 2 hours (by noon) I am calling them.
• Lost 2 pounds in the last week - it's water weight since I've been sweating an ocean each night.  It's GROSS.  
• TONS of acid reflux and indigestion.  It's miserable. 
  

How have I been feeling?
It was so weird to me finding out a week ago that I wasn't okay because I felt okay - or I thought I felt okay.  A lot of the symptoms I attributed to just being pregnant.  I didn't know what was normal or not.  The seeing spots?  Been happening all the time, I figured it was because of swelling or blood pressure - which is true, but it has to do with a bit more than that.  The head aches?  Figured it was because I was at the end of my pregnancy.  Right rib pain?  Well, her head is under my ribs and it's constantly hurting - I couldn't tell the difference between that ache and liver pain.  When I thought about everything, I realized that all of these symptoms had come in the previous 2 weeks and had progressively gotten worse.

I felt okay Thursday when I was put on bed rest, but each day I started to feel more lethargic and my head ache got a bit worse.  Yesterday was no fun.  I feel so tired today.  My joints ache worse each day.  When I think of how I'm getting out of the last 3 weeks of pregnancy I think, "am I missing out?"  "is it like I'm cheating?"  Then I think of how horrible the last 2 1/2 months have been and I don't feel bad.  Not at all. Not one bit.  I'm ready to be done being pregnant and have this little girl I've been wanting and waiting for for much longer than I've been pregnant.

My emotions have been all over the place.  From shock, to fear, to confusion, to joy, to sadness, to worry, to absolute exuberance.  Right now I'm feeling excited and tired.  So excited to finally have her and so so so excited to get my body back... evenutally (just have to wait for the healing to pass).  I'm tired because my body is exhausted.  I'm also a little worried things wont get done.  I have a list of things that need to be done today.  I want to be able to leave with my mind only on what is to come and not what my house will look like when we get back.  Jaren is getting his hair cut right this second and then he is coming home to be my slave for the rest of the day.  It's mostly just picking things up and laundry that needs to be done.  And "the bag" needs to be packed.

Today is going to fly.  I'm so excited about tomorrow and so nervous about tomorrow.  The surgery scares me.  I don't know how it could not since it's something I've never had to do before.  Jaren has not completely dismissed the idea of standing up and watching her be pulled out.  He said it's going to be a spurt of the moment decision.  I kind of want to see that part, but I'm too afraid of what I'll see.  I don't think I'll be able to detatch myself from my body - all I will see is MY stomach wide open and that can't be good for the mind.  It's all going to go by so fast and I don't worry too much about the recovery.  I've been informed I'll be given LOTS of really good pain meds and that I just need to get myself up and moving - but to be careful.  I'm feeling good about it all.

Jaren talkes about how excited he is.  He talks about getting to hold his little girl and we are excited to finally have our family started.  We both go into the nursery and stare and talk about it all.  We can't wait to see who's of who's she has.  He has very long fingers and toes and skinny legs and arms.  I have short fingers and toes and a bit more shapely arms and legs :)  His nose is bigger and he has brown/hazel eyes and mine are green/blue.  He has a dimple and I have two things that could almost pass for dimples but they are kind of close to my mouth.  I was one freckled girl.  I was a tow head and he was born with blonde/light brown hair that turned dark later.  So she could come out with light hair.  My hair didn't turn dark till end of high school/college.  Will she have hair?  All of these things will be answered tomorrow!!!

I will be twittering throughout the time in the hospital.  You can see those and get to any pictures I post through that on my side bar.  I'm not sure if I'll have the computer or access to the internet while I'm there.  So, possibly there wont be any word until this weekend.  We will either be home Friday or Saturday.

The end has come not quite how I expected, but I'm so so so grateful to be full term.  I'm so grateful that she is fine and so grateful for my doctor who has been keeping such a great eye on me.  He genuinely cares and is concerned and it makes me feel like not just some pregnant girl.  Because of the college here there are lots and lots of preggies and they come, have one baby and leave.  But I'm coming and having all my babies here and so I needed someone who I could build a relationship with and who knew me and my circumstances.  He told me I have him all day since it's his day off tomorrow.  I'm glad he wont be rushing and he has set aside the time specifically for me.

I'm going to try to finish a post to have posted tomorrow, but we will see.  Right now I'm going to lie down again as I'm feeling sick and light headed.  (so happy to return to "normal" tomorrow)

One more story.  I think it's funny.  Yesterday after I woke up from my nap (I nap for 2-3 hours because what else am I going to do to pass the time?!!) I ate and then sat down on the couch.  After about 20 minutes my chest started to hurt.  VERY badly.  It felt like someone was on top of my chest and all of my intercostal muscles (the muscles inbetween your ribs) were contracting.  I couldn't get to them to rub it since I have sore milk makers in the way.  I didn't know WHAT was going on.  Jaren came home and wanted me to call the doctor.  They were closed (I really didn't want to call).  I stood up and walked around and went into the nursery with Jaren while he hung the valance.  The whole while in the nursery I was...  how do I put this daintily?  breaking wind?  Yes.  Breaking lots of wind.  I felt better after about 30 minutes of walking around and sitting very upright.  I was still confused about what was going on, but it had passed so I was okay.  Later around 10 it came back.  Even worse and I started to cry.  This time it was all around my rib cage and was a bit lower.  Jaren got out the computer and started to look stuff up.  One of the diagnoses was indigestion and gas.  I'm laughing because, gas???  in my ribs?!  Yes, I burp.  A lot.  But, that much?  And then I thought about how high up all of my intestines are and thought... huh.....    Naahhhh.  Then, the wind started again and gradually I felt better.  It was funny.  The fact that my ribs hurt and all I needed to do was break some wind and I felt better was such an odd idea to me.  But, it was true.  It went away!  But that experience is just one more thing that makes me so SO glad it's all ending tomorrow.  I hope I don't have it again today.  As funny as it is, it is very painful.

The beauties of pregnancy!!!!  Glamorous, huh? :)


37 Weeks:

Hah, kidding.  This is what I plan on looking like at my would-be 38 weeks!  Kidding again....  This is me at 7 weeks - 30 weeks ago.  But really, I miss those jeans and hope to get back into them.  I'm taking my 37 week picture tomorrow morning so I don't have it now.  I'll post it when I'm back from the Hospital!

Don't forget to guess on the post below!

Guessing Game

How much will she weigh?

This is what we know:

• She will be 37 weeks and one day old when she is born
  
• the pregnancy book says at 37 weeks she is around 6 1/2 pounds
• last measuring of my belly was at 36 weeks and she measured at 37 (one week ahead)
  
• last ultrasound was at 36 weeks and I was told it was not accurate and she measured 2 weeks behind (34 weeks)
• if I had Gestational Diabetes (whatever boarderline is) she would probably be a bit bigger because of that
• she might also be bigger because of my massive amount of weight gain
• I was born at 36 1/2 weeks and I weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces
• Jaren was born a few days after his due date at 9 pounds 5 ounces
• I was considered small before I was pregnant, so if my weight gain hadn't gone berzerk I might have had a smaller baby.  But now, probably not.

I'm guessing 6 pounds 5 ounces. 
Jaren is guessing 6 pounds 8 ounces. 
We've even had a 7 pound guess. 

What is your guess?

The prize? 
The pride of guessing correctly.  :)

Pregnancy: 5 Days Left

Yep, 5 days left and less every second that passes. 

I went in for my Non Stress Test yesterday morning and was oddly in a euphoric mood.  I was so happy.  Jaren was making me laugh non stop and I didn't feel stressed at all.  I was very, very painfully swollen, but felt good that things were going to be okay with her.  And they were, they strapped me up to the 2 monitors (one that monitored my contractions and one that monitored her heart beat) and her heart showed all of the accelerations and decelerations it was supposed to.  They said she was perfect.  I was so relieved! 

It was fun hearing the heartbeat.  And Jaren found the doctors stool on wheels and was wheeling around the room in circles bumping into everything, which, made me laugh.  A lot.  And whenever I would laugh her heartbeat would go up.  And I would feel her kick or move and it was fun to look and see how much work the movements took her by watching how high her heartbeat would go up. 

So, she is not being affected by how berzerk my body is going.  She is in her own protective bubble.  That was one of my biggest worries (the other being how long she get's to stay in and cook).  But me, on the other hand.  My blood pressure is higher and my symptoms aren't getting any better.  So, I was told to go see my doctor after the test. 

I went to see him and apparently I'm still spilling a lot of protein in my urine, which is not good.  I showed him my hands and they were HUGE and purple.  He looked at my legs and pulled out his computer and went over all of my lab results with me.  There are the normal ranges and I am on the higher end of normal, almost over.  He told me they want to take me before things get worse and the sooner the better.  We went over how far along I'd be next week and decided on Wednesday.  I will be 37 weeks and one day.


I realized we had just said the day I was going to be put under the knife and the day I was going to not be pregnant anymore and the day of my daughters birthday for the rest of her life and the day our lives were really really going to change.  I was kind of....  in shock again? 

I was told how severe this whole thing is again and then was told I'm on strict bed rest, laying on my left side, can get up to pee and take a walk around my mansion every once in a while, but that's it.  So, home we went and it was funny, I first went into the nursery and was talking to my sister.  Then went into the bedroom and Jaren had set up my pillows so I would be laying on my left side accross the whole bed facing the TV.  I laughed, wished I had taken a picture and laid down.  He kept asking me how I was feeling and he would leave the room, then come back and just look at me, then leave, then come back and look and this went on and on.  It was really funny.

They scared him pretty well talking about how, "if she starts to have mood swings that are not like her or if she starts to get really absentminded and spacey you need to bring her in RIGHT AWAY, because likely in just a few minutes she will seize."  Or if I start to feel really sick, I guess.  I had no idea preeclampsia was this serious. 

So, I am listening to my body and laying down a whole lot and doing nothing and being VERY bored already.  I have my sister here to help and per Jaren's orders to watch my every move.  He really doesn't want to leave me alone, but he is helping another farmer down the road dig their spuds before the weather get's too bad to the point they can't dig anymore. 

I took unisom last night and still couldn't sleep.  I can't stop thinking about EVERYTHING.  It's all so crazy.  I think, "Oh no, less than a week - that's too soon!"  But then I try to move and am in pain or am horribly indigested or can't be comfortable and I think, "Yeah... it's a good thing I'm having her next week."  With the increase in blood pressure my swelling is getting worse and with that all of my joints ache.  It's my wrists and knee's now.  It's something new every day. 

I'm trying to focus on the happyness of this all.  I know it's exciting.  I'm very excited to see her and hold her and have her.  But I'm so nervous and scared about the sergery that that is what is clouding my mind.  Everyone I tell squeals happily about it and I can't help but think, "Yeah... but I have to get cut open...."  I know tons of people go through this and it's quick and everything will be fine.  My doctor has done it tons of times.  But I've never had anything more than my wisdom teeth pulled - and that was a HORRIBLE experience and I was even put under.  It's scary.  I'm scared.  I'm trying to calm myself and think about other things.  But it's kind of hard when you can't distract yourself with much more than the TV and internet for small amounts of time (because I have to lie down). 

Another thing - I've been banned from salt.  Which wouldn't be a problem because I've been on this cereal, bread kick for a while.  But just in the last 5 days or so I've been wanting breakfast.  Eggs and ham in all different combinations.  And I can't have it!  I bought groceries the other day and got 2 pounds of ham!  So, I'm making Lindsey and Jaren eat it all because it breaks my heart to see it go to waste.  And soup, soup has not been good my whole pregnancy - until now!  Can't have that either.  And I've been eating Lean Cuisines because they are taste and had low caleries and I was watching all of that with the Gestational Diabetes thing.  But, those with their processededness (I make up my own words) and sauces are full of salt.  So, I'm all grains, dairy and fruits and vegetables.  All of which I really don't care for.  So I'm forcing everything down.  BUT, I decided if I have to give up salt (which I LOVE) I'm taking back the sugar.  hehe.  So I'm eating a little bit of carmel with my apple and I don't care.  I only have 5 days left.  The hard thing is just getting myself to eat something because all of it sounds gross.  But if I don't eat, my stomach cramps all over.  It's painful and annoying.  Again, all of this makes me grateful I'm having her next week. 

After this whole last trimester I definitly don't feel like I'm being cheated anything by "getting out" of the last 3 weeks of pregnancy.  Amazingly, I'm still happy :)  Yesterday I was oddly euphoric.  Today I'm a little frustrated with how my stomach is feeling.  But I think a nap will cure that!  Don't naps cure everything?  They usually do for me.

So, in the next few days i'll be getting the emails entered for the private blog because it looks like I'll be using it sooner than I thought. 

Her birthday will be October 14th.  For the rest of her life.  :)

Onsie Lovsie!

I got a sewing machine for my birthday and I'm rather excited about it.  I decided I wanted to be domesticated and figured this was the best way.  But when I got it I just stared....  Ummm... I only know how to thread and press the pedal and make it go, but I don't know how to make anything!

Then my aunt came and saved me from a domesticated mess.  She showed me how to follow a pattern and I made a dress!  With her coaching me the whole way, but I sewed it and am very proud of myself.

Behold!

 

 

so proud....

Then I knew I wanted to make plain white onsies not so plain.  So she taught me how to blanket stitch and showed me how to use the sticky thinger that makes them stick to the fabric and off I went.

I've finished one pack of 0-3 months and someday I'll do a pack of 3-6 months.  I want to get more creative with them, but for now we have some basic shapes and some other stuff.

