Sunday, May 23, 2010

Countdown: 3 Weeks

And a change of mind.

I decided to push the half marathon to July and run a 10K instead. 

A few reasons.  When I run I don't want it to be horrible.  I don't want to finish and say, "Oh man, that was so hard, I'm never doing that again"  or be in so much pain.  And with how conditioned I am at the moment that's probably how it would be.  I could run it and finish it, but it wouldn't be so fun and I want to enjoy it.

This week didn't go as planned.  Thursday I received some news that my Grandma was dying.  Now, her health has been failing for 3 or 4 years now so it was sort of expected.  I just didn't expect to feel so emotional about it.  I wasn't in the mood to run after receiving the phone call - I bummed around waiting for the final phone call that never came.  I called my Mom later that evening and found out the bleeding had slowed and that she was still hanging on. 

Friday I was going to run, but I had a friend over and then I just didn't feel like it again that night.  I've been really beating myself up over needing to run and not doing it. 

Saturday was going to be my 8 mile day and the weather was atrocious.  Wind, rain, snow, hail - you name it.  Running on the treadmill drives me nuts and for 8 miles that would drive me bonkers.  And I wouldn't be able to go the entire time like I can outside because I can't set my own pace.  So I kept putting it off.  And I was in a funk of a mood.

Then that afternoon I got the call that she had passed and any thought of anything went out the window. 

I've been struggling with feeling like a failure.  I have been planning on running this particular race since last year and decided on a half marathon when I was pregnant to help loose the baby weight.  Well, I lost the weight, but the training hasn't gone as I had hoped.  I wasn't able to do any long runs (detrimental to long distance races) for a month and a half.  With being out of town, weddings, being sick - it all worked against me. 

I could finish the race, but it wouldn't be fun and it would be very, very hard and I would hurt for a long time afterward.  So.  I decided the best thing for myself and to relieve some of the stress - especially since this weekend will be spent in Washington at the funeral - is to just do the 10K.  I can do 6 miles easy.  And I'm going to try to do it within an hour.  Give or take 5 minutes.  Probably more like give....  And I'll start training for the half in July now. 
 

5 comments:

amber belmonte. said...

i'm so sorry to hear about your grandma, whitney!

i hope you know how awesome you look.. i completely understand wanting to get back to your pre-baby body (i'm not exactly thrilled about the in between stage myself) but you are SO hard on yourself.

i hope i have the energy and motivation to excercise like you have.. but really.. i know that i won't. hahahaha.. and that's ok.

Lena Gilbert said...

I think that if you ran 7 miles, you could totally do tha half still. Probably with some walking breaks and still feel good. I always feel like I want to die when finishing a whole or half marathon, no matter how great I am in shape. Then a few days later, I think, that wasn't so bad...

Kristal said...

Good for you for taking care of yourself. And not just physically. If you're already learning to be flexible with your expectations and plans, you are years ahead of many mothers. And THAT is a huge accomplishment!

Domini said...

Make yourself necessary to someone...................................................

怡君 said...

Quietude is the crown of life.......................................................