33 Weeks: Much Better

The 4 days I was on bed rest were no fun. It was hard to not be able to do anything. I had my own body as an enforcer because whenever I tried to do anything I hurt. I made an appointment to meet with my doctor (finally off vacation) Monday. I went in and told him everything that had been happening. He was equally flustered and concerned. We listened to her heartbeat which was heard almost through my belly button - made me laugh. A portal to her heart.

Coming into this appointment I felt calm. I felt like I was going to get answers. Then I stepped on the scale. My last appointment was 4 days previous and I put on 3 pounds. I'm to the point where I just laugh about it... not because I'm genuinely entertained, but because I can't believe it. It's out of control. I'm eating really well and It's still piling on - HOW?! I stopped eating sweets since I was told I was borderline Gestational Diabetic. I asked the doc and he is running my blood again and I'm possibly seeing the nutritionist this coming Tuesday at my 34 week appointment. It's weird to be seeing a nutritionist since it's kind of what I went to school for - I've designed many a meal and exercise plan for overweight or diabetic or high blood pressured people. But, this just means I wont have to think, someone else will! I'm stumped because what do I do if I'm hungry??? It HURTS to be so hungry. I guess that's a sign of GD. I really hope I don't have it, but it would explain the massive water retention, out of control weight gain and why I get rather dizzy and sick if I need to eat. Blah.... So, for now I'm just eating very small amounts often of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, protein stuff and drinking LOTS of water. So far so good.

Doctor checked me for dilation - "cervix closed." is what he said. So that's good news! But, can I just say getting "checked" is rather uncomfortable. Not quite what I expected... not too excited to repeat it, but I think this is just the tip of the ice berg for what is in store in the next month and a half.

Baby is still vertically breech. Pretty sure she's dropped. But then she rises back out of my pelvis to nestle her big head under my ribs - such a sweetheart. It was sure weird, though. Waking up and seeing her head bump about 2 inches lower than normal. My lower abdomen was rather protrudy. We are worried she is much too comfortable and doesn't want to move. I'm to the point where I am expecting them trying to turn her and I'm coming to grips that a C section is just as likely as a vaginal birth for me. Not excited about it.... but I can say I wont ever let her forget that she was the first and set the trend. I'll probably even scare her with my scar regularly so she knows it. (all in a lovingly teasing motherly way - don't want to give my child a complex)

Last Thursday they checked for a bladder infection - came back negative. He checked again Monday and said I had lots of bacteria so the likleyhood of an infection is high. So in the 4 days I developed one. Yes, a bladder infection would explain my cramping. But I doubt I have had one that has gone undetected with all the cup peeing I've been doing for the last month. When I asked him about that, he told me I just have a "naughty uterus". Darn naughty uterus. The cramping causes so much pain and I really really would like to walk. He gave me some pills that stop cramping and then gave me antibiotics for the bladder infection and plus I have muscle relaxers that are supposed to help me sleep and then my prenatals. I feel like a pill popping fool. Two every morning and all 4 every night.

I asked him right before he left if it meant I can move again and he said yes. So, off bed rest! But it's taken a few days for the pills to work. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't cramp every time I moved. Which was very exciting. The menstrual cramps are very very dimmed and just about gone. The sharp really painful ones still hit, but are by no means as regular as before. I now just have all that PSD pain that is getting worse and worse as the little princesses behind get's bigger and bigger and nestles into my pelvis so gently.

My mom came Monday night and it's been wonderful. She and I got groceries, pedicures and all day yesterday cleaned out and sorted through my nursery. We washed all her 0 to 12 month clothes and got them put away. Jaren set up the crib last night and I'm in love. I think I'll do a whole post on the crib drama and the amazing deal I ended up getting. It is amazing to walk in there and see a clear floor and full closet and a crib and I'm very very excited about everything. I'm very glad she's continuing to cook - but I'm ready to have her here in a month. Yeah? Yeah. Sounds good to me.