Behold again!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so proud of myself.  I also make receiving blankets and nursing covers.  I made a boppy cover yesterday.  It was... interesting?  haha.  I'll blog about those later and post pictures.  I do like sewing these onesies so much that I want to make them and sell them. Because there is such a thing as too many onsies for one baby.  Do you think anyone would buy them?

Choices

This life is about making choices.  Whether good or bad you get to choose.  Down to the mundane things or things that don't have too much of a detrimental impact on your life - like pb&j or pb&honey?  Or no sand which, I'd rather have a frozen burrito. 

When to wake up, when to sleep.  Like now, I've been up since before 4 a.m. just lying awake and so after over an hour I chose to get out of bed and write down my thoughts. 

I got pregnant with only one birthing option in mind; going till I went into labor then having her the "normal" way.  I also figured that since I was very, VERY healthy to begin with that I would have a pretty easy going pregnancy.  I just figured my body would be able to handle it all easily with how in shape I was and with being young. 

I was surprised when things started to appear that I had no idea about and didn't think would be possible because I was taking such good care of myself.  The pain and weight gain were the hardest to deal with.  I had only gained 13 pounds by the time I was 6 months pregnant.  Then it was like that was the last bit of it - every week from there on out was shocking and subject to lots of weight gain.  And lots of tears of unbelief and confusion.  I got to the point where I could no longer exercise
(because of pain and cramping)- the one thing that I was choosing to do on my own and I had control of.  That was hard to deal with. 

I cramped and could do nothing about it.  My baby wouldn't turn and I couldn't do anything about it.  I tried sitting weird and laying and lifting my pelvis and all sorts of stuff.  Nothing worked.  The girl wasn't budging for me or the doctor when he'd try to push on her. 

Then I thought I had a choice; do a version (turning from the outside) or not and just go with a c-section.  After talking to my doctor and finding out she would be okay, I wanted to do the version.  I wanted to hopefully still have that option of a vaginal birth.  I wanted to go through that experience.  Push her out like every other mommy pushes out their kids. 

Come to find I don't even have that choice anymore.  When faced with a serious situation you do whatever is best for your baby and yourself.  So, I am down for a c-section no matter what.  Unless she magically flips on her own before the surgery.  But I highly doubt that.  I feel like my agency has been taken away and I'm forced with only one option, one way out.  And even though it was not what I wanted or planned I know it's what is best. 

As much as I wanted her to come early I was totally prepared to wait it out uncomfortably.  Because that's what you do.  If I ever hear someone tell me I'm taking the easy way out or the easier road of childbirth I'm going to have a conniption.  I don't have a choice.  I'm doing what is best for my kid.  And I don't care the path anymore as long as the end result results in a healthy baby and me intact.  Even if it takes some healing to get that way.  I do not feel like I have the "easier" path. 

How am I feeling about it all?  The more I'm learning the more nervous I'm getting.  Not about the c-section, but about the preeclampsia.  I didn't realize how serious it was.  And come to find I have the not so good symptoms.  They aren't constant which is nice, but the fact that they are there isn't a good thing.  I find out my blood results this morning sometime (probably not 5:30 a.m.).  I take my jug-o-pee in tonight.  I'm scheduled for my first stress test Thursday.  Unless my blood results are bad.  I'm feeling a bit helpless.  Wishing I knew how serious it was and when I should plan on having my baby.  I can't get over how normal, well, normal for the last few weeks/months I feel.  If normal is horrible pelvic pain, rib pain and cramping.  haha.... which I guess isn't necessarily.  But to know that something isn't right with your body and not be able to tell from the outside is weird.  I take comfort in the fact that she is so active.  She is moving a ton and it's the only thing that makes me rest easily. 

I'm okay with the c-section.  I feel calm about it.  I'm a bit nervous about being cut open.  Scared for how the recovery will go, but in the end I'm okay about it all.  Just wondering when.....

It's all still a bit unreal.  And my mind is going much too fast and needs to calm down so I can sleep.  Writing my thoughts helps.  I'm wondering if it makes sense to anyone other than myself. 

Does it?

36 Weeks: Preeclampsia

Yeah, it's true. 

I'm still kind of.... in shock?  Umm, I can't quite figure out the right words for how I'm feeling.  Like this is unreal?  I woke up this morning hoping to see if we can flip her or not at this doctors appointment.  Walked in and was excited to see that I hadn't hit a 50 pound weight gain yet.  And then the first thing my doc said when he walked in was, "Swollen?".

I held up my hands and said, yeah, can't see my knuckles.  And he said, "Your face."  Yes, I'm sure glad it is that obvious that my face isn't supposed to be this fat.  He looked at my ankles and calves and said he wanted to check my urine for protein.  He walked out, walked right back in and said I had WAY too much protein in my urine.  Which is bad.  I have 2 of the 3 preeclampsia symptoms.  My blood pressure isn't too high; I have been taking those "stop cramping" pills that are also used for lowering blood pressure.  I have been taking them twice a day every day for 3 weeks so we are going to wait till they are out of my system (since I stopped taking them today) and take my blood pressure again. Because they could have lowered it.

With this new development a version was out of the question and without a version my baby wont flip which means c-section.  He told me that even with a version the chances of us turning her were really low given the fact that she still wont budge from her comfy little right side of my uterus.  Doing a version would cause too much stress on her given the fact that my body is already under stress.

All of the symptoms he asked me about I had.  The swelling, the seeing stars, the headaches, the pain under my right ribcage (liver).  I attributed all of these things to just being pregnant.  Especially the rib pain, and most of it is her, but in the last week I have been having sharp pains there every once in a while.  Which could not be her and is my liver.  Unless she's sprained or broken ribs - which I thought was a viable possibility :)

He is glad I'm 36 weeks so she is developed enough to be outside of me and live on her own.  They will try to get me to at least 38 weeks.  I go in twice a week for nonstress tests at the hospital (first one is this Thursday) and will be seeing him (the doc) every week.  But, I could be scheduled for a c-section in that amount of time.  We don't know when, it all depends on the stress tests and the blood work I gave them today.  I wont find out those results until tomorrow morning.  I was also given a big jug (I'm posting a picture - it's too hilarious) to put all of my urine in for the next 24 hours.  I have never heard of this - I was laughing hysterically.  AND to make it even better, you have to keep it in the fridgerator.  I am going to put a post-it that says, "NOT O.J." for Jaren.  :)

I also had an ultrasound.  Her rear is too far into my pelvis we couldn't see it.  We got a split second glance at her face - our first!!  Chubby litle cheeks with a little nose.:D  I'm so glad to know she has at least those.  Her feet, BOTH of them, were up at her face.  So funny, she is folded in half, but still kicks me super low!  So it means she will put her legs down, give me a good kick, then bring them back up.  It makes me laugh.  I love this little thing.  She is "Frank Breach", he said.

I wouldn't let him leave the room until he answered EVERY SINGLE ONE of my questions.  I had him go over every little detail about a c-section and what I needed to bring and what happens before and after and the recovery.  One of my biggest concerns was where she was going to go after she came out.  I didn't want her out of either (Jaren or I) of our sights if she didn't need the NICU.  He told me that after they get her all cleaned up and wrapped up they will bring her and give her to Jaren, unless she needs the NICU - which I'm really hoping she doesn't.  And she shouldn't since I'm as far along as I am.  Or will be.....

My recovery shouldn't be too rough if I do what I'm supposed to and I TRY(instead of just lie there lazily) to recover.  I want to be active again so I'm not worried about that.  I'm also going to buy a sort of girdle thing that you can wear while your sleeping - or not, but it should help hold everything together and help with the recovery.

This is all so weird.  That's all that I can think to describe it.  Weird.  I didn't think I would have anything like this ever.  I thought I would have a normal pregnancy.  I'm not going to get into it on this post.  I'm going to write a seperate one on how I feel.


Moving on to this last week:

• stronger worse cramps in front and back
  
• sharp rib pain
• lack of nesting, lack of motivation
• found I like decorating onsies and I am currently making a boppy cover
• made two nursing covers and am going to make two more - very impressed with myself
• trouble sleeping - saturday night or sunday morning I was up from 4 a.m. to 6:30 a.m.  I layed in bed for an hour and a half trying to fall back asleep.  Finally, after starting to feel really sick to my stomach I got up, ate and read and then went back to bed.  
• had one day where she didn't move until late afternoon and it scared me to death
• then every single day after that she has been moving nonstop it feels like - I can't believe it.  She is SO ACTIVE!  
• the poor thing hiccups 5-10 times a day.  Probably more like 10.  And it is a hard thumping that reverberates through my uterus.  You can see my belly jump.  
• bought the last of the things I need.  2 bottles and a sleep positioner.  I'm ready - good thing too, since she could come any day.
• Jaren is afraid to leave me alone because the doctor mentioned seizures.  I'm not worried, they will take her out before it ever came close to that.  And it's weird because I feel okay.... so it's weird to know what's going on with my body.

36 Weeks:
Swollen body!  Big baby.

The JUG.

Big belly, but no stretch marks! (On my belly... other places - that's a different story)

Belly button is still an innie!  Rather shallow and small now.

The Private Blog

If you remember this post you'll know that the time is coming that I'll be starting the private blog.  Again, this (the one you are currently viewing) blog is not going private, it's just not going to have a ton of information about our little spuds or us.

This blog will turn into posts about... ummm.... things that aren't necessarily all family related?  I'm still not quite sure how it will all work, but I'll try.  Keeping two separate blogs regular seems kind of tough, if you ask me.  But I'm going to try.  I'll feed them both lots of bran.

I've gone through and added those who have sent me email addresses to the Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead's Spuds blog.  If you have not received an email and want to be included or if you have not and you sent me your email please do so again.  Either I got it wrong, or somehow your email got lost, probably my fault. 

I probably wont start posting on the other blog till she arrives.  And there will be some of her in this blog, just not much.  Again, if you want to be invited to that blog - either leave me your email in the comments or email me yourself at whitneykathleen at gmail dot com.  I know a lot of people don't like to comment, but now is the time, my friends. 

Crib Drama

I started looking at cribs around my one year anniversary (April, 2008). I bookmarked a few and then got too sad since I knew it was going to be quite some time till I could have a kid since I had an entire year of school left.

Then I found out I was pregnant and I had no desire to really start looking at baby stuff since I didn't know what I was having and it was just too soon in the pregnancy to do so.

All of that changed the second I found out I was having a girl (I'm sure it would have been no different if I found out I was having a boy). This fetus became a girl, our daughter and we already had a name (which will come when she comes, b/c we may change it). I started doing all sorts of research on EVERYTHING baby. Ask me about almost anything and I can tell you what I've learned.

I'm picky. It's a horrible curse. The only cribs I was finding that I liked were too expensive. I liked the convertible cribs with a thicker back and an overall chunky sturdy look.

In July I was in Salt Lake baby looking/shopping with my friend, Ashley and we found a crib that I LOVED at USA Baby. It was a bit more than we were going to spend, but I wanted this one for every single baby. I thought, "if we have the money set aside now, we might not later if we want to or need to replace. Let's just buy the right one once."

Jaren didn't shoot me down, he looked at it, said he liked it, too and then we measured the nursery.

Now, our nursery used to be a pretty big room at one point. But then a hall (to our garage) was put in and cut about 4 feet out. We found the crib wouldn't fit with a dresser. It was too big. I cried.



I kept looking and looking and had trouble finding something we could afford with the style I wanted. We knew that if we wanted to do a crib and dresser the dresser had to be no more than 40 inches wide. There are none in a collection that are that size that aren't just a shelved changing table. I would like drawers so it can be used as a dresser when the kid no longer needed "changed".

Another friend mentioned the brand name of her crib and I realized I had seen that before. When I found the bedding I wanted it was on a crib I really liked. I could not remember the name myself but I knew it sounded super familiar. So I looked it up and found that it was the same crib I had originally liked the 2 days after I found out what I was having. I was SO excited. It was the exact price we said we could spend and we measured and the crib fit fine, but it didn't have a dresser that matched it. But I figured I could mix and match.

Then I started looking for the crib and every website said 6-8 week wait. When I called the store I had seen it in they said the same thing. We really would much rather buy in a store so we wouldn't have to order online. And the 6-8 week thing? She would be here. Which wouldn't have been too much of an issue because she will be in a cradle for the first few months. But I REALLY wanted my nursery set up.



I continued to look to see if I could find something better. I then found a crib at Downeast Home - a place where they get wholesale stuff. Pottery Barn and then this different brand of a crib I liked. This crib I found had to be ordered and paid for in order for it to come to the store because they only had 7 in their warehouse and they have 25 or something stores. This crib was originally 200 bucks more than we wanted to spend but because they were getting it wholesale it put it at the same price as the other one. I just didn't want to pay for it until I had seen it and decided it was exactly what I wanted.

So I didn't.



I struggled for 2 days debating and trying to get opinions on which one was better. I was having such a hard time. I'm sure a crib isn't a big deal for some, but I was struggling! It was a huge purchase and would be used for who knows how many kids - if not all of ours. I wanted something I liked.

I went to Babies R Us online to look to see if I could find a dresser that matched the dimensions we needed. On their homepage was a crib. I thought, "Where has this been??! I have seen EVERY single crib" I clicked on it and saw that it was just over a hundred less than what the other two cribs were. I got really excited because I thought it was pretty, too. It was a little more simple than the ones I was looking at but had the overall shape and color that I wanted. At this time we were going to be going to Boise in just over a week.

