Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead

18.2 Weeks

2012-02-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

It's official. This pregnancy is continuing to be worse than the first. I am so excited for the baby. To have another child. I have been feeling stronger, bigger movements and feel kicks all throughout the day. That is the light in all this. All I think about is this kid. What's best for her/him. So... I continue to force food in my mouth ever hour or so. I fight the nausea; not as often as with the first 15 weeks, but it still comes a few times a day. Some days are better than others, some not so much. I have good energy days where the low blood sugar thing doesn't seem to be so bad and then I have days where it's all I can do to make it off the couch to the bathroom or to the kitchen to make something to eat. Unfortunately, it's a rare thing to find food that tastes good. My fall back snack that I had been eating every day; saltine cracker, cheese slice and pickle slice that had tasted so yummy isn't so yummy anymore. I have no idea what happened. Sunday I made it, took a bite and didn't like it. I forced it all down, but I haven't had it again since. I had some boneless honey BBQ wings from Applebees the other day and it was the best tasting thing I've had all pregnancy. Except for maybe the fajita's from Hard Rock in Florida.

Cramping. It's getting worse and coming more often. It seemed to mostly come at nights and not last for too long. Well, now it's almost all day and is really painful. The only good thing I think is that I should hopefully be done with so much cramping with my pregnancies since now both sides will have been used and stretched. That's my hope, anyway.

PSD. It has begun. I noticed a week ago while taking off my pajama bottoms that it felt a bit uncomfortable standing on one leg. Well, every day since I notice it doing different things. And in the last 2 days or so it's been bugging to bend over, lean down or stand up. I'm still feeling okay walking, it's not too bad. I had hoped to have a little more time without it, but maybe because my body has done it all before those tendons and ligaments are all weaker, so it's happening sooner?

The Tummy. When I took a nap yesterday, I was on my right side and went to shift a little back to the left and something pulled on the right side of my stomach quite painfully. I went back to the former position, but forgot about it and went to shift again and ouch. It's too early for this!!! Then tonight on the couch I yawned and my stomach expanded and the same painful pulling/stretching on the middle/right side of my stomach happened again. I'm only 18 bloody weeks! Not big enough for that. It's too earlyyyyyyyy. Yes, that was whining.

It is what it is. I've accepted that, I know I was signing up for 9 months of not being comfortable and being in pain for most of it. I will honestly say I didn't expect it to be worse than the first one. But it is. So, I decided that I expect the third to be worse. So, I shouldn't be too disappointed, right? I'm all for waiting for quite a while before number 3.

Lately I've been really just wanting to know exactly what it looks like inside. Not that I want to see for myself, but I would like a nice diagram or drawn up picture. I need to understand and I need to know the severity of it. There's nothing I can do to change how this pregnancy (or any of my pregnancies) will go, but I just feel better knowing. All I know is the term is "severely bifurcated uterus" But that seems to encompass quite a few scenarios. Tomorrow I go in for my 18 week and find out what we are having (yay!) and my doctor is making notes of things he see's or something like that so he has something to send the Perinatologist. I'm going to Idaho Falls to have an ultrasound by a Perinatologist who comes up from Primary Children's (I think) in Salt Lake. This is the one extra step they are doing this time knowing what we know. I am hoping, but not totally expecting, he/she can tell me something more. If not, I think after I have this kid I'll go into someone who knows what to look for and has a high res ultrasound machine to take a look and give me better answers. Unless my doc can during the c-section. I had one at the hospital here in Rexburg after I had Naomi, but it was just to determine if I had 2 kidney's and had blood flow to those and either uter and ovaries. And I did to all.

If the trend of "with my girls, I wasn't as sick as I was with my boys" or vice versa holds true for me, this should be a boy. But I wont be surprised if it's not. I don't hold a lot of stock in wives tales or the trend. I want a boy someday, so it would be nice to have one now. I'd have to buy a few things, but not much. And it would be nice to have a girl because I already know I like them a whole lot and I don't have to buy anything and Naomi would have a sister somewhat close in age. So... we'll see tomorrow!

I vent, I rant, I whine about it all (cause it helps), but I am always so grateful that I can carry a child. That I am pregnant. That things are going well with the baby no matter what is going on with me. It just takes it's toll - the sick and the pain all day every day. Some days I'm in better moods, some days not so much. Today is a mellow kind of mood. Which is why the tone of this post is kind of blahish. Oh, I haven't mentioned that having to eat all the bloody time is putting weight on like I did with Nae. My good start isn't meaning a whole lot. And it's worse since I haven't been able to exercise much. Since I fight for energy all day. Anyway.... maybe I'll talk about it later.

Low Blood Sugar

2012-01-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

Turns out that's what I've got. Can't seem to raise it for more than a half hour at a time, though. I am supposed to eat often. Like every hour to hour and a half. You'd think that wouldn't be a problem, except that food still isn't super appealing yet. And the stuff that is isn't what would be good for a snack. Like, hot cheetos. Mmmmmm..... I used to go through a bag every other day when I was pregnant with Naomi. When I went through that phase. I think it lasted a few weeks. I'm trying to keep it much more reasonable this time. Like... 1/4 of a bag a day. Or just on the days I eat it.

The bummer of a thing is that I've done so well with my weight this time. Not even on purpose. I was more sick this first trimester - not throwing up, but incredibly nauseous with all food being disgusting and forcing down every bite. First trimester with Naomi I gained 6-8 pounds. This one: 3. So far I'm at a 7 pound weight gain at 17 weeks and with nae I was 5-7 pounds ahead of where I am at this point. And, I started out 2 pounds lighter than I did with Nae. Smaller than I was in high school. Well, from my Jr. year and on.

So, I'm on the hunt for low calorie snacks that I can eat often. So far I eat a saltene cracker, slice of chedder cheese and a pickle slice on it as a snack. Ooooohh, so good. I have 8 of them and that gives me about a half hour of energy till I'm ready to drop again. An apple does really well. I've been forcing all kinds of healthy things down. Not that I don't like healthy, because I do, but this pregnancy is just so strange.

Good news? We find out what we are having one week from tomorrow! I'm excited. Nervous. Not expecting one or the other. Jaren is sure it's a girl, I don't really have an opinion or an inkling one way or another. With Nae, it was on the way to the ultrasound that I felt like it was a girl. We'll see about this one.

And since I'm on the computer with all of the pictures, here is a picture!

This was taken 2 weeks ago. So I was a few days past 15 weeks. Huge, right? But wait.... I'm smaller in the next picture...

Angles. And this next one is from my first pregnancy. This is what I mean, I think I'm showing about 2-3 weeks ahead this time.

Huh.... I think I look more like a mom now. But, maybe that's cause I don't do my hair as well? Or... also cause I am? So, I don't do my hair much. Oh well.....

16.5 Weeks - No. 2

2012-01-22T21:47:00.001-07:00

A few new things. Besides feeling like my uter has decided to fall out of my abdomen and make laying on my right side uncomfortable because of gravity.
Oh wait, that's right, that's news too. Baby is on the LEFT side this time. Here, I thought it was on the right - tricky little nugget. So explains that I'm still cramping. I thought I wouldn't cramp so much or so bad since the right side had already been stretched. But we are doing it all over again.

The cramping has picked up. It's more often and hurts worse than I remember it hurting with Nae.

The other night, I was getting out of my Pajama pants to get into bed, and I was standing on my left leg and started feeling the pull of PSD. A little pain. I thought, oh crud, here it goes again. See, I expected to have it again, but I sure hoped it would wait a bit longer to show itself. My guess is in another month it'll hurt constantly.

It's the strangest thing. Please tell me I'm not the only one. It sounds weird tryin to describe it but you can only get what I'm saying if you see it in person. And Jaren's been the only one around when it happens. So, I'll feel a little funny sensation where the baby is. Like pressure, like something pushing on my stomach from the inside (since that is exactly what is happening). I'll look down and there will be a huge lump. My whole (or as much as can come out) uterus is pushing out/up against my stomach. You can cup your hand around it and it's like holding the baby in your hand. It's been happening more often and that's how I knew it was on the left side. 3:30 one morning when the call of the wild woke me up, I rolled onto my back and felt it, I put my hand on my tummy and woke RIGHT up - LEFT SIDE?!?!!. In my very tired state I was scared and couldn't sleep the rest of the night. In the morning I just realized that we just have to hope it'll stretch to at least 37 weeks like the right side did. That's it. No scary stuff. And it's so nice to know it works! So, I have 2 halves of working uteri. And they both somehow come out of my tummy while I'm laying on my back. It's like a buoy. The kid isn't strong enough to push it's whole body against it to push it up. Right? I've just never heard anyone elses uter's rising. But, after a little while it goes back in. And if it's really out there and I get up or do something that flexes my muscles and forces it back - OUCH.

I felt the kid move for the first time the day before I turned 14 weeks while in Florida. It was a tiny little flutter, but I knew it wasn't gas. It wasn't! And since then I'd felt it every few days, just a little flutter. Then about a week ago I started feeling kicks. Maybe one a day or so. Usually when my pants were pressed up against it. But yesterday (when I finally found chocolate tasted good again, well, dark chocolate anyway (which I don't usually care for...)) it was kicking and moving a ton! It was really nice to feel it so well. It was then I had my emotional experience.

I didn't realize until yesterday that I had been keeping myself as emotionally unattached to this pregnancy as possible. I had wondered a bit why I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of attachment and connection to this fetus like I did Naomi. With Nae it was like that from day one. Well, even before day one, really. When I found out I was pregnant with this one I cried and cried. Tears of gratitude and relief. Since finding out about my "condition" I've worried about being able to get pregnant again or being able to get pregnant again very easily (it took 2 tries with Nae). So, when we got pregnant on the first try I was immensely grateful and relieved. But then I was scared. Scared of a miscarriage, which so many women have and is very common with someone with my innards. So, I've kept myself as detached as possible so if it happened I wouldn't be as devastated as I would have otherwise. Now, I don't think I realized this fully until yesterday. That's why I've waited as long as I have to make the pregnancy public. I was sitting down, changing Naomi's diaper (usually where epiphanies happen, right?) thinking about how I was finally really feeling excited about the baby. And thinking in more detail of it and what it means and what it might be like and what it would be like when it comes and picturing my life with two kids. I realized that I was holding so much back for fear of miscarriage and with feeling the baby move so much that fear went away. Well, mostly. I'm still nervous, but I'm a few days away from 17 weeks and am feeling mostly safe. It just feels nice to feel this way again. And to understand why I haven't been as emotionally moved (I cried about every time with Nae) when I hear the heartbeat. It's more a feeling of relief and I say, "It's still alive!" And you know, my ogre mood I'd been in lately has mostly dissipated. I'm a bit more of a happier person.

