32.4 Weeks: Better, But With Complications

8 Months:

Alright, I've been so go go go that I haven't had a chance to just sit down and write my 32 week post. And this time I'm going to get it all in one and not try to write like the last 4 days haven't happened. Because they were quite eventful.

First, I had two huge all day shopping trips last week to get me stocked up. I got baby gifts for friends, two of everything: downy, laundry detergent, dish detergent, TP, Paper Towels, massive huge boxes of diapers and wipes (thank you Sams - even though I wish you were a Costco), lots and lots of peanut butter b/c Jaren eats that by the massive spoonful daily. It was very hard to do, because the second I started even in the first store I was hurting. I've never walked so slow in my life. I leaned on the carts and just slowly made my way through each store. I wanted to go home, but I wanted the stuff done more - if I didn't do it right then it would drive me crazy and it wouldn't have gotten done till after the kid was born. Which isn't what I wanted/needed. I cleaned and organized my huge messy closet. I found thank you's for our wedding that hadn't been sent out! Is 2 1/2 years too long for those?? I feel so bad. I hope they didn't notice....

After a while, I was gone so much that the house was getting messy and messy and I didn't have the time to clean it. I was feeling very overwhelmed one day and was, of course, crying and trying to explain it to Jaren, "I feel like I'm in a small room with wall to wall cabinets and each drawer is open with papers everywhere that need filed and put away. I don't know where to start." He got right up, picked up the front room, grabbed the vaccuum and vacuumed and then did the dishes and told me, "There's one less drawer for you to worry about" Of course I have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old and so I cried. I'm so grateful for him. Have I ever mentioned that I love him? Cause I do, quite a bit. I'll keep him.

Why it was better: besides getting things done, Jaren finally let me order my crib bedding which I have had picked out since I was 18 weeks. There are quite a few other things that got done. I found my dream crib, only for it to only be available online. The closest place I could get it was Boise end of October and if you do the math, that wont quite work considering I should be about having her or have already had her.. which is likely to happen considering recent events. While I was shopping I went to Down East home and found a crib I also loved, for 200 dollars less than it's original price, which put it at the same price as my dream online crib. But I had to pay for it in order to make sure I got it ASAP. Jaren is against online shopping now since his credit card number was stolen. So, the pull for the second crib was rather high - not to mention it would be here in 2 weeks. And I want my nursery set up very badly! I was stressing quite a bit over this and then I went to Babies R Us (online, since the closest is Boise) to look at changing tables (b/c my nursery is too small for a regular dresser - a stress in and of itself). When on the homepage was this crib that looked almost identical to my dream one, just a little bit more simple. I ended up buying that and got 30% off and so ended up paying 200 bucks less than the dream one. And Jaren is picking it up today! I'm so excited. My bedding came last night - it's even more beautiful in person and it has made me so extremely happy. Especially since I've been in a bit of a state of worry.

Complications: I went to the doctor last Friday, a week ago. I finally had questions and concerns. Everytime I've ever gone in I've known exactly what was going on myself and didn't need to ask questions. Or I was doing just fine. I wish I had control of my emotions. I started in on the pain and started to cry. And I am SO SO grateful for such a wonderful doctor. I really didn't want to hear what everyone else has been telling me. "Your pregnant" "your in your third trimester" "it will all be worth it(OF COURSE)" "It will all be over soon(yeah, but that doesn't help me now, does it?!)" I just don't like it when people try to brush my concerns and worries aside. So, I don't like to talk about it with many people. But he just looked at me with concern and worry and said, "I wish I could take all the pain away, I'm sorry" I was already crying. Then he asked me more questions and when I told him about the PSD and not being able to sleep he prescribed me a muscle relaxer. Holy cow it knocks me out. B/c the PSD is ligaments and not muscle it still hurts when I move, but I can now sleep! When I told him about all of the cramping he was concerned, but since none of the other signs of pre term labor are there he just told me to take it easy. I asked if all of the contracting would cause dilation and he said yes, but they can't check me now becuase I'm not far along enough yet. Checking can cause dilation and labor so they want to wait as long as they can. He said we just need to get me to 36 weeks and then whatever happens, happens.

We talked about my Breech baby. I had been sleeping on my left side (she is shoved up against my right side and wont go beyond the center of my belly to my left - it's an empty cavern over there!) for a month and she still wont budge. Oh, she'll move further over to my right side, it's so weird, I'll feel her head at my waist. But she's mostly nestled uncomfortably up into my ribs with her head - completely verticle. I asked if her umbilicle cord is 3 inches long (joking) or if she has an abnormal attatchment. He said I might have an abnormal shaped uterus. Which kind of made me laugh. Since I was able to get pregnant I'm not worried about that. He tried to push her over and she wouldn't budge. So, since she has been in the same spot my entire pregnancy and doesn't seem to have any desire to explore any other part of her home we are a bit concerned. He said he's worried she's settled her bum into my pelvis and is too comfortable. So, I'm still on schedule for them to try to turn her if she doesn't flip. And if they can't turn her - a C section. Still not at all what I want, but I am not as scared since finding out they don't slice through my stomach muscles (my rectus abdominus, to be exact). So, we'll see.... I just have daily talks with her and pray constantly that she will flip on her own.