I called Babies R Us and they didn't have it in stock. It was really weird and complicated trying to order it. Then I thought, "wwaait, we have a Toys R Us just 30 minutes from us, can they get it? We can pick it up there." And they called each other and me and it was a really annoying 40 minutes. In the end I found out I could get it from the Toys R Us store AND get an extra 20% off if I brought in an old baby item.

I got really excited because that meant it would save us even MORE money! But then I realized I didn't know anyone well enough to ask for an old baby item. So I went to one of their thrift stores the next day and found a swing for 5 bucks. I took it in, got that 20% off and then they got me another 10% off with a coupon. I about cried. And we didn't have to pay shipping and handling. And it came in a week!



We picked it up, it filled up the Tahoe and stayed in there till my mom came the next week and helped me clean out and get my nursery organized. Jaren set it up that night and I couldn't have been more happy. It's beautiful and it's perfect and it was MUCH cheaper than what we were going to spend. More like, what Jaren said was okay because he knew how much it meant to me.

My beautiful bedding is in it and I can't stop staring. Very excited to lay her in it. Even though she wont be sleeping in it for a few months. In fact, my sister in law liked it so much the next day she went and ordered herself one. She got just as much off as I did, so I was happy for her.

The other cool thing is that the crib is made by the same company that made the one I really wanted that had my bedding in it (second crib picture from top). It's just their sister company. And the reviews I read about this brand and their quality of cribs was wonderful so I felt good about it.

I have found a dresser that would work - not quite sure if the wood will match exactly, but that's okay. It's just about 30 bucks more than what we ended up saving with this crib. And it can be shipped to the Wal Mart here so I don't have to pay shipping and handling. Only thing is that we aren't sure if we want to be spending any more money on stuff. Spud prices are horrible and so we want to be even more careful. Even though we hardly spend money on anything other than what we need anyway.



So, we wait on the dresser. We have one in there now, it just is a little bit wider and the drawers drive me up the wall. They fall out and to me - it really clashes. And the nursery is my baby right now - since my actual kid is just being lazy and getting fat and hurting my ribs.

Jaren setting it up with Stephanie. You can see how small the room is.
He sure makes me happy.

Here is MY crib with MY bedding in MY nursery!

Other pictures of the whole nursery will come in a different post.

SO glad the search is over and my nursery actually can be called one because it has a crib in it :)  I'm VERY pleased!

p.s. if you want to know any of the crib names/brand names ask me and I'll send you an email. 

35 Weeks: Random Updates

Anything new?

Just that the cramping has come back (and is more painful) even though I'm still taking those pills. I feel like it's such a waste of pain if it's not causing dilation. I wont find out if it is (and it's probably not) till next Tuesday.

Each day I think it's impossible for my body to be more uncomfortable and in any more pain. Then the next day I'm proven wrong.

I would LOVE for her to flip so her head isn't nestled under my ribs. Each day she get's a little bigger and so she get's a little higher and now I'm constantly trying to arch my back to relieve some of the pressure/pain. It has to be rather uncomfortable for her, too, right? She is still kicking pretty good, but they aren't as hard. I'm thinking she doesn't have much room to wind up.

90% of the time I move there is grunting and wincing. I asked Jaren if it annoyed him and he said no. I said, good, because I can't help it.

I came to the realization last night that there is no part of my body that is mine. That is what I worked so hard for all of my life since I was 15. Nothing familiar. That, of course, was something I shouldn't have thought about because it caused a not so fun breakdown.

I prefer crying in the shower because then you can blow your nose without the gross boogery-in-kleenex feeling. Have I ever shared my phobia of blowing my nose?? Ohhhh it grosses me OUT.

I've been super amazingly domestic. I want to share the stuff I've made, but some are gifts and we will just have to wait till the recipients get them and then I'll post pictures of my awesomeness.

I am working on some projects for the nursery and as soon as they are done I'll share pictures of the nursery. Or maybe I'll post some anyway with naked walls so I can post some later with not so naked walls.

Where did my nesting energy go? I'm in a funk. I get up, eat breakfast, then want to lay back down and go back to sleep. Waste my WHOLE morning. I need a kick in the rear. Which I think will only come from my own foot. But it's hard since I cant even touch my foot.

This is projected to be Jaren's last week of spud harvest. It will be full of late nights and a super bored wife. But come Sunday morning - he is MINE!!! Very, VERY excited about that.

Weight is still piling on. Faster than the "in the last trimester you gain about a pound a week..." nonsense. I'm eating well, VERY well and not a lot at all. I'm not going hungry, but I am not shoving all sorts of calories down my throat. It's been a month since I've stopped eating sweets and it's seemed to do diddly. I seem to be getting even more swollen, too. Even my lips. UHG.

Unless it's below freezing in our bedroom at night I am HOT and sweating and trying (unsuccessfully b/c it hurts too bad) to roll around to get comfortable. And I'm not exaggerating about the temperature. It needs to be around 32 degree's. Thank heavens Jaren likes to sleep in the cold.

PSD pain is getting worse and worse. Now when I wake up in the middle of the night to waddle to the bathroom I'm about brought to my knees. But falling down would mean having to get back up, which would hurt worse and when I really REALLY have to pee that process just wont work. So I just wince and make noises.

Jaren sleeps through all of my painful noises when I get up to go to the bathroom and the grunting trying to get back into bed and the rusteling of the covers as I try to get them back over me. Then when my head hits the pillow he wakes up and tries to put the covers over me and asks, "are you ok? What do I need to do?" With which I laugh and tell him to just go back to bed. And he does. :) Wonder if this will be how it will be with the feedings?? We'll have to see.

Read that pregnant women have an increase of mucus (gross, I know). I didn't know it would be like a constant stuffy cold!! Thank heavens for Mucinex D.

35 Weeks:
I am totally completely swollen. I've put on 4 pounds in the last week (HOWWWWWWW?!?!?!!!) and the only thing I can think of is that it's more water. Which would explain why my face is swollen, my LIPS, my hands (can't hardly see my knuckles anymore), and of course, everything else. I can't hardly bend over to put lotion on my calves. How many more weeks do I have?????

Finger on top of her head and hand cupping her rear. She is getting rather large.

Drum roll please.....
I talk about how she is only on one side. She is this large lump that doesn't like to go past my belly button (towards the left of my uterus).

Well, here it is:
From top of head looking down while I'm laying down. So your looking at the top of her head. the smaller lump is her legs.
Please ignore the messyness that is my house. Lots of unfinished projects and I'm currently in the process of decorating for Halloween and Fall. In between naps.

Looking at my belly from underneath. This seems to be the most revealing of shots. My fingers are centered above my belly.

I have room for two in here. My left side is totally empty. Although, since she is getting rather long her legs have taken up space on the bottom left. The thought of two babies in there.... the same pain in BOTH ribs?? Uhg. I'll take my stubborn little one.

What is funny is that people have commented, "is she right there?" while pointing to my right. It's now quite obvious just while standing or sitting. My chiropractor says, "Wow, looks like your pregnant" and I respond, "Yeah, just on one side." Makes him laugh, but he does this every time.

I sure hope this girl flips on her own SOON.

34 Weeks: How Is She Going to Come Out?!

Your guess is as good as mine.

We went to the doctor Tuesday and everything was going well. I was in a great mood - my blood pressure was off the charts. So they had a nurse come in and manually take it twice: first time was 102!!! Oh man... I about cried. I realized it was the only thing that was constant pre pregnancy that has come out during pregnancy (at the end, of course.... but still). Second time was 110; still MUCH better, but not as low as what I used to be. It made me a bit sad that my very very healthy and in shape self has long since been gone. But I am VERY hopeful and looking forward to getting my body back and making it mine again. What I'm happy with, what I'm used to.

Anywho: quick update then I'll run into the different birthing scenarios.

• - been taking the "stop cramping" pills for over a week now and menstrual cramps are pretty much all gone. Just get the sharp quick painful ones when I walk - not constantly, but still pretty regular while walking.
• - pretty sure bladder infection is gone. Didn' t know I had one in the first place.... so I'm assuming the antibiotics did the trick.
• - Mommy came all last week and helped a TON. Cleaned, helped me de-clutter and kept me company. The biggest project - the nursery - got done because of her. I would have been so overwhelmed.
• - Jaren set up the crib last Wednesday and I LOVE IT. All I do is go in and just stare and stare.
• - I also go in and grab my blessing dress and stare and hold it - I'm in love. So glad Mom held onto that.
• - Really really looking forward to spud harvest being over so I get my husband back. This has been the least demanding (this is my 3rd I've been married to him for) so far, so I shouldn't be complaining. But I miss him.
• - since regulating my own diet the scale has been somewhat under control.
• - Still have a super inny belly button
• - no stretch marks on belly - I check every day
• - but have found them elsewhere... and found some more this morning - REALLY bummed about it.
  
• - rib pain get's worse every day. The bigger she get's the larger her head is and it's constantly lodged under my ribs. Just my right side, but it's lately been hurting on both sides even though she's only on one side.
• - Informed Jaren I'm going to whine a lot about being miserably uncomfortable and in pain because it makes me feel better. He's ok with it.
• - Amazing how whining actually does make you feel better
• - I think I just need those Advent bottles (so expensive!) and then I'm pretty well set.... I think..... I hope.

Oh the possibilities:
She will come one of two ways: C section or vaginal birth (what other ways are there? Unless there's something new that I've not heard of....)

How we will get to either of those points will go one of these ways:

• At 36 weeks I stop taking my cramping pills and go in for an ultrasound to try to see if they can see why she wont budge. I'll also get "checked" again.....

• At this ultrasound if we see that she cannot move or budge then we schedule C section from there. We'll see if I can swing 38 weeks.... but I doubt it.
  

• Unless I go into labor before or she decides to turn by 38 weeks we will try to turn her. I'll go in the hospital, they will give me stuff to relax my uterus and some stuff for the pain, take an ultrasound find bum, head and placenta then a nurse and my doc will start the pain, I mean... process. He said they will try a front somersault, if she wont move, they will try the opposite way and if she wont move that way either; they give up. No need to try when obviously there's a reason she wont move. And then we would schedule a C section for a few days later.

• If I go into labor and she is breech and they have already established she wont flip, they will automatically take me in and do a C section.

• If at 38 weeks they get her turned, my doc is pretty sure that because she will be bigger she wont turn back around. So we wait.... and wait till my body and her's decides it's time to get on with life and get her out.

Or.

• We will enduce depending on the situation and what is going on and what my doctor thinks is best.
  

I am planning on a C section so that if she flips I will be pleasantly surprised about pushing her out the "normal" way. Then if I have to have a C section I wont be to shocked and freaked, I'll be expecting it. So, I'm mentally preparing myself.

It feels really nice to have some type of plan for each scenario. I'm not just sitting here wondering. I'm more terrified of the turning than I am of the birth(with the birth I get an epidural, not so with the turning). I hear how absolutly painful it is and I've already had a bit of a taste - and THAT was very painful. I cannot imagine a full on attack. I've been assured that she will be fine throughout all of it. They monitor her heart rate and wont force anything. If at any point she is under stress I'll opt out and just go for a c section. I really really REALLY don't want her stressed. She's this poor tiny little innocent thing that doesn't know she's being naughty so I will do whatever is best for her.

I feel very at peace with the whole situation. I know that with whatever happens both her and I will be fine. I just don't know exactly how we will get to that point. It's a bit scary at times.

Lately I can't stop thinking about holding her, seeing her and taking care of her. I can't imagine a little girl that looks like me - all I see is a dark haired, dark eyed and possibly dark skinned little thing. Which is all Jaren. I was a tow head and then my hair started to get dark end of high school and in College went the brown it is now. So it's possible she could come out blonde, but I think it would go dark before she even hit Jr. High because of her daddy.

She's around 5 pounds now and I keep thinking she's a BABY in there. A full sized little baby. She needs to have the finishing touches for her lung and nerve development, but she is getting so big!

I'm trying to be patient... I'm very, very excited. And very uncomfortable, so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I love this little girl and am soooo excited to have her. She has been very badly wanted for quite some time.

34 Weeks:
I was tired and cranky
The PJ pants(maternity) are courtesy of my sister, Lindsey who had mercy on my "no pants fit me anymore!" dilemma. I have 2 pairs of jeans and b/c of her; 2 pairs of lounge pants. I wear 2 of Jaren's shorts, too. And that's it! I really really look forward to loosing the weight so I have clothes to wear again.

33 Weeks: Much Better

The 4 days I was on bed rest were no fun. It was hard to not be able to do anything. I had my own body as an enforcer because whenever I tried to do anything I hurt. I made an appointment to meet with my doctor (finally off vacation) Monday. I went in and told him everything that had been happening. He was equally flustered and concerned. We listened to her heartbeat which was heard almost through my belly button - made me laugh. A portal to her heart.

Coming into this appointment I felt calm. I felt like I was going to get answers. Then I stepped on the scale. My last appointment was 4 days previous and I put on 3 pounds. I'm to the point where I just laugh about it... not because I'm genuinely entertained, but because I can't believe it. It's out of control. I'm eating really well and It's still piling on - HOW?! I stopped eating sweets since I was told I was borderline Gestational Diabetic. I asked the doc and he is running my blood again and I'm possibly seeing the nutritionist this coming Tuesday at my 34 week appointment. It's weird to be seeing a nutritionist since it's kind of what I went to school for - I've designed many a meal and exercise plan for overweight or diabetic or high blood pressured people. But, this just means I wont have to think, someone else will! I'm stumped because what do I do if I'm hungry??? It HURTS to be so hungry. I guess that's a sign of GD. I really hope I don't have it, but it would explain the massive water retention, out of control weight gain and why I get rather dizzy and sick if I need to eat. Blah.... So, for now I'm just eating very small amounts often of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, protein stuff and drinking LOTS of water. So far so good.