Onto one more nugget of information. With Nae I often felt dizzy and lightheaded. I'd stand up and immediately have to sit back down again or flop on the floor until the blood returned to my head. Then I'd get up and get whatever I needed to get done done, but I felt better and there wasn't any lingering stuff. I even do this sometime while not pregnant. Mostly in the shower (we have a tiny square thing that doesn't let any steam or heat out). Well, it was getting so bad in the shower that I was basically showering on the ground because I couldn't stand and raise my arms over my head for more than 30 seconds. I moved to our hall shower that is a tub shower - so the heat can move out. I haven't had bouts of "gona pass out, sit, sit sit sit!" that were too bad. But, the last few days I've noticed that I'm getting really tired really easy. Not, like, I'm sleepy tired, but like, I can't lift my arms up tired. I'll have to sit for a while, it was really hard to stand in the kitchen to make a meal. Then yesterday all morning I couldn't take more than 10 steps without being out of breath and needing to drop to the floor or I'd pass out. I couldn't say more than 2 sentences without leaning on the counter and breathing like I'd just sprinted for 5 minutes. Needless to say it was a bit alarming. We live in a split level, I could make it up the first set of stairs and halfway up the next before sitting down to catch my breath and let the blood move to my head again. I can't lift my arms above my head without dropping to the ground till I knew I wasn't going to pass out.
We looked it up and we thought it was low blood sugar. So, I was eating a bit more fruit and I felt better after lunch and then didn't feel so well a while after. After my nap I ate my favorite snack of saltine crackers, cheddar cheese and pickles and felt a bit better. Better enough to put fish sticks and tater tots on a pan for dinner. The first time I've ever done that. But it tasted good, so oh well. Talking to my sister in law, Vicki, she mentioned she had iron deficiency and is taking iron supplements and felt the same way before they diagnosed it. And now she's feeling better. She's also expecting.
Today I've been struggling with the out of breath and getting light headed/dizzy again. But not as severe as yesterday. After waking up from my nap I felt especially bad. Not only super weak, but also a bit nauseous. I grabbed applesauce (which I hate) thinking if it was low blood sugar this should take care of it. I ate it, and nothing. I felt more nauseous and still felt dizzy and weak. So, then I thought, if it's iron I need meat. I made half a sandwich (with pickles, because I can't seem to get enough - wasn't a craving I had with Nae, but Oooo so yummy now) and ate it. Afterwards I felt like I had more energy, not as dizzy and the nausea went away. For a while, anyway. Seems a constant struggle. So, I'm making an appointment tomorrow to have them take my blood and tell me what the heck is going on. I can't live like this. I can't carry Naomi for more than 5 steps. I can't play with her. I can't get anything done because I can't stand in the kitchen for more than a few minutes! Dishes - ugh.

So, I'll post about my results tomorrow! And yay for feeling life; exuberant kicking, wiggling life. Yay for better moods and yay for my daughter who brings me so much joy. And frustration.... some bad habits... that's for another day.

15 Weeks - No. 2

2012-01-13T21:17:00.003-07:00

Here it comes again, another baby. Planned? Yes. Excited? Yes. Although I've kind of reached a limbo state. Finally starting to feel well and get a bit of energy back just as my stomach muscles are starting to hurt a little and my belly is getting big kind of faster than I thought it would be. Not to mention the girls hurt from day one worse than I ever remember (besides clogged ducts) them hurting. And have every second of every day since. I can't even lay on my back for more than 30 minutes without getting up and wanting to cry a little. Not even mentioning laying on my side....

Last pregnancy I didn't have headaches, it was a miracle. Literally. Because I get head aches for as long as I can remember. I remember going to the nurses office in 5th grade and asking for Excedrin. They told me they could only give me Tylenol. Pansy medicine..... Come to think of it... what was I doing taking Excedrin at 10?!!! Maybe I was older... Anyway, 4 wheeling accident at 17 and they came more often and much worse. So, to say I had not one single one from the moment I got pregnant until I had Naomi and got a spinal one from the Spinal thingy is a miracle. I'm not so fortunate this time. And Tylenol does squat. It's made it a bit less fun.

Also making it a bit less fun is the sickness that is much worse this time around. And exhaustion the likes I never knew possible. Except with 5 month old babies. Seriously, I would go to sleep at 10, Naomi wakes up at 7 a.m. (9 hours so far) and I'm still in a coma so Jaren (the sweet wonderful man that he is) takes her out, puts on a show, gives her a banana then comes in to take a shower. I sleep for another 30 minutes to an hour with this. So, we are up to 10 hours. Then, about 10-10:30 I've lost any steam I built up with my 10 hour slumber. Another show comes on and I get my pillow, tell Naomi that Mama is tired and taking a rest and get anywhere from 30-60 minutes of sleep in between having toys shoved in my face or having to switch a show. I wake up and feel like I can run a half marathon and then about 12:30-1 p.m. I'm down again. Thank heavens Naomi goes down for a nap just after 1. So then, do I. For at least 2 hours. That's anywhere from 13-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period! Every single day until I left to Florida on the 2nd of January and had to stay awake if I wanted to see the parks. And for the last 2 days I haven't been so sure I even need a nap. Although, I still feel really tired and have taken them anyway. Still getting 8-9 hours of sleep at night.

Onto the sickness. With Naomi it was something that was constant, but not always horrible. And I was able to eat and fix it. Well, for a while, anyway. I craved things and not all food tasted bad. Most of it actually tasted good. Except sweets; those were yucky. Never threw up and it ended around the second trimester. This time? Really bad nausea constantly. Food helped for about 20 minutes and then it was back. It felt like I was on the verge of puking at any second, although I knew I wasn't. This time I took anti-nausea drugs that helped the second they hit my tongue. Food was disgusting. All of it. Nothing sounded good or tasted good. It was maybe once a week if I was lucky that I thought, "Hey, this doesn't taste so bad!" And then I was fighting a gag reflex with each bite. I forced the food down because I knew I needed it and because not only was I fighting the nausea without it, but I also had hunger pains. I didn't puke at all until some sort of super bug that was like the 24 hour flu but only 8 hours long and totally completely miserable and violent at Thanksgiving. But I decided not to count that because it was caused by a bug, not the pregnancy. Until last Saturday in Florida when I ate some pancakes that were so gross, but the only food I had around me super early in the morning (which is my sickest time of day). About two hours later my body decided it didn't want that nasty tasting stuff going through my digestive system. Lucky baby. So, my clean record is ruined. But, again, last 2 days I've done better. I'm feeling hopeful. Oh, and I have to remember to talk about my Harry Potter Land experience.

What's different this time now that we know about my "severely bifurcated uterus"? Knowing the baby will come at 37 weeks. Maybe even a few days past that. And by C-Section, which I'm not excited about, but am okay with. The risks are too high otherwise. And I'll have more ultrasounds (I had quite a few with Naomi, too) than normal. I'm going to a specialist at 20 weeks in Idaho Falls with a Neonatal Specialist person from Salt Lake - one of the big hospitals there who comes down a few times a month. A high resolution ultrasound to make sure everything is looking like the rest of the pregnancy will go okay and the delivery and the baby looks okay. Other than that it's just the biggest relief to know this time around why I'm cramping and why things will hurt so early and so much worse than my friends. Why the kid is always on one side and not moving and breach and everything else that doesn't fall into a normal pregnancy. It scared me so much last time knowing things weren't normal and not knowing why. I've been cramping this time (with nae it was constant and annoying) and it's not as often, but it's more painful when it does come. But this time I'm not thinking I'm losing my baby every time. I'm expecting the PSD, rib pain, cramping, pain, bed rest, ect... I will say that I'm glad I waited as long as I did, so Naomi is older and doesn't need as much as she would have 8 months ago. Although, going through this this time has made me think I'm waiting even longer between 2 and 3. I need the kids older and if the next one is worse than this one.... I just need lots of time between. I'm not expecting it to be, but I'm not going to expect it not to be either.

My emotions have been crazy. I'm crying over the littlest things. Commercials, watching Naomi, watching Jaren, thinkin too much in my head. I'm not as happy and carefree as I usually am. At least it doesn't happen as often. My mood swings lower more often than normal for me -since it's almost never low usually. I can't seem to get out of the funk once it hits. I'm just kind of mellow and blah. I hope that goes away because I'd much rather be in a fantastic mood most of my days.

One more thing. I've been having a lot of low back ache/pain for the past 2 weeks or so already. Not the best sign of things to come. And my stomach muscles in one spot on my right side of my "6 pack" (once was, but not so much anymore) about 2 inches above my belly button hurt. Just thought I'd document that. I'm going to look back at my last pregnancy stuff and see if I mentioned any of this happening and when.

I'll post some pictures soon. :)

Bananas

2012-01-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Things that are driving me Bananas:

Feeling restless, but having no desire to do anything productive
Nae's patience is shrinking, she used to wait 45 seconds to a minute and a half into explaining what it was she wants before throwing a fit. Now she doesn't even try to explain; just throws fits
Sweets; when will they taste good again? I figured out vanilla ice cream tastes good - yahoo!
not having a garbage disposal: makes my drain stink, have to empty those gross food strainers and my garbage is horrific.
Naomi waking up at 6:30 EVERY morning since we've come back from Florida.
Naomi waking up once every night since we've come back from Florida.
Christmas is still up and lights are going out on my tree; it doesn't even look kind of magical with only half randomly lit.
Not having exercised since November. I think I should start again.... but I just don't feel like it.... but I know I should... but I'm tired... but it would be good for me... but my hips will hurt.... (this argument happens every day)
Food still not tasting right or very good
Having to pee every 45 minutes
Not washing my face at night because I'm lazy
clenching my jaw while I sleep at night. I think there is some grinding, too. I wake up sore and with a massive head ache.
My head aches! For Heavens sake go away! Tylenol is pansy medicine that doesn't help squat.

What you may not know, but have guessed is that I'm pregnant again! Wahoo! Yahoo! Yay! Yikes... this one has been worse than the first so far. I'm finally (as of yesterday) not feeling so nauseous all day long and today is the first day since November that I didn't feel like I HAD to have a nap. But I took one anyway. I can't believe how fast my belly popped out and I had to unbutton my pants. I kind of can't believe how long I kept it a secret. Although, if Christmas and then our Florida trip hadn't happened during this time I don't know if I could have lasted as long without something to distract me. I'm 15 weeks, due July 4th, but since I can't carry a baby full term I'll have it mid June. I thought, "Oooo cool due date!" But, it doesn't mean much when you can't make it much past 37 weeks.

Anyway, I'll hopefully post more in the next day or so with more info. Maybe this means I will post more? I hope so!!!

Currently, In the Life of Whitney

2011-08-01T15:17:00.000-06:00

I am now 25 as of yesterday. I feel so grown up. I can rent a car all by myself! Last year I had to have my brother in law put his name on it because I wasn't old enough. Although, I'd been married for over 3 years and had a kid and had the money to pay for it. I felt silly. But now, I'm bound no more! I'm free to go anywhere I want! Well... almost anywhere. And if Jaren's with me it never would matter since he's been a grown up for lots longer than I. Although, he's leaving his 20's this year and he seems to be taking it personally. So anytime I mention feeling old I get quite this withering look....

I've also been training for a half marathon that's coming end of this month. The training was going well until about 2 weeks ago. Each run started to feel like it was dragging and felt difficult. I bought new shoes and they really aren't agreeing with my feet. I have blisters on each of my fourth toes (the one's next to the pinky's). Right on the outside. Painful. A new blister on the insole of my left foot, an ankle that hurts and now after each run my KNEE'S hurt. They used to not bug me so much. And it feels like I'm just pulling and pulling myself along. It's discouraging. Friday I did 11 miles in 80 degree's and it feel terrible. My time was HORRIBLE and I didn't enjoy it. Now, that's not what I signed up for. But texting my sister in law, the marathoner, Lena, mentioned I might be burning out. I realized I've been pushing myself quite a bit for quite a while. I think I need to cool it for this week. So, I'm going to try to do 5 miles 3 times, then a 10 mile Friday instead of 5, 6, 7, and then 12 like I had planned. I hope it works. I want to enjoy my runs and enjoy this half marathon. Good luck to me.

