Contemplating

I'm in a contemplative mood this Saturday morning. Jaren made me breakfast (which happens most mornings since I'm feeding the little person at that time). Naomi is napping like a good girl and I am not in the mood to exercise or do housework this second. It's been a while since I've blogged. On either blog.

I've been so consumed in my new life with my baby that I've not been interested in blogging. My biggest priority has been to get a good routine for Naomi. She does really well when she is laid down before she falls asleep for her first two naps during the day. The last one is during the evening and she is usually so wound up that she wont lay down and if we do lay her down - she is usually down for the night, which isn't what we want (her bedtime to be 6 p.m.) So she sleeps in the swing or bouncer.

I believe that because of this she is going 8 hours in between feedings, so she is only waking up once at night and it's usually around 5 a.m., then goes back down for another 3 hours. If her routine is broken she usually doesn't do as well at night. She wakes up 5-6 hours after the last feeding and so it's up twice for me and I've really come to like the only getting up once. Well, I still get up twice - once to pump (talk about uncomfortable) and once to feed.

It's so funny how my greatest source of frustration and happiness is how well Naomi sleeps. Because how well she sleeps determines how happy she is when she is awake. Which also determines how happy I am. She has started to smile and each day it's more and more. It overwhelms me with joy to see her face light up and her little legs pump and kick.

This may be a weird analogy, but, I kind of feel like I've been a slave to this baby for the last 2 months. Serving her, feeding her, burping her, changing her, making sure she is warm and happy. And now, she is paying me back by smiling and cooing. I feel like I'm going to be paid back daily for everything I do by her happy self now. And it will just get better and better. I'm truly excited.

I always knew I wanted to be a mommy. It felt like home the second she was placed in my arms and she stopped crying when she heard my voice. Finally.... my turn. I've been loving every second of it. The sleep deprivation has brought me to tears a few times. But her sleeping so well now is so incredibly wonderful.

It's so funny that I squeal with delight when she pooh's, burps or stays awake during a feeding. The things that bring me the most joy has changed so dramatically over the last 2 months. But this change feels so right. It's exactly where I should be.

And Jaren... oh, don't get me started on how wonderful he is. I'll drive you all to tears. I will say that he has sacrificed a lot to help me. I've gone 3-4 days without a shower and he will stay home for just a little longer in the mornings so I can take one. Or a little longer at lunch. He get's up at 6:00 a.m. when she is grunting to burp her (b/c, never fails that's what it is) so I can continue to sleep. He get's up when she needs to be fed to help me change her because she screams at the top of her lungs. Poor thing is tired and HUNGRY and we lay her down and violate her by changing her diaper. He keeps the pacifier in her mouth and talks to her and calms her down. Never fails that listening to him and looking at him calms her down. It melts my heart how she loves him.

Talk about a sappy post.... I just have been thinking about the way my life has changed and how I'm really enjoying it. I'm enjoying trying to get into a new routine. Enjoying how to be a mommy and still live my life. I went to Idaho Falls yesterday for the first time and did some shopping with her. She slept the whole time except for the one time I had to feed her (thank you to my sister in law Stephanie for letting me use her parents house). This coming weekend we are going to Utah; just the two of us and her. Our lives are just beginning.

She just woke up - time to be a mommy. :)