Lindsey's Accident

First, let me say Lindsey is fine.

I can't stop thinking about it.  About how bad it was.  About how I heard it all.  About how it took Lindsey 1-2 minutes  (or maybe it just felt that long) to pick up the phone and tell me she was okay and where she was.  About how when I was a mile away from the scene I could see the flashing police, ambulance and fire truck lights.  How I tried so hard to keep my speed at 45 mph for that mile, but found myself having to constantly slow down.  About how her car looked.....

Linds called for a phone number.  I gave her the phone number and we were talking about envelopes for her invitations when she said, "I don't think they're stopping."  and then  "Oh no... Oh My Gosh!"  over and over and over and then I heard the crash.  I was holding Naomi so I didn't scream.. or at least I tried not to.  I kept repeating, "Lindsey?! Lindsey?! Lindsey!"  I heard rustling and moving and then she picked up the phone and told me she was in an accident.  I asked her if she was okay - she said she was and I heard her telling other people she was fine.  I asked where she was and she told me.  I told her I would be right there.

As I was hanging up I heard Jaren pull into the driveway.  I was so glad because I didn't know what I was going to do with Naomi.  She was tired and was almost ready to go down for her last nap.  I was freaking out.  I always thought I'd be calm and fine in scary situations and depending on the situation I think I am.  But not this one.  Maybe it was because I heard it?  Because it was Lindsey?  I don't know.

Jaren walked in and I said, "Lindseys been in an accident. She's at this intersection. I'm going."  I tried to hand him Naomi before he had even taken his coat off.  He told me to calm down.  I tried.  I put Naomi on our bed under the fan - that always keeps her entertained for as long as I need to get ready for something.  So I changed and left.

I was speeding the whole way there... I'll admit it.  I tried not to - but 45 and 50 mph just isn't fast enough when I knew I needed to get there.  I called my Dad and told him what was going on.  I knew Lindseys fiance who is a Deputy would be there and have the situation under control just fine... but there is no way I could just sit at home and wait to hear what was going on when I was less than 10 minutes away from it. 

The last mile was the worst.  I could see all of the flashing lights and the speed limit was 45 mph.  I stayed within 45 and 50 which was quite the accomplishment as I was going a bit faster on the other roads.

My first thoughts when pulling up to the accident?  Well, I saw the van first and thought, "Oh no, it's worse than I thought"  For some reason I thought it was a little fender bender.  I thought she was in town at an intersection where the speeds are 25 or 35 mph.  So, realizing it wasn't that is probably why I started freaking out even more.  I jumped out of my car and started to jog towards the accident looking for the ambulance Lindsey said she was in.  I was stopped by a cop and told not to run.  I said "Okay, I'm sorry, my sister was in this accident."  He pointed me around a giant bush and told me if I knocked on the back door they would let me in.

When I rounded the bush I saw Lindseys car.  I couldn't believe she picked up the phone, walked away from it; that she was okay!  Her car was totaled.  The entire front end was smashed and smooshed and all over the place.  As calmly as I could I walked up to the ambulance and knocked on the back door.  An officer stepped out from the side and said, "This door is open."  So I stepped in and saw Lindsey and started crying right away.  She was fine!  Totally calm.  Stood up and hugged me.

Aren't I supposed to be the strong older sister?  I've been trained in CPR, First Aid and all that stuff a few times.  I've been in my own accident - I knew what to do in this situation.  But all of it went out the window  when it was my baby sister.  I'd like to think I'm still insanely hormonal from having Naomi.  The previous 2 days were oddly emotional for me so I know I was more of a mess than I might have been a week from now.

She showed me the big gashy scratch on her left hand.  Said, "I think I chipped my tooth," and showed me.  She did.  The same one that I chipped years and years ago on the trampoline.  But I just thought that - didn't say it.  Maybe I'll show her later.

Nate was there and he was calm as well.  I knew that would be a given seeing what he does everyday.  Why was I the only one shaking and trying not to cry and freaking out??  I'm blaming it on the hormones.  I'm quite embarrassed as to what a mess I was.