Doctor checked me for dilation - "cervix closed." is what he said. So that's good news! But, can I just say getting "checked" is rather uncomfortable. Not quite what I expected... not too excited to repeat it, but I think this is just the tip of the ice berg for what is in store in the next month and a half.

Baby is still vertically breech. Pretty sure she's dropped. But then she rises back out of my pelvis to nestle her big head under my ribs - such a sweetheart. It was sure weird, though. Waking up and seeing her head bump about 2 inches lower than normal. My lower abdomen was rather protrudy. We are worried she is much too comfortable and doesn't want to move. I'm to the point where I am expecting them trying to turn her and I'm coming to grips that a C section is just as likely as a vaginal birth for me. Not excited about it.... but I can say I wont ever let her forget that she was the first and set the trend. I'll probably even scare her with my scar regularly so she knows it. (all in a lovingly teasing motherly way - don't want to give my child a complex)

Last Thursday they checked for a bladder infection - came back negative. He checked again Monday and said I had lots of bacteria so the likleyhood of an infection is high. So in the 4 days I developed one. Yes, a bladder infection would explain my cramping. But I doubt I have had one that has gone undetected with all the cup peeing I've been doing for the last month. When I asked him about that, he told me I just have a "naughty uterus". Darn naughty uterus. The cramping causes so much pain and I really really would like to walk. He gave me some pills that stop cramping and then gave me antibiotics for the bladder infection and plus I have muscle relaxers that are supposed to help me sleep and then my prenatals. I feel like a pill popping fool. Two every morning and all 4 every night.

I asked him right before he left if it meant I can move again and he said yes. So, off bed rest! But it's taken a few days for the pills to work. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't cramp every time I moved. Which was very exciting. The menstrual cramps are very very dimmed and just about gone. The sharp really painful ones still hit, but are by no means as regular as before. I now just have all that PSD pain that is getting worse and worse as the little princesses behind get's bigger and bigger and nestles into my pelvis so gently.

My mom came Monday night and it's been wonderful. She and I got groceries, pedicures and all day yesterday cleaned out and sorted through my nursery. We washed all her 0 to 12 month clothes and got them put away. Jaren set up the crib last night and I'm in love. I think I'll do a whole post on the crib drama and the amazing deal I ended up getting. It is amazing to walk in there and see a clear floor and full closet and a crib and I'm very very excited about everything. I'm very glad she's continuing to cook - but I'm ready to have her here in a month. Yeah? Yeah. Sounds good to me.

I was really bummed that I wasn't able to go to Boise last weekend for a special family event for Jaren's side of the family. And was even more so when I found out I wasn't dilated and all I needed were some pills. All of that would have been taken care of if my doctor had been there when I went in on Thursday. But it didn't matter that we weren't able to make it, Jaren's family still spoiled us and sent gifts. Things that will save us a lot of money and we are going to put to very good use. We are very grateful.

All in all this is a crazy pregnancy. And didn't start to be one till I hit my third trimester. I'm hoping hoping that when I hear over and over that every pregnancy is different that this will be my worst. Even if it's not, I'll still do it again. I want to be a mommy to more than one baby. It is but a moment - an uncomfortable painful long moment, but does go away eventually. I am so glad this little girl is healthy and will stay in for a bit longer. My goal is to get her to at least 36 weeks. The last of the important developing is happening right now for the next 3 weeks. Brain and lung and digesting development. I really just want to be able to take her home - no NICU baby. But I will say, if I have this GD thing I'm terrified of a huge baby. But if I have to have a C section, I guess it doesn't matter. We will just have to see how things play out. I'm just glad they are waiting to play out :)

Also - I want to mention my mood. For the last few weeks it's like I've been in this dark tunnel. I've not been able to feel like myself or be myself. All of this crying and moping is NOT me. I know a lot of you have never met me in person, but I am such a happy person. I love to laugh and make people laugh and be happy and spunky. What other way is there to live? I love life and it's worth it to me to be an optimist and make an effort to enjoy it. But the last few weeks have been so hard. It's like I cannot be myself. I was sad, depressed, would cry all the time and I think it took it's toll on Jaren and definitely myself. I would just sit there and say "I want to be happy.... Why can't I be happy?" It was something I've not really experienced before. I can normally control my mood pretty well.... but it was no use with this. I felt stuck and just sad. But something happened at my Doctors appointment Monday. I left SO incredibly happy. Laughing and singing and I think the possibility of a preterm baby and all the pain was really weighing me down. And to have answers and a solution was amazing. The sad thing was I noticed a visible difference in my husband. He was smiling and laughing and very affectionate (which he always is), but this was different. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders as well and I'm afraid the whole of it wasn't just the fear of a preterm baby, but it was his wife's emotional state. It is a horrible feeling when I think I caused him turmoil and made his life a bit less bright because I couldn't handle myself. I'm so glad I'm out of that funk that lasted way too long. I don't expect to be free and clear - since I still have the insane hormones running through me, but I hope that the depression has been lifted. It's been since Monday and I'm still rather happy, so I hope it's to stay. One of the reasons Jaren married me, in his words, is because I'm, "bubbly, effervescent, fun and happy" and cute. :) We are both looking forward to having all of that back after the pregnancy is over. Because I would regularly jump and wrestle him to the ground - then he'd use man strength (which is cheating) and overpower. We miss that. I can't hardly move - hah. I'm so glad it makes him laugh on a regular basis how huge I am and how ridiculous it is that I can't pick up something I've dropped if I'm sitting. How it's such a struggle to get off the couch or out of bed. Bless his heart for the sense of humor. And he tugs at my growing double chin/waddle and pinches the fat on my face and just smiles. I love him for acknowledging it and laughing and agreeing it's there. Because it's getting rather funny(and sad) at how I am moving further and further from what I used to look like. He is wonderful and makes all of this so much easier to bare. He helps and understands my restrictions. Okay... enough. I've been crying this whole paragraph. The whole point was to let everyone know - I'M (mostly) happy me again! Which is WONDERFUL.

33 Weeks
Jaren decided he liked to be creative and so he held the camera at an angle. Which made me laugh as I was trying to hide my waddle.

I was trying to hide the double chin to see if I'd look more like myself - my unpregnant self.

Here is a "normal" picture - and I tried very hard to suck in. :)Thank you for everyone's nice comments on my last post. Your comments are greatly appreciated. I know these posts are long, but I find it helps to get it all out and I know I'm going to be glad I was this detailed later on.

32.4 Weeks: Better, But With Complications

8 Months:

Alright, I've been so go go go that I haven't had a chance to just sit down and write my 32 week post. And this time I'm going to get it all in one and not try to write like the last 4 days haven't happened. Because they were quite eventful.

First, I had two huge all day shopping trips last week to get me stocked up. I got baby gifts for friends, two of everything: downy, laundry detergent, dish detergent, TP, Paper Towels, massive huge boxes of diapers and wipes (thank you Sams - even though I wish you were a Costco), lots and lots of peanut butter b/c Jaren eats that by the massive spoonful daily. It was very hard to do, because the second I started even in the first store I was hurting. I've never walked so slow in my life. I leaned on the carts and just slowly made my way through each store. I wanted to go home, but I wanted the stuff done more - if I didn't do it right then it would drive me crazy and it wouldn't have gotten done till after the kid was born. Which isn't what I wanted/needed. I cleaned and organized my huge messy closet. I found thank you's for our wedding that hadn't been sent out! Is 2 1/2 years too long for those?? I feel so bad. I hope they didn't notice....

After a while, I was gone so much that the house was getting messy and messy and I didn't have the time to clean it. I was feeling very overwhelmed one day and was, of course, crying and trying to explain it to Jaren, "I feel like I'm in a small room with wall to wall cabinets and each drawer is open with papers everywhere that need filed and put away. I don't know where to start." He got right up, picked up the front room, grabbed the vaccuum and vacuumed and then did the dishes and told me, "There's one less drawer for you to worry about" Of course I have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old and so I cried. I'm so grateful for him. Have I ever mentioned that I love him? Cause I do, quite a bit. I'll keep him.

Why it was better: besides getting things done, Jaren finally let me order my crib bedding which I have had picked out since I was 18 weeks. There are quite a few other things that got done. I found my dream crib, only for it to only be available online. The closest place I could get it was Boise end of October and if you do the math, that wont quite work considering I should be about having her or have already had her.. which is likely to happen considering recent events. While I was shopping I went to Down East home and found a crib I also loved, for 200 dollars less than it's original price, which put it at the same price as my dream online crib. But I had to pay for it in order to make sure I got it ASAP. Jaren is against online shopping now since his credit card number was stolen. So, the pull for the second crib was rather high - not to mention it would be here in 2 weeks. And I want my nursery set up very badly! I was stressing quite a bit over this and then I went to Babies R Us (online, since the closest is Boise) to look at changing tables (b/c my nursery is too small for a regular dresser - a stress in and of itself). When on the homepage was this crib that looked almost identical to my dream one, just a little bit more simple. I ended up buying that and got 30% off and so ended up paying 200 bucks less than the dream one. And Jaren is picking it up today! I'm so excited. My bedding came last night - it's even more beautiful in person and it has made me so extremely happy. Especially since I've been in a bit of a state of worry.

Complications: I went to the doctor last Friday, a week ago. I finally had questions and concerns. Everytime I've ever gone in I've known exactly what was going on myself and didn't need to ask questions. Or I was doing just fine. I wish I had control of my emotions. I started in on the pain and started to cry. And I am SO SO grateful for such a wonderful doctor. I really didn't want to hear what everyone else has been telling me. "Your pregnant" "your in your third trimester" "it will all be worth it(OF COURSE)" "It will all be over soon(yeah, but that doesn't help me now, does it?!)" I just don't like it when people try to brush my concerns and worries aside. So, I don't like to talk about it with many people. But he just looked at me with concern and worry and said, "I wish I could take all the pain away, I'm sorry" I was already crying. Then he asked me more questions and when I told him about the PSD and not being able to sleep he prescribed me a muscle relaxer. Holy cow it knocks me out. B/c the PSD is ligaments and not muscle it still hurts when I move, but I can now sleep! When I told him about all of the cramping he was concerned, but since none of the other signs of pre term labor are there he just told me to take it easy. I asked if all of the contracting would cause dilation and he said yes, but they can't check me now becuase I'm not far along enough yet. Checking can cause dilation and labor so they want to wait as long as they can. He said we just need to get me to 36 weeks and then whatever happens, happens.

We talked about my Breech baby. I had been sleeping on my left side (she is shoved up against my right side and wont go beyond the center of my belly to my left - it's an empty cavern over there!) for a month and she still wont budge. Oh, she'll move further over to my right side, it's so weird, I'll feel her head at my waist. But she's mostly nestled uncomfortably up into my ribs with her head - completely verticle. I asked if her umbilicle cord is 3 inches long (joking) or if she has an abnormal attatchment. He said I might have an abnormal shaped uterus. Which kind of made me laugh. Since I was able to get pregnant I'm not worried about that. He tried to push her over and she wouldn't budge. So, since she has been in the same spot my entire pregnancy and doesn't seem to have any desire to explore any other part of her home we are a bit concerned. He said he's worried she's settled her bum into my pelvis and is too comfortable. So, I'm still on schedule for them to try to turn her if she doesn't flip. And if they can't turn her - a C section. Still not at all what I want, but I am not as scared since finding out they don't slice through my stomach muscles (my rectus abdominus, to be exact). So, we'll see.... I just have daily talks with her and pray constantly that she will flip on her own.

I also found out I am boarderline Gestational Diabetic. "Did they call you about your sugar results?" me: "no?" doc: "They didn't?! Your boarderline, you need to lay off the sweets and drink lots of water." That would have been nice to know A MONTH AGO!!! I've eaten a lot of junk in the last 2 weeks with the traveling and baby shower food. I'm annoyed they didn't call me. I assumed since they didn't call I was fine. Teaches me to never assume. So I'm laying off the sweets and am eating a lot more fruits and veggie's and I already drink TONS of water. Oh, good thing? It explains some of my out of control weight gain. So glad to know it's not all my fault. Because I've just barely tipped over the "healthy" spectrum for my BMI class. I've long ago gone over the healthy limit I had set for myself.

Brings me to what happened yesterday: Might be TMI for some, but I'm assuming most have gone through this being mommies or aren't phased b/c they are women. Here goes. Woke up at 2 a.m. and felt a trickle of watery discharge. Woke me right up and I went and checked, no blood, so I laid back down and sat there waiting to feel more or to start cramping. I was up for 40-60 minutes having all the horrors run through my mind of having a preemie 32 week old baby. I didn't start to cramp and I eventually fell back asleep. I woke up and felt the wateryishness again. Again, no blood, and I couldn't tell what it was. Although, I was sure it wasn't pee. I take pride in the fact that the last time I peed myself was in 1st grade. It was feeling it again when I woke up that started to worry me. I went online and looked up "watery discharge in late pregnancy" and up came this thing where a doctor was telling someone that they can do a paper strip test and see if it's amniotic fluid or not. I decided this was a time to call the doctor because, "what if" was too big this time. Only problem? My doctor decided to go on vacation this week - he is ALWAYS there - except this week! So I went to their nurse practitioner. She walked in with the heart beat thinger and I told her I wasn't there for a check up. So she listened as I explained. She had me lay down and she checked her heart beat and asked about why she is a big lump on just my right side. "Because she's stubborn." She told me she thought maybe I had a bladder infection because those cause all sorts of cramps. I was pretty sure I didn't have one - never have in my life, but I peed in the cup anyway. Meanwhile she did the paper strip test and thank heavens it came out negative for both pee and amniotic fluid. My pee test also came out negative. So, all these cramps are coming on their own and the watery discharge is just weird. She said if the cramping persists and worsens and if the leakyness continues to come in next week and they might check me for dilation so that if they need to they can stop it and put me on steroids. She told me I am on bedrest or, as she put it, "we're going to put you down." I felt like a dog being brought to the gas chamber. Or, at least what a dog who knew what was going on would feel like. Minimal walking, sit, pick up a hobby she say's, read a book, knit a sweater.

