Thursday, December 31, 2009

Stats

I posted yesterday about how I'm hoping to start making some improvements with myself.  Today I'm divulging information.  In code, though.

Instead of telling exactly how much I weigh, I'll give false numbers, but accurate at the same time.

Here we go:
I weighed 100 lbs when I got pregnant.  But I didn't really weigh 100 (I wish), but we will pretend I did. 
I gained 46 lbs during my pregnancy.  That is true.  So, at the end of my pregnancy I weighed 146 lbs.

Make sense yet?

I have 16 pounds left to go to get back to my pre pregnancy weight.
So it's like I weigh 116 right now and want to get back to 100.

Let me know if I'm confusing you.

I don't mind giving my real sizes.
Pre pregnancy I was a size 4 or 5, 26 or 27 and every shirt fit in a small.
Right now I'm a snug size 8.  Snug 29 and every small shirt is too tight and mediums fit.

In one of my classes during my last semester I was able to do underwater weighing to find out my exact body fat percentage.  It was taken in March - I was pregnant, but only around 6-8 weeks so it shouldn't have affected the results much if at all.
I was at 15% body fat.
I'm not sure where I am now since I'm done with school.  I'm hoping to go to the wellness center soon (they let members of the community come in) and get the caliper body fat thingy done to find out where I am now. 

Right now I'm losing about a pound a week without exercising.  I'm hoping with exercise to bump that up to a pound and a half to 2 pounds.

I cannot diet by cutting calories (since I'm breast feeding).  So, instead I'll diet by getting my calories from healthy sources.  More nutrient dense foods.
Chocolate didn't taste right during pregnancy and it does now.  I've been eating some every day.  (I know, it's amazing I'm losing any weight at all.  Thank you breast feeding)  I will stop that as soon as it's all gone :)

My motivation:
  • You (through comments - hoping to get some supportive ones)
  • this blog - I will post results often and it would sure be embarrassing if nothing changes from one post to the next.
  • pictures - pre pregnancy pictures vs now.  I'll post examples.
  • Jaren - he wants his little wife back, I'm sure :)  (even though he compliments me VERY often and has never made me feel like I'm slacking or fat)
  • Clothing - I have a pretty sizable wardrobe that I am dying to get back into
  • Money - I can't afford to make a new wardrobe of larger clothes
  • mommy frumps - I do NOT want to become a frumpy mommy (which is what I feel like now)
  • time - I want the most amount of time back to my pre pregnancy size before I get pregnant again and lose it all over again. 
  • hair - I want to chop my hair off again, but wont do it until my face is skinny (what I consider skinny) again.  Naomi already grabs and pulls at my hair, can't imagine the damage she will do when she get's coordinated.
Up next: pictures.  Pre vs. now.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Where Am I?

I had an emotional break down today. 

The day started out fine.  I have a sick baby.  She has an ear infection and is trying to get over a 2 week long cold.  She also needed a higher dose of her Reflux medication and we didn't know until yesterday.  So, her reflux came back and I have been handling a pretty sad baby that has been really needy. 

So, with all the wonderful med's that are helping her feel better she slept much  more sound last night.  Which meant we did, too.  It wasn't until I tried to get on the treadmill, started to walk and felt the PSD (this site calls it SPD) pain again that I started to lose my good mood.  And I was only able to go just over a mile before Naomi started to fuss.  I tried running and the pain got worse.  Much much worse. 

Jaren came home for lunch and I took a shower.  It was during this shower where I realized what needed to change.  I'm afraid my PSD/SPD pain needs time to heal and hopefully my Chiropractor can help.  If not - I'm finding a new one.  I need to get myself back. I need to exercise.  I need to not let my eyebrows grow out of control.  I need to not go 3 days without showering.  I need to do things for myself. 

Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE being a mom.  I'm in love with my daughter.  I love taking care of her.  I love being at home and making sure she learns to fall asleep by herself, making sure she eats when she is supposed to.  I love reading to her - hearing her talk and squeal.  I love to sing to her; especially since she is the only person on this earth that loves to hear my voice.  I live for her smiles.  This is what I was born for.  At least it feels like it; being a wife and a mother.  I am so happy with where I am in my life.

I just need to now take care of myself, too.  Naomi is 2 1/2 months old (11 weeks today).  I have had plenty of time to get used to being a mom and develope a routine.  She is predictable and I should be able to work myself into the day as well. 

So.  

Here is the plan:

  • Exercise at least 3 days out of the week.  (Idealy I'd like 6 days out of the week, but I'm taking off days and time into consideration)
  • Do push ups and sit ups every day
  • I'm giving myself 3 months to get back down to where I was pre-pregnancy.  (I'll post tomorrow with my stats)
  • At least every other week get out and do something for myself (either pedicure, massage, facial, tan, and/or when the weather get's nice; things outside)  Idealy, I'd like to do this once a week.  But it may not happen that way.
  • Shower MUCH more often
  • Wash my face every day (believe it or not, sometimes it's hard to find time to get in and wash my face... ridiculous - I know)
  • Floss my teeth every day (a hard one for me)

Because there are a lot of beauty schools here that do the pedicures and facials for cheap I can afford to do something like that every once in a while. 

If I'm feeling as motivated as I am today I should start posting more often.  It's part of my motivation - making this public.  And maybe, hopefully I can inspire or help someone else.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Contemplating

I'm in a contemplative mood this Saturday morning. Jaren made me breakfast (which happens most mornings since I'm feeding the little person at that time). Naomi is napping like a good girl and I am not in the mood to exercise or do housework this second. It's been a while since I've blogged. On either blog.

I've been so consumed in my new life with my baby that I've not been interested in blogging. My biggest priority has been to get a good routine for Naomi. She does really well when she is laid down before she falls asleep for her first two naps during the day. The last one is during the evening and she is usually so wound up that she wont lay down and if we do lay her down - she is usually down for the night, which isn't what we want (her bedtime to be 6 p.m.) So she sleeps in the swing or bouncer.

I believe that because of this she is going 8 hours in between feedings, so she is only waking up once at night and it's usually around 5 a.m., then goes back down for another 3 hours. If her routine is broken she usually doesn't do as well at night. She wakes up 5-6 hours after the last feeding and so it's up twice for me and I've really come to like the only getting up once. Well, I still get up twice - once to pump (talk about uncomfortable) and once to feed.

It's so funny how my greatest source of frustration and happiness is how well Naomi sleeps. Because how well she sleeps determines how happy she is when she is awake. Which also determines how happy I am. She has started to smile and each day it's more and more. It overwhelms me with joy to see her face light up and her little legs pump and kick.

This may be a weird analogy, but, I kind of feel like I've been a slave to this baby for the last 2 months. Serving her, feeding her, burping her, changing her, making sure she is warm and happy. And now, she is paying me back by smiling and cooing. I feel like I'm going to be paid back daily for everything I do by her happy self now. And it will just get better and better. I'm truly excited.

I always knew I wanted to be a mommy. It felt like home the second she was placed in my arms and she stopped crying when she heard my voice. Finally.... my turn. I've been loving every second of it. The sleep deprivation has brought me to tears a few times. But her sleeping so well now is so incredibly wonderful.

It's so funny that I squeal with delight when she pooh's, burps or stays awake during a feeding. The things that bring me the most joy has changed so dramatically over the last 2 months. But this change feels so right. It's exactly where I should be.

And Jaren... oh, don't get me started on how wonderful he is. I'll drive you all to tears. I will say that he has sacrificed a lot to help me. I've gone 3-4 days without a shower and he will stay home for just a little longer in the mornings so I can take one. Or a little longer at lunch. He get's up at 6:00 a.m. when she is grunting to burp her (b/c, never fails that's what it is) so I can continue to sleep. He get's up when she needs to be fed to help me change her because she screams at the top of her lungs. Poor thing is tired and HUNGRY and we lay her down and violate her by changing her diaper. He keeps the pacifier in her mouth and talks to her and calms her down. Never fails that listening to him and looking at him calms her down. It melts my heart how she loves him.