Linds was filling out the accident form.  I offered to do it for her, but she wanted to do it herself.  But as officers kept coming in and out she was distracted in answering questions.  So I took it and wrote as she told me exactly what happened.  When everyone left out of the ambulance she showed me the scratches from the seat belt on her hip.  It looked like it stung.  We were kicked out of the ambulance and it was COLD.  Linds didn't have a jacket, just a small sweater.  Nate got her a blanket and a beanie.  We stood over by her mangled car and finished writing the report.

She wanted her orange out of the front.   It was covered in glass.  Maybe there was even some embedded in it?  I don't know.  Everything was a mess.  Airbags out.  What is weird is that this used to be my car (see post about a pervert with a rock) before I was married.  It's been 3 years since it was mine, but it was weird still.  The Volkswagen has given us nothing but trouble.  Breaking down all the time and constantly needing things replaced.  It was a lemon.  After the situation sinks in and Lindsey iss fine we can laugh about how my Dad is relieved to be rid of the car.

I went around and took a bunch of pictures with my phone.  I almost brought my camera - I wish I had.  As the adrenaline was wearing off Linds said her jaw was hurting and she could feel it in her neck and upper back.  When I talked to her this morning she told me she had a giant bruise on her knee and her hand hurts to open and close.  Her hips are sore from the seat belt and she said her shoulder is too.  Big head ache and her neck is in a lot of pain from the wiplash.  She is so lucky.  If you call it that.

She is going to the doctor today to get everything checked out and get her hand X-Rayed since it's hurting her pretty bad.  Everyone who saw the car said she was lucky to be alive.  That had she not been wearing her seat belt it could have been fatal.

I needed to write down my feelings and what happened.  It's such a sobering thing.  Something like this.  Especially when it's family.  I've never told anyone this... but I've always had a fear of losing my sister.  More than the regular, "I hope nothing bad never happens to her."  And yesterday came way too close.  Maybe that was part of why I was such a basket case?

I guess I didn't say what exactly happened.  She was driving down a highway going 50 mph and was coming to an intersection.  There are houses on the sides of the road and there was a church to her right of the intersection.  She saw a van going really fast to her right - she says probably around 60 towards the intersection.  She slowed a little but said, "You know how some people drive really fast and then slow down really fast at a stop sign?  I thought she was going to do that."  Linds looked for break lights and saw none.  That's when she knew what was going to happen but it was fast.  The lady hit the intersection first and Lindsey clipped the rear of her car and it spun Lindsey around and off the road into a fence and bush.  The van flipped completely over the bush and landed, wheels down, on the other side.   The other lady had a casserole all over her car.  She must have been taking it to someone and was in a hurry.  She has a local license plate, I'm sure she is from around here.  She had to have known there was a stop sign there.  I'm not originally from around here and I know there is a stop sign there.  My guess?  She was speeding, figured she'd just blow the stop sign because she's done it before.  She might have seen Lindsey and figured she'd beat her so she floored it - or she didn't see her.  Or who knows, maybe she didn't know there was a stop sign there, but I doubt it.  She was taken away in an ambulance.  She was saying that her back was burning.  I don't know how she is, but I hope she is okay - there was a toddler seat in the back.

Looking back at these pictures there's no doubt in my mind that she was watched over and protected. 

Here is her car

 Here is the other lady's car

Lesson to take home?  Wear your seat belt and don't run stop signs!

20 Weeks: Half Way! And Some Other Happenings

The funniest thing just happened. I'm laying reclined and so I have part of the computer on my belly. The little girl who is the size of a "small" cantelope (accoring to baby center), or as long as a banana (according to what to expect) in my belly doesn't like to be pushed on. She kicked or punched or head butted or boxed out (if you speak basketball lingo) kind of hard right where the computer was. So, I picked it up thinking it was just a normal hit. Then put it back down - hit again! So, I picked it up and was laughing, Jaren started to get defensive. "she doesn't want the computer on her!" I told him I barely had any pressure and set it back down - wam! So I'm laughing even more and Jaren is trying to tell me to sit up and put it on my lap, to stop "squishing his little girl". I didn't want to do that b/c it pulls on my neck looking down at the screen and I already have a head and neck ache. So, I just pushed it down off my belly and had the belly hanging out b/c I'm hot. And I felt another hard kick and looked down and my belly jumped! Jaren said he saw it and she kept movin for a few minutes. It sure made us happy. She's a lot of fun already :) But Jaren says she is stubborn (which he seems to think she got from me - I have no idea what he's talking about :D

That is what I was going to mention was the first neat thing about this 20th week. This morning I felt some harder than normal kicks so I looked down and could see my stomach moving. It was the craziest looking thing. It sure makes me happy, though!