So, here I am sitting. I'll probably have time now to catch up on blogs. I'm sewing onsies and I made my daughter a beautiful dress with the instruction and help of my aunt. I'm so proud of myself. I'll take pictures and post them either today or tomorrow. I'm working on thank you's for baby gifts and watching DVR'd TV. Or my Buffy episodes. I'm on season 4! Did I mention I bought a sewing machine with my birthday money? Very excited. And if it weren't for my aunt I'd be sitting trying to decipher the instruction manual. Thank you, Aunt Lori.

I really want to do laundry. Only problem is it's up and down stairs. I think I might, though. I only have like 2 loads and I'm hardly on my feet for long. Only problem is as I'm sitting here, I'm cramping. Used to be that I could sit down and not have any pain. Not anymore, that changed a few days ago. And as of yesterday I've been having back cramps. Feels like I'm on my period again. I just wish I knew what was going on with my body. I wish I knew if I was dilating, if I am in a very long course of labor, or if my uterus just hurts and there's nothing else going on other than that. I also just wish I had a normal pregnancy. I just take comfort in the fact that I hear every pregnancy is different. So, hopefully the next will be a bit easier.

Super long. I know. But there's all sorts of crazy happening now. I'm going to see if I can make it to next tuesday for my 34 week appointment. If not, I'll be going in this next week. My mom is coming and helping with everything. I'm so glad. She will keep me company and take care of me. I don't like watching people do my housework. I don't mind doing it with them, but just sitting doing nothing drives me crazy. So we'll see how we do. I'll have pictures of my nursery! It should all be set up.

I'm mostly sad that this weekend I can't go on a mini vaycay for a night. Jaren and I were going to get the rest of the baby stuff we needed and now he doesn't want me to go for fear we will be hours away from home if something happens. I tried to explain that there is no difference sitting in a car and sitting on a couch. I understand, though. Even though I'm rather bummed. It was going to be my last little trip before parking it for good till she came. I have lots of time to sit and wallow about it all, that's for sure.

Despite how scared I get at times when the cramping get's bad I'm feeling calm about everything. I know everything will be fine with both her and I. I just don't know how. I don't know if she's coming early, or how early, or how she will come (C section or vaginal birth). But I know that either way we will be okay and she will be healthy. She is still moving a lot, which is comforting. I only hope I can make it to at least 36 weeks.

I'll post a picture with the pictures of dresses and stuff I've been working on. This post is without. It's just a long wordy post.

31 Weeks: Downs and Downs and some Ups

I waited too long for this post. It's 5:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and I cannot sleep. I've laid in bed for an hour feeling nauseous, hot and completely awake. I'm going to try to write this as if it's last Tuesday.

The last week has been full of stress, emotions and lots of cramping.
I officially cannot walk anymore. It causes too much pain and I cramp the entire time and the longer I go, the worse I cramp. Not to mention that the rest of the day every time I move, stand, try to bend over or take a step I have horrible PSD pain. It's the worst when I'm sleeping - I cannot move - at all. I feel like when I try to explain how it feels all I'm doing is wining and
being a pansy. The pain is very real and I know not very normal for pregnancy. I handle pain pretty well and this is getting hard. It get's worse every day and now it doesn't matter what I've been doing that day; every time I stand it shoots pain, every time I take a step - pain. There isn't anything I can do and it's very disheartening. I take Tylenol, but not always because I really really don't want to be popping pills all day long - even if it is just Tylenol. And the thought of how much longer I have to deal with this brings me to tears. Don't get me wrong, I am still happy I'm pregnant, still so excited about this baby and never one second do I ever regret getting pregnant. I just thought my body would handle it better and now the one thing I felt like I could control and made me feel better about everything and put me in a good mood through the day - I can't do. I can't exercise and it's wearing on me. I'm really trying very hard to focus on everything good and be both inward and outwardly happy. Even when I'm in tears I'm still content with where my life is. I just hope that this isn't how every pregnancy will go, because I'm not sure how well I can chase a toddler around with all of the pain.

I cramp every time I stand. Cramp when I walk more than a few yards. I now have to walk at a snails pace everywhere I go or I'm in pain. Jaren keeps trying to get me to call the doctor every time, but I know it's all Braxton Hicks no matter how painful. It's all irregular, I'll sit down and it will go away, it's only in front and my girl is still squirmy and moves A LOT. So, the signs of pre-term labor aren't there. And I really don't want to call with a question then have to come in. (Jumping forward to 5:30 a.m. today I had a doc appointment yesterday and talked to him about it and if things get worse and more intense, then I go in) So, despite the pain and uncomfortableness everything is ok for now.

Enough about the pain, onto the emotions. OUT. OF. CONTROL. Seriously. I think the stress of my shower; both Celeste (Jaren's best friends wife who threw my shower) and I put in A LOT of work. I worried that no one would show and those who were most important showed. But some did not. I didn't realize it would effect me so much. I took it personally and struggled with trying to move on. The next day during church I started to have menstrual like cramps that I haven't felt this pregnancy at all. It was constant and uncomfortable and lasted 10-15 minutes. I started to cry and when Jaren asked what was wrong I started to lose it. I was so embarrassed, I felt like everyone could see me fighting sobs - and quite a few did. I made it through a beautiful strings solo and then grabbed the keys, booked it for the door and barely made it out the first set of doors outside before starting the hyperventilating sobs. I don't remember crying like that since I first found out I wasn't pregnant in January. It got worse when I got in the car. And I couldn't stop it! Not at all. I tried because I felt like I shouldn't be crying like that. Jaren came out and we both laughed - me through sobs and tears and him through concern at how ridiculous it was that I couldn't hold it together even a little. I tried to get it under control, but every few minutes I'd start sobbing again. So, he took me home and laid me down for a nap and just stayed and talked to me. Made me laugh and calmed me down. I am forever so grateful to him for how he handles my stress.

My shower turned out great, it was beautiful and I had way too much candy, cupcakes and mini sandwiches left over. We played some fun games that I enjoyed a lot and I got a lot of great gifts. Lots of clothes. People were very generous and thoughtful. I went home and pulled everything out again and just looked and handled, imagining her in all her clothes. I am very grateful. When Lindsey wasn't taking pictures of the very cute babies she got some of me - I might post some.

I made a list of everything I still needed and felt very overwhelmed. I think that added to my emotional issues. Baby bills just keep adding up. I've yet to find someone that has spent/will spend as much on a birth with insurance as we will/are. So, those thousands and thousands combined with everything baby we have to buy has worn on me more than it has Jaren. Which is surprising. But for some reason I feel responsible :) Even though I know I'm not. Not to mention my house. I feel like I have so much to do! Cleaning, organizing, getting ready, stocking up and even though I know I have lots of time I don't know where to start. So, the next week (currently in) will mark quite a bit of getting started.

All in all this last week has been very overwhelming emotionally and physically. I'm hoping that was my low and so it will steadily get better - emotionally at least. And so far - today being Saturday - it has.

I debated writing this post so gloomy but I want to keep this up and even though it wasn't a wonderful week it was my 30th week of pregnancy and it needs to be recorded. Pregnancy is full of up's and down's and this just happened to be a down week. I have full confidence that when my little girl reads this someday she wont take it personally. How could she? This has nothing to do with her personally, just the way my body and emotions are handling pregnancy. And I hope she reads this and when she goes through the exact same thing she knows she is not alone and her mommy went through it as well. It's normal and I can empathize and relate. I would have loved something like this from my mom. Even all the negatives. Because it's her and part of her life and she went through it for me - I would feel very special and loved (I already do, Mom, without the journal :)

Speaking of this little/big 3 pound squirmer I've never felt so in love. I have just been watching my belly every night for hours and she has been moving so much. I see her legs and feet moving and now she turns her head side to side and that is a lot of fun to watch as well. She is still Breech and is getting bigger so her head is even bigger under my ribs and she will push herself up (I think to give her legs more room to kick) into my ribs. It really hurts and I have to lean back and to my left side to give her and myself some room. It's so weird, my left side doesn't bother me a bit. But because she is still shoved as far over on my right side as possible and is completely verticle; those ligaments and that side of my rib cage are getting the brunt of the effects. I'm starting to wonder if she has a 4 inch umbilicle cord. But I love her and spend my time wondering what she will look like, be like, how she will come, when she will come and what type of baby she'll be. I just sit and stare at her clothes and the things she does have and I am so excited. Jaren and I talk about it and we are very ready to start our family - she is very very wanted. He makes me so happy with how often he tells me he thought about what he will say when she's 16 or when she brings home a boy or when she cries about wanting something. He usually says he's going to give her whatever she wants, "just like her mother" (can you see my eyes rolling??:) I couldn't be happier with how he is showing me he is excited and how when I even start to move to stand he comes over and helps. How he is constantly worrying and making sure I'm fine. How even though he is incredibly busy he still will let me vent and cry and talk his ear off about things like a crib and our nursery and things we need. He has a lot of stress from work and is exhausted when he comes home and lets me exhaust him further with my petty worries. Because they aren't petty to me he makes such a great effort. I know those things don't matter to him, they are more the mommies worries, but he lets me make him a part of it. I love him and every day, every second my right-for-me choice in a spouse is confirmed. He's perfect for me and I am so excited to give him his little girl.

Ending on a good tearful note! These pregnancy hormones are seriously insane.

31 Weeks:
I thought one cake mix box would make 2 dozen mini cupcakes and oh, how how wrong I was. They make 4 dozen. I made 2 boxes and had eight dozen and it was so many!! So I thought it appropriate to take this picture with one. Even though it's hilarious to see a picture of a pregnant lady who has packed on the pounds posing with a cupcake. Anyone else think it's funny? :)
Baby Shower:

Tasty food - we have had mini sandwiches for days and they are so yummy!

Happy mommies (who have lost all their baby weight and look amazing, so they give me hope)Jessica with her super cute 3 1/2 month old. I got her that onsie :D

An amazing quilt my Sister in Law, Brittney made me - it's beautiful.

Lindsey being the good present fairy

A super cute hooded towel from my Mother in Law (she spoiled me). This is as good of a picture as we're gonna get of myself.

And, of course, the cute babies.

This is Kenzie, my Sister in Law's Sister's baby. (follow?)

We all know this handsome stud. My nephew, Conner.
I would have posted more pictures of everyone who was there, but Lindsey seemed to catch most people at the wrong moment. Thank me later.

A few more things:

• I now go get 12 dollar spa pedicures at a beauty school. The last time I painted my own nails was the end of July.
• I also am now showering in our extra bathroom because it's a tub shower, ours in our bedroom bathroom is a standing and I can't bend over in it. It's so sad it's funny.
• Also can't put socks and shoes on. It's pathetic. Thank heavens for flip flop weather.

A Cry of Help to the Mommies

I'm to the point where I'm trying to make a list of everything we need for the first 2-3 months of her life. Since I've never done this before I'm having troubles thinking further than bottles, a bath, nail clippers and diapers and wipes.

Like, how many 0-3 month pajamas should I have? How many newborn sized clothes? How many bottles are good to start with? Or do I really need.............?

Lately it's been about breast pumps. What do I need? What are all the different settings good for? All I know is that I want a double, completely electric so all I have to do is hold the bottles - or I can buy one of those snazzy bottle-holding bra's and do the dishes and laundry while pumping. That would be sweet. And absolutely hilarious if Jaren came home and saw me at the sink with a bulging shirt with a bag around my shoulders. I also know I plan on pumping whenever I can. I want to be able to freeze and store milk for when I'm not easily assessable to feed. I think I'm going to get a Medela, because I keep hearing wonderful things about them. And they have some sets that come with EVERYTHING. So, I figure I can't go wrong with that. I'd rather buy a nice one now and be able to use it for more than one or two kids then have to replace it later. But what do I know.... never done it before.

So, my questions are:
What are things I need?
What are things you wish you had thought of?
How many of certain stuff should I stock up on? I really don't want to have to make a trip to the store just a few weeks later.
What are some things that will make life easier?
Are there are any certain types of brands that are better than others?
And anything else you can think of that will help :)

I'm aching to go and get EVERYTHING and have it put away before October. And then I'll just spend the last few weeks of my pregnancy staring and staring at everything. Because I already do that with what I do have. Especially her clothes :)

THANK YOU!!!

30 Weeks: Interesting

Really, this week has had all sorts of stuff happen.