Talk about a sappy post.... I just have been thinking about the way my life has changed and how I'm really enjoying it. I'm enjoying trying to get into a new routine. Enjoying how to be a mommy and still live my life. I went to Idaho Falls yesterday for the first time and did some shopping with her. She slept the whole time except for the one time I had to feed her (thank you to my sister in law Stephanie for letting me use her parents house). This coming weekend we are going to Utah; just the two of us and her. Our lives are just beginning.

She just woke up - time to be a mommy. :)


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Naomi's Newborn Pictures


Here is my beautiful little girl.  We had her newborn pictures taken at 4 weeks old.  She was about 7 pounds and didn't want to sleep or pose for pictures while she was trying to sleep. 

I posted a bunch more on the private blog.  Cassie Mickelsen at Pink Paisley photography took her pictures.  She did a great job and I'll probably use her again for pictures when Naomi is a bit older. 

She peed on Jaren and her sheets.  It wasn't the most fun listening to her cry and scream when she just wanted to be held.  I'm glad we did them because we will have these beautiful pictures forever.  But I'll definitely take the next baby at 1 or 2 weeks when they are super super sleepy to avoid the wrath I faced with this one. 

There's another picture of her on Cassie's website.  I love all of the pictures so much that I think I'll print them all out and put them around the house.  :)  Where is the best place to print pictures?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Lacation

I always thought the word "lactation" was such a funny weird word. 

I've not had any problems nursing.  Not since my milk came in and the nugget has been able to get plenty to eat and has been gaining weight steadily after her near whole pound drop in her first 5 days of life. 

My concerns are how much am I producing?  I pump about every time after I feed her.  I want to store LOTS of milk.  I fear getting mastitis or some type of infection where I cant breast feed or my production will go down.  I'm so adamant about breast feeding because of a lot of reasons, but the biggest is my antibodies.  With this winter being one of the worst the sicknesses have seen I am quite nervous.  We are still staying home and not taking her out.  And now that she is a month old, she's not been sick yet.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to get myself to make more milk.  I'm pumping and taking these supplements and have heard about this tea that is supposed to help.  I figure why not try?  So I'm trying those things and I do think it helps a bit. 

But, are there other ways?   

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Showering is So Overrated

I have been a slave to the baby for the last month.  And my desire to get on the computer or blog has gone out the window with my sleep.  I'm going to try to get back in the swing of things.

My life has been rather uneventful since I stay at home all day. In the last week my desire to get out has been rather strong.  I'm feeling better, but am still quite sore, but I want to start walking.  If only I can find the time.  I'm hoping I can make the time - put the nugget in her bouncer and go walk on the treadmill.  I think I'll try soon.  Like tomorrow.  The weight is coming off, but SO SLOWLY.  Like 2-3 pounds a week and I want it to go MUCH faster since I still have like 20 pounds to go.  So, exercise is my only option since dieting is out of the question.

Another issue?  Showering.  I can't leave her by herself for more than 5 minutes because she starts to cough or choke (she has reflux) and it scares me to death.  That and she is too young/small for me to feel comfortable leaving her out in the house by herself. 

So, I have to wait till Jaren is around and so far, we've managed a good every other day thing.  It's not enough for me.... but it's ok.  But today?  Today is day number 3.... I feel like I stink and it feels so gross.  Jaren is at church right this second but when he get's home he is watching the wee one and I'm going to shower.  For a good hour or so. 

When did you feel comfortable enough to leave your baby out by her/himself while you showered?


Sunday, October 25, 2009

She's Here!

Finally, I know.  She's a week and a half old and I am barely getting around to posting.  For me, the last week and a half has been one big long day broken up by 1-3 hour naps.  I knew sleep would be scarce, but I didn't realize it would be this scarce.  Every day get's better and we get to know her better and I get a little more sleep between each feeding. 

My C-section went well.  I was so surprised at how fast it went.  I'll try and do a post about it.  I know I would have liked someone to tell their c-section story before I had mine so I knew what exactly to expect. 

I guess I'm a speedy healer.  I was released from the Hospital 48 hours after the surgery.  I was up and walking half a day before they expected me to be.  I was also eating a regular diet much sooner than they expected.  From the moment I came home I was up and moving.  It wasn't easy to get around or stand up for the first few days, I was walking quite slow, but each day got better.  I had some upset stomach issues for a day or two - no throwing up, just a very tender tummy. Because of Motrin I was more swollen than during pregnancy and it was horrible.  I stopped taking it and since I've been sweating up a storm whenever I sleep - it's gross, but I can see my ankles and my face is thinning up a bit again! 

I ordered a cesarian support belt thingy that has really made quite the difference.  Within the first day of putting it on that night I lost more water weight and my stomach visibly shrunk quite a bit.  I'm a big fan!  It was quite the task to put on at first but then after that first day it got a bit easier each time.  I highly recommend it.  I can give you the link if you'd like.

As for the baby; she is perfect.  Her name is Naomi and she looks exactly like Jaren.  She has my nose and my detached ear lobes.  But that's all we can find of me.  She has Jaren's long skinny fingers, toes and arms and legs.  And each day as she get's a bit older I find she is more and more the spitting image.  In a much prettier daintier package.  :)  I'm rather impressed that Jaren makes such a beautiful girl!  He quite enjoys it.  He is such a wonderful father and since the second she has come out he has been right there taking care of her without complaint of sacrifice. 

Sleep has been the biggest obstacle.  She likes to be held.  A lot.  She wouldn't lay down by herself in her bassinet for longer than 40 minutes.  Then I tried laying her on her side.  Oh man, she slept in that thing 3 1/2 hours today.  It makes sense!  It's how she likes to be held, it's pretty much how she was in my belly.  On her side.  So nice to find out all these little quirks that help us. 

Since this is the worst flu season ever we are in lock down.  She was born 3 weeks preemie and is so tiny.  It would be horrible to have a sick baby and it's dangerous with how small she is.  Because of this we are only letting immediate family come to see her and even then, they need to have their flu shots.  If anyone feels even a little bit under the weather they stay away.  We appreciate that.  It makes me sad that I can't show her off like I'd like, but I would much rather have a happy, healthy baby. 

Here she is!


She is so bright eyed and was since I first held her.  She is so much fun and every day has little things that show bits of her personality.  She's a happy wonderful baby.  I'm SO glad she is here and so glad to not be pregnant anymore.  I can move!

Her stats:
5 lbs 14 oz
18.5 inches long
Oober cute
Jaren look-a-like in girly form
Lots of brown hair - hangs down her neck
Loves to have her hands on her face

The private blog:  I've posted on there and added all of the email addresses I have.  If you have not recieved an email I either don't have your email address or entered it in wrong.  Send me an e mail at whitneykathleen at gmail dot com or leave me a comment with your email in it.  I'll try to update as much as I can on both, but until I have some free time it may be sparse. 

I love being a mommy!


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

37 Weeks: The End


Actually, I will only make it one day into my 37th week since tomorrow is her birth day.

But, just like the others, this re-caps the week before.  And what a week that was.  Since I kept separate posts for all of the crazy developments I'll sum everything up in bullets.  We like bullets.