Weight: Oh man... I can't fit into my pre pregnancy jeans. Not because of my belly, oh no, I just unzip and they SHOULD fit, but nooooo, MY THIGHS ARE TOO BIG!!! It's rather disturbing. Sure, I should be gaining weight, that's fine, but WHY do I need it in my thighs?! Someone told me fat stores. Fat stores my rear (which is also getting bigger). I eat ALL the time. She get's enough food just from my diet! Apparently so do I since I'm packing it on. In the last week I've noticed my face has also gotten fatter. Which has been the hardest blow. I knew it would happen, but I honestly truly didn't think it would happen till 7 or 8 months - NOT 5!! I even asked Jaren if he noticed - AND HE SAID YES!!! Also, I've decided as soon as I'm whole again and she is out I'm training for a half marathon. It should help with not having to buy a new wardrobe. Again. Now, I hope that you all realize I'm just being dramatic. Sure, it bothers me, sure it's depressing at times and sure, I wish I was gaining the weight a bit differently (like some more up top instead of down low). But I eat enough and my number one goal/concern is the health of this little girl. So, none of the "your SUPPOSED to gain weight" stuff. I KNOW. And none of the, "You had better not starve yourself! Your supposed to be eating more!" I KNOW. I do. And NONE of the "your eating for two! So it's okay that you ate an entire bag of hot cheetos in 2 days because it was the first thing that tasted REALLY good that added up to over 1,700 calories" becuase NO, I'm not eating for two. Unless my second half only takes in an extra 300 calories instead of 1,500. Drives me nuts when people say that. That's how I'm going to get fat. Or fatter. I've got 5 more months left to get fat!! Yikes....

And whining and complaining and being dramatic about this stuff helps me cope. But know I'm totally happy with where I am. I fall more and more in love with this little girl every day.

Exercise: I had a bad run for a few weeks. With traveling twice during that time and getting sick and then having it rain and be nasty for the other bit of time I've not gone walking. And really, I'm convinced that's why my face is fat. Also part of why my lower back is KILLING me all the time. So - goal this week. Walk every single day. I usually jog as well, because I can't just walk - drives me nuts. But I do have a treadmill now, so inclimit weather is no excuse. Lofty goal, my friends... but it's the only way I feel okay about the fatness.

I still have the tired days, but lately if I get myself up and take some of that Drenamin that my Chiropractor gave me and eat I feel better. It's so hard for me to fall asleep, though, that I can't take naps very well. It's ANNOYING. Yesterday I laid down for 30 minutes and was wide awake. So was my girl, moving and kicking and keeping me company. I finally got sick of it, got up and ate some Ramen, took some Drenamin and vacuumed my house. I slept amazingly last night!

Today I bought my first pack of diapers. I went to Sams Club and got size 3 huggies - HOLY COW. Almost 50 bucks. Oh my! This was my conversation with Jaren when I got home:
me: Diapers are EXPENSIVE!
Jaren: oh yeah? how much?
me: 50 bucks for a box!
Jaren: so you didn't buy them? (sounding hopeful)
me: of course I did. we are going to have to get them either now or later, mine as well spread it out.
Jaren: yeah......

Also, clearance at Gap Kids - AMAZING. I got three things. I'll post a picture later. Two were 5 bucks and another was 7. I think once a month I'll go raid their clearance. There was a VERY cute pair of jeans for when she's walking, but even on sale they were 17 bucks.... I couldn't do it. I really, really wanted to. But it's still early and I'll find cute stuff again for cheaper. Or so I tell myself.