Naomi is hilarious. I need to video and take millions of pictures because I think anyone struggling to find happiness in life just needs a toddler. Well, I guess a toddler and a massive dose of patience. Because she can test mine quite a bit. But, it seems every day she is doing something more and more funny. Like waking up and saying, "Help! Help!" over and over from her crib thinking that will get me in there faster. Or holding her fork in her mouth, then stabbing it down into her food trying to spear it using no hands. Or putting 15 animals on a little people train (I took pictures, they'll come someday - it's quite impressive). Or making everything kiss. A vulture and a seal, a bulldozer and a garbage truck, a puppy dog and a bunny. Or, yelling, "POO! POO!" around the house. Repeating what we say, "I do." "Cute." "Stinky!" "Alright" "Otay" Dancing and sitting on animals and jumping and scooting on her bum. The other day she was looking at a Disney Princess book and pointed to Belle and said, "Mama" I was like, "Ohh, that's so sweet, thinking I'm Belle" I was just telling her how she would be my favorite always when she turned the page and pointed to Sleeping Beauties Fairy Godmother and said, "Mama" Well... then she turned the page again and pointed to the crocodile on Princess Tiana's page and said, "Mama" and LAUGHED. Alright, she lost it. Then she looks at me, smiles and says, "Ow whow" Which is , "Love you". So, I forgave her. As long as she doesn't call the crocodile Mama again.

This week I'm trying to do 637 things before I take off to Washington for our mostly annual Oregon Beach trip. This will be the first uber long drive with Naomi. 9 hours without stops (so, 10.5-11 with them) the first day. Then a few days later 7 hours without stops (so, probably 9 with them) to the beach. Then 7 hours back to Washington some days later, then I'll split the trip home (by myself) by stopping in Boise, then heading the rest of the way home (by myself) the next day. All in all I'll be gone for almost 2 and a half weeks. We still don't know if Jaren can join us at the Beach. I sure hope so, because that's a long time for him not to see his baby. Or babies.... :)

But I'm really excited about spending so much time with family. And nervous because Naomi seems to have some sort of phobia of children. Not all children, but lots. And people she doesn't know. I'm hoping this will break her of it, because it drives me CRAZY bonker bananas.

Oh, good news is she eats EVERYTHING. She'll at least try everything and eats just about all of it. She tried broccoli yesterday and seemed unsure of it, but still took a few bites anyway. She still wont touch dolls or anything girly except necklaces and chapstick. She loves anything with wheels and animals. Hard or stuffed. Mostly stuffed dogs. Still loves Dora, Bubble Guppies, Baby Signing Time and her favorite song will probably always be Wheels on the Bus. Oh, and I'm her favorite person. Still :) I kind of love it. And I don't think I'll ever teach her the word, "Mom." I like the sound of, "Mama" too much. I hope she's 16 and says, "Mama, can you make spaghetti tonight?" Or, "Mama, Jameraqui asked me on a date Friday, can I go?" Or, "You know hot pants went out of style in the 90's, MAMA"

One thing that's nice about burning hundreds and sometimes thousands of calories 4-5 times a week is that I eat whatever I want and I never gain more than a few ounces, only to lose them the days I run. But I still can't figure out why I still have more stuff in the love handle region now than I did before I had Naomi and I'm running like a crazy person. I'm just hoping that someday I can find a way to get that to go away. Probably not till after the next kid. Oh, and no babies coming anytime soon. We keep decide to wait to start trying. Lots of different things. I just hope they are less than 3 years apart. We'll see, though. Can't say I'm too disappointed when I have a headache that makes me want to bury myself in a glacier and I can take Excedrin. Like today. Which is why I'm writing this, because I'm mad hopped up on caffeine. And now I'm off to switch and fold laundry.

Toodaloo!

Don't Start With Me

2011-07-02T22:33:00.000-06:00

Ooo I'm in a mood. .

Just a whiny exasperated mood. There are no roses in this post. No shiny happy people. No sunny beaches. No hot bubble baths with a good book. No wonderful date nights with your husband.

Dangit.

My day started off alright. Planned on going into town so I could run on some hills since the 10K on hills kicked my trash and I died. And I don't want to die in August when I run a half marathon where there are still lots of hills.

I planned on starting around 8:30-9 a.m. You know, before it got too hot. Well, I didn't get to my sister's apartment till almost 10, then she talked to me for 15-20 minutes and finally I was able to get started. And by that time it was at least 10:30 or something. I don't know. I didn't look at the dumb clock.

Picture this: 80 degree's, no wind, not a cloud in sight, I know some of you are drooling and getting out the mental boat to put in the mental lake to do some mental wake boarding. Well, put the darn boat back on the mental ramp and park it will ya? Because I ran 8 bloody (is that a swear word? I keep hearing it might be across the pond, but I like the sound of it. I guess I could say something like... smelly, or itchy or caboodley, or fanninnilily, or cotton-pickin (from Elf, eh?)) miles, with 6 of them being on hillyness and I died.

That's right, I'm not really here, I died. Whitney, who would have been 25 at the end of this month died.

Ok, then I came back to life. But really, I hit about 7 1/2 miles and decided I've never felt so incredibly drained ever.

Picture this: a girl in a purple tank top jogging, red faced, looking like she's giving her all, then from behind comes a woman walking, pushing a double stroller with a baby on her back and a kid hanging on each leg and she passes the purple tank top, then does one last look back before she is out the front of the screen.

That was me the last half mile. Your grandma could have waddled past me, but I was sure not gonna stop jogging!

So, I stagger up to Lindsey's door and I lightly knock (because my brother in law is sleeping). No answer, I try the handle - nothing. I knock a little louder. Nothing. I knock louder. Nothing. I yell through the door "OPEN UP! I'M DDDYYYYIIIINNNGGG!!!!" (I'm not making this up). Nothing. I walk to the window, bang on that. Nothing. I walk back to the door, "Lindsey! I need water!!! I'm DYYIIINNNGGG!!!" Nothing. So then, I look at the parking lot, because I swear I saw her car. There it is.. and.. wait... why is my car so far away? Why is Lindsey's car so far away? And Nate's? Ohh... wait a minute.

WRONG BUILDING.

See? Heat stroke or something. Delusional. I went to the wrong building. I waddle to Lindsey's door, lightly tap at the door and 2 seconds later the door opens and Linds says, "I didn't even lock it after you left."

So I stumble in, drink 3 gallons of water, eat one of her bananas, steal a gatorade, use her face wash, change and head back out the door.

I had a million errands to run. One of which was picking out paint to paint my upstairs. Now, my feet are killing me from the run and since I died and came back to life my left eye is twitching and so I enlist the help of my interior designer sister-in-law who has a paint-color-wheel thing and we figure out which color to do the entire upstairs and which color to do my one accent wall. The guys were taking fooorrever mixing my paint. So I say, "Hey, I'm going to run to Big 5 real quick, I'll be right back." Ok, they say. So I go buy my yellow version of the purple tank I was running in because it's my new favorite piece of exercise clothing and one is not enough.

I come back to Ace, and see one of my paint cans sitting on the counter and the other wasn't. So I wait, someone comes by, asks if I need anything. I tell him I need paint can number two, he finds it in the mixer and I say thank you Mr. Kind Sir and pay and leave.

So, I'm just plum spent.

I get home, unload, thank my Mother in Law for watching my nugget, and then the nugget get's a little fiesty later and I'm just plum spent. Jaren's not home, feels like he never is these days (oh, wait, it's 10 p.m. and he STILL isn't home.) I haven't showered, I feel disgusting, my feet hurt, my left eye is still twitching from my near death experience and Naomi is throwing things. From behind. She get's quite the distance covered that way, let me tell you.

Jaren came home around 6:30, I made dinner, we ate, he said, "go take a shower, honey. You really stink. And would you do something about that left eye twitch? It's really unattractive." So, he takes Naomi down stairs and I shower and I'm done, and Naomi wants to sit on my lap while I try to pluck my eye brows and Jaren says, "Well, this has been fun, I've got to go check water or something. See you all later." So he leaves me juggling tweezers and a wiley little nugget.

I get her ready for bed, put her down and this whole time I have a massive pounding head ache - I'm convinced it's from heat stroke. Or the near death experience. Or both. Along with the eye twitch.

So, she's down at 7:30 - HALLELUJAH! I don't remember the last time I put her to bed that early. But I'll just say that because of it, my eye stopped twitching.

So, I get ambitious, pull out the paint cans, open one, paint a square on my accent wall. Open the other and - WAIT ONE COTTON PICKIN MINUTE!!!! It wasn't MIXED!! Those fanninnilily boys thought that when I walked away, they could too! Without mixin my paint! UUUUGGGH. So, I have to mix my self, do I? So... I do. But it wasn't any fun, let me tell you. Walkin around shakin a thing, talking on the phone to my sister-in-law. Rollin the can on the floor, it get's away from me and slams into my shin. I have a bruise. Itchy can.

I finally get it mixed, I put it on the wall - look at the accent wall and what?! Wait one caboodley minute! The accent square is cobalt blue!! Or maybe it just looks that way because of the brown walls next to it and under it? Oh man, I don't know. All I know is I can't have a cobalt accent wall. Can't wait to hear what Jaren says when he see's I desecrated his wall.

So, I need to find a different color for my accent wall - I like the one on my other wall. I have to tape my entire upstairs, get Jaren to caulk along the ceiling because it's not been done in the over 4 years we've lived in the house and I'm tired of lookin like a hillbilly.

And. HE IS STILL NOT HOME. It's been this way since April. He's got more ground he's running and is trying to get that running like all of the rest of it. There are lots of break downs everywhere, I get it. I get the why, but I'm starting not to care. There get's to be a point where I'm tired of being a single mom and tired of Naomi going 3-4 days a week not seeing her Dad at all. And I'm in a mood. And I died today. And my left eye finally stopped twitching. And I have a cobalt square on my accent wall. And my feet feel 73 years old. And I have a sunburn on my neck. ONLY MY NECK. And my bedroom is a mess. And my bathroom is a mess. And I'm tired. And Jaren isn't home.

And he gave everyone the day off. He says, "It'll only be 6 hours out of the day. Instead of... 14." Oh. Fantastic. Yeah, I know, someone has to do it - why not the boss? Look, I'll feel better tomorrow and I'm so grateful for all he does for us and everything we have because of all of his hard work. But I miss him. And Naomi misses him. And so when I'm in a mood - like today - I just don't care and I just want him home. Dangit.

This is the end of my giant rant. Tune in next time for shiny happy people.

Half Marathon VS. 10K

2011-06-17T22:01:00.000-06:00

I ran in the Teton Dam Marathons 10K last Saturday. Remember last year? I did the half marathon and enjoyed it quite a bit. I had also been running for five months previous and spent 2 and half of that officially training. I was totally prepared. And I laugh at how I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it.

This year, I waited too long to start training. Well, running again because the saddest thing is that I hadn't run for more than 3 weeks strait at a time since I finished that Half Marathon last year. April rolled around and I kept thinking.. one year ago I was running 6 miles without stopping. Then May rolled around and I thought... one year ago I was running 8 or 9 miles without stopping. It was depressing. But, I put off running because I kept thinking, I might be pregnant by June and running would be much harder. So I didn't get myself out the door to run.

Well, beginning of May came around and Chelsey, one of my friends asked me to run the Teton Dam 10K with her. By that time we had already decided to continue waiting to start trying, so I knew I wouldn't be pregnant. So, I started running again. I had only been running for four weeks by the time last saturday rolled around. What's amazing, is that 2 weeks before the race I was running and had meant to run 4 miles and felt so good I ran 5 and a half. I was so happy that my body jumped right back into it. Then Monday happened (Memorial Day) and I ran 3 miles and felt like poo. Wednesday, felt even worse - Thursday same thing. By that time my throat had started killing so I knew I was sick.