  • went into my 36 week appointment excited to see an ultrasound and find out if I was progressing at all and hopefully get a date to do a version.
  • walked out of my 36 week appointment in shock finding out I had preeclampsia, we can't do a version, it's a for sure c-section and she will be coming sooner than later. 
  • filled up one 24 hour urine jug and had to get another - so proud.
  • spent the next 2 days wondering and driving myself nuts - "how bad is the preeclampsia?"  "when exactly will she come?"  "is she okay?"  "will I make it to full term?"
  • Thursday we had our first Non Stress Test (NST) and the nurse was great and the entire time baby girl was performing wonderfully.  Very active and had everything we wanted to see.  I left there in a bit of a high with knowing she really was protected in her little bubble.  
  • went to the doctor right after to be told that I'm getting worse, I'm on strict bed rest, no salt and Wednesday is the day.  
  • we were also told that if I have any crazy mood swings - get really mean all the sudden or loopy and spacey and not at all myself - "get her in here! she is going to seize!"  So, of course, Jaren was afraid to leave me alone for a second - would just stare at me trying to determine if I was not myself.  My sister basically moved back in.
  • Saturday we had another NST and had a super boring nurse.  She didn't put the monitor on correctly and her heartbeat was basically flatlining (which is BAD) and it (the monitor - not her heart) kept stopping and starting.  We grabbed someone else and she came in - exhuberant as ever and fixed the monitor, gave me apple juice and within 45 seconds of taking a sip the baby was all. over. the. place.  
  • the nurse said, "She likes juice, give her juice because in a few days all she will have is milk."  Jaren had Lindsey buy me orange juice and has been forcing down two huge glasses a day. :)  All because his little girl likes juice.  It was too cute to be annoying.
  • Another NST Monday (yesterday) and she performed a bit better, but was still not as active as she normally is.  I just think it's because it's morning time.  I felt horrible.
  • went to the doctor, they took my urine and blood and gave me a flu shot (never had one in my life).  We were given the time for Wednesday and are still waiting on a call from the Hospital for details.  If they don't call in the next 2 hours (by noon) I am calling them.
  • Lost 2 pounds in the last week - it's water weight since I've been sweating an ocean each night.  It's GROSS.  
  • TONS of acid reflux and indigestion.  It's miserable. 
How have I been feeling?
It was so weird to me finding out a week ago that I wasn't okay because I felt okay - or I thought I felt okay.  A lot of the symptoms I attributed to just being pregnant.  I didn't know what was normal or not.  The seeing spots?  Been happening all the time, I figured it was because of swelling or blood pressure - which is true, but it has to do with a bit more than that.  The head aches?  Figured it was because I was at the end of my pregnancy.  Right rib pain?  Well, her head is under my ribs and it's constantly hurting - I couldn't tell the difference between that ache and liver pain.  When I thought about everything, I realized that all of these symptoms had come in the previous 2 weeks and had progressively gotten worse.

I felt okay Thursday when I was put on bed rest, but each day I started to feel more lethargic and my head ache got a bit worse.  Yesterday was no fun.  I feel so tired today.  My joints ache worse each day.  When I think of how I'm getting out of the last 3 weeks of pregnancy I think, "am I missing out?"  "is it like I'm cheating?"  Then I think of how horrible the last 2 1/2 months have been and I don't feel bad.  Not at all. Not one bit.  I'm ready to be done being pregnant and have this little girl I've been wanting and waiting for for much longer than I've been pregnant.

My emotions have been all over the place.  From shock, to fear, to confusion, to joy, to sadness, to worry, to absolute exuberance.  Right now I'm feeling excited and tired.  So excited to finally have her and so so so excited to get my body back... evenutally (just have to wait for the healing to pass).  I'm tired because my body is exhausted.  I'm also a little worried things wont get done.  I have a list of things that need to be done today.  I want to be able to leave with my mind only on what is to come and not what my house will look like when we get back.  Jaren is getting his hair cut right this second and then he is coming home to be my slave for the rest of the day.  It's mostly just picking things up and laundry that needs to be done.  And "the bag" needs to be packed.

Today is going to fly.  I'm so excited about tomorrow and so nervous about tomorrow.  The surgery scares me.  I don't know how it could not since it's something I've never had to do before.  Jaren has not completely dismissed the idea of standing up and watching her be pulled out.  He said it's going to be a spurt of the moment decision.  I kind of want to see that part, but I'm too afraid of what I'll see.  I don't think I'll be able to detatch myself from my body - all I will see is MY stomach wide open and that can't be good for the mind.  It's all going to go by so fast and I don't worry too much about the recovery.  I've been informed I'll be given LOTS of really good pain meds and that I just need to get myself up and moving - but to be careful.  I'm feeling good about it all.

Jaren talkes about how excited he is.  He talks about getting to hold his little girl and we are excited to finally have our family started.  We both go into the nursery and stare and talk about it all.  We can't wait to see who's of who's she has.  He has very long fingers and toes and skinny legs and arms.  I have short fingers and toes and a bit more shapely arms and legs :)  His nose is bigger and he has brown/hazel eyes and mine are green/blue.  He has a dimple and I have two things that could almost pass for dimples but they are kind of close to my mouth.  I was one freckled girl.  I was a tow head and he was born with blonde/light brown hair that turned dark later.  So she could come out with light hair.  My hair didn't turn dark till end of high school/college.  Will she have hair?  All of these things will be answered tomorrow!!!

I will be twittering throughout the time in the hospital.  You can see those and get to any pictures I post through that on my side bar.  I'm not sure if I'll have the computer or access to the internet while I'm there.  So, possibly there wont be any word until this weekend.  We will either be home Friday or Saturday.

The end has come not quite how I expected, but I'm so so so grateful to be full term.  I'm so grateful that she is fine and so grateful for my doctor who has been keeping such a great eye on me.  He genuinely cares and is concerned and it makes me feel like not just some pregnant girl.  Because of the college here there are lots and lots of preggies and they come, have one baby and leave.  But I'm coming and having all my babies here and so I needed someone who I could build a relationship with and who knew me and my circumstances.  He told me I have him all day since it's his day off tomorrow.  I'm glad he wont be rushing and he has set aside the time specifically for me.

I'm going to try to finish a post to have posted tomorrow, but we will see.  Right now I'm going to lie down again as I'm feeling sick and light headed.  (so happy to return to "normal" tomorrow)

One more story.  I think it's funny.  Yesterday after I woke up from my nap (I nap for 2-3 hours because what else am I going to do to pass the time?!!) I ate and then sat down on the couch.  After about 20 minutes my chest started to hurt.  VERY badly.  It felt like someone was on top of my chest and all of my intercostal muscles (the muscles inbetween your ribs) were contracting.  I couldn't get to them to rub it since I have sore milk makers in the way.  I didn't know WHAT was going on.  Jaren came home and wanted me to call the doctor.  They were closed (I really didn't want to call).  I stood up and walked around and went into the nursery with Jaren while he hung the valance.  The whole while in the nursery I was...  how do I put this daintily?  breaking wind?  Yes.  Breaking lots of wind.  I felt better after about 30 minutes of walking around and sitting very upright.  I was still confused about what was going on, but it had passed so I was okay.  Later around 10 it came back.  Even worse and I started to cry.  This time it was all around my rib cage and was a bit lower.  Jaren got out the computer and started to look stuff up.  One of the diagnoses was indigestion and gas.  I'm laughing because, gas???  in my ribs?!  Yes, I burp.  A lot.  But, that much?  And then I thought about how high up all of my intestines are and thought... huh.....    Naahhhh.  Then, the wind started again and gradually I felt better.  It was funny.  The fact that my ribs hurt and all I needed to do was break some wind and I felt better was such an odd idea to me.  But, it was true.  It went away!  But that experience is just one more thing that makes me so SO glad it's all ending tomorrow.  I hope I don't have it again today.  As funny as it is, it is very painful.

The beauties of pregnancy!!!!  Glamorous, huh? :)


37 Weeks:

Hah, kidding.  This is what I plan on looking like at my would-be 38 weeks!  Kidding again....  This is me at 7 weeks - 30 weeks ago.  But really, I miss those jeans and hope to get back into them.  I'm taking my 37 week picture tomorrow morning so I don't have it now.  I'll post it when I'm back from the Hospital!

Don't forget to guess on the post below!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Guessing Game

How much will she weigh?

This is what we know:
  • She will be 37 weeks and one day old when she is born
  • the pregnancy book says at 37 weeks she is around 6 1/2 pounds
  • last measuring of my belly was at 36 weeks and she measured at 37 (one week ahead)
  • last ultrasound was at 36 weeks and I was told it was not accurate and she measured 2 weeks behind (34 weeks)
  • if I had Gestational Diabetes (whatever boarderline is) she would probably be a bit bigger because of that
  • she might also be bigger because of my massive amount of weight gain
  • I was born at 36 1/2 weeks and I weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces
  • Jaren was born a few days after his due date at 9 pounds 5 ounces
  • I was considered small before I was pregnant, so if my weight gain hadn't gone berzerk I might have had a smaller baby.  But now, probably not.
I'm guessing 6 pounds 5 ounces. 
Jaren is guessing 6 pounds 8 ounces. 
We've even had a 7 pound guess. 

