And a change of mind.
I decided to push the half marathon to July and run a 10K instead.
A few reasons. When I run I don't want it to be horrible. I don't want to finish and say, "Oh man, that was so hard, I'm never doing that again" or be in so much pain. And with how conditioned I am at the moment that's probably how it would be. I could run it and finish it, but it wouldn't be so fun and I want to enjoy it.
This week didn't go as planned. Thursday I received some news that my Grandma was dying. Now, her health has been failing for 3 or 4 years now so it was sort of expected. I just didn't expect to feel so emotional about it. I wasn't in the mood to run after receiving the phone call - I bummed around waiting for the final phone call that never came. I called my Mom later that evening and found out the bleeding had slowed and that she was still hanging on.
Friday I was going to run, but I had a friend over and then I just didn't feel like it again that night. I've been really beating myself up over needing to run and not doing it.
Saturday was going to be my 8 mile day and the weather was atrocious. Wind, rain, snow, hail - you name it. Running on the treadmill drives me nuts and for 8 miles that would drive me bonkers. And I wouldn't be able to go the entire time like I can outside because I can't set my own pace. So I kept putting it off. And I was in a funk of a mood.
Then that afternoon I got the call that she had passed and any thought of anything went out the window.
I've been struggling with feeling like a failure. I have been planning on running this particular race since last year and decided on a half marathon when I was pregnant to help loose the baby weight. Well, I lost the weight, but the training hasn't gone as I had hoped. I wasn't able to do any long runs (detrimental to long distance races) for a month and a half. With being out of town, weddings, being sick - it all worked against me.
I could finish the race, but it wouldn't be fun and it would be very, very hard and I would hurt for a long time afterward. So. I decided the best thing for myself and to relieve some of the stress - especially since this weekend will be spent in Washington at the funeral - is to just do the 10K. I can do 6 miles easy. And I'm going to try to do it within an hour. Give or take 5 minutes. Probably more like give.... And I'll start training for the half in July now.