I never kicked the cold/sore throat (Strep? who knows) by the time the race was and so I ran that 10K (4 miles up hill and only 2 flat/downhill) and didn't enjoy it. I mean... I enjoyed it, I find I really enjoy a race although, I'm not really racing anyone, my goal is to run the whole thing without stopping and hit around a 10 minute mile.

The results? Last year I ran 13.1 miles with a 10.14 minute mile. This time it was 10.21 minute mile! What the?! I ran less than half the distance and it took longer!!! I realized that I need to do better training, run for more than 4 weeks before a race, RUN HILLS and do interval stuff.

How did I feel? Like poo. I wished I had gone to the doctor the first morning I woke up with my throat in shreds and my voice gone. I enjoyed the experience but after I crossed that finish line I didn't not feel the euphoria I did last year. Last year I was inexpressibly happy and felt so good that I had accomplished that. I was ready to do it again the next weekend. I smiled the whole day. This year I was like, "Oh, so glad that's over."

Lesson learned: Train, intervals, hills and DON'T GET SICK.

I also decided that barring I'm not too pregnant or haven't just barely had a baby I will run in that race every year. Even if I am 8 weeks postpartum and only do the 5K. Although, they give you the really nice running shirts if you run in the half or the full. If you do anything else you just get a cotton T-Shirt. So, I'm aiming for the half if not the full (someday) every time so I can get the nice running shirts every time!

Here are some last years and this years:

Last year this was the picture soonest to the finish line. Jaren showed up about 15 minutes after I was done...

This year: So he made sure to be there super early this time!

This Year: (since I didn't have any of him right after wards last year, here is this years)

This year: Lindsey came!!!

Last Year: I got a medal! I think they only go to the Half and Full Marathoners, because I didn't get one this year.

This Year: no metal :(

Last Year: Number

This Year: Number (last years was green (for halfers) this year was orange (for the 10K)

Last Year: Family Picture!

This Year: Family!

Last Year: The Nugget

This Year: The Nugget!

I just want to leave you with a picture of the year 2030's most beautiful woman in the world.

She's watching Dora :)

Grateful

2011-06-02T15:27:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow Jaren and I are driving to Washington to go to my Grandpa's funeral. I feel like my thoughts and feelings are all over the place. Losing my Grandma a year ago was incredibly hard. Not that I ever worry about where she is, because she's better off than me, that's for sure. But I just miss her. And it was sad for what my Dad lost and what my Grandpa lost.

When I was 10 my Grandpa (my Mom's Dad) passed away very suddenly to cancer. We found out one day and a few weeks later he was gone. I don't remember a lot about him. I was young, and a girl and he loved to fly fish and took my brother, Nathan out all the time. I don't feel like I ever got to know him - but most of those things are supposed to come later. Right? What kind of a conversation could he have had with a 10 year old little girl? I'll tell you what, especially from me, "I really like Bobby, but he likes Vanessa and I just can't figure it out because we are MADE for each other!!"

When I was 9 my Grandpa (Dad's Dad) had a severe stroke. It left him having to learn how to eat, drive, talk and do just about everything again. Even though I don't feel like I really got to know him (more than his mental capacity could allow) either I am so grateful he didn't die then. Because the memories I have of growing up and going to their house are wonderful. He was always so excited to see me and ALWAYS remembered me. Even when I went away to college or came back huge (dramatically different than any pictures) pregnant. He had to have at least 2 hugs and made me kiss each cheek :) I would sit and listen to him tell me about "the boys" and "the cows" and anything else that was going on with the farm. For the most part I always knew what he was talking about. He would pull out old photo albums and yearbooks from when he was in high school and growing up. I would sigh and realize I was going to be there for a while (I had seen and heard the stories countless times), but always would enjoy every second of it. It made him incredibly happy to be able to talk about the things he knew and experienced. It was so important for everyone to understand "I was smart" and he would point to his head. He would say, "I had all the ladies, but one, only one... mama" (which was my grandma). She would roll her eyes, smile and say, "Oh, Garn."

His passing isn't necessarily sad for me. It was time, he was 89. He didn't have the best quality of life and my Grandma was no longer here. All I could think about was how he could be whole again and be with my Grandma. And his Mom, who died when he was 8 months old. I am going to miss him, his company, his stories, his smile, and how he always always told me he loved me. "Oh, I love you" as dramatically has he could say it. I felt special in a sea of over 50 grandchildren, he had to have my picture up so he could see it while he was sitting in his chair. He would point to it and say, "that's my girl" I know all of us granddaughters were "his girls" but it still made me feel special.

I still really miss my Grandma. It wasn't until I graduated from High School and started working on the farm regularly and would go to her house for lunches and naps that I feel I really built my relationship with her. And she always was so interested in my life. So concerned with who I was dating, were they nice? She was excited to find out that one of her best friends was related to Jaren (his Grandma's sister). And she could find out everything she needed to know about the family. And it was all good, so she told me I could marry him :)

Thinking about them, about everything I know and the time I spent with them I am left feeling incredibly grateful for the time I was able to spend with them. That I was able to know such wonderful people. That I grew up in the same town, saw them every Sunday and during the week. Grandma came to some of my games and performances. I know not everyone get's to grow up around their Grandparents, but I lived a few miles from one set and 30 minutes from my Grandma. I am grateful for my family, who sacrifice so much without being expected to. My Dad and Uncle who rotated every other night for the last year staying with my Grandpa, helping him with everything he couldn't do so he could stay in his home. Where he was happiest and most familiar. April 14th last year my Grandma went into the nursing home and passed away just over a month later. April 14th this year my Grandpa when into the same nursing home and passed away within 4 days of my Grandma's 1 year date of passing.

I'm so looking forward to this weekend and learning more about each of them through my Aunts and Uncles. I cherish the stories.

I hope that I can reach into my 80's and look back at my life and legacy like they did. With a full, happy life. It's hard to say goodbye now, but I know I'll see them again and it's such a great comfort to know that they will be there to greet me when it's my time.

As soon as I get my external hard drive to work on this computer I'll have some pictures of my Grandma, too.

Lately

2011-05-26T12:06:00.000-06:00

I've been reading, but not as much as a few weeks ago
I've been working on pictures again - taking and editing and sorting. Feels kinda nice
I've started running again. Decided to train for the Teton Dam 10K. Not a half marathon like last year - I wish I had started training 4 weeks sooner so I could have run that.
I've been surprised and happy how easy it's been to get back into shape. For the most part, anyway.
We've been talking and thinking about baby number 2.
I've been thinking more and more about baby number 2. Maybe I'm ready? Maybe I'm not?
Naomi has been the sweetest thing since her top two K-9 teeth have come in. I knew she was in there somewhere
Naomi has discovered her love for salt and vinegar chips
She still takes 2 naps maybe once a week, but mostly down to one these days.
She is trying to say so many words, I only understand most of them because she points while saying it.
I love it when she says "Mama" The tone she uses :)
Jaren has been working like crazy. It seems every year I see him less and less during farming season.
I've been buying loads of home/home decor magazines and have been cutting out things and writing down ideas because I want to be prepared when the day comes to build. Someday in the next few years. I hope.
I have been making quite a few trips to Twin Falls to see Nathan, Stephanie, Conner and the recent addition - Jayden.
I have also been working on a "Quiet Book" for Naomi for church so she will be distracted enough to stay in Sacrament meeting. I'm tired of taking her out in the hall!
I can't seem to enjoy folding and putting away laundry, but I love my new washer and dryer!
Naomi has finally overcome her fear of the windshield wipers
Naomi has picked up a new fear of yelling/screaming. Any yelling/screaming on T.V. get's a whine and a drop down to the floor with her head shaking "no" over and over till it goes away. Ugh. I don't know where it came from.
I have found running with a stroller is 5 times harder than running without one.
I have felt a bit socially deprived. I miss hanging out with friends.
I have been obsessed with Mindy Gledhill's album Anchor. Fantastic. Beautiful voice. Saw her in concert and it was better live than on the album.
I have been eating loads of dried apples. Yum Yum. My Daddy's dried apples to be exact.
Naomi discovered another love: Red Peppers. To my surprised and delight.
I have been trying to go to bed in the 10 o'clock hour.
I have been trying to decide if I want to cut bangs again or not. I hate that they get in my eyes. I'm trying to decide if I look old without them.
I have been trying to get myself to blog. Hopefully I can do at least once a week, then build up from there. I miss it.

We like to play Peek A Boo

She really didn't want to pose

Except for when I'm behind the camera :)

Vintage

2011-02-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

How old does something have to be to be considered "vintage"?

Back in High School I was at my Grandma's house and my sister and I were trying on my Mom's wedding dress. Turns out she is kind 4 inches shorter than I am so the waist hit at an empire level and my Mom was tiny, and I didn't want to rip the dress. But, in the spirit of trying things on my Grandma brings out one of her Mom's outfits. I often hear how she was always so well dressed and in every picture I've seen it sure appears so.

But for some reason I didn't try it on. I think I was too afraid it was too small. So, I went home and put it in my closet. I was always sure it was just too small and wouldn't fit me. So I never tried it on.

I have been looking for a nice skirt that hits at the waist and goes down past my knee's. I can't seem to find one. But then I remembered this whole suit set I have had in my closet for the last 7 years. A whole tailored set: suit pants, vest, jacket and skirt. I pulled it out and finally looked at the faded tag. Size 6. What?! Why didn't I look at it sooner??

So I put on the skirt and I'm in love.

The sad part? I took it to wear to church over Christmas at my parents house and had just finished changing Naomi's diaper and went to get off the bed and did a bit of the splits and "rrrrrriip". Gasp. Tears. Run around like a crazy person trying to find needle and thread. So, I sewed it as best I could in the 3 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door. But I still need to go seam rip it again and do it right on my sewing machine.

I still feel awful, but I'll fix it and if I can't do a good enough job I'll find someone who will.

Isn't it beautiful? Well, I think it is and mostly probably because it belonged to my Great Grandmother. She passed away in 2006 and I don't remember a lot of her. She had Alzheimers and by the time she couldn't remember who I was I was around 10 - 12 years old. But I do enjoy the stories my Grandma tells me about her in the nursing home :) And anything I learn about her past.

Wasn't she beautiful? I love this picture. And Grandma... I'm sorry I ripped your skirt because I'm stupid sometimes and don't think that some fabrics don't stretch. I hope it wasn't your favorite. Don't worry.... I'll fix it.

Bucket List

2011-02-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

My friend, Paloma, left a comment on my post below about how a pair of those fantastic beautiful shoes were on her bucket list. It got me thinking.... a bucket list! What a great idea. I'm making one. So here is my first few things (in no particular order) (and some may be done already):

1. Visit the Harry Potter Theme Park.

2. Go on a Caribbean Cruise.

3. Surf in Hawaii (CHECK!)

4. Skydive or bungee jump

5. Visit New York City

6. Eat at the top of the Space Needle

7. Own a pair of Christian Louboutin Shoes

And that's it for now! I think this will get pretty long at one point. I can't forget the things I've already done, but should be on there anyway.

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day! Jaren came home with chocolates and a dozen, long stemmed red roses that are more beautiful than any that he has given me before. And what did he want for his Valentines dinner? Risotto? Chicken Cordon Bleu? New York Steak? Fettuccine Alfredo? Anything dinnery and something specialy?! Nope. Turkey bacon sandwich. So, of course I smoked up the house and burnt the bacon. But he still said it was delicious and exactly what he wanted. Ahhh, he's the perfect Valentine.