What is your guess?

The prize? 
The pride of guessing correctly.  :)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Pregnancy: 5 Days Left

Yep, 5 days left and less every second that passes. 

I went in for my Non Stress Test yesterday morning and was oddly in a euphoric mood.  I was so happy.  Jaren was making me laugh non stop and I didn't feel stressed at all.  I was very, very painfully swollen, but felt good that things were going to be okay with her.  And they were, they strapped me up to the 2 monitors (one that monitored my contractions and one that monitored her heart beat) and her heart showed all of the accelerations and decelerations it was supposed to.  They said she was perfect.  I was so relieved! 

It was fun hearing the heartbeat.  And Jaren found the doctors stool on wheels and was wheeling around the room in circles bumping into everything, which, made me laugh.  A lot.  And whenever I would laugh her heartbeat would go up.  And I would feel her kick or move and it was fun to look and see how much work the movements took her by watching how high her heartbeat would go up. 

So, she is not being affected by how berzerk my body is going.  She is in her own protective bubble.  That was one of my biggest worries (the other being how long she get's to stay in and cook).  But me, on the other hand.  My blood pressure is higher and my symptoms aren't getting any better.  So, I was told to go see my doctor after the test. 

I went to see him and apparently I'm still spilling a lot of protein in my urine, which is not good.  I showed him my hands and they were HUGE and purple.  He looked at my legs and pulled out his computer and went over all of my lab results with me.  There are the normal ranges and I am on the higher end of normal, almost over.  He told me they want to take me before things get worse and the sooner the better.  We went over how far along I'd be next week and decided on Wednesday.  I will be 37 weeks and one day.


I realized we had just said the day I was going to be put under the knife and the day I was going to not be pregnant anymore and the day of my daughters birthday for the rest of her life and the day our lives were really really going to change.  I was kind of....  in shock again? 

I was told how severe this whole thing is again and then was told I'm on strict bed rest, laying on my left side, can get up to pee and take a walk around my mansion every once in a while, but that's it.  So, home we went and it was funny, I first went into the nursery and was talking to my sister.  Then went into the bedroom and Jaren had set up my pillows so I would be laying on my left side accross the whole bed facing the TV.  I laughed, wished I had taken a picture and laid down.  He kept asking me how I was feeling and he would leave the room, then come back and just look at me, then leave, then come back and look and this went on and on.  It was really funny.

They scared him pretty well talking about how, "if she starts to have mood swings that are not like her or if she starts to get really absentminded and spacey you need to bring her in RIGHT AWAY, because likely in just a few minutes she will seize."  Or if I start to feel really sick, I guess.  I had no idea preeclampsia was this serious. 

So, I am listening to my body and laying down a whole lot and doing nothing and being VERY bored already.  I have my sister here to help and per Jaren's orders to watch my every move.  He really doesn't want to leave me alone, but he is helping another farmer down the road dig their spuds before the weather get's too bad to the point they can't dig anymore. 

I took unisom last night and still couldn't sleep.  I can't stop thinking about EVERYTHING.  It's all so crazy.  I think, "Oh no, less than a week - that's too soon!"  But then I try to move and am in pain or am horribly indigested or can't be comfortable and I think, "Yeah... it's a good thing I'm having her next week."  With the increase in blood pressure my swelling is getting worse and with that all of my joints ache.  It's my wrists and knee's now.  It's something new every day. 

I'm trying to focus on the happyness of this all.  I know it's exciting.  I'm very excited to see her and hold her and have her.  But I'm so nervous and scared about the sergery that that is what is clouding my mind.  Everyone I tell squeals happily about it and I can't help but think, "Yeah... but I have to get cut open...."  I know tons of people go through this and it's quick and everything will be fine.  My doctor has done it tons of times.  But I've never had anything more than my wisdom teeth pulled - and that was a HORRIBLE experience and I was even put under.  It's scary.  I'm scared.  I'm trying to calm myself and think about other things.  But it's kind of hard when you can't distract yourself with much more than the TV and internet for small amounts of time (because I have to lie down). 

Another thing - I've been banned from salt.  Which wouldn't be a problem because I've been on this cereal, bread kick for a while.  But just in the last 5 days or so I've been wanting breakfast.  Eggs and ham in all different combinations.  And I can't have it!  I bought groceries the other day and got 2 pounds of ham!  So, I'm making Lindsey and Jaren eat it all because it breaks my heart to see it go to waste.  And soup, soup has not been good my whole pregnancy - until now!  Can't have that either.  And I've been eating Lean Cuisines because they are taste and had low caleries and I was watching all of that with the Gestational Diabetes thing.  But, those with their processededness (I make up my own words) and sauces are full of salt.  So, I'm all grains, dairy and fruits and vegetables.  All of which I really don't care for.  So I'm forcing everything down.  BUT, I decided if I have to give up salt (which I LOVE) I'm taking back the sugar.  hehe.  So I'm eating a little bit of carmel with my apple and I don't care.  I only have 5 days left.  The hard thing is just getting myself to eat something because all of it sounds gross.  But if I don't eat, my stomach cramps all over.  It's painful and annoying.  Again, all of this makes me grateful I'm having her next week. 

After this whole last trimester I definitly don't feel like I'm being cheated anything by "getting out" of the last 3 weeks of pregnancy.  Amazingly, I'm still happy :)  Yesterday I was oddly euphoric.  Today I'm a little frustrated with how my stomach is feeling.  But I think a nap will cure that!  Don't naps cure everything?  They usually do for me.

So, in the next few days i'll be getting the emails entered for the private blog because it looks like I'll be using it sooner than I thought. 

Her birthday will be October 14th.  For the rest of her life.  :)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Onsie Lovsie!

I got a sewing machine for my birthday and I'm rather excited about it.  I decided I wanted to be domesticated and figured this was the best way.  But when I got it I just stared....  Ummm... I only know how to thread and press the pedal and make it go, but I don't know how to make anything!

Then my aunt came and saved me from a domesticated mess.  She showed me how to follow a pattern and I made a dress!  With her coaching me the whole way, but I sewed it and am very proud of myself.

Behold!


 
 

so proud....

Then I knew I wanted to make plain white onsies not so plain.  So she taught me how to blanket stitch and showed me how to use the sticky thinger that makes them stick to the fabric and off I went.

I've finished one pack of 0-3 months and someday I'll do a pack of 3-6 months.  I want to get more creative with them, but for now we have some basic shapes and some other stuff.

Behold again!

 
 
 
 
 


I'm so proud of myself.  I also make receiving blankets and nursing covers.  I made a boppy cover yesterday.  It was... interesting?  haha.  I'll blog about those later and post pictures.  I do like sewing these onesies so much that I want to make them and sell them. Because there is such a thing as too many onsies for one baby.  Do you think anyone would buy them?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Choices

This life is about making choices.  Whether good or bad you get to choose.  Down to the mundane things or things that don't have too much of a detrimental impact on your life - like pb&j or pb&honey?  Or no sand which, I'd rather have a frozen burrito. 

When to wake up, when to sleep.  Like now, I've been up since before 4 a.m. just lying awake and so after over an hour I chose to get out of bed and write down my thoughts. 

I got pregnant with only one birthing option in mind; going till I went into labor then having her the "normal" way.  I also figured that since I was very, VERY healthy to begin with that I would have a pretty easy going pregnancy.  I just figured my body would be able to handle it all easily with how in shape I was and with being young. 

I was surprised when things started to appear that I had no idea about and didn't think would be possible because I was taking such good care of myself.  The pain and weight gain were the hardest to deal with.  I had only gained 13 pounds by the time I was 6 months pregnant.  Then it was like that was the last bit of it - every week from there on out was shocking and subject to lots of weight gain.  And lots of tears of unbelief and confusion.  I got to the point where I could no longer exercise
(because of pain and cramping)- the one thing that I was choosing to do on my own and I had control of.  That was hard to deal with. 

I cramped and could do nothing about it.  My baby wouldn't turn and I couldn't do anything about it.  I tried sitting weird and laying and lifting my pelvis and all sorts of stuff.  Nothing worked.  The girl wasn't budging for me or the doctor when he'd try to push on her. 

