Countdown: 3 Weeks

And a change of mind.

I decided to push the half marathon to July and run a 10K instead. 

A few reasons.  When I run I don't want it to be horrible.  I don't want to finish and say, "Oh man, that was so hard, I'm never doing that again"  or be in so much pain.  And with how conditioned I am at the moment that's probably how it would be.  I could run it and finish it, but it wouldn't be so fun and I want to enjoy it.

This week didn't go as planned.  Thursday I received some news that my Grandma was dying.  Now, her health has been failing for 3 or 4 years now so it was sort of expected.  I just didn't expect to feel so emotional about it.  I wasn't in the mood to run after receiving the phone call - I bummed around waiting for the final phone call that never came.  I called my Mom later that evening and found out the bleeding had slowed and that she was still hanging on. 

Friday I was going to run, but I had a friend over and then I just didn't feel like it again that night.  I've been really beating myself up over needing to run and not doing it. 

Saturday was going to be my 8 mile day and the weather was atrocious.  Wind, rain, snow, hail - you name it.  Running on the treadmill drives me nuts and for 8 miles that would drive me bonkers.  And I wouldn't be able to go the entire time like I can outside because I can't set my own pace.  So I kept putting it off.  And I was in a funk of a mood.

Then that afternoon I got the call that she had passed and any thought of anything went out the window. 

I've been struggling with feeling like a failure.  I have been planning on running this particular race since last year and decided on a half marathon when I was pregnant to help loose the baby weight.  Well, I lost the weight, but the training hasn't gone as I had hoped.  I wasn't able to do any long runs (detrimental to long distance races) for a month and a half.  With being out of town, weddings, being sick - it all worked against me. 

I could finish the race, but it wouldn't be fun and it would be very, very hard and I would hurt for a long time afterward.  So.  I decided the best thing for myself and to relieve some of the stress - especially since this weekend will be spent in Washington at the funeral - is to just do the 10K.  I can do 6 miles easy.  And I'm going to try to do it within an hour.  Give or take 5 minutes.  Probably more like give....  And I'll start training for the half in July now.