• Painful Braxton Hicks: I've been having Braxton Hicks on my walks for quite some time now, but they haven't been really painful, just uncomfortable. Tuesday was my first full day back home and I was cramping quite a bit, but was okay. I didn't go Wednesday because I had a Chiro appointment. So I went out Thursday and made it about 3/4's of a mile and they started. I would get pain right under my belly button and it would spread down for 3-5 seconds. This happened about every 2 to 5 minutes until I got home. I didn't really know what was going on. So I kept on going, with horrible images of me going into labor in the wilderness with no one around. Stupid brain. The BH continued the rest of the walk. The last 1/2 a mile out of my 2.5 mile's was the worst. I came home, and as long as I was up and moving it kept hurting. So I sat down and waited and they passed and stopped. But a few hours later when I was up and running around the house and town again they started up again. Really painful, so when I got home I started asking my mom questions - who, of course, "call the doctor!" "Call Lena!" (my SIL OB nurse). I wasn't too worried since I had sat down and they had stopped again. I knew that if they stopped, they were Braxton Hicks. I started looking stuff up about BH contractions and found 3 sites that said they are supposed to be painless. That's what made me a little nervous. Jaren came home and I told him what was going on and he tried to get me to call the doctor for 40 minutes. I really didn't want to: why? One: the doc's office was closed. Two: I really didn't want to be one of those first time mommies who calls for every ache and pain. Three: I've been told nurses make fun of those first time mommies who freak and come in and have to leave 2 minutes later being told "all is normal, all is fine." And I really really didn't want that. Especially since I was sure everything was fine. I called Lena on my way to Idaho Falls to the Republican BBQ (where Sarah Palin was supposed to speak, but she resigned and therefor dropped all of her speaking engagements. Dangit - I was going to try to get a picture with her). She told me some helpful things, but everything just pointed to, "it's all normal, everything is fine." Which I was already 98% sure of. I haven't had painful BH's since. I hope I don't till she's ready to come out, b/c I don't want to spend the next 2 months feeling those regularly.
• PSD: The "groin" pain, that I've always known isn't actually groin pain has worsened. I now can't move while sleeping without excruciating consequences. And it's worse the more active I am - which I think is dumb. But, I do believe we have a breakthrough. I was flipping through my What to Expect book and my eye caught something called, "Pubic Symphysis Disorder". I started to read and as I did I got more and more excited. Jaren thought I was looney because randomly I'd let out a, "OH MY!" and "That's me!!" and "I knew it!!! I KNEW IT!!" I have every single sign and symptom. It's what I knew it was all along. The ligaments and muscles that hold my two pelvic bones together is too strechy and has stretched too much because of the hormone, Relaxin that is being produced by my body in mass amounts. So every step I take is pulling those apart which results in pain. Standing on one foot kills and I can't roll over in bed without hurting. Stairs also are not my friend (my house is a split level). I'm so excited about this find that I'm taking the book in and showing it to my doc. "I have this!!" It's just nice to know exactly what it is. The only thing is that there's nothing that can be done, except wearing a pelvic belt that holds those bones tighter together. And they advise no exercise. HAHAHAHA! Is what I think of that. If there is anything that will strengthen the ligaments and muscles around that area it's exercise, right?? Yes, it hurts after wards, but I'll take it rather than sit on my rear all day for the next 2 months. The benefits of exercising far outweigh the pain, to me. I've been dealing with it since I was 5 months pregnant, I can do two more months.
  
• Still breech: head is really painin' my ribs. But I can't help but get excited because I can cup my hand around her little head when she pushes up really high. I'm still sleeping on my left side - it's getting annoying and uncomfortable. I want to roll to my right side everyonce in a while!
• Movement: Tons. They say it eases up when they start running out of room, but my heavens, she is so squirmy. I can feel just about everything because she is so confined. I just lean back and watch my belly for hours watching her move around. It's so fascinating! And It pretty much makes me want to cry. She is getting so big and that means more babyish and less fetusish and I'm just so happy she is healthy and growing. And she is a hiccuping princess. Poor baby, I feel bad sometimes becuase I feel both her body convulsing and her legs jerking. Can't be comfortable.
  
• She's 3 pounds! Yikes.
• ITCHY ITCHY ITCHY: Sooo annoyed! It all started with my sunburn from Lake Tahoe. That itched like crazy. But only on my upper thighs did it really itch. Well, in the last 4 days other stuff has started to itch. My arms, my belly, my back, my neck. I woke up with my neck itching really bad all day. Then my belly the next day along with my neck. Then belly, neck, back and arms really bad. And now there is a RASH on my belly!! I'm trying so hard not to itch, but it is a constant ache and it BOTHERS. It's all over the huge thing. I don't have a doc appointment for 2 weeks, but I'm calling soon to get the itching to STOP. At least the rash to go away so most of the itching will stop. I washed our sheets, I'm not sure what it is. I stopped using the lotion that I had only been using for a few weeks and went back to the other stuff. I'm still using the same detergent, but this one has fabreeze in it... which I have used before and been fine. Rashes during pregnancy aren't normal, right? I know the itching of the belly is, but a rash?!?!!!!
• Dizzyness: For some crazy reason I have been getting very light headed and dizzy. It's annoying. It's usually around when I need to eat, but even if I've eaten 45 minutes ago, it will still happen. I don't like it. And it makes me feel sick.
  
• Nesting: I'm getting a little panicky that nothing is ready and done. That everything is a mess. I made a huge list of things that needed to be done, down to dusting every shelf and surface and washing windows and organizing. I've assigned 2-3 things to each day. I've even included "sorting pictures on computer", "cleaning out Ipod".. anything and everything I can think of. I've got 2 more months to get it all done. I can do it!
  
• Nursery drama: It's making me sad and I can't help it. I'm going to do a post all about it soon. It just has to do with the size of the room and the furniture that wont/will fit. Stupid emotions.
• Emotional: I cry at the TV a lot. Sad episodes. As of now I'm watching every single Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I know, I like it - so what) episode again when I'm sitting and doing something and holy moly! I cry all the time! I cried during the Kyle XY last night that Jaren and I were watching.
• Lost husband: Today is the first day of spud harvest. They are digging and they aren't even done cutting grain. I've lost him. I'm sad. I wont be seeing much of him till October. He still has stuff I need him to get done in the nursery that he has had time to do, but hasn't. Now I'm going to have to be pushy, and I don't want to be. But how am I supposed to get her stuff all put away and ready when there is no where to put it?! See, panicky.
• HOT: I'm hot. All the time. Sleeping hasn't been very nice and I am taking Unisom. I'm still tossing and turning, well, as much as I can with the pain. And when I'm hot - I'm cranky. Really cranky.
• Can't. Reach. Toes: Today I got a pedicure and it looks so pretty. A whole spa one with the exfoliating rub and lotion massage all up my calf - it was wonderful. And only 12 bucks. Thank you Paul Mitchell school for being so cheap cause your girls are just learning, but massaging and painting toes doesn't take much talent. It's 4 or 8 bucks... (not sure) for a spa manicure. I think next week I'll get my hands massaged and the next week my feet and we will just keep this routine up till the baby comes. And maybe for the rest of my life.

30 weeks:

Jaren likes to push the picture button and I was goofing around so we got some interesting pictures. My belly makes me laugh. I think it's funny to play with. So here's our "photoshoot". I played with two of the pictures colors in photoshop.

She still wont listen to me

First Big Baby Purchase

"Besides the doctor" is what Jaren says.

Isn't she beautiful???

Why I went with a BOB:

• Swivel front wheel so I can maneuver through isles and turn on a dime.
• Locking front wheel so I can fix it and jog/walk.
• The shocks are ideal for where I'll be out jogging. I live in the country and nice beautiful paved paths are impossible to come by unless I traveled into town.
• The metal tubing is thicker than others.
• The stroller came with the bigger (14") rear wheel option which is also ideal for the bumpier ride.
• It was a bit more "rugged" than others which would fare better out here in the wilderness.
• The reviews about the item were impeccable. All I could find that people complained about was the size of the basket underneath. But when I'll actually be using the basket will be when I'm not jogging and I'll have my diaper bag which I can strap to the back of the stroller and then also have the basket. So I'm not worried.
• I've not heard one story of someone running the stroller into the ground so it's unusable. Which means they should last, right?

Complaints?:

• Price: I knew I would have to spend a pretty penny to get a good quality jogging stroller that did exactly what I needed, had exactly what I needed and wanted and would last.
• Wish the handlebars would adjust heights. But Jaren is comfortable behind it and so am I, so it should be fine.
• Have to buy all add on's separate. And they aren't cheap. First thing is the car seat adapter which I have yet to purchase. But as I don't have a car seat or a baby to put in the car seat; it can wait.

That's it! Otherwise I'm excited for the snow to melt and the weather to warm up so I can jog with her! (cause it might be a bit cold to take a newborn out in November... so she will just bounce in her bouncer as I jog on my treadmill all winter)

Tempted

Do you remember THIS post?

If not, please check it out because it's detrimental to understanding this temptation.

I thought about these today and thought about wearing one just to see what the hospital staff's reaction would be. But then I realized I don't think I could keep a strait face the entire time. And what happens when it's time to push? The doc is going to have to roll up so many yards of fabric! But I will say that it will keep everything put away so Jaren isn't so scarred for life after the delivery. Or maybe not. Maybe the doc or nurse will just cut the whole skirt off anyway because it's driving them so crazy.

The best thing? The testimonials on the website. Like it's the gown I'm in that's going to prevent me from posting pictures of the labor (NOT BIRTH). More like the "I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE UNLESS THAT ANESTHESIOLOGIST GET'S IN HERE IN 3 SECONDS!" look. Oh, and it probably wont be just a look, it will be my mouth wide open while screaming this. I just know it's going to be beautiful :)

If there is anything that will make Jaren ask, "are there any take backs with this marriage thing? You know, like the 3 second rule, but more like a 2 1/2 year rule." It would be birthing our child.

I'm kidding. He will think I'm glamorous and beautiful the whole time and I'm totally gracious about the pain. I'm sure. He will want to go through it all over again 12 months later. (kidding again... oh man, I hope that doesn't happen - knock on wood! or metal, a couch, anything that's near you)

Thoughts of how that day will go have often been filling my mind lately. I'm tempted to go on babycenter and watch their birthing videos. Even though I've seen quite a few. And I'm 2 months away from go time... maybe I'll leave the video's alone and just be pleasantly surprised.


Right.

If someone buys me the gown, I will wear it and take pictures. Wait, nevermind. Don't spend 48 bucks on that thing. I'd rather get a bumbo with a tray.

29 Weeks: Lots of Adventures

Baby girl had a lot of new happenings this last week:

• Longest car ride ever to Lake Tahoe
• First boat ride (didn't much like the front of the boat, but loved the back)
• First sun burn (not on the belly)
• First time playing badminton - too bad she prevented her mommy from diving for the birdie and making some awesome saves
• First trip to the beach
• First dip into Lake Tahoe
• was mauled and kicked by her cousin, Lucy(6 months old) - surely not the last time
  

As for me:

• First walk with constant cramping - not cool.
• Sore throat
• fatter face - do I even look like myself anymore?
• so incredibly glad to be home and not have to get up and go somewhere else to live out of a suitcase
• had a wonderful time in Tahoe with family and friends
• more achey - it's really something when the thought of what your body will feel like picking up that thing you dropped prevents you from picking it up so you ask the next able bodied (which is everyone but you) person to pick it up. Nothing makes me feel more lazy.
  
• Lots to do, lots to do in the next few weeks
• loving my huge belly (probably until I find stretch marks)
• not loving my huge everything else
  
• more tired - feel like I need a nap every day and when I don't I'm dragging by 5 p.m.
• missed my husband incredibly this last trip - so glad to be back with him
• mom bought me a swing - first big baby thing to come into our home... feels kind of weird.
• weirder thought is that in 9 weeks I could have my kid

Lots of people are wondering about a name. When we first found out we were pregnant we tried to decide on a boy name and girl name. No such luck agreeing on a boy name, but we had a list of our first 3 girl names. When we found out she is a she we narrowed it down to two and decided to wait till we saw her to see which one fit her best. Since she has to wait - you do too :)

29 Weeks:
it's getting a bit harder to post these pictures since I really am starting to feel very very very unattractive. Especially my face - really don't feel like it looks like me. Look at past pictures and you'll see how it's grown without my permission.

28 Weeks: Adios 2nd Trimester

Bienvenidos 3rd

I think I'm going to do this one a little differently. A list with bullets of all the new things.

• ribs hurt
• especially the right side where she is constantly
• feeling confined just sitting so now have to lean back to take pressure off ribs
• baby still right side up - having daily talks to get her to turn upside down
• nothing says welcome to the end of pregnancy like having to pee more than one time during the night again
• bought more maternity clothes because my wardrobe is tight and depressing
• all clothes came from gap and I love them, they are amazing - but the jeans were expensive (didn't want to spend my birthday money on baby clothes for mommy... but had to anyway)
• still have enough birthday money to get me my sewing machine - just need to figure out which one
• feeling sick regularly because of the squished organs, I think
• took baby floating down a river/stream/canal thing for over 2 hours - we both liked it quite a bit
• had first baby shower and I really enjoyed it (thanks to those who were able to make it and for those who brought a gift when they couldn't make it :)
  
• noticed my face is chubby enough that my double chin can't be hidden in pictures - it's inevitably there
• belly got quite a bit bigger - my father liked to point this out multiple times the last day I was home in Washington
• Lindsey said it looks rounder and more "full" than pokey outey - kinda like it is wider.
  
• belly feels much larger so I agree with all of it
• walking is harder
• out of breath much more regularly
• belly cramps more while walking
• legs are harder to propel forward
• paid 29 bucks for a mani/pedi that was horribly botched - bff Chelsi redid all of it for me. Bless her heart.
• getting more tired (already!!!)
• nervous for upcoming long drive to Lake Tahoe this week
• excited about reunion in Tahoe
• baby girl is 2.55 pounds
• This Morning:
• --doc appointment
• --drank glucose drink, not as bad as I thought it was going to be
• --blood pressure is 126, makes me nervous, but I guess it's normal for now
• --somehow gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks; i'm exhausted with trying to keep it off since it just keeps coming no matter what I do. I exercise, I don't overeat, I eat well.
  