Then I thought I had a choice; do a version (turning from the outside) or not and just go with a c-section.  After talking to my doctor and finding out she would be okay, I wanted to do the version.  I wanted to hopefully still have that option of a vaginal birth.  I wanted to go through that experience.  Push her out like every other mommy pushes out their kids. 

Come to find I don't even have that choice anymore.  When faced with a serious situation you do whatever is best for your baby and yourself.  So, I am down for a c-section no matter what.  Unless she magically flips on her own before the surgery.  But I highly doubt that.  I feel like my agency has been taken away and I'm forced with only one option, one way out.  And even though it was not what I wanted or planned I know it's what is best. 

As much as I wanted her to come early I was totally prepared to wait it out uncomfortably.  Because that's what you do.  If I ever hear someone tell me I'm taking the easy way out or the easier road of childbirth I'm going to have a conniption.  I don't have a choice.  I'm doing what is best for my kid.  And I don't care the path anymore as long as the end result results in a healthy baby and me intact.  Even if it takes some healing to get that way.  I do not feel like I have the "easier" path. 

How am I feeling about it all?  The more I'm learning the more nervous I'm getting.  Not about the c-section, but about the preeclampsia.  I didn't realize how serious it was.  And come to find I have the not so good symptoms.  They aren't constant which is nice, but the fact that they are there isn't a good thing.  I find out my blood results this morning sometime (probably not 5:30 a.m.).  I take my jug-o-pee in tonight.  I'm scheduled for my first stress test Thursday.  Unless my blood results are bad.  I'm feeling a bit helpless.  Wishing I knew how serious it was and when I should plan on having my baby.  I can't get over how normal, well, normal for the last few weeks/months I feel.  If normal is horrible pelvic pain, rib pain and cramping.  haha.... which I guess isn't necessarily.  But to know that something isn't right with your body and not be able to tell from the outside is weird.  I take comfort in the fact that she is so active.  She is moving a ton and it's the only thing that makes me rest easily. 

I'm okay with the c-section.  I feel calm about it.  I'm a bit nervous about being cut open.  Scared for how the recovery will go, but in the end I'm okay about it all.  Just wondering when.....

It's all still a bit unreal.  And my mind is going much too fast and needs to calm down so I can sleep.  Writing my thoughts helps.  I'm wondering if it makes sense to anyone other than myself. 

Does it?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

36 Weeks: Preeclampsia

Yeah, it's true. 

I'm still kind of.... in shock?  Umm, I can't quite figure out the right words for how I'm feeling.  Like this is unreal?  I woke up this morning hoping to see if we can flip her or not at this doctors appointment.  Walked in and was excited to see that I hadn't hit a 50 pound weight gain yet.  And then the first thing my doc said when he walked in was, "Swollen?".

I held up my hands and said, yeah, can't see my knuckles.  And he said, "Your face."  Yes, I'm sure glad it is that obvious that my face isn't supposed to be this fat.  He looked at my ankles and calves and said he wanted to check my urine for protein.  He walked out, walked right back in and said I had WAY too much protein in my urine.  Which is bad.  I have 2 of the 3 preeclampsia symptoms.  My blood pressure isn't too high; I have been taking those "stop cramping" pills that are also used for lowering blood pressure.  I have been taking them twice a day every day for 3 weeks so we are going to wait till they are out of my system (since I stopped taking them today) and take my blood pressure again. Because they could have lowered it.

With this new development a version was out of the question and without a version my baby wont flip which means c-section.  He told me that even with a version the chances of us turning her were really low given the fact that she still wont budge from her comfy little right side of my uterus.  Doing a version would cause too much stress on her given the fact that my body is already under stress.

All of the symptoms he asked me about I had.  The swelling, the seeing stars, the headaches, the pain under my right ribcage (liver).  I attributed all of these things to just being pregnant.  Especially the rib pain, and most of it is her, but in the last week I have been having sharp pains there every once in a while.  Which could not be her and is my liver.  Unless she's sprained or broken ribs - which I thought was a viable possibility :)

He is glad I'm 36 weeks so she is developed enough to be outside of me and live on her own.  They will try to get me to at least 38 weeks.  I go in twice a week for nonstress tests at the hospital (first one is this Thursday) and will be seeing him (the doc) every week.  But, I could be scheduled for a c-section in that amount of time.  We don't know when, it all depends on the stress tests and the blood work I gave them today.  I wont find out those results until tomorrow morning.  I was also given a big jug (I'm posting a picture - it's too hilarious) to put all of my urine in for the next 24 hours.  I have never heard of this - I was laughing hysterically.  AND to make it even better, you have to keep it in the fridgerator.  I am going to put a post-it that says, "NOT O.J." for Jaren.  :)

I also had an ultrasound.  Her rear is too far into my pelvis we couldn't see it.  We got a split second glance at her face - our first!!  Chubby litle cheeks with a little nose.:D  I'm so glad to know she has at least those.  Her feet, BOTH of them, were up at her face.  So funny, she is folded in half, but still kicks me super low!  So it means she will put her legs down, give me a good kick, then bring them back up.  It makes me laugh.  I love this little thing.  She is "Frank Breach", he said.

I wouldn't let him leave the room until he answered EVERY SINGLE ONE of my questions.  I had him go over every little detail about a c-section and what I needed to bring and what happens before and after and the recovery.  One of my biggest concerns was where she was going to go after she came out.  I didn't want her out of either (Jaren or I) of our sights if she didn't need the NICU.  He told me that after they get her all cleaned up and wrapped up they will bring her and give her to Jaren, unless she needs the NICU - which I'm really hoping she doesn't.  And she shouldn't since I'm as far along as I am.  Or will be.....

My recovery shouldn't be too rough if I do what I'm supposed to and I TRY(instead of just lie there lazily) to recover.  I want to be active again so I'm not worried about that.  I'm also going to buy a sort of girdle thing that you can wear while your sleeping - or not, but it should help hold everything together and help with the recovery.

This is all so weird.  That's all that I can think to describe it.  Weird.  I didn't think I would have anything like this ever.  I thought I would have a normal pregnancy.  I'm not going to get into it on this post.  I'm going to write a seperate one on how I feel.


Moving on to this last week:
  • stronger worse cramps in front and back
  • sharp rib pain
  • lack of nesting, lack of motivation
  • found I like decorating onsies and I am currently making a boppy cover
  • made two nursing covers and am going to make two more - very impressed with myself
  • trouble sleeping - saturday night or sunday morning I was up from 4 a.m. to 6:30 a.m.  I layed in bed for an hour and a half trying to fall back asleep.  Finally, after starting to feel really sick to my stomach I got up, ate and read and then went back to bed.  
  • had one day where she didn't move until late afternoon and it scared me to death
  • then every single day after that she has been moving nonstop it feels like - I can't believe it.  She is SO ACTIVE!  
  • the poor thing hiccups 5-10 times a day.  Probably more like 10.  And it is a hard thumping that reverberates through my uterus.  You can see my belly jump.  
  • bought the last of the things I need.  2 bottles and a sleep positioner.  I'm ready - good thing too, since she could come any day.
  • Jaren is afraid to leave me alone because the doctor mentioned seizures.  I'm not worried, they will take her out before it ever came close to that.  And it's weird because I feel okay.... so it's weird to know what's going on with my body.
36 Weeks:
Swollen body!  Big baby.


The JUG.

Big belly, but no stretch marks! (On my belly... other places - that's a different story)

Belly button is still an innie!  Rather shallow and small now.



Friday, October 2, 2009

The Private Blog

If you remember this post you'll know that the time is coming that I'll be starting the private blog.  Again, this (the one you are currently viewing) blog is not going private, it's just not going to have a ton of information about our little spuds or us.

This blog will turn into posts about... ummm.... things that aren't necessarily all family related?  I'm still not quite sure how it will all work, but I'll try.  Keeping two separate blogs regular seems kind of tough, if you ask me.  But I'm going to try.  I'll feed them both lots of bran.