I also found out I am boarderline Gestational Diabetic. "Did they call you about your sugar results?" me: "no?" doc: "They didn't?! Your boarderline, you need to lay off the sweets and drink lots of water." That would have been nice to know A MONTH AGO!!! I've eaten a lot of junk in the last 2 weeks with the traveling and baby shower food. I'm annoyed they didn't call me. I assumed since they didn't call I was fine. Teaches me to never assume. So I'm laying off the sweets and am eating a lot more fruits and veggie's and I already drink TONS of water. Oh, good thing? It explains some of my out of control weight gain. So glad to know it's not all my fault. Because I've just barely tipped over the "healthy" spectrum for my BMI class. I've long ago gone over the healthy limit I had set for myself.

Brings me to what happened yesterday: Might be TMI for some, but I'm assuming most have gone through this being mommies or aren't phased b/c they are women. Here goes. Woke up at 2 a.m. and felt a trickle of watery discharge. Woke me right up and I went and checked, no blood, so I laid back down and sat there waiting to feel more or to start cramping. I was up for 40-60 minutes having all the horrors run through my mind of having a preemie 32 week old baby. I didn't start to cramp and I eventually fell back asleep. I woke up and felt the wateryishness again. Again, no blood, and I couldn't tell what it was. Although, I was sure it wasn't pee. I take pride in the fact that the last time I peed myself was in 1st grade. It was feeling it again when I woke up that started to worry me. I went online and looked up "watery discharge in late pregnancy" and up came this thing where a doctor was telling someone that they can do a paper strip test and see if it's amniotic fluid or not. I decided this was a time to call the doctor because, "what if" was too big this time. Only problem? My doctor decided to go on vacation this week - he is ALWAYS there - except this week! So I went to their nurse practitioner. She walked in with the heart beat thinger and I told her I wasn't there for a check up. So she listened as I explained. She had me lay down and she checked her heart beat and asked about why she is a big lump on just my right side. "Because she's stubborn." She told me she thought maybe I had a bladder infection because those cause all sorts of cramps. I was pretty sure I didn't have one - never have in my life, but I peed in the cup anyway. Meanwhile she did the paper strip test and thank heavens it came out negative for both pee and amniotic fluid. My pee test also came out negative. So, all these cramps are coming on their own and the watery discharge is just weird. She said if the cramping persists and worsens and if the leakyness continues to come in next week and they might check me for dilation so that if they need to they can stop it and put me on steroids. She told me I am on bedrest or, as she put it, "we're going to put you down." I felt like a dog being brought to the gas chamber. Or, at least what a dog who knew what was going on would feel like. Minimal walking, sit, pick up a hobby she say's, read a book, knit a sweater.

So, here I am sitting. I'll probably have time now to catch up on blogs. I'm sewing onsies and I made my daughter a beautiful dress with the instruction and help of my aunt. I'm so proud of myself. I'll take pictures and post them either today or tomorrow. I'm working on thank you's for baby gifts and watching DVR'd TV. Or my Buffy episodes. I'm on season 4! Did I mention I bought a sewing machine with my birthday money? Very excited. And if it weren't for my aunt I'd be sitting trying to decipher the instruction manual. Thank you, Aunt Lori.

I really want to do laundry. Only problem is it's up and down stairs. I think I might, though. I only have like 2 loads and I'm hardly on my feet for long. Only problem is as I'm sitting here, I'm cramping. Used to be that I could sit down and not have any pain. Not anymore, that changed a few days ago. And as of yesterday I've been having back cramps. Feels like I'm on my period again. I just wish I knew what was going on with my body. I wish I knew if I was dilating, if I am in a very long course of labor, or if my uterus just hurts and there's nothing else going on other than that. I also just wish I had a normal pregnancy. I just take comfort in the fact that I hear every pregnancy is different. So, hopefully the next will be a bit easier.

Super long. I know. But there's all sorts of crazy happening now. I'm going to see if I can make it to next tuesday for my 34 week appointment. If not, I'll be going in this next week. My mom is coming and helping with everything. I'm so glad. She will keep me company and take care of me. I don't like watching people do my housework. I don't mind doing it with them, but just sitting doing nothing drives me crazy. So we'll see how we do. I'll have pictures of my nursery! It should all be set up.

I'm mostly sad that this weekend I can't go on a mini vaycay for a night. Jaren and I were going to get the rest of the baby stuff we needed and now he doesn't want me to go for fear we will be hours away from home if something happens. I tried to explain that there is no difference sitting in a car and sitting on a couch. I understand, though. Even though I'm rather bummed. It was going to be my last little trip before parking it for good till she came. I have lots of time to sit and wallow about it all, that's for sure.

Despite how scared I get at times when the cramping get's bad I'm feeling calm about everything. I know everything will be fine with both her and I. I just don't know how. I don't know if she's coming early, or how early, or how she will come (C section or vaginal birth). But I know that either way we will be okay and she will be healthy. She is still moving a lot, which is comforting. I only hope I can make it to at least 36 weeks.

I'll post a picture with the pictures of dresses and stuff I've been working on. This post is without. It's just a long wordy post.