20 Week Picture

It seems that when I wear some of the stuff that I bought on my maternity shopping trip it falls on days that I don't take a weekly picture. But not this time! The shirt I'm wearing I got at Nordstrom rack, normally 88 bucks. I got it MUCH much cheaper. And I can wear it for just about the whole time, I think. It's a medium where I normally would wear a small. Man I hope I fit into my stuff again. The jeans are maternity. I got them at A Pea In the Pod which used to be MiMi's Maternity. Normally 80 or 90 bucks for 38! Nothing I bought was full priced. Oh wait, some of the stuff at Old Navy was, but it was cheap. I wear them all the time now. Because my beautiful non belly panel jeans DON'T FIT ANYMORE. don't rub it in.
Also, all of my pictures have been inside. I didn't really notice until a cousin of mine posted a belly picture outside. She suggested stainding in a potato field. Brilliant! So I did. The sun was awful bright this morning, but the spuds are beautiful!

The next three pictures are of a dress I also bought with the intent to wear with a growing belly. I am in love with this thing. It has some weird bustle thing in the back, but I don't care. It's light and flowy and cute. I found it at Down East when Victoria was trying on jeans. I put it on over my clothes and walked around the store with it - I was amazed that it fit! It's an XS. But I think it's the draw string thing in the front. I just take out a bit as my belly get's bigger and it fits! It's Deisel and was normally 80 bucks and I got it for 30. Sweet deal if you ask me.
So, it has been brought to my attention that it looks like I'm arching my back in my pictures. I guess it would give you that impression if you had a huge belly hanging off your front and a huge REAR poking out your back. If you remember my 6 week picture (where I am actually wearing the same shirt as the picture below) where I was basically not pregnant, there was just a peanut in there, I still had a rear that stuck out. Well, the rear has gotten bigger and there is no arching of the back. Just a large front and back.

My sister Lindsey came up this weekend to watch her boyfriend, Nate, run a marathon. And spend some time with him. I went to hang out with her while she volunteered at the Dam Marathon (she REALLY wanted the shirt:). She pulled my bag away from me to look at my belly, "Your not that big! You look so much bigger in your pictures. Do you arch your back?" Me - "NO." It really is funny, becuase I don't think I'm very big, then we take a picture and I look huge. She didn't believe me. Until we took this picture:

She agreed that okay, it is as big as it looks :)

Here is Lindsey and Nate.

So, half way done! Every day is a bit closer to meeting my girl! Every day I wonder what she is going to look like. In my mind I see a little girl with dark skin, dark hair and dark eyes. I guess I just see a very cute teeny girl version of Jaren. It's hard to see how I can contribute much when I love the way he looks. Although, we do hope she has my nose. Jaren's is a little bigger and in his words, "a boy nose" :)

Oh, one more funny story. I went to Idaho Falls today with my friend, Sharlene and we were eating at Red Robin. A guy came out to bring us our food. The order was messed up so he went back to fix it. He came back, brought it to us and left. Then our server came over and said, "Don't talk to him very long, he'll get you pregnant." Both of us looked at each other, then at her and said, "We already are." haha. I think she was a little embarrased. I really hope I look pregnant and not fat. But with my face and thighs catching up - maybe not! Also, I'm curious as to the story behind that statement about the boy..... hmmm.....

Also, when I was in Boise I went swimming with Lena and her kids. I thought one of my swimsuits would fit - wrong. I had brought a pair of bikini bottoms to wear with the tankini top I thought would fit. And I also brought the top to wear under the tankini b/c I feel naked in some swimsuits. I ended up wearing the bikini - which was VERY uncomfortable. I'm glad no one was there. I felt like a massive whale chasing a toddler around. Lena let me borrow one of her maternity swimsuits for the summer. I've seen a picture of this swimsuit on the sidebar on facebook. So while I was in Target I found it, tried it on and liked it just as much as the picture - so I got it.
It's so nice being covered up! I don't feel as whalish. I also found a pair of shorts that aren't swim shorts, but should work anyway.

So Proud

I just learned how to drop shadows. So I redid all of the pages I've done so far and then did a new one this morning. I flipped through my photos and found this one. I miss my sister, Lindsey so I was drawn to this photo and am so proud with what I came up with :D



Now I just need to figure out how to do/get different fonts.