I've gone through and added those who have sent me email addresses to the Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead's Spuds blog.  If you have not received an email and want to be included or if you have not and you sent me your email please do so again.  Either I got it wrong, or somehow your email got lost, probably my fault. 

I probably wont start posting on the other blog till she arrives.  And there will be some of her in this blog, just not much.  Again, if you want to be invited to that blog - either leave me your email in the comments or email me yourself at whitneykathleen at gmail dot com.  I know a lot of people don't like to comment, but now is the time, my friends. 

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Crib Drama

I started looking at cribs around my one year anniversary (April, 2008). I bookmarked a few and then got too sad since I knew it was going to be quite some time till I could have a kid since I had an entire year of school left.

Then I found out I was pregnant and I had no desire to really start looking at baby stuff since I didn't know what I was having and it was just too soon in the pregnancy to do so.

All of that changed the second I found out I was having a girl (I'm sure it would have been no different if I found out I was having a boy). This fetus became a girl, our daughter and we already had a name (which will come when she comes, b/c we may change it). I started doing all sorts of research on EVERYTHING baby. Ask me about almost anything and I can tell you what I've learned.

I'm picky. It's a horrible curse. The only cribs I was finding that I liked were too expensive. I liked the convertible cribs with a thicker back and an overall chunky sturdy look.

In July I was in Salt Lake baby looking/shopping with my friend, Ashley and we found a crib that I LOVED at USA Baby. It was a bit more than we were going to spend, but I wanted this one for every single baby. I thought, "if we have the money set aside now, we might not later if we want to or need to replace. Let's just buy the right one once."

Jaren didn't shoot me down, he looked at it, said he liked it, too and then we measured the nursery.

Now, our nursery used to be a pretty big room at one point. But then a hall (to our garage) was put in and cut about 4 feet out. We found the crib wouldn't fit with a dresser. It was too big. I cried.



I kept looking and looking and had trouble finding something we could afford with the style I wanted. We knew that if we wanted to do a crib and dresser the dresser had to be no more than 40 inches wide. There are none in a collection that are that size that aren't just a shelved changing table. I would like drawers so it can be used as a dresser when the kid no longer needed "changed".

Another friend mentioned the brand name of her crib and I realized I had seen that before. When I found the bedding I wanted it was on a crib I really liked. I could not remember the name myself but I knew it sounded super familiar. So I looked it up and found that it was the same crib I had originally liked the 2 days after I found out what I was having. I was SO excited. It was the exact price we said we could spend and we measured and the crib fit fine, but it didn't have a dresser that matched it. But I figured I could mix and match.

Then I started looking for the crib and every website said 6-8 week wait. When I called the store I had seen it in they said the same thing. We really would much rather buy in a store so we wouldn't have to order online. And the 6-8 week thing? She would be here. Which wouldn't have been too much of an issue because she will be in a cradle for the first few months. But I REALLY wanted my nursery set up.



I continued to look to see if I could find something better. I then found a crib at Downeast Home - a place where they get wholesale stuff. Pottery Barn and then this different brand of a crib I liked. This crib I found had to be ordered and paid for in order for it to come to the store because they only had 7 in their warehouse and they have 25 or something stores. This crib was originally 200 bucks more than we wanted to spend but because they were getting it wholesale it put it at the same price as the other one. I just didn't want to pay for it until I had seen it and decided it was exactly what I wanted.

So I didn't.



I struggled for 2 days debating and trying to get opinions on which one was better. I was having such a hard time. I'm sure a crib isn't a big deal for some, but I was struggling! It was a huge purchase and would be used for who knows how many kids - if not all of ours. I wanted something I liked.

I went to Babies R Us online to look to see if I could find a dresser that matched the dimensions we needed. On their homepage was a crib. I thought, "Where has this been??! I have seen EVERY single crib" I clicked on it and saw that it was just over a hundred less than what the other two cribs were. I got really excited because I thought it was pretty, too. It was a little more simple than the ones I was looking at but had the overall shape and color that I wanted. At this time we were going to be going to Boise in just over a week.

I called Babies R Us and they didn't have it in stock. It was really weird and complicated trying to order it. Then I thought, "wwaait, we have a Toys R Us just 30 minutes from us, can they get it? We can pick it up there." And they called each other and me and it was a really annoying 40 minutes. In the end I found out I could get it from the Toys R Us store AND get an extra 20% off if I brought in an old baby item.

I got really excited because that meant it would save us even MORE money! But then I realized I didn't know anyone well enough to ask for an old baby item. So I went to one of their thrift stores the next day and found a swing for 5 bucks. I took it in, got that 20% off and then they got me another 10% off with a coupon. I about cried. And we didn't have to pay shipping and handling. And it came in a week!



We picked it up, it filled up the Tahoe and stayed in there till my mom came the next week and helped me clean out and get my nursery organized. Jaren set it up that night and I couldn't have been more happy. It's beautiful and it's perfect and it was MUCH cheaper than what we were going to spend. More like, what Jaren said was okay because he knew how much it meant to me.

My beautiful bedding is in it and I can't stop staring. Very excited to lay her in it. Even though she wont be sleeping in it for a few months. In fact, my sister in law liked it so much the next day she went and ordered herself one. She got just as much off as I did, so I was happy for her.

The other cool thing is that the crib is made by the same company that made the one I really wanted that had my bedding in it (second crib picture from top). It's just their sister company. And the reviews I read about this brand and their quality of cribs was wonderful so I felt good about it.

I have found a dresser that would work - not quite sure if the wood will match exactly, but that's okay. It's just about 30 bucks more than what we ended up saving with this crib. And it can be shipped to the Wal Mart here so I don't have to pay shipping and handling. Only thing is that we aren't sure if we want to be spending any more money on stuff. Spud prices are horrible and so we want to be even more careful. Even though we hardly spend money on anything other than what we need anyway.



So, we wait on the dresser. We have one in there now, it just is a little bit wider and the drawers drive me up the wall. They fall out and to me - it really clashes. And the nursery is my baby right now - since my actual kid is just being lazy and getting fat and hurting my ribs.

Jaren setting it up with Stephanie. You can see how small the room is.
He sure makes me happy.

Here is MY crib with MY bedding in MY nursery!

Other pictures of the whole nursery will come in a different post.

SO glad the search is over and my nursery actually can be called one because it has a crib in it :)  I'm VERY pleased!

p.s. if you want to know any of the crib names/brand names ask me and I'll send you an email. 



Tuesday, September 29, 2009

35 Weeks: Random Updates

Anything new?

Just that the cramping has come back (and is more painful) even though I'm still taking those pills. I feel like it's such a waste of pain if it's not causing dilation. I wont find out if it is (and it's probably not) till next Tuesday.

Each day I think it's impossible for my body to be more uncomfortable and in any more pain. Then the next day I'm proven wrong.

I would LOVE for her to flip so her head isn't nestled under my ribs. Each day she get's a little bigger and so she get's a little higher and now I'm constantly trying to arch my back to relieve some of the pressure/pain. It has to be rather uncomfortable for her, too, right? She is still kicking pretty good, but they aren't as hard. I'm thinking she doesn't have much room to wind up.

90% of the time I move there is grunting and wincing. I asked Jaren if it annoyed him and he said no. I said, good, because I can't help it.

I came to the realization last night that there is no part of my body that is mine. That is what I worked so hard for all of my life since I was 15. Nothing familiar. That, of course, was something I shouldn't have thought about because it caused a not so fun breakdown.

I prefer crying in the shower because then you can blow your nose without the gross boogery-in-kleenex feeling. Have I ever shared my phobia of blowing my nose?? Ohhhh it grosses me OUT.

I've been super amazingly domestic. I want to share the stuff I've made, but some are gifts and we will just have to wait till the recipients get them and then I'll post pictures of my awesomeness.

I am working on some projects for the nursery and as soon as they are done I'll share pictures of the nursery. Or maybe I'll post some anyway with naked walls so I can post some later with not so naked walls.

Where did my nesting energy go? I'm in a funk. I get up, eat breakfast, then want to lay back down and go back to sleep. Waste my WHOLE morning. I need a kick in the rear. Which I think will only come from my own foot. But it's hard since I cant even touch my foot.