• --weight is a great source of my moodiness - wish it wasn't, trying hard to get over it
• --had both of her hands and feet in front of her face today - what is she hiding?!
• --3rd check; still a girl
• --was told to sleep on my left side in the hopes gravity will take it's toll and make her venture somewhere other than my right side
• I love her oh so much already and am just praying I go into labor by myself and don't have a huge baby (or a c section)
• telling her to stay in until she is fully developed, but I wouldn't mind her developing fully sooner than later.
  
  
  28 Weeks:
  
  
  
  big belly and big baby!
  
  And new jeans that fit! And stretch and have room to grow. And I love Gap for having their sizes run big so I don't feel so huge.
  
  

27 Weeks: Indigestion

*********Written Wednesday, August 5th**********

It's true. For some reason (maybe the squashed stomach?) in the last week I've been having a lot of upset stomach issues. Which I've not experienced during my entire pregnancy. I've had a bit of acid reflux, I think, but nothing else. No heart burn! I think I've experienced that for maybe 1 or 2 minutes? So, I think I know how it feels.... The only thing that helps is if I lean back. To possibly unsquish my stomach as much as is possible? The girl likes the room. When I lean back she is constantly stretching and moving and squirming.

I'm in Washington now. It has been quite the long week already. 5 1/2 hours driving Thursday to Boise. Then 8 hours to Oregon Friday. 2 to the wedding Saturday. 3 to the coast and back Sunday. 5 Monday from Oregon to Washington. Then I sent Jaren on his way yesterday for 9 hours back to Rexburg and I stayed. I dreaded the driving. I was excited about this trip, but not about the traveling. And it was not bad at all. I am 100% sure if the company weren't so good (Jaren) and I were by myself or even with someone else it wouldn't have been something I look back and smile on. It was so nice to get him to myself for such extended periods of time. It's been a long time since that has happened and I think we both benefited from it.

I get back late Saturday only to leave Wednesday evening to Twin Falls, then head out the next morning to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. So. Much. Driving! But I wont have Jaren with me for the Tahoe trip. Something about having to run an entire farming harvest operation? :) I'm just glad I got him for the last few days.

The wedding was beautiful. It was hot hot hot. I was shocked at how my body handled it. I had heard about how horrible it was to be pregnant during the summer and I don't think I realized the full extent until that day. My shoes hurt my feet because they swelled so badly and my face and hands.... it was like I couldn't get cool. At all. Jaren kept saying, "Your so red!" "You are so hot!" (which I responded with, "why thank you, pregnancy has done your body good as well" till I realized he meant he couldn't touch me without having to put ice on his fingers after wards). It's been hot every day since and I think what I dislike the most is just getting all sweaty and sticky and feeling like a blimp. You can't turn the AC up high enough in this house!

I noticed all of the driving was putting the little 2 pound princess to sleep. Any time we stopped or I got out to stretch she would get as much moving in as possible, then she'd stop when the truck was rolling. It made me hope that we weren't changing her schedule that I've been keeping track of. But since I've been put in one place for 2 days now I've noticed she is still awake during the day. Mostly active late at night - which wasn't so a week ago.

I've also been experiencing some pain with some of her kicks. I'd say I've had about 5 total in the last week that have made me squeal. Then last night there was one that brought tears to my eyes. She's getting stronger and bigger and is still kicking me super low, so I don't know what it is she is hitting that sends these painful shocks through my uterus.... but she needs to move away from it!

I've not been able to walk every day while on this trip and it's been driving me crazy. I feel even more massive even if nothing has changed. But I'm convinced every day something else get's bigger. I am looking forward to getting back into my awesome eating/exercising routine when I get home. Even my maternity jeans are getting snug!

My ribs have started to hurt when I sit strait up for a bit. I have to lean back or lay down. I'm sensing that this last week is just a teeny preview for what's to come with this last trimester. This is my last week in my second trimester. Next week marks the beginning of the end of pregnancy. It's weird to think about. Because I have all this traveling; I get back from Tahoe and then 3 weeks later I leave again for a weekend and then I'm home for good and it's really only a month (if she comes at 38 weeks) till she could come. I'm feeling very very unprepared. I keep telling myself I've got lots of time (which I do) and I have my baby showers to help stock me up. I'm so grateful for whoever thought of a party to help new mommies get prepared. It helps save us so much money when we are already spending tons on her and everything else (crib, stroller, carseat, swing, diapers, mattress.... ect...). We are starting from scratch. The medical bills are enough to make me (almost) wish we were super poor so we could get on medicaid and only pay a few bucks. No, I'm grateful we have insurance and we can pay for her - even if it's more than 3 semesters of tuition and books.

Enough of that. I love being in the town I grew up in. I'm spending lots of time with my family and my best friend that I wish I could pack up and take back with me. I do, however, get to pack up my sister and take her back with me which I am very excited about. I'm floating down a little river/canal/stream thingy today. It's pansy, so I'm ok to go with my huge inflatable belly. It will be fun. I want to swim so badly!

August 9th:
I'm back in Rexburg and was able to load my pictures on my computer, which is why this post has taken so long to come up.

27 Weeks:

(picture taken August 4th)

First time Lindsey has touched my belly.

Do You Think?

My innie will be an outie soon?

I've seen some beautiful pregnant bellies. Mine is all veiny and as of a few days ago I noticed some darkening around the left side of my belly button.... kind of weird.

Sausage Fingers

Here is my wedding ring. I really miss it. As you can see it cuts off my circulation. When I put it on to take this picture I almost didn't get it off. I started to swell a bit over a week ago and I hadn't put it on since before then. It's obvious there is no hope for my beautiful ring until baby comes out and some weight comes off.

Can you see the pinching?

My solution? Buy a fake ring. And while I'm at it, mine as well make it ridiculously huge. I've gotten a lot of stares and a few people have asked me if it's real. I almost want to tell them, "Actually, my husband felt so bad that my original wedding ring wont fit anymore, he dropped 50 grand on a new one for me! So that I don't feel too fat! Isn't that wonderful!" I think some people would believe it. Instead I tell them, "Haha, no, 20 bucks at Dillards. The other doesn't fit."

Behold

Funny thing about this is that it falls off my finger quite regularly. I'm hoping I don't grow into it. It's either 3 quarters of a size bigger or a size and a quarter bigger than my original. Not even sure what size my wedding ring is.

Happy Birthday to Me!

As you read this I am trundeling down the road for 7 hours with Jaren on our way to Portland to go to a wedding. Doesn't feel like a birthday since we are traveling. But I plan on making a tasty cake when we get back.

Also, Jaren let me pick any restaurant I wanted to eat at tonight and I picked Ruth's Chris because never in my life have I ever had steak that good. And we don't get it very often - maybe once a year if that. He didn't complain because it's his favorite splurg, too. So that will be nice.

23. Sure, it's still young, but I feel older. I'm definitely not 19 anymore. My 19 year old body is long gone - I feel older. But being pregnant could have something to do with that. :)

Have a happy day!

26 Weeks: Emotional

****written Tuesday, the 28th*****
I'm not sure why, but this week I have had more emotional days than normal. Things making me sad or cry a lot more and I really really don't like it. I've been easily overwhelmed and can't handle it very well. Jaren has been so wonderfully patient and let's me throw my fits and whine and he listens and is there to hug me when I'm finished being difficult. He never fails to make me feel better. Even when I was frustrated with him Saturday for not helping me clean when I asked him to (so it didn't get done) - he waited for me to finish my rant and then came and gave me a hug and I felt better.

This particular funk started last night. I fell asleep on the couch while he was gone changing water up on the hill (20 minutes away). It was a fitful hour and when he came home and I woke up I had a massive head ache. And I was cranky because of it. He helped me to bed and I didn't do my nightly routine so I woke up with my feathers ruffled. Then I was rushed and was almost late to my doc appointment and then there was a girl in the waiting room that they made wear a mask - I've never seen someone with a cold or flu have to wear a mask. Swine flu? There have been a few cases in Rexburg in the last few weeks. So we sat on the other side of the waiting room.

I was doing ok until they weighed me. And why didn't they take my blood pressure BEFORE they weighed me?! I was trying so hard not to cry that my blood pressure was high agian. Not as high as last visit, but still higher than what is normal. So, I go into the room with Jaren and am fighting tears. I've gained 6 pounds in 4 weeks - I'm at a total I didn't want to be at till I had a month left and even then, I would be happy if that was my overall total. I'm feeling huge and fat and I couldn't fit into a pair of shorts that were HUGE on me before a few days previous so that was still depressing. So Jaren made me laugh by demonstrating the proper way to cough in your shoulder. And it looked more like a dance move than anything else. I love him for it, becuase I stopped crying before the doctor came in.

He gave me the glucose drink for our next visit, then when I told him how much I've gained he said he wanted me in in 2 weeks. I'm thinking he would have wanted me in two weeks anyway, but the fact that he said it after I gave him the weighted total was my first pinch of worry. He said it's wonderful that she is so active - I asked if she is supposed to be sleeping ever, because it seems like she never does. He said she's just sleeping when I am - hope she keeps this schedule!

Then came the ultrasound, I was excited, but the pre existing funk combined with the new one for the weight gain took away some of my excitment. I was most excited to find out how she was positioned because of her kicks. Turns out she is shoved up against my right side - which I could obviously tell beforhand; and she is completely verticle. She is breach, has her face hidden by placenta, feet, hands, arms and umbilicle cord. I want to see her face!!! The head up thing started a discussion on what if she doesn't flip. Which lead into talk about c-section, which led me to freak out a little inside. Which led me to cry after we left because that terrifies me. But in 2 weeks we are going back to check on her progress. We have 3 months for her to flip on her own and if she doesn't we will try everything else before we jump on the cutting bandwagon. It's just a scary thought. Jaren drove me around and let me cry and made me feel better for about half an hour afterwards.

So the rest of today has not gotten a lot better. I'm so emotional - I really really don't like it. And I still have a massive headache. I got tons of ultrasound pictures and saw her moving around - that was wonderful. She has super cute thick thighs - doc said she was very musclar. I call her shapely :) And she is healthy. She is so squirmy and she gave us a thumbs up - Jaren said she was letting me know everything was fine. I'll let myself think that. Yes, she is still a she. But when I go back in in 2 weeks he is doing another ultrasound. I know your not supposed to have a ton during pregnancy, but he is obviously not worried, so I'm not either. He wants to check on her progress and see if we can see her face this time. We want her to start to turn. He tried to move her - oh, the pain. That hurt VERY badly. It was the worst when he hit my linea alba (the ligaments that divides your 6 pack). It's already stretching so pushing on it.... I didn't yelp, scream or cry(then), I was tough. :) But I'm hoping she turns on her own so I don't have to experience that again if he has to try to turn her. Because I'm sure that would be worse.

Besides today this last week has been good. I felt her have hiccups while we were in Yellowstone Thursday night. At least I'm sure that's what I felt. It was a faint little pop that was constant for about 10 minutes. Perfect rhythm. So I figurd that was what was going on.

I've been exercising a ton still and trying to eat healthy. I don't deprive myself of something sweet if I want it. This is why the weight gain is so hard to take. I'm trying. And it's not working. And it's not all baby. I asked my doc how much of it was not baby and he said 10 pounds. hahahaha (that's me laughing hysterically). I'm thinking I'm retaining a lot of fluid. But the thought of even 8 pounds of fat distribtued everywhere (which would explain why my body looks the way it does - and I am not talking about the belly - that's fine getting bigger! Supposed to!) really does wonders for my self esteem. And I'm not fitting into clothes - so I don't feel cute, which leads to me feeling even worse. What makes me feel better? When someone confirms the weight gain(that I oviously look different), but tells me I don't look fat. Great! That's what I see, too! Sure, I call it fat, but what else am I supposed to call it? Extra lipids around my thighs, butt, face and arms? What doesn't help is when someone tells me I look the same as before, but with a belly. I do not look the same! My thighs are bigger! My face is fatter! My arms have lost their muscle tone! And I know it will all come off - it's just hard right now. So I like to vent and I don't need something that honestly bothers me to be pushed aside by those who I am confiding in. Can you tell it's happened? It helps me to joke and talk about it. It's how I deal. But I am still so happy to be pregnant and apparently my body just thinks it needs to gain this much - so it's fine. It's just hard. As I'm sure it is for every other pregnant women who is losing their pre pregnancy thin shape(that I couldn't see as thin then, but I do now).

I can't wait to meet her. I want to see what she will look like - who she will look like. I want to get to know her temperment and her personality. I'm so in love with this little itty bitty 1.75 pound baby that I cannot belive is mine. That she has my DNA. It's amazing. I'm so ready to be a mommy.

Long post - but I feel better.


26 Weeks:
I really wasn't in the mood for a picture yesterday (Tuesday) so we took one today. I woke up feeling much better about everything. I realized the weight came from extra blood and water from the constant exercising and the fact that my belly has doubled in size since 22 weeks. I have time, she has time to flip. Everything is good. :)

Thumbs up!

"What Will You Do If It's A Boy?"

Cry.