I was really bummed that I wasn't able to go to Boise last weekend for a special family event for Jaren's side of the family. And was even more so when I found out I wasn't dilated and all I needed were some pills. All of that would have been taken care of if my doctor had been there when I went in on Thursday. But it didn't matter that we weren't able to make it, Jaren's family still spoiled us and sent gifts. Things that will save us a lot of money and we are going to put to very good use. We are very grateful.

All in all this is a crazy pregnancy. And didn't start to be one till I hit my third trimester. I'm hoping hoping that when I hear over and over that every pregnancy is different that this will be my worst. Even if it's not, I'll still do it again. I want to be a mommy to more than one baby. It is but a moment - an uncomfortable painful long moment, but does go away eventually. I am so glad this little girl is healthy and will stay in for a bit longer. My goal is to get her to at least 36 weeks. The last of the important developing is happening right now for the next 3 weeks. Brain and lung and digesting development. I really just want to be able to take her home - no NICU baby. But I will say, if I have this GD thing I'm terrified of a huge baby. But if I have to have a C section, I guess it doesn't matter. We will just have to see how things play out. I'm just glad they are waiting to play out :)

Also - I want to mention my mood. For the last few weeks it's like I've been in this dark tunnel. I've not been able to feel like myself or be myself. All of this crying and moping is NOT me. I know a lot of you have never met me in person, but I am such a happy person. I love to laugh and make people laugh and be happy and spunky. What other way is there to live? I love life and it's worth it to me to be an optimist and make an effort to enjoy it. But the last few weeks have been so hard. It's like I cannot be myself. I was sad, depressed, would cry all the time and I think it took it's toll on Jaren and definitely myself. I would just sit there and say "I want to be happy.... Why can't I be happy?" It was something I've not really experienced before. I can normally control my mood pretty well.... but it was no use with this. I felt stuck and just sad. But something happened at my Doctors appointment Monday. I left SO incredibly happy. Laughing and singing and I think the possibility of a preterm baby and all the pain was really weighing me down. And to have answers and a solution was amazing. The sad thing was I noticed a visible difference in my husband. He was smiling and laughing and very affectionate (which he always is), but this was different. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders as well and I'm afraid the whole of it wasn't just the fear of a preterm baby, but it was his wife's emotional state. It is a horrible feeling when I think I caused him turmoil and made his life a bit less bright because I couldn't handle myself. I'm so glad I'm out of that funk that lasted way too long. I don't expect to be free and clear - since I still have the insane hormones running through me, but I hope that the depression has been lifted. It's been since Monday and I'm still rather happy, so I hope it's to stay. One of the reasons Jaren married me, in his words, is because I'm, "bubbly, effervescent, fun and happy" and cute. :) We are both looking forward to having all of that back after the pregnancy is over. Because I would regularly jump and wrestle him to the ground - then he'd use man strength (which is cheating) and overpower. We miss that. I can't hardly move - hah. I'm so glad it makes him laugh on a regular basis how huge I am and how ridiculous it is that I can't pick up something I've dropped if I'm sitting. How it's such a struggle to get off the couch or out of bed. Bless his heart for the sense of humor. And he tugs at my growing double chin/waddle and pinches the fat on my face and just smiles. I love him for acknowledging it and laughing and agreeing it's there. Because it's getting rather funny(and sad) at how I am moving further and further from what I used to look like. He is wonderful and makes all of this so much easier to bare. He helps and understands my restrictions. Okay... enough. I've been crying this whole paragraph. The whole point was to let everyone know - I'M (mostly) happy me again! Which is WONDERFUL.

33 Weeks
Jaren decided he liked to be creative and so he held the camera at an angle. Which made me laugh as I was trying to hide my waddle.

I was trying to hide the double chin to see if I'd look more like myself - my unpregnant self.

Here is a "normal" picture - and I tried very hard to suck in. :)Thank you for everyone's nice comments on my last post. Your comments are greatly appreciated. I know these posts are long, but I find it helps to get it all out and I know I'm going to be glad I was this detailed later on.