Charlotte is NOT So Cute

This is one of my phobia's. I hate spiders. Can't stand them, they really ARE out to get me. All of them! People laugh, go ahead, laugh. Then you'll see one on the ceiling in the same room as me and I'll see it too, I try to ignore it because everyone thinks I'm crazy and I see it, out of the corner of my eye, COMING AT ME! Always.... it always does, then I loose it and run away screaming at the top of my lungs.

My husband has learned to not even say anything if he sees one. I know though, cause he'll walk away without saying anything and come back (not even listening to me as I am trying to talk his ear off about everything and anything I can think of) with TP and grab at something, then walk away and I hear the toilet flush.

I'm pretty sure this one time, he lost 8 months off his life when I turned around and saw a huge black one on our bedroom door and I screamed bloody murder. I guess he thought I saw SOMEONE and not something. (he really should be able to distinguish my spider scream from my someone is in the house and is going to kill me! scream by now)

I have plenty more stories about my traumatic experiences. Actually, one just a few days ago, but this one here, this one happened about 3 weeks ago.

It was a calm day outside, with the sun shining and birds chirping. Innocent, you might say. Especially since I live in the calm boonie wilderness. But not so, my friends.... not so.

I walk out into the "dining room" if you could even call it a dining room and look out the back door onto our deck where I thought I saw.... wait... no.... double take, OH MY STARS AND GUARDERS it was a HUGE HUGE HUGE spider! Just hangin from the roof of the deck. Massive. I did not know that one that big existed up here. Well... I kind of did because last summer there was another big one in that EXACT same spot. But it was black and yellow.. a garden spider I found out.

But this one.... oh no... not black and yellow. BROWN. A big brown scary thing that.... that just fascinated me. I stared and stared and then I ran, grabbed my camera, went out onto the porch and braved the beehive or wasp nest that Jaren hasn't taken down yet and took two pictures. One didn't turn out... but this one did. I think the monster was a bit camera shy because after he wrapped up lunch he ran... yeah... ran, super fast up his web and into his little cave thing made by the space in between the roof and beam (2x4).

Here it is..... if your as bad as me, don't look! Or at least warn everyone that no one is breaking into your house before you scream. I didn't name him.... I was too frightened. I walked into the house shaking and shaking and I never saw him again. I think he moved away...... probably didn't like the paprazi taking pictures while he's hunting.I really hope you can see how big he was. His body had to have been an inch in diameter. I promise I'm not exaggerating.