If I Had 7,387.49 Dollars

2011-02-09T08:17:00.001-07:00

I would buy these things on my (mostly)frivolous wish list:

$399.00 Bose Sound Dock.

I love music. I listen to it all the time. My daughter is evidence enough since she has been dancing since she was 7 months old and could sit up and bounce/sway/move her shoulders. Currently I am toting around a pair of old computer speakers and my iPod. Works alright, but doesn't have the sound or the look this much prettier choice has.

$164.99 16 gig iPod Nano - Pink

Again, I love music! I am currently using my 4 gig Nano that I bought with 4 months worth of tips back in August of 2006. I paid $250 for it and I can't believe how the price and style has changed. I love this new model since it's perfect for running and I wont have to have the tan-line from my arm band that I have to carry my current iPod in. Not to mention I can get it in pink. Or Graphite since it looks gold and it's fantastic.

$695.00 Black Pump - Christian Louboutin

Since it seems that in any given month I am dressing up in dresses and heels 4-5 times I want timeless staples. And that would be some black leather pumps. I love shoes and when I'm in a dress I prefer heels. Since chances are more likely I'll never be able to afford a pair of these I could settle for the below example.

$89.95 Black Pump - Steve Madden

Cheaper, not as luxurious and comfortable and beautiful, but $600 cheaper, so who cares? Me. Oh well, I can dream.

$795.00 Red Pump - Christian Louboutin

I really like paring red shoes with black and white outfits. I have quite a few black and white outfits. I don't know why the red is more than the black, but if I was ever able to afford the black I'm sure I'd be in the position to afford the red. And they would last me forever - my entire life and then some, right? Would that justify it?

$89.95 Red Pump - Steve Madden

And here is the much, much cheaper (but not as beautiful, comfortable and not even real leather) option. Right now I am using an open toed pump that I bought for $10 back in September of 2006. They have a few scuff marks on the sides but otherwise are alright. Oh, they are horribly uncomfortable. I'm ready for an upgrade. How about a $785 upgrade? I know, stop rolling your eyes. Or maybe you're nodding your head and drooling?

$89.95 Nude Pump - Steve Madden

Nude is supposed to go with everything and there are a few things I have that I don't exactly have the perfect shoe for. So, I'm on the market for a Nude Pump. And I really like the look of the hidden platform. Which most of these options have.

$580.00 Nude Pump - Brian Atwood

I had to. I believe I have a fetish with expensive beautiful shoes the same reason I have one with jeans. They are better made and are more comfortable. They also last longer - assuming you care for them properly. I don't have any of these expensive heels, though. I do have really nice jeans (although I am proud to say I have never paid full price for a pair) and can testify of their value.

$895 Nude Pump - Christian Louboutin

So, I know I'm looking for regular timeless pumps, but this is beautiful and I think I'd do it instead of the others if it were ever an option. I think someday when we are ever somewhere where I can try a pair of Loutoutin's on, I will. And I'll blog about the experience. :)

$2,306.50 Canon 5D Mark II

I don't even think I have to explain this. But the picture taking quality, the options, the high ISO - everything about it makes it loads better than my scrony t1i. It's a purchase I hope to make in the next year - assuming I can save enough and book enough clients to make the money.

$1419.00 Canon EF 16-35mm f/2.8L

I want a wide angle lens. I wouldn't mind the fixed 35mm as I really love my fixed 50mm, but I want the zoom this provides. I've found that with taking pictures of kids you need to be able to be further away and at a moments notice catch an expression closer up. I would probably buy this before the camera body above - which would mean putting it off for longer than a year.

$179.00 Shoot Sac

Currently I'm using a bulky camera bag backpack thing that I have to take off my shoulder, unzip and pull out the lens I want to use, then change the lenses, put the other back in, zip it back up and put it back on my back. Time consuming and inconvenient and costly since I lose shooting opportunities. I have heard good reviews about this bag -so it's on my list of priorities.

$395.00 Black Studded Boot

I'm looking for a black boot with around a 3 inch heel to wear with jeans. I've been on the look out for a while now, but haven't found anything that strikes my fancy enough. These are beautiful and would work great. But if I had $400 to spend on shoes, I'm not totally sure if I would choose these. Although, I would use them more than any of the pumps that are on my list.

$139.00 Kindle

I love love love to read. The library here is found wanting and I can't afford the amount of books I want to read. Since books only cost a few bucks with the kindle I wouldn't feel so bad buying a book that I'm not exactly sure I'd want to read again. Since I re-read books every few years I don't mind buying a book if it's good enough to re-read. The only problem is buying one that I don't want to have in my library and not being able to return it. It's a waste. With this it would be alright.

And this, ladies and gentlemen concludes my current lust list. What is on yours?

Therapeuting

2011-02-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

I didn't make any resolutions this year. I did it on purpose. Well, I thought about it, but I let it slip by, then I was two weeks into the new year and decided "oh well".

You see, I do really well with one of my 5 plus resolutions all year, but the others fall away eventually. I don't want to be a failure this year. So I decided to not set lofty goals for a whole year. I'll do some as I go and if I don't keep up I'm not too worried. Because a week ore two or a month later I usually pick back up where I left off.

So, here I am over a month into 2011 and I have decided to come out of hibernation. My hibernating consisted of playing with Naomi, reading, making a headboard, ironing all of Jarens 17 shirts, watching Prison Break, reading some more, cooking, reading again, Naomi, Naomi, sleeping, reading, occasional cleaning, laundry once a week and even more reading.

I haven't even been taking pictures. What kind of mother am I?! But I have been videoing so don't get your panties in a bunch. Or knot. However that works.

I decided I'm going to start therapeuting. What is theraputing, you ask? Well, it's doing things that are therapeutic to you. Or ends with the resulted feeling like you've been lying on a couch talking someone's ear off about all of your worries and troubles so you leave feeling elated, light, happy and effervescent.

Here are my therapies:

Write: because if you've read more than one post you know I like to talk. You may also know talking makes me feel better. So I'm going to blab all I want here and not feel bad if I don't post a picture or if no one reads. Because I feel better. But I do like comments...

Exercise: Because I feel free. I love being in shape and shame on me for not keeping up with an exercise routine for more than 2 weeks since JUNE. I started running again last week and as long as I do it 3-5 times a week I'll be happy.

Clean: the actual cleaning is NOT therapeutic for me. In fact, I really don't care for it and I have to be in a really special mood to get going. But the end result is what makes me happy. And it makes Jaren even more happy than it makes me and that adds to my happiness. Right now my house is disgusting. I'm not going to get it all done in a day - or a week. I'm going to pick a small thing each day and maybe over the course of the next month my house will sparkle. Literally. And maybe even I'll pick up a good habit of staying on top of it all. (Again, I'm not getting my hopes up).

Naomi: I'm going to take more pictures and video even more. Because she is awesome. And really whiny right now because she is getting 2 pre-molars and 2-4 k-9 teeth. And she is a dancing machine. And blabbers. And I need to entertain her and help her to find more things to entertain her other than Dora, Baby MacDonald and Baby signing time. Not that any of those are bad choices to spend one's time, but I would rather her run around and laugh and play. And I need to get her pooping regularly. Poor thing. It's a good thing she likes Prunes. Oh, AND I need her to feed herself! UGH. AND I need to figure out how to wean her off a bottle because she is quite attached. QUITE.

So. Here I go.

I Am Thankful For...

2010-12-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

Garbage disposals.

Aren't they wonderful? You can stick your plate right in the sink and rinse it off. Not worrying about food getting stuck in your drain and then the stink. Or cleaning out those drain strainers (which is gross). And you limit the amount of food that you put in your garbage under your sink. Because if after almost every meal you'r scraping your plate in the garbage, it begins to stink. And then every time you go to put anything in your garbage you hold your breath and open and close the door so fast. Except for when you forget and you get a lungful and then immediately push out the air and run away as fast as you can somewhere else.

*source*

Now.... if only I had one.....

So, We Were Still Snowed In

2010-12-03T16:19:00.001-07:00

The next morning I went out and took some pictures of some drifts and the road. I kept looking down the road thinking I was going to get ran over by some trucker going 70 mph. Or at least a snow plow. But none came. Not until around 1:30 p.m. were we even kind of rescued.

Here is the road. The only reason you can tell is the telephone polls and about 15 minutes before I came outside some nutso had his truck in 4 high and rammed his way through. Lucky for him the snow had settled through out the night - if he had tried that the day before he would have been stuck.

Kind of like the guy that tried after him was stuck for over an hour until a neighbor came and helped him out.

Oh, thank you good Samaritan.

I turned around and this is the road going the other direction. Looks okay for a few 50 feet or so, yeah? I had Jaren walk with me down to the drift you can see all the way at the top of the photo (little grey line).

Then I had him stand in front of it. See?! Touches his hiney! Jaren is 6 feet tall. So.. umm.. this one looks to be about... uh... half of that. Maybe.

Then one of our neighbors rides up on a snowmobile. Talking about the crazy guy who drove on through. We were all shocked he made it. And then... I saw this little guy.

The poor soul has arthritis. Not to mention the wobbly snow. He lives in the house across the street from us. Come on Buck! I think that's his name....

King of the snow drift!

Few, good thing I had some momentum going from going down that giant snowdrift.

Oh, hey Whitney. Just passin' through. Would you mind gettin' out of my tire track? I'm a little too tired to go off-roadin' today.

Then we went back to the house. The most shallow parts were probably 3 inches (except the sidewalk) while the deepest was probably 4 - 5 feet?

Here we are. During much happier and greener times. When Jaren dug out half of the yard to level it out. You're looking at the same front yard.

Then we had new grass. New pretty green grass that Naomi was too afraid of. She really didn't like touching the grass. It was too pokey.

See how there are railroad tie's behind her? That made quite the nice drift spot.

Into the backyard/sideyard we go. Where I dropped the exposure a little again so you could get some better dimension to this giant pile.

But then I would rather have Jaren stand by the post so you could see just how tall it was. Even though he was 5-6 feet in front of it so the scaling was a little off.

So in I come. All ready for a winter's walk. Like I can do any better.

But wait! I'll walk into it! I got as far as my boots being completely covered before I decided that was as far as I go. It was probably 4 feet deep? I didn't have a measuring stick!

Yes, yes, I know. She's the cutest lady bug you've EVER seen! Me, too. But the point of this photo (besides to show off how adorable she is(right before that leaf went into her mouth and I dropped the camera) is the fence she is 13 feet in front of is the same fence in the pictures above.

And here it is from the road. So, from behind. There is maybe 3 feet of the fence showing, but it's at least 5 1/2ish feet tall.

Keep in mind this is all from just 2 days of snow. And a whole lot of wind! I really didn't expect Thanksgiving to look like Christmas.

What's the Difference?

2010-12-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

I lied. Ok, not really, it's just that the "after the snowed in blizzard" post has so many pictures I'm going to take a little more time on it. So, hopefully tomorrow.

Today I have a game for you.

The two pictures below were taken on the same day in the same spot. One was around 11 a.m. and the other was around 3 p.m. Which is why the lighting is so different.

Other than those things - can you tell me what is different?

That Time We Were "Snowed In"

2010-12-01T20:01:00.002-07:00

One week ago yesterday. So, last Tuesday we were technically snowed in. A giant blizzard had hit Monday and the wind blew and blew and blew and it snowed and snowed and snowed for over 2 days strait.

