I was stunned and very, very sad. Not to mention that when I turned around half the girls were like, "Who is Michael Jackson?" WHAT?! I tried to let them know of the gravity of this situation - he is the best pop artist ever. He invented the moon walk ("HE DID?!!!!" THAT got their attention) I started singing all sorts of songs by him and the Jackson 5 and they recognized quite a few.
I got to thinking about him and I. My relationship throughout my life with this man. Which let me tell you, started at a very young age. I feel I need to pay tribute through a letter:
My Very First Ever True Love;
Before you were called Jacko. Before you changed from black to white. Before your nose shrunk to some cartilage. Before you decided you would rather build an entire theme park for no one to enjoy but yourself than make more amazing music, you were my love.
One of the first memories I have is of my 3 or 4 year old self dancing in my living room to your music.
Remember the time my mom came downstairs with the video camera and caught us? You, on the TV groovin and singing and me, on the 2 foot high circle table dancing like it was a stage and singing my 5 year old heart out to Smooth Criminal(still my favorite song of yours). I'm so glad she snuck up on us - such a tender memory.
You even helped me reach new heights. I was told that if you wanted to swing high on the swings to just close your eyes and think of things that make you the most happy. I would close my eyes and swing as best I could. I would imagine we would finally be united. And when I opened them, I was the highest swinging 5 year old on the playground.
It wasn't until I was dancing on my bed in my room by myself that it dawned on me. You were too old for me. My mom's age. That HAS to be too old for me, right?! I was devistated upon this understanding. It meant no future of finding you and falling madly and deeply in love - but see, you would have to be the one falling in love, because I was already in love. I cried and cried and cried. I will never forget that moment. I was also 5.
And when your music video to Black or White came out - I watched and watched and stared and stared. I was so amazed at your talent of turning people into other people and people into animals. I just knew you were a magnificant star. I knew no one else who could do those things with just some tunes and a smooth voice.
So on went my life - singing and dancing and loving you. I watched your little movies and your super long videos and taped them and re watched them. I professed my undying love for you to all of my friends. I tried and tried to moonwalk, but I just was never as amazing as you.
I never forgot our love. I grew more quiet and subdued about it, but I never abandoned your music. Because it was the only thing we still had. Because... you just kept getting older. And as I got older, you got a little more strange.
Even when people started to doubt and turn away from your side - I always stayed firm, "I don't care what people say, I still like him. He made amazing music." Never did I ever find out if the accusations were true or not and really, I still don't care. Your music is amazing.
In high school I danced infront of the whole school to a 2 and a half minute compliation of a few of your songs. I even had a glittery glove.
I cannot believe I never bought one of your original albums. I did, however, buy a 2 disc set of your greatest hits. I have also always had the intention of buying every single song you have ever recorded. It's really too bad that day is today - because my thoughts have been brought about to you again.
I am grateful for gomusic, though. Because I'm downloading every single song for only 9 cents per song. But don't worry, MJ, you are worth so much more to me than that. And someday, when the price drops more than the 70 dollars ($130) to 60 bucks on your complete DVD set (with music videos, movies and live recordings) - I will buy it and watch it. A lot.
I'm having a little girl in a few months. And I will also have you do for her, what you did for me. She will dance from the day she can toddle to your sweet voice. And I will show her your sweet moves and she will learn of your greatness.
I was also planning on going to your upcoming tour. It was always a dream of mine to see you live. Jaren doesn't believe that I would have paid and went. But, oh, I would have.
So, I am truly saddened by your early, early departure from this Earth. I had earnest high hopes that you would make a comback, similar to Britney Spears, and become mostly normal and make some more amazing music. I never gave up, MJ.
You will always own my 5 year old heart,
I really am sad about this. Everything I wrote is true. I am, however excited to hear songs I've never heard before and discover more of his amazing music. It's really too bad. He was 50! So young. And I really did believe he would somehow make a comback. I hope nobody forgets the impact he made on music because as many as will try, there will never be someone like him again.
