Sunday, January 22, 2012

16.5 Weeks - No. 2

A few new things.  Besides feeling like my uter has decided to fall out of my abdomen and make laying on my right side uncomfortable because of gravity.
Oh wait, that's right, that's news too.  Baby is on the LEFT side this time.  Here, I thought it was on the right - tricky little nugget.  So explains that I'm still cramping.  I thought I wouldn't cramp so much or so bad since the right side had already been stretched.  But we are doing it all over again.

The cramping has picked up.  It's more often and hurts worse than I remember it hurting with Nae.

The other night, I was getting out of my Pajama pants to get into bed, and I was standing on my left leg and started feeling the pull of PSD.  A little pain.  I thought, oh crud, here it goes again.  See, I expected to have it again, but I sure hoped it would wait a bit longer to show itself.  My guess is in another month it'll hurt constantly.

It's the strangest thing.   Please tell me I'm not the only one.  It sounds weird tryin to describe it but you can only get what I'm saying if you see it in person.  And Jaren's been the only one around when it happens.  So, I'll feel a little funny sensation where the baby is. Like pressure, like something pushing on my stomach from the inside (since that is exactly what is happening).  I'll look down and there will be a huge lump.  My whole (or as much as can come out) uterus is pushing out/up against my stomach.  You can cup your hand around it and it's like holding the baby in your hand.  It's been happening more often and that's how I knew it was on the left side.  3:30 one morning when the call of the wild woke me up, I rolled onto my back and felt it, I put my hand on my tummy and woke RIGHT up - LEFT SIDE?!?!!.  In my very tired state I was scared and couldn't sleep the rest of the night.  In the morning I just realized that we just have to hope it'll stretch to at least 37 weeks like the right side did.  That's it.  No scary stuff.  And it's so nice to know it works!  So, I have 2 halves of working uteri.  And they both somehow come out of my tummy while I'm laying on my back.  It's like a buoy.  The kid isn't strong enough to push it's whole body against it to push it up.  Right?  I've just never heard anyone elses uter's rising.  But, after a little while it goes back in.  And if it's really out there and I get up or do something that flexes my muscles and forces it back - OUCH.

I felt the kid move for the first time the day before I turned 14 weeks while in Florida.  It was a tiny little flutter, but I knew it wasn't gas.  It wasn't!  And since then I'd felt it every few days, just a little flutter.  Then about a week ago I started feeling kicks.  Maybe one a day or so.  Usually when my pants were pressed up against it.  But yesterday (when I finally found chocolate tasted good again, well, dark chocolate anyway (which I don't usually care for...)) it was kicking and moving a ton!  It was really nice to feel it so well.  It was then I had my emotional experience.

I didn't realize until yesterday that I had been keeping myself as emotionally unattached to this pregnancy as possible.  I had wondered a bit why I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of attachment and connection to this fetus like I did Naomi.  With Nae it was like that from day one.  Well, even before day one, really.  When I found out I was pregnant with this one I cried and cried.  Tears of gratitude and relief.  Since finding out about my "condition" I've worried about being able to get pregnant again or being able to get pregnant again very easily (it took 2 tries with Nae).   So, when we got pregnant on the first try I was immensely grateful and relieved.  But then I was scared.  Scared of a miscarriage, which so many women have and is very common with someone with my innards.  So, I've kept myself as detached as possible so if it happened I wouldn't be as devastated as I would have otherwise.  Now, I don't think I realized this fully until yesterday.  That's why I've waited as long as I have to make the pregnancy public.  I was sitting down, changing Naomi's diaper (usually where epiphanies happen, right?) thinking about how I was finally really feeling excited about the baby.  And thinking in more detail of it and what it means and what it might be like and what it would be like when it comes and picturing my life with two kids.  I realized that I was holding so much back for fear of miscarriage and with feeling the baby move so much that fear went away.  Well, mostly.  I'm still nervous, but I'm a few days away from 17 weeks and am feeling mostly safe.  It just feels nice to feel this way again.  And to understand why I haven't been as emotionally moved (I cried about every time with Nae) when I hear the heartbeat.  It's more a feeling of relief and I say, "It's still alive!"  And you know, my ogre mood I'd been in lately has mostly dissipated.  I'm a bit more of a happier person. 