I decided that was the day I really wanted to see Harry Potter. We had tried to go once before. Saturday, the day after Jaren's birthday but after Nae woke up at 10:30 p.m. vomiting giant amounts of whatever was in her tummy over and over again we decided we had better stay home. Don't worry, she was fine after we changed her and let her take turns sleeping ON (she wouldn't sleep in our bed) us. Needless to say we didn't sleep much. Or at all. Well, I did when Jaren had his turn because I brought out my own pillow out to the couch. J-boy did not.

So, when you have plenty of big giant tractors at your disposal you can go anywhere!

We just decided to go 2 miles to his parents house, where we would drop Nae off, and borrow their SUV. Because from their house (closer to civilization) the roads are a bit better taken care of.

I took lots of pictures...

Leaving our driveway - can you even see the road?

See how it's already about a foot deep? The dark you see on the bottom of the picture is ground level. That is a ditch.

Ok... looks a little creepy. Like we are in some enchanted medow with misty floors. Except we are in a tractor.... Kind of takes away the romanticism of it all.

So I dropped the exposure so you could see the drifts a little more clearly. You can see the road, then you can see the drift in front of it that a truck couldn't plow through.

Then there was the time, or 90% of the time it was a white out and we kept on the road by following the telephone polls.

And there was that other time that we went over a drift instead of through it and Nae and I were thrown to the side because Jaren's side of the tractor was 3 feet higher than our side. That was weird.

These tree's look a little droopy.....

We made it to Jaren's parent's. Dropped the kid off and took off again.

You can at least see some road.

We were driving along, just driving a long when we came up on this little fella.

We were so glad, because when it looked like this we could at least follow our friend up there.

I floated down this river with my Young Women girls this summer and suffered from a 1st degree sunburn. Sigh.....

And the closer we got to town the better it looked! It usually does.

It didn't even look like the wind was blowing!

Remember this?!

The long awaited tasty delicious Cardne Asada. It's probably my most favorite Mexican concoction ever. I kick myself often when I realize I grew up in an 80% (or something like that) Hispanic town and never learned how to make this and the rice!! I think I'll call an old friend and see if her mom will teach me over Christmas.

And my studly date who let me get Rolo's at the movie. He's fantastic like that.

I'll tell you what I thought of the movie. It was the first Harry Potter movie that I walked out of happy with how they took it from the book. There are only two things they left out that I wish they hadn't. I don't want to spoil it for everyone... even though the 2 parts aren't that big of a deal. Ok, don't read the next paragraph if you don't want to know what is left out...

1. Dudley and Harry's goodbye. I liked what Dudley said to him, and that Harry wasn't hated by him. I'm a sap.
2. The poster's in Luna's room. Why didn't they show them? The pictures of Harry and his friends with the word, "Friends". Again... I'm a sap.
Both of these things combined would have taken all of 4 minutes. And then I would have been 100% happy with the movie! Instead I'm just 97.5% happy.

And also, on the way home we passed a truck who thought he was way too cool for the 3-4 foot drifts and plowed right into one. He was stuck. Poor guy. And also again, when we were within 100 yards of our driveway we hit a particularly unruly giant drift that the tractor almost didn't make it through! And also again again, Naomi loved the tractor ride. Talking and singing the whole time we were bouncing and being thrown around. Silly girl.

Tomorrow I'll post pictures I took the next morning before the plows came. I know you're all on the edge of your seats!

It Takes Two

2010-11-30T11:04:00.002-07:00

And it does. Not just literally, but decidedly too.

To have a kid.

I was ready to get pregnant with Nae the summer of 2008. Jaren was nowhere near that. So I held out for October of 2008. That came and I was told no and had to wait another two months till Jaren felt ready.

And I'm so grateful I did. Having him excited and on board with the pregnancy made it that much easier. He helped with housework when I was feeling ill. He made me food the entire first trimester when I just laid on the couch whining and moaning about how, "I can't move, I'm going to throw up... I need to eat! I can't move!" I never threw up... But I really did feel like it.

And he was ready for her when she came. It was a huge huge adjustment. I babysat and have been around babies and kids my whole life. He has not. I felt totally comfortable with a baby. It took him some adjusting.

I guess I never considered that it would be this process with each child. I figured the ice has been broken - we have one, now we can have more! Not so simple.

First, there is the issue of "do I want Jaren around?" If I have a baby anytime in between April and Mid October I run the chance of not having him available to help when I really need it. And I know I'd like his help for at least the first 2 1/2 months. Because that's the hardest time I think. Once I get that kid to 3 months I have a schedule built up with regular naps and feeding times and life is predictable. Not necessarily easy, but much more do-able than before. And in reality, I guess The hardest hardest part is the first month and a half where I'm healing from a C-Section and the kid is eating every 2 hours. Nursing for 45 minutes and then needing to eat again an hour later.

So, if I want him around ideally for the first 2-3 months I'd need to have a kid no later than January. And I really don't want to go that deep into winter. So, for me, it's November or December. Since we know I'll have to go 3 weeks early we have to plan for the 37 week due date and not the 40 Week one. Just to be safe.

So, that means the time to start trying again is only a few months away. I can't say I feel ready and Jaren definitely does not feel ready. But I know I want Nae and this kid to be around 2 years apart. So that means I have to either get pregnant this coming spring or wait till the next one. And I don't want them to be 3 years apart. I don't want to wait that long. Jaren seems fine with it.... I'm not.

So we are stuck. And it was starting to be a source of emotion between us. Or, more like a source of emotion for me. Like always. I know it's months away. But that comes fast. And we would have to wrap our mind around it now in order to be ready when that time comes.

I think communication is the most important part of marriage. Or for any relationship. You can get nothing absolutely nothing accomplished if you both don't talk. If you don't talk about your feelings and the why's and how's of it, things get left unsaid and then come back later to bite you in the rear.

Sunday (2 weeks ago) Jaren and I sat down and discussed the why's and how's of it. In the end we came to the conclusion that it's okay if I have a kid in June or July. I have plenty of help available and Nae would be that much older and easier to handle. She would be able to understand me and me her. Which would make the not being able to move because of the C-section or nursing easier when she needed something. I don't mind 2 1/2 years apart or so.

Just the knowledge that I'm not stuck on only 2 months out of the year to have a kid ever takes a huge weight off my shoulder. I know Jaren still wouldn't be as readily available as he would if it were winter. But, I'll take that over the alternative.

And the thing is - we don't know if it will be easy to get pregnant this time. We were so fortunate last time. I don't expect it to be as easy. Apparently when the doctor who did an ultrasound to check out my uteri's found out how easy it was for us to conceive he let me know that I was abnormal. Not just because of my innards, but because women with my "condition" usually don't get pregnant for months to years and a lot of times need help to do so.

I'm prepared for it to take time. Which doesn't play well into my "can have kids" months and "can't have kids" months. In the end, I wont care when if it's going to take time. All I'll care is that it happens. And having Jaren totally ready is the most important thing. Talking yesterday made me feel so much more at peace with it. Free somehow. Free to choose. I've always been free to choose, but with my guidelines and wants I really am not as free as I'd like.

After a few weeks has since gone by when I wrote this I feel even more calm about it all. That in the end when we know it's right for us to have a baby, we will try. And when he/she comes it will all work out. Even if it might be hard for the first bit. I mean, my mom had 3 summer babies and my dad farmed. If she can do it - I can, too.

Art

2010-11-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

So, before I start on this post I'm going to set a goal. My goal is to blog every day this week. Hoping this will get me in the right mind to write more!

I've been a little obsessed with pictures for the past year. I think you can guess why.

Because of this I want to put them up all over my house. I already did a picture wall in my dining room and now that we are making our downstairs into a nice family room I'm aching to do something similar, but different.

I found a whole bunch of frames at Porters (a craft store) for 40% off, so they were only a few bucks a frame. I bought black, white, blue and pink. Weird colors? I don't know, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with them, but now I'm seeing a theme come together with some fabric I had on hand. I put them into a few of the frames.

And then I have this amazing picture of Naomi I had blown up and framed. The best frame to match it was a bright pink and blue one. Coincidence? I think not. I think it will match the other frames and such beautifully.

And then I came across a girl who is doing water color paintings to raise money to take her sister to Disney Land or World.... one of the two. Send her your photo and she will paint it and take whatever you choose to donate. I had her paint two. One of Nae and one of myself. I think it will make a good picture for our bathroom - where I get ready. It's not often that I find a picture where I think I look pretty, but with these I do.

I sent the money and as soon as I get them I'm going to frame them and then I'll share them and the pictures they were painted after.

I'll definitely have her do more for me in the future. I think they could make a beautiful present.

If anyone knows of any artists who will paint/draw/anything like that to one of my photo's let me know. I'm looking to fill my home with more than just photos - I want paintings of photos :)

Photoshop

2010-11-21T15:51:00.002-07:00

I love Photoshop. I love that I can take a pretty picture and make it beautiful.

I also love some of the black and white actions I have. Here is a color of myself and then the black and white.

My favorite thing? The clone and content aware tools. Because with them I can do fantastic things. Like this:

Notice anything? Like how Mommy is in the first picture with little sister and not in the second? There may be easier ways to accomplish taking them out. But I had to super zoom in to where I could see each individual pixel and rebuild the sidewalk, bush and even some of the grass. And I took care of what you could see through her hair. I'm not really good yet. I hope that with more experience I can get better. But this little firecracker was everywhere so fast and so this picture was a good one. With a pretty background, except for the legs sticking out of her arm. So, being able to save it was really a necessity. And I was particularly happy with myself when I finished it. It took me over an hour and a half. I think if I were to re-do it, it would take half that time since I have become more efficient.

I can take a picture that I love and do fun actions that change the color a bit.

Here is the original and below is the change.

Not too drastic, but enough to make it feel different.

And those are just a few of the reasons I love Photoshop!

Hapity Birthididityday

2010-11-20T19:41:00.001-07:00

To my Jaren! (On the 19th)

He is wonderful. And sweet. And fantastic. And my favorite. And nice. And patient. And thoughtful. And super good looking. And he makes really good sponge bob mac and cheese. And he is 4 years and 8 1/2 months older than me. And he doesn't act it.

What I mean is he doesn't treat me like I'm so much more immature and inexperienced than he is. That I'm only 24 and he's a big whopping 29. The wisdom he has on me.

Nope. He comes to me and talks to me about his day. About work. About friends. About situations. And then he listens when I talk back. And when I give my opinion and advice and suggestions. And what's even better is that when I suggest something, he usually does it. And a lot of the time it works out. Because even though I'm 24 I'm pretty much mature enough to be 25. And even though Jaren is 29 he is mature enough to be 34 and he even looks 26. I told him so. And he said "thank you".

The point is that I love him. And that I am so grateful every single day for him because there is no one else on this earth that would respond to me in the way that he does. When I'm super emotionally charged he is incredibly patient and understanding. When I need to talk and talk and talk because Naomi just doesn't talk back and I need someone to talk back he listens and talks back. In fact, when I'm particularly pent up and need to vent and go on and on about everything he sits down, turns off the T.V. and says, "alright, let's talk about feelings" Which means let me know exactly what your thinking and feeling and we will discuss it. And I always always feel better. And it makes me feel important when he asks for my advice on things. And keeps me in the know with things going on. I need those things and I'm grateful he knows that.

He also let's me know how much he appreciates me. Even when all of his shirts aren't ironed or the floor isn't picked up. Because a lot of times he notices that I vacuumed, then the toys were scattered on the floor. And he notices that because there is a sink full of dirty dishes there is dinner for him in the oven. And he says thank you. And he goes back for seconds (because he knows that's how I determine if he liked dinner).