This is projected to be Jaren's last week of spud harvest. It will be full of late nights and a super bored wife. But come Sunday morning - he is MINE!!! Very, VERY excited about that.

Weight is still piling on. Faster than the "in the last trimester you gain about a pound a week..." nonsense. I'm eating well, VERY well and not a lot at all. I'm not going hungry, but I am not shoving all sorts of calories down my throat. It's been a month since I've stopped eating sweets and it's seemed to do diddly. I seem to be getting even more swollen, too. Even my lips. UHG.

Unless it's below freezing in our bedroom at night I am HOT and sweating and trying (unsuccessfully b/c it hurts too bad) to roll around to get comfortable. And I'm not exaggerating about the temperature. It needs to be around 32 degree's. Thank heavens Jaren likes to sleep in the cold.

PSD pain is getting worse and worse. Now when I wake up in the middle of the night to waddle to the bathroom I'm about brought to my knees. But falling down would mean having to get back up, which would hurt worse and when I really REALLY have to pee that process just wont work. So I just wince and make noises.

Jaren sleeps through all of my painful noises when I get up to go to the bathroom and the grunting trying to get back into bed and the rusteling of the covers as I try to get them back over me. Then when my head hits the pillow he wakes up and tries to put the covers over me and asks, "are you ok? What do I need to do?" With which I laugh and tell him to just go back to bed. And he does. :) Wonder if this will be how it will be with the feedings?? We'll have to see.

Read that pregnant women have an increase of mucus (gross, I know). I didn't know it would be like a constant stuffy cold!! Thank heavens for Mucinex D.

35 Weeks:
I am totally completely swollen. I've put on 4 pounds in the last week (HOWWWWWWW?!?!?!!!) and the only thing I can think of is that it's more water. Which would explain why my face is swollen, my LIPS, my hands (can't hardly see my knuckles anymore), and of course, everything else. I can't hardly bend over to put lotion on my calves. How many more weeks do I have?????
Finger on top of her head and hand cupping her rear. She is getting rather large.
Drum roll please.....
I talk about how she is only on one side. She is this large lump that doesn't like to go past my belly button (towards the left of my uterus).

Well, here it is:
From top of head looking down while I'm laying down. So your looking at the top of her head. the smaller lump is her legs.
Please ignore the messyness that is my house. Lots of unfinished projects and I'm currently in the process of decorating for Halloween and Fall. In between naps.

Looking at my belly from underneath. This seems to be the most revealing of shots. My fingers are centered above my belly.
I have room for two in here. My left side is totally empty. Although, since she is getting rather long her legs have taken up space on the bottom left. The thought of two babies in there.... the same pain in BOTH ribs?? Uhg. I'll take my stubborn little one.

What is funny is that people have commented, "is she right there?" while pointing to my right. It's now quite obvious just while standing or sitting. My chiropractor says, "Wow, looks like your pregnant" and I respond, "Yeah, just on one side." Makes him laugh, but he does this every time.

I sure hope this girl flips on her own SOON.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

34 Weeks: How Is She Going to Come Out?!

Your guess is as good as mine.

We went to the doctor Tuesday and everything was going well. I was in a great mood - my blood pressure was off the charts. So they had a nurse come in and manually take it twice: first time was 102!!! Oh man... I about cried. I realized it was the only thing that was constant pre pregnancy that has come out during pregnancy (at the end, of course.... but still). Second time was 110; still MUCH better, but not as low as what I used to be. It made me a bit sad that my very very healthy and in shape self has long since been gone. But I am VERY hopeful and looking forward to getting my body back and making it mine again. What I'm happy with, what I'm used to.

Anywho: quick update then I'll run into the different birthing scenarios.
  • - been taking the "stop cramping" pills for over a week now and menstrual cramps are pretty much all gone. Just get the sharp quick painful ones when I walk - not constantly, but still pretty regular while walking.
  • - pretty sure bladder infection is gone. Didn' t know I had one in the first place.... so I'm assuming the antibiotics did the trick.
  • - Mommy came all last week and helped a TON. Cleaned, helped me de-clutter and kept me company. The biggest project - the nursery - got done because of her. I would have been so overwhelmed.
  • - Jaren set up the crib last Wednesday and I LOVE IT. All I do is go in and just stare and stare.
  • - I also go in and grab my blessing dress and stare and hold it - I'm in love. So glad Mom held onto that.
  • - Really really looking forward to spud harvest being over so I get my husband back. This has been the least demanding (this is my 3rd I've been married to him for) so far, so I shouldn't be complaining. But I miss him.
  • - since regulating my own diet the scale has been somewhat under control.
  • - Still have a super inny belly button
  • - no stretch marks on belly - I check every day
  • - but have found them elsewhere... and found some more this morning - REALLY bummed about it.
  • - rib pain get's worse every day. The bigger she get's the larger her head is and it's constantly lodged under my ribs. Just my right side, but it's lately been hurting on both sides even though she's only on one side.
  • - Informed Jaren I'm going to whine a lot about being miserably uncomfortable and in pain because it makes me feel better. He's ok with it.
  • - Amazing how whining actually does make you feel better
  • - I think I just need those Advent bottles (so expensive!) and then I'm pretty well set.... I think..... I hope.

Oh the possibilities:
She will come one of two ways: C section or vaginal birth (what other ways are there? Unless there's something new that I've not heard of....)

How we will get to either of those points will go one of these ways:

  • At 36 weeks I stop taking my cramping pills and go in for an ultrasound to try to see if they can see why she wont budge. I'll also get "checked" again.....
  • At this ultrasound if we see that she cannot move or budge then we schedule C section from there. We'll see if I can swing 38 weeks.... but I doubt it.
  • Unless I go into labor before or she decides to turn by 38 weeks we will try to turn her. I'll go in the hospital, they will give me stuff to relax my uterus and some stuff for the pain, take an ultrasound find bum, head and placenta then a nurse and my doc will start the pain, I mean... process. He said they will try a front somersault, if she wont move, they will try the opposite way and if she wont move that way either; they give up. No need to try when obviously there's a reason she wont move. And then we would schedule a C section for a few days later.
  • If I go into labor and she is breech and they have already established she wont flip, they will automatically take me in and do a C section.
  • If at 38 weeks they get her turned, my doc is pretty sure that because she will be bigger she wont turn back around. So we wait.... and wait till my body and her's decides it's time to get on with life and get her out.
Or.
  • We will enduce depending on the situation and what is going on and what my doctor thinks is best.
I am planning on a C section so that if she flips I will be pleasantly surprised about pushing her out the "normal" way. Then if I have to have a C section I wont be to shocked and freaked, I'll be expecting it. So, I'm mentally preparing myself.

It feels really nice to have some type of plan for each scenario. I'm not just sitting here wondering. I'm more terrified of the turning than I am of the birth(with the birth I get an epidural, not so with the turning). I hear how absolutly painful it is and I've already had a bit of a taste - and THAT was very painful. I cannot imagine a full on attack. I've been assured that she will be fine throughout all of it. They monitor her heart rate and wont force anything. If at any point she is under stress I'll opt out and just go for a c section. I really really REALLY don't want her stressed. She's this poor tiny little innocent thing that doesn't know she's being naughty so I will do whatever is best for her.

I feel very at peace with the whole situation. I know that with whatever happens both her and I will be fine. I just don't know exactly how we will get to that point. It's a bit scary at times.

Lately I can't stop thinking about holding her, seeing her and taking care of her. I can't imagine a little girl that looks like me - all I see is a dark haired, dark eyed and possibly dark skinned little thing. Which is all Jaren. I was a tow head and then my hair started to get dark end of high school and in College went the brown it is now. So it's possible she could come out blonde, but I think it would go dark before she even hit Jr. High because of her daddy.

She's around 5 pounds now and I keep thinking she's a BABY in there. A full sized little baby. She needs to have the finishing touches for her lung and nerve development, but she is getting so big!

I'm trying to be patient... I'm very, very excited. And very uncomfortable, so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I love this little girl and am soooo excited to have her. She has been very badly wanted for quite some time.