I've been asked this question a lot. I don't ever remember asking someone, "but what if it's not what it is??" I think I just accepted it was what the ultrasound said it was and haven't been proven wrong. I usually get a laugh or a weird look when I tell people I'll cry. I really will. And let me explain why:

We have now known that we are having a daughter for 8 weeks - that's 2 months in pregnancy time! So, naturally, she has really become a she and we call her by her name and call her little girl and all that stuff. I've also bought some stuff for her and I'm very excited for a girl. Of course I'd be sad if I found out this little girl we have been preparing for isn't coming! Then I would get over it and be very excited about having a boy.

Does this mean we are having a boy? No. We are still pretty sure she is a she. But, we are having another ultrasound tomorrow at our appointment so, of course the question has been asked more frequently. After all of the tears I would box up all the beautiful girl stuff and start on my baby boy collection.

I mean.... look at what I have for her:
And this is just the first year. You can't see the box very well that I shipped it all home in, but I have other pictures I'll post later with it in them. It's a normal sized moving box. What's funny is when I laid all of this stuff out - I thought I had SO MUCH, then realized I have no onsies, pajamas, sweaters, leggings, sweats, coats, socks. Basically I have a dress or two for each month group (0-3, 3-6, 6-9.. ect...) and maybe a skirt and possibly a pajama. Yikes! I told Jaren, "I really don't have anything." And he looked at the pile, "WHAT?!" haha. I have stuff all the way to 2T. Buying anything bigger felt wierd. So... my shopping spree just gave me a few outfits for each age group. But since it's summer time and stores stock summery stuff, I have no winter stuff.

Man..... she is so expensive.

Who Put This Dog In My Garage?!

Is what I was yelling when I walked out into my garage because I heard high pitched barking/squealing Tuesday.

It started almost two weeks ago on a Saturday when I felt super ambitious and decided I was extending my walk 2 miles. I walked a way I had never walked before and a bit over a mile and a half from my house this black dog with white front paws and a white beard starts following me. Happy as a clam, he was! Would run up to me, nudge my thigh with his nose then run off and play in the ditch, then come back and run off again. I kept telling him to turn around and go home. There were about 5 houses he could have belonged to and I had gone about a mile from those houses.

When I got home the dog was still tagging along. Jaren thought that by yelling at him and telling him to "get" and "go home!" he would just turn around and trot away. No, I figured he had no idea where he was. This is how the conversation went:

J: come inside, he'll go home
W: but he wont!
J: yes he will, if you come inside
W: but what if he's lost and can't find his way home!
J: uhhhh.. whitney..
W: we have to take him back!
J: *muttering under his breath* "the things I do for you...."

It's true, he does LOTS for me. The dog wouldn't get in the back of his pickup - we thought it was because the truck was too high. So I jumped in and Jaren drove the entire mile and a half at 4 mph with the dog running along side. It was so funny. At least I thought it was funny - Jaren? Not so much :)

So, I decided to walk the reverse way so if he did follow me again it was while I was going through the farm and he would just have one road that was easy to follow without the distraction of houses or other roads or cars so he could find his way back. I walked that way twice without seeing this dog. Saw a massive German Shepard that scared me out of my boots when he came runnin up to me - I braced myself. Then he nuzzeled my hand ran forward and followed me for about a quarter of a mile, then ran back home. Perfect! Little walking partner for just a minute.

Then Tuesday I had two of my Young Women girls that wanted to come walking with me. They rode their bikes (4 to 5 miles) to my house, then walked the 4 1/2 with me. While out this dog found us again. Walking through the farm did nothing. He still followed us and was so excited to be playing with us and didn't listen to us telling it meanly to "Go Home!!!" So, we get to my house and we go inside right away hoping the dog will take off. They left an hour later after getting some snacks and water and I got right in the shower. While I was getting ready I heard this high pitched barking. I looked out my window looking for the black dog and the dog across the street having a go at one another but didn't see anything. So I blow dried my hair and finished getting ready. Then I turn my music off and walk into my kitchen and I hear it SO loud - coming from down the hall towards the garage door.

I was thuroughly confused. Our garage stays shut - all the time. I walk out and first thing I see is this black dog super happy to see me running around my car to get to me. Pregnancy does weird things to my emotions because at first I was so so so confused. I let him out, walked around to see if maybe one of Jaren's employee's had stuck him in there because he was bothering them - but that didn't make sense either! They knew we didn't have a dog. And grown men wouldn't stick a random dog in our (their boss's) garage. I come back in, shut the door tightly and walk around the inside trying to see how it could have gotten in. I was stumped. There was no way. I was 100% sure someone put him in there. I thought maybe the neighbors? But why!?! Why wouldn't they come to the front door, knock and ask if this was our dog, they've never seen one here before?

Back to my business I go. I look out the window and see him running down the road towards home - good! Jaren comes home for lunch and a few minutes later I tell him what happened. And he says.... "do you think it was the girls?" Two little girls live accross the street and are out riding their bikes and squealing all day long. One 8 and the other 5, I think. I told him maybe, but why?! Right then we hear the barking again from down the hall and I snapped.

AGAIN?!! WHAT THE HECK?!?! He tells me to stay inside - and I don't. So I came out, yes the dog is in there and Jaren takes him out and walks out towards the road and see's both girls walking accross. This is what I heard:

J:"Hey, you girls!" (I thought he sounded kind of mean.. but he seems to say he was being nice)
J: "Did you put this dog in my garage?!"
Girls: *Stared at each other, then the older one says* "Yes"
J: "Why?? This isn't my dog. Don't go putting dogs or anything into my garage. I don't know who's dog this is, but it isn't mine."
Girls: "Ok."

I was so mad. It was hot! Like 90 degrees and so our garage was even hotter! Poor dog! And that's not even the fact that they came and opened our garage door and stuck a dog inside! Parent's not teach them about respecting other peoples property? Or even that you don't open OTHER PEOPLES garages?? I was fuming for quite some time. And to make it worse Jaren told me I'm banned from walking that way again. And I liked walking that way! It was a loop, I didn't have to turn around and come back home and those can be boring. So I think I kind of blamed it on the girls. So, the day goes by and around 5 p.m. Jaren and I are going to go to Idaho Falls to get a closet system for the nursery and the dog is sitting outside in the shade of our house by our garbage can. Uhhhhgg!

Jaren had had it at this point. He called the people we are pretty sure the dog belongs to and they didn't answer. Twice. So he get's a smaller pick up and tries to lead the dog inside. Nope, wouldn't even come. So we decide to just go and deal with it later because we were an hour late already. One of Jaren's employee's drives up as we were closing up the tail gate and so we talk to him and tell him who's dog it is - he knows who they are. And he laughs. Then tells us if he has time he'll take care of it. Of course, boys - start joking around about "taking care of it" and I'm yelling at them and telling them "the dog belongs to someone!" It's easy to get me riled up, I guess...

Later that night we found out that the employee, bless his heart lead the dog back at 4 mph again all the way to his house.

And now I can't walk that way. EVER. Even though it's not my fault! Stupid dog.

The Dog:

put that sad face away

25 Weeks: I'm Now A Belly Dancer

This week has been monumental with her movement. I felt her quite a bit before, but she is constantly moving! I am noticing a pattern. She wakes up with me, within 3 to 4 minutes of when I start to talk to Jaren she starts moving and that's my cue to pull back the covers and watch my belly dance. She's awake anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half (yesterday). Then she goes back to sleep and is up a little before lunch and during lunch. Goes to sleep when I take a nap and then is up when I'm up for dinner and she's up for a few hours (with naps in between, I'm sure) during the evening and night. I'm really hoping this schedule sticks! I don't know what she's doing while i'm sleeping. Sometimes she wakes up when I get up to use the bathroom and I feel her moving around till I fall asleep (that can take anywhere from 5 to 50 minutes). I just want to know how she is positioned. I'll find out this coming tuesday! I get another ultrasound - whoohoo!! I'll have pictures to show, too.

Hunger: holy cow! I want to eat an entire cow! Most days of the week I am constantly hungry. Yesterday was the first day I felt normal. But this last week about 20 minutes after I ate I felt like I was starving again. Full on painful stomach. Not like I was thinking about food and wanted to eat - my stomach was hurting rather badly. Jaren asked - what happens if you just don't eat? It hurts worse!!! I really don't want this to be the point where I start eating constantly and the weight comes on and on no matter how much I've been exercising. So, I bought lots of fruits and veggie's and I'm going to munch on those when I feel that way again. It's ridiculous. I'm eating a lot! So there's no question as to if I'm getting enough food. I am.

Saturday I was flipping between Food Network "How it's Made" and a show on HGTV when they were talking about Tastee Freeze's frozen treat. And they showed a banana split. Ohhhh, how I haven't had one of those in years - but I remembered how good it tasted and at 8:30 when Jaren got home he took me into town and we got me the stuff to make it. So, 9:45 (he had to check water up on the hill) I had my banana split and it tasted devine. And then I felt guilty and haven't had it since. Maybe tonight? It's been a few days.

Exercise: I've been doing amazing with my walking. From Tuesday to Tuesday I walked 5 days that week. Didn't go Sunday and Thursday I had a dentist appointment early that morning so I didn't go. Out of those 5 days, 2 were 2.5 miles, 1 was 3.5 miles and 2 were 4.5 miles. I'm not noticing a huge difference with ease in pain yet. I'm hoping it comes.

Pain: I now have knee pain and my upper back is horrible. Constantly cramping and hurting. If anything is wearing me down this pregnancy it's the pain. Lower back, groin, upper back, knee's and hips. But, I figure if anything is going to help me it's the walking. So, I keep going. And I go to the Chiropractor tomorrow. He's started having me go every 10 days instead of 2-3 weeks because I'm doing such a horrible job of holding my adjustments. Good news is we reached our $3,000 deductable! Is that good news? That you've spent that much in less than 7 months on chiropractic visits and doctors visits? I will say it came at a good time when my back is worse and my visits are more frequent and now I just have to pay 20% of whatever the bill is. I laughed hysterically when I was told - she(chiropractor secretary) looked at me funny. So I called Jaren and we both studdered flabbergastedly (is that a word?) because he knows how crazy that is. But with $280 bucks every prenatal visit I guess it adds up. Baby girl, you are expensive!

Dentist: I went fully scared to death and fully prepared to be told I needed 2 -3 root canals. I also was ready to tell him to put his drill away till December. When I floss there are 3 horrible spots that really really really really hurt. I knew at least two of those spots were cavities that had been filled twice (if you have followed my dental horrors, this makes sense - if not here is the post (and p.s. about this post - when I said I was going to wait to have the new one's filled it was becuase I had to wait to find out if I was pregnant, and I wasn't, so 2 weeks later I went in) and one of them has probably been filled three times. So I just thought the next thing was to do a root canal. Which makes me want to cry. But, he poked around and I squealed and he told me the cavities just had overhangs that were catching food (YES - it's really gross when I floss) and irritating the gums and that's why it's been hurting. So, he just has to re-fill them. And when I mentioned the temperature sensitive teeth he said they would take an x-ray after the baby came. When I mentioned the pressure sensitive teeth he said it was my bite and he'd fix it after baby. I left feeling glad since there was no talk of root canals. But then I thought about the cost.... uuuhhhhgggggg. My mouth has costed us close to two grand since we've been married. It's depressing. Good thing Jaren has perfect teeth without all the mad brushing and flossing and rinsing I do. Boo!! Cheater.

Baby showers: I officially have dates and places for my showers. I'm really really really excited! Between my mom, mother in law and friend I'm getting three. One here, Boise and back in Washington. Washington and Boise will be small and mostly family. I'm spoiled - Jaren doesn't let me forget it. But I'm making my own invites and I'm super excited because I think they are beautiful. I made my sister in law's (I'll just mention how skinny my face is in these pictures:) when I threw her shower back in November and had such a good time making them I wanted to do my own. I'll post about them.

Sunday was the most belly bouncing of days. We were at my in laws having dinner. Afterwards I was sitting with my feet on Jaren and we were talking to his sister. And she was moving and kicking (not my sister in law - the fetus) and I looked down and my belly was really rolling! I was so excited I kept saying, "Jaren!" "Look!" He'd say, "I saw it" "I saw her". But I was much more excited and was dissapointed he wasn't watching my stomach like a TV like I was. I am trying to remember exactly when I saw the first belly movement - did I document that in my super long weekly posts? I'm not in the mood to look back but if I were to guess I'd say it was either 18 or 19 weeks. So it's just been slowly increasing since then. And now it's almost every time she moves you see it. SO. MUCH. FUN!

Bending over? Pretty much non existent now. With how low she is it's VERY uncomfortable and often even painful.

Sometimes I catch myself trying to suck in when squeezing through a small space and I still get stuck. Then I realize their's no sucking in the little person I'm growing in my basketball sized belly and feel silly.

25 Weeks:
This is how I stand and sit just about all the time. Where else am I supposed to put my hands?! I have a nice little/big table just for them. And I usually get kicked. Isn't my belly getting huge?! I feel like every morning I wake up and look down and "HOLY MOLY I'M PREGNANT(er)!"

Jaren was teasing me. This is the look I give him a lot - but without the smile. It was so confusing trying to chastize him with my face and smile at the camera at the same time. I wont be a very scary mom if I can't master this one better. Oh, and with the glare(from the light) it really does look like I'm glowing.Oh! How did I forget to mention the swelling?!! Every night my feet swell and feel like furnaces and my hands are hot plates and my fingers are sausages and my face is perfectly round. This last week officially marked the put away of my wedding ring. I've gotten quite a few looks for my big fake one. I've got a few posts to post this week - that will be one of them. I really don't like feeling like a blimp.