The point is that he is wonderful. And he is mine. And he is the best baby daddy I could have ever hoped for. Naomi says he's the best daddy she could have ever hoped for, too. Because today she decided to let go of furniture and walk into the room until something got in her way. My baby is walking.... And she said, "Bye" At least that's what it sounded like. And she said it while waving bye to her Grandma and Grandpa.

Anyway. I drove back from Twin Falls (where I was visiting my brother Nathan, his wife Stephanie (who also used to be my roommate in college) and their little boy, Conner) this afternoon and when he ran into town to get his picture taken for his new lisence I finished the card I was making him and I wrapped his presents.

And I numbered them. Because there is order to this chaos. Kind of.

The front of the card.

I can call him old all I want because forever he will always be 4 years and 8 1/2 months older than me.

I'm no artist. I think I'm the equivalent to an 8 year old when it comes to drawing. But this is how we like to do our cards. We draw pictures and write on them. I tried to find the ones from years past, but couldn't. As soon as I do I'll share them.

The best thing about this? That his arms are longer than his legs. He has quite the shapely behind. I'm wearing a spanx dress that hides every out of place bump and I'm wearing heels! (can you tell?) And I'm always the one behind the camera capturing priceless moments. Like Naomi's first steps (that I haven't take a picture of yet.... and barely caught on film tonight)

He loves my cards. They are very wordy. I'm always very wordy if you haven't noticed. And I am such a great artist he knew right away he was the sumptuous bummed kneeler in the picture. Oh, and Naomi wrote him a little note, too. She's so thoughtful.

This big giant Time book that I'm particularly proud of getting for him. He loves history and was pleasantly surprised. Normally I'm a pretty predictable present giver. Clothes.

Here is the rest of his loot and booty.

A snazzy shirt that he really liked. I knew he would. And some super nice socks because he is kind of a sock man. Ask his FOUR sock drawers. Seriously... FOUR.

This fancy little number. He was excited about it, except that we don't have room in our closet for it yet. I told him I'd make room or we could wait till we build a home and have a giant closet. He said we could wait, but I think I'll surprise him by moving my coats to another location....

Can you tell what these are? I told him I'd make him lasagna. The kind where I make the sauce from scratch and slave over it for hours. He said no, I want mini pizza's. So the three on the right are his - with just canadian bacon. I'm not so picky. I have canadian bacon, green pepper and mushrooms. Mmmm... Did I tell you I worked at a pizza restaurant for a few years? I am a master pizza maker.

UPDATE: In the process of writing this post my daughter started vomiting in her crib. So I ran upstairs and she continued to throw up a good 4 to 6 times after that until 2 a.m. During that time Jaren was there every second. She refused to lay down by herself - even in our bed. Which is unusual. Usually she likes to sleep all on her lonesome. She wont sleep on you. Not last night. It was so sad. Anyway, he got me set up on the recliner and each time that she'd start to vomit again he was there with a towel. He traded me off a few hours later because I couldn't sleep in that position and my head was killing me. He couldn't sleep either, but didn't let me know. I slept beautifully next to him on the couch. He could have asked me to trade him off again or simply kept me up to keep him company. Nope. And when she decided it was wake time at 6:30 I told him he could go sleep and I'd take care of her. Nope. Stayed out with me because she was still not in the best of moods and was very needy. He is the most wonderful father. The best husband and I am so grateful for him every moment of every day. It's time's like last night that remind me why I want to have 325 of his babies.

Happy Birthday to my Jaren!

New Bedding

2010-11-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have been on the hunt for new bedding for a while. Like a few years.

We have quite a bit of left over paint from our accent wall in the basement and we like it so much we want to paint our bedroom that color. And I found the perfect bedding to match. And it will go especially well with the upholstered headboard I am going to attempt to make sometime soon.

Beautiful? Yes.

Thank you West Elm.

What I Need To Be Better Oganized

2010-11-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

A super fantastic friend of mine sent me a link to a blog post that made me feel better about cleaning. Then I realized this blog had tons of posts like this. And other stuff, too. For the last two days I have been reading and reading her stuff.

I really like the way she talks about things and tackles problems. And I like her solutions to problems.

I've come to realize a few things. I don't have a lot of clutter in my home. Everything has a place. When my house is totally picked up and clean the only eye sore/thing that bugs me is this bin that has all of the bills/important things that need to be filed away.

Why can't I file them away as I get them? I don't know.... I guess the first time I put the bills or receipts in the bin was due to laziness. Didn't want to walk over to the cupboard, grab the filing folder dealy and put them in their respective folders. The next time and so on when one came I didn't put it in it's folder because it would have been out of order! And from then it has piled up. It's so easy to put it in the bin, it's out of the way and we are so used to it being there that it doesn't look out of place to us.

But it really is.

We have too many for one of my little mini filing folders. I need a filing cabinet. Jaren mentioned getting one. We have one down in the basement but it's locked and there isn't a key or something like that. I'm going to try to find something that will work and will look good out in the open. Lately I've really wanted design to my home. Jaren doesn't quite get it... but he will when he see's the finished product.

Besides, they make much better toy's than a filing thingy.

So, I'm file cute file cabinet hunting. And thank you thank you to my dear friend, Ali for thinking of me.

Projects

2010-11-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

I have a lot that I want to start.

Two of which have to do with Christmas. One of those is a HUGE project that I should have started months ago. There's a possibility of another big giant project for Christmas that I really want to do, but would have to take second place to the first giant project so I don't know if it will happen at all. Vague? Yes. But my family reads this and since each one of these projects are for them...

Projects for my new basement family room remodel thing. I have another picture wall (I have one upstairs in my dining room, but this one would be different). Art for the wall. Art for other people.

I still have one thing I need to do for Nae's room. I KNOW. She's over a year old! Get on it, Whit.

Is exercising a project? I've not regularly exercised since I ran my half marathon in JUNE. I've started and stopped about 4 times. I'm hoping to start and not stop soon. (Update: Started today! Yahoo!)

I want to re-do my personal blog, private blog and my photography site.

Blogging! Biggest being my daughters. I need need need to catch up and record these milestones.

But really, the first things on my list are the Christmas projects. So daunting. So huge. So long. So time consuming..... I'll tell you all about it in 2 months.

Update: And in the week since I've written this I decided I wanted to make my own headboard. I'm really excited about it, but wont start until I figure out what the heck I'm going to do for my Christmas tree this year. I don't' want to rope it off - I want ornaments Naomi can play with and stick in her mouth. Going between making some out of felt or buying the unbreakable balls she can roll around, suck on and throw and then put back on the tree. Ideas?

Upstairs, Downstairs, Family Room, Living Room?

2010-11-06T15:05:00.000-06:00

I wrote this post on Sunday and had planned to post it on Monday, but then thing's came up - I had my crown prep and didn't feel much in the mood for anything. Then Tuesday happened and I vented about something else.

Anyway - sorry about hearing about my giant to-do list again, but this was written before Tuesdays or Thursdays or Friday - whenever I wrote that last one's post.

10-31-2010

Lately I've been going nuts. Nuts with how I feel like I don't have a handle on anything. My house seems to constantly be a mess. I am behind on balancing my checkbook. Laundry, editing, taking pictures, videoing, blogging, reading blogs, phone calls, cards, exercising, projects, dinners.... ect... How do you just get a grip!

One thing at a time... I know....

Jaren has brought up making our upstairs family room into a living room for a while now. I'm always hesitant because upstairs is where I've decorated, painted and made into a nice homey warm home. Downstairs is cold - figuratively - it's white, not really decorated. Basically it's where we stick stuff. But since I've started my photography business my computer is set up down here. And so we've put half of Nae's toys down here and I'm down here every day. It's become more familiar and not so cold.

And because I feel like there isn't a room in the house that is in order - except Nae's room - I'm all for roping off the upstairs and wrangling the circus to downstairs. First thing on the list is to paint. Painting the downstairs will give it the finished warm homey feeling that I need. We will move some of the furniture from upstairs downstairs - bookshelf and T.V. stand. That will help. I'm going to decorate downstairs. And over time it will feel more like the upstairs.

What we are most looking forward to is after Nae is put to bed we can walk upstairs and sit in a nice, clean space. And the mess is all in one place. And when people decide to drop by I wont feel like the worlds most horrible house wife because my house looks like it was ransacked.

I'm hoping this will help me to not feel like a housewife failure. Which happens quite often....

Better

2010-11-04T14:07:00.002-06:00

Today is better. Much better.

A few things happened after my melt down. Jaren and I had a few talks, one of which lasting almost 2 hours about "feelings". Mine, in particular. I think we got to the bottom of the cause of my increase of emotions.

I have a giant to do list. Ranging from my photo business, household chores, projects - I have a lot of projects and things I want/need to do. I can't seem to look at something as an individual. I group it all together and feel like I need to tackle, not one thing at a time, but all of it. I want to either finish or start on something all in one day. Problem with that is I can't. I start and I get overwhelmed and I shut down. The next day comes, I decide to start on it again, the same thing happens. This goes on for days until I get a question, "What's for Dinner?" and I break. I cry, I feel horrible because the floor isn't vacuumed, the kitchen isn't glistening, I haven't started on or finished any projects and then I haven't made dinner. It's hot dogs again.

So then I think, "what kind of housewife am I?" I'm a failure. I can't seem to get a hold on all of the things I need to do. I dwell on those feelings and I am sad, and it get's worse and I feel like a lump of a person. Then everything sets me off. Everything. And it seems like I finally start getting something done and more creeps up. It's like, I clean the bathrooms - whoo for me! Then a week goes by and it's time again. Oh... but I have other things I'm trying to do, two weeks go by and I am feeling bad and every day that goes by I feel worse. It's a vicious cycle. But the worst part is that it only takes 10 minutes to clean a bathroom! So, it's like, seriously? You can't just do it?

My post the other day was a glimpse of a moment. A sad, weak moment that I needed to vent about. I'm not a giant mess like that all day long. I promise. Come to find a lot of other people have the same moments. After talking to some friends and family I realized that they all set to-do lists that grow and can't get a hold of and it causes intense emotions. I think in this society, being a housewife has this notion that the house is always nice and clean. That because we/I call ourselves homemakers we should be able to do just that. Make our house a home. And when it's not perfect, I feel like I fail.

I didn't have to deal with this before I had Nae. I was in school and so first, I wasn't home all day and second, I didn't feel like a 100% stay at home Wife. I was busy - very busy. So when things didn't get done, it was because I was gone. Or doing homework. Or at a group project. Now, when something doesn't get done it's because I'm doing something else. But I feel more obligated for everything to be nice and neat and clean. Always.

Jaren and I have come up with a solution. After telling him how I felt and why I felt that way he is able to understand why. Why I start crying when he asks if I got the mail. So, I am taking things one at a time and am trying to get caught up. I'm working on getting a routine down so I can get a handle on it all. I have high expectations that I think I can meet. I just have to realize it's going to take time and it doesn't make me any less of a person if I can't get it all done in a day.

The thing is. Is that when I'm having my super low emotional moments I'm still happy. I'm happy with my life. Happy I'm married to Jaren. Happy I have Naomi. Happy I live where I live. Happy I'm in the house I'm in. I wouldn't change a thing. Except to not be so emotional :)

PPD is real. And the spectrum is so vast. If I have it, I think I'm on the itty bitty bit of it end. And I think exercising and tackling my to-do list and talking to Jaren about it will help. I think I can go back to my happy carefree - not so quick to take offense as easily Whitney. Life is about growing and making adjustments and changes and figuring out what works. With the time it takes to raise a kid, I am making adjustments to the way I normally would do things. It's the process of making the adjustments that seems to be the hardest thing.