34 Weeks:
I was tired and cranky
The PJ pants(maternity) are courtesy of my sister, Lindsey who had mercy on my "no pants fit me anymore!" dilemma. I have 2 pairs of jeans and b/c of her; 2 pairs of lounge pants. I wear 2 of Jaren's shorts, too. And that's it! I really really look forward to loosing the weight so I have clothes to wear again.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

33 Weeks: Much Better

The 4 days I was on bed rest were no fun. It was hard to not be able to do anything. I had my own body as an enforcer because whenever I tried to do anything I hurt. I made an appointment to meet with my doctor (finally off vacation) Monday. I went in and told him everything that had been happening. He was equally flustered and concerned. We listened to her heartbeat which was heard almost through my belly button - made me laugh. A portal to her heart.

Coming into this appointment I felt calm. I felt like I was going to get answers. Then I stepped on the scale. My last appointment was 4 days previous and I put on 3 pounds. I'm to the point where I just laugh about it... not because I'm genuinely entertained, but because I can't believe it. It's out of control. I'm eating really well and It's still piling on - HOW?! I stopped eating sweets since I was told I was borderline Gestational Diabetic. I asked the doc and he is running my blood again and I'm possibly seeing the nutritionist this coming Tuesday at my 34 week appointment. It's weird to be seeing a nutritionist since it's kind of what I went to school for - I've designed many a meal and exercise plan for overweight or diabetic or high blood pressured people. But, this just means I wont have to think, someone else will! I'm stumped because what do I do if I'm hungry??? It HURTS to be so hungry. I guess that's a sign of GD. I really hope I don't have it, but it would explain the massive water retention, out of control weight gain and why I get rather dizzy and sick if I need to eat. Blah.... So, for now I'm just eating very small amounts often of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, protein stuff and drinking LOTS of water. So far so good.

Doctor checked me for dilation - "cervix closed." is what he said. So that's good news! But, can I just say getting "checked" is rather uncomfortable. Not quite what I expected... not too excited to repeat it, but I think this is just the tip of the ice berg for what is in store in the next month and a half.

Baby is still vertically breech. Pretty sure she's dropped. But then she rises back out of my pelvis to nestle her big head under my ribs - such a sweetheart. It was sure weird, though. Waking up and seeing her head bump about 2 inches lower than normal. My lower abdomen was rather protrudy. We are worried she is much too comfortable and doesn't want to move. I'm to the point where I am expecting them trying to turn her and I'm coming to grips that a C section is just as likely as a vaginal birth for me. Not excited about it.... but I can say I wont ever let her forget that she was the first and set the trend. I'll probably even scare her with my scar regularly so she knows it. (all in a lovingly teasing motherly way - don't want to give my child a complex)

Last Thursday they checked for a bladder infection - came back negative. He checked again Monday and said I had lots of bacteria so the likleyhood of an infection is high. So in the 4 days I developed one. Yes, a bladder infection would explain my cramping. But I doubt I have had one that has gone undetected with all the cup peeing I've been doing for the last month. When I asked him about that, he told me I just have a "naughty uterus". Darn naughty uterus. The cramping causes so much pain and I really really would like to walk. He gave me some pills that stop cramping and then gave me antibiotics for the bladder infection and plus I have muscle relaxers that are supposed to help me sleep and then my prenatals. I feel like a pill popping fool. Two every morning and all 4 every night.

I asked him right before he left if it meant I can move again and he said yes. So, off bed rest! But it's taken a few days for the pills to work. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't cramp every time I moved. Which was very exciting. The menstrual cramps are very very dimmed and just about gone. The sharp really painful ones still hit, but are by no means as regular as before. I now just have all that PSD pain that is getting worse and worse as the little princesses behind get's bigger and bigger and nestles into my pelvis so gently.

My mom came Monday night and it's been wonderful. She and I got groceries, pedicures and all day yesterday cleaned out and sorted through my nursery. We washed all her 0 to 12 month clothes and got them put away. Jaren set up the crib last night and I'm in love. I think I'll do a whole post on the crib drama and the amazing deal I ended up getting. It is amazing to walk in there and see a clear floor and full closet and a crib and I'm very very excited about everything. I'm very glad she's continuing to cook - but I'm ready to have her here in a month. Yeah? Yeah. Sounds good to me.

I was really bummed that I wasn't able to go to Boise last weekend for a special family event for Jaren's side of the family. And was even more so when I found out I wasn't dilated and all I needed were some pills. All of that would have been taken care of if my doctor had been there when I went in on Thursday. But it didn't matter that we weren't able to make it, Jaren's family still spoiled us and sent gifts. Things that will save us a lot of money and we are going to put to very good use. We are very grateful.

All in all this is a crazy pregnancy. And didn't start to be one till I hit my third trimester. I'm hoping hoping that when I hear over and over that every pregnancy is different that this will be my worst. Even if it's not, I'll still do it again. I want to be a mommy to more than one baby. It is but a moment - an uncomfortable painful long moment, but does go away eventually. I am so glad this little girl is healthy and will stay in for a bit longer. My goal is to get her to at least 36 weeks. The last of the important developing is happening right now for the next 3 weeks. Brain and lung and digesting development. I really just want to be able to take her home - no NICU baby. But I will say, if I have this GD thing I'm terrified of a huge baby. But if I have to have a C section, I guess it doesn't matter. We will just have to see how things play out. I'm just glad they are waiting to play out :)

Also - I want to mention my mood. For the last few weeks it's like I've been in this dark tunnel. I've not been able to feel like myself or be myself. All of this crying and moping is NOT me. I know a lot of you have never met me in person, but I am such a happy person. I love to laugh and make people laugh and be happy and spunky. What other way is there to live? I love life and it's worth it to me to be an optimist and make an effort to enjoy it. But the last few weeks have been so hard. It's like I cannot be myself. I was sad, depressed, would cry all the time and I think it took it's toll on Jaren and definitely myself. I would just sit there and say "I want to be happy.... Why can't I be happy?" It was something I've not really experienced before. I can normally control my mood pretty well.... but it was no use with this. I felt stuck and just sad. But something happened at my Doctors appointment Monday. I left SO incredibly happy. Laughing and singing and I think the possibility of a preterm baby and all the pain was really weighing me down. And to have answers and a solution was amazing. The sad thing was I noticed a visible difference in my husband. He was smiling and laughing and very affectionate (which he always is), but this was different. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders as well and I'm afraid the whole of it wasn't just the fear of a preterm baby, but it was his wife's emotional state. It is a horrible feeling when I think I caused him turmoil and made his life a bit less bright because I couldn't handle myself. I'm so glad I'm out of that funk that lasted way too long. I don't expect to be free and clear - since I still have the insane hormones running through me, but I hope that the depression has been lifted. It's been since Monday and I'm still rather happy, so I hope it's to stay. One of the reasons Jaren married me, in his words, is because I'm, "bubbly, effervescent, fun and happy" and cute. :) We are both looking forward to having all of that back after the pregnancy is over. Because I would regularly jump and wrestle him to the ground - then he'd use man strength (which is cheating) and overpower. We miss that. I can't hardly move - hah. I'm so glad it makes him laugh on a regular basis how huge I am and how ridiculous it is that I can't pick up something I've dropped if I'm sitting. How it's such a struggle to get off the couch or out of bed. Bless his heart for the sense of humor. And he tugs at my growing double chin/waddle and pinches the fat on my face and just smiles. I love him for acknowledging it and laughing and agreeing it's there. Because it's getting rather funny(and sad) at how I am moving further and further from what I used to look like. He is wonderful and makes all of this so much easier to bare. He helps and understands my restrictions. Okay... enough. I've been crying this whole paragraph. The whole point was to let everyone know - I'M (mostly) happy me again! Which is WONDERFUL.

33 Weeks
Jaren decided he liked to be creative and so he held the camera at an angle. Which made me laugh as I was trying to hide my waddle.

I was trying to hide the double chin to see if I'd look more like myself - my unpregnant self.
Here is a "normal" picture - and I tried very hard to suck in. :)Thank you for everyone's nice comments on my last post. Your comments are greatly appreciated. I know these posts are long, but I find it helps to get it all out and I know I'm going to be glad I was this detailed later on.