Onto one more nugget of information.  With Nae I often felt dizzy and lightheaded.  I'd stand up and immediately have to sit back down again or flop on the floor until the blood returned to my head.  Then I'd get up and get whatever I needed to get done done, but I felt better and there wasn't any lingering stuff.  I even do this sometime while not pregnant.  Mostly in the shower (we have a tiny square thing that doesn't let any steam or heat out).  Well, it was getting so bad in the shower that I was basically showering on the ground because I couldn't stand and raise my arms over my head for more than 30 seconds.  I moved to our hall shower that is a tub shower - so the heat can move out.  I haven't had bouts of "gona pass out, sit, sit sit sit!"  that were too bad.  But, the last few days I've noticed that I'm getting really tired really easy.  Not, like, I'm sleepy tired, but like, I can't lift my arms up tired.  I'll have to sit for a while, it was really hard to stand in the kitchen to make a meal.  Then yesterday all morning I couldn't take more than 10 steps without being out of breath and needing to drop to the floor or I'd pass out.  I couldn't say more than 2 sentences without leaning on the counter and breathing like I'd just sprinted for 5 minutes.  Needless to say it was a bit alarming.  We live in a split level, I could make it up the first set of stairs and halfway up the next before sitting down to catch my breath and let the blood move to my head again.  I can't lift my arms above my head without dropping to the ground till I knew I wasn't going to pass out.
We looked it up and we thought it was low blood sugar.  So, I was eating a bit more fruit and I felt better after lunch and then didn't feel so well a while after.  After my nap I ate my favorite snack of saltine crackers, cheddar cheese and pickles and felt a bit better.  Better enough to put fish sticks and tater tots on a pan for dinner.  The first time I've ever done that.  But it tasted good, so oh well.  Talking to my sister in law, Vicki, she mentioned she had iron deficiency and is taking iron supplements and felt the same way before they diagnosed it.  And now she's feeling better.  She's also expecting.
Today I've been struggling with the out of breath and getting light headed/dizzy again.  But not as severe as yesterday.  After waking up from my nap I felt especially bad. Not only super weak, but also a bit nauseous.  I grabbed applesauce (which I hate) thinking if it was low blood sugar this should take care of it.  I ate it, and nothing.  I felt more nauseous and still felt dizzy and weak.  So, then I thought, if it's iron I need meat.  I made half a sandwich (with pickles, because I can't seem to get enough - wasn't a craving I had with Nae, but Oooo so yummy now) and ate it.  Afterwards I felt like I had more energy, not as dizzy and the nausea went away.  For a while, anyway.  Seems a constant struggle.  So, I'm making an appointment tomorrow to have them take my blood and tell me what the heck is going on.  I can't live like this.  I can't carry Naomi for more than 5 steps.  I can't play with her.  I can't get anything done because I can't stand in the kitchen for more than a few minutes!  Dishes - ugh.

So, I'll post about my results tomorrow!  And yay for feeling life; exuberant kicking, wiggling life.  Yay for better moods and yay for my daughter who brings me so much joy.  And frustration.... some bad habits...  that's for another day. 

1 comment:

Jenny Robbins said...

I can totally relate to feeling detached from your pregnancy. After my miscarriage, and general infertility, I was so worried that the same thing would happen with this pregnancy and didn't want to get keep my hopes up too high. Quite honestly, I think I'm still dealing with this and I'm almost ready to have her out and about in the world.

It does sound more like an iron deficiency to me and hopefully they'll be able to get you some good answers on how to take care of it, after tomorrow.