I think one of the worst things you can do is to dismiss the issue. Like there's nothing wrong. Because that's the last thing I want to hear. Is that it's normal for me to be this emotional and sad and take things personal and feel like a failure all the time. I was not like that before and I refuse to stay like this. So, yes, something isn't quite right. But it's fixable and I don't think it's too serious. Things seem worse when your in physical pain, right? Like with my root canal and another tooth that has started to be pressure sensitive on the other side. So, basically I can't chew. Oh, wait, I have my front teeth and very back last molars on top and bottom. Ugh. That's a whole other story!

And thank you for all of the support and nice words I got. I really appreciate the advice and a bit of validation that it's not all in my head; that I'm not making it up. Thank you, again :)

I Didn't Realize.....

2010-11-02T12:14:00.000-06:00

The effect my emotions were having on Jaren. Or even the extent.

Since I was pregnant with Naomi I became much more testy, emotional and I took everything personal. Since I've had Naomi it's been worse.

I cry a lot. If the house is a mess I feel like it's my fault and I feel like a failure at a housewife. Jaren says, "have you balanced your check book?" and I get on the defense, "I haven't had time!" When really, I could have made time. But then I feel like a failure and I feel bad, then worse, then I cry.

Because Jaren is just asking a totally innocent question and I respond in a defensive tone, then cry. It puts him in a down mood, too. I think the real wake up call came yesterday.

I had a root canal a week ago. Yesterday I went in to get my tooth prepped for a crown. Jaren called after wards and asked how much it was. I told him and he repeated it, and then complained about it for about 5 seconds. In those 5 seconds I started crying, almost hysterically. I was emotionally and physically taxed for one thing. I didn't expect to have so much drilling done. And then my tooth ground to a tiny nub, part of my bone scraped away and my gums cut back. I felt it with my tongue. It was a bit traumatizing to feel my tooth pretty much gone. And it hurts...

Anyway, I had to get off the phone. Even after I got off the phone I was holding myself together by a thread. I went to the grocery store to get some carrots for dinner. On the way home I called my Mother in Law to check on Naomi. I was starting to cry just talking to her! It's embarrassing. Then, I get home and I cry a bit. I have this horrible sinking heavy feeling in my chest. And I go about my business. Making dinner and trying to get over this giant hump. Jaren came home and after a few minutes, sat down put his hands up in the "don't hurt me" pose and said, "This is just a conversation. I just want to talk about this" And he asks about the bill. Wants it broken down. All the sudden I realized that it's about 1,400 dollars more than what we were quoted. How did I not notice that? Why wasn't I able to be able to just TALK about it with him on the phone in the first place? Why did I take it personally and get defensive? It's not my fault I had to get a root canal. The tooth was DEAD! Worse than we thought. Starting to calcify. Apparently this has been happening for years and I didn't notice. Started when the tooth was wrongly filled in the first place over 3 years ago, then had to be re-done a few months later.

Anyway. I felt bad that I didn't notice that. That I automatically started to blubber like an idiot and didn't give Jaren a chance to explain on the phone. This morning it was the same thing. We were taking Nae in for her 12 month check up and shots. He took her out and got her buckled in the car while I was putting my shoes on. I went back, got my ring and another blanket for Naomi and on my way back to the door I hear, "WHIT!!!" And then stomp stomp stomp, Jaren opens the door from the garage and I say, "What?! I'm coming, you didn't have to yell." "I didn't yell..." "Yes you did, and you stomped up the stairs." "I just walked up the stairs..." It took him 10 minutes to get over the bad mood from that tiny encounter.

Before we went into the office we talked about it. About how I'm always on the defense. I asked him if he saw a pattern. (Thinking maybe it's just PMS, so it may happen for 2 weeks or so out of the month). He said no, it's pretty much constantly sporadic since I was pregnant. I explained the heavy chest and really sad mood that I can't kick for hours after one of my melt downs. He mentioned Postpartum Depression.

I am (normally) one of the happiest people you'd ever meet. I'm carefree. I even think I'm kind of funny. I don't usually take everything personally. I never ever ever ever thought I would have any sort of chemical crazy imbalance. My chemicals are just happy with life! I still am. I'm still normally happy. I just don't know how to get past this heavy sadness that comes so often lately.

I talked to my doctor about it today. He said first thing is to stop blaming myself for everything. Ok.... but isn't it all my fault? Aren't I the governer of my time in a day? If I don't get the house clean or pictures edited or read my daughter 15 books? If I take a nap, read a book myself or spend 20 minutes on facebook? So, if I spend all day editing, and the laundry doesn't get folded, the bathrooms don't get clean, my bedroom is still a mess - isn't that my fault? I'm being serious. Isn't it?

He said if after being conscious of it (and I always have been. I'll be crying and say out loud, really, this is ridiculous, I know it's fixable and not my fault... but I can't help this sad feeling) and trying to work on it. Jaren being my wonderful understanding patient husband that he is who will help. If it starts to affect my ability to mother. Which, thankfully, I am still happy with my daughter. I don't get mad and yell. I never yell. I don't leave her crying and walk out of the room. I get frustrated at times and I take a deep breath, remember that she is 12 months old and then I deal. I wrestle with her on the floor and sing and dance and make her laugh. She is such a bright light in my life. Anyway, if it get's worse - then we might do something about it.

I don't want pills. I don't want to be diagnosed. I don't want this to be real. In my mind this isn't me. I am having hormone overload. Maybe I do have a touch of PPD? I don't know. I just want to be back to my super happy self. I'm going to start running again. As soon as the basement is finished (the post on that is coming tomorrow). I think that will help a ton. I'm spending this week finishing up the sessions I am working on and so I'll be free to write, clean, craft, decorate, run - whatever.

It will go away, right?

Sippy Skippy!

2010-10-31T16:04:00.000-06:00

I am skipping because Naomi drank a good 3 ounces or so from her sippy cup today! I have been trying every day - 2-3 times a day to get her to drink and maybe 3 or 4 times total she has taken a few sips and then let out an angry cry and pushed it away.

I started to get discouraged because - I mean - she wouldn't even TRY! And I don't want to do a cold turkey, take bottle away in a few months. I really wanted it to be a gradual thing. But she wasn't showing any progress. But today she chugged water. I almost cried.

And she's taken her first steps and wants to hold our hands and walk EVERYWHERE. All the time. She'll let go of something and take 2 or 3 steps, but get's scared when she falls. So she's not too brave yet.

Walking, drinking from a sippy and a cup. What's next? Soccer? She's going to be a toddler. Time flies.

Holy This Is Getting Ridiculous

2010-10-01T21:11:00.000-06:00

That phrase applies to a few things.

How long it's taken me to post. Seriously. The biggest thing going on in my life right now is my daughter and her blog is elsewhere. And that is terribly neglected too. Especially since she is so funny and fun and doing so many new things now. It's a shame. Shame on me. I'm aware of the shame....

The other biggest thing is my photography business. And I guess I'm not 100% comfortable going on and on about my annoyances, stresses, ideas and complaints. I want it to be professional and so I can't vent about it all in a public forum. But call me and I'll tell you all about it.

The other ridiculous thing is that I didn't realize how badly I need to vent! Or talk! It wasn't until I talked my Mom's ear off today for about 40 minutes, I think, about everything. I didn't give her hardly any time to get a word in and she tried to end the conversation a few times. Sorry Ma. :) On my way home I realized how badly I wanted to call someone else and just TALK. But I wanted to talk someone's ear off and I couldn't do that in 10 minutes. So.. I sat in my car thinking.. and thinking.. .and realizing that I'm so very ready for Jaren to be done with harvest. Done with being busy and being gone. We were able to have a quick lunch in town today - haven't had lunch with him in a while and usually he comes home for lunch. We were talking with no other distractions and I remembered things that had happened days to a week ago that I hadn't had a chance to tell him! Seriously. He's been coming home around 9 each night and leaving around 7:30 each morning. I just miss him. Miss everything about having him around.

What's funny is that normally this feeling happens much earlier during the farming season. Sometimes even before harvest! But I think having Naomi to take are of and keep me company is helping a lot. But she isn't the best conversationalist. Sometimes she doesn't even listen very well. She interrupts me frequently by blurting out some obseinity such as, "Ma!" or "Tah, Tah, Tah, Tah" or "Dadatayada!". Or she wants a hug, or she runs away for her bedroom (which she loves) when I didn't even tell her to go to it. Or she starts playing with a toy that makes noise to drown out my ramblings. She's not very subtle. It's obvious I'm torturing her. So then I smother her with kisses to tell her I don't care. :)

Anyway... right now Nae is sick. Poor thing, she's so boogery and tired and rubs her nose and get's boog's all over her face and hands and toys and me. Jaren is sick with a sinus infection and I'm starting to not feel so well. I feel pretty bad for Jaren. He doesn't get to rest; we do. He's not even home yet and it's 9. Their projected date to be done is Wednesday next week. I cant tell you how much I'm looking forward to how happy and free he will feel when he comes home that night.

And Nae's birthday is in two weeks and I need to make invites. Well, I don't need to I want to. And I have a bunch of stuff I'm working on for my business. And I have to plan the party. I mean, she'll be one so she wont care. She'll wonder why there are so many people in her house. Oh man... the house! I have to clean clean clean! And what will we do? What do you do at a one year old's party? I suggested pin the diaper on the Nae Nae and Jaren said no. It's a really hard game. We play it daily. I'm going to make cupcakes! That's decided.... Maybe I'll google "One year old birthday party games that adults will want to participate in and wont require a walker because mine isn't quite there yet" But then pictures of old people walkers will come up and I'll be back at square one.

Oh! AND I want a blog makeover. But I don't have time to do it right now. And I want to read blogs and comment. But I haven't had a chance to read a whole lot more than a few friends and family. Shame on me again.

I love you all, though. Know that. And I know that lot's don't like the long ramblings. But I think that's what I need to do to get back into the blogging groove. So bear.. bare (right?) with me. I might even make you laugh if you get my sense of humor. :)

Wordpress?

2010-09-08T21:06:00.000-06:00

Before I started my photo blog (which uses wordpress as a platform) I thought about switching, but couldn't think of a reason to.

Now that I've had experience with both I'm sorely tempted to switch all three of my other blogs over to wordpress. And since I've already paid for a hosting site I think I can change the other's addresses to dotcom's. Which I would like. What I'm worried about is that people may not be able to find my blog when I change the address. AND can I keep all of my posts? Or is it like starting a new one all over again?

One of the biggest push's to change is how blogger resizes the image for me. And when I've already done that it makes the image super pixely and grainy. I love my pictures and I want them to be as crisp on my blog as they are in my editing software.

I haven't decided 100% for it or not. I'm definitly over 50% for it. Maybe even 77% for it. The other is just the time it will take and if I'll loose readers and... and... you know. All that. Oh, and can I make it private? For my daughters blog? Which, by the way, I have been vigorously updating. Trying to catch up.

Here is an example of the picture problem.

Resized

Not resized

Can you tell a difference? I thought I could... Another thing is the upload time. It takes FOREVER to upload a non-resized image. And only a minute or less to upload a resized one.

Thoughts? Opinions? Experiences with this?

I Get It

2010-09-06T18:24:00.000-06:00

I usually have the T.V. on Nick J.R. just playing away and Nae just plays on the floor and watches occasionally. And I can tell which shows she really likes. Dora is number one. She's fascinated by Yo Gabba Gabba and really likes The Backyardigans. I think it's cute that she squeals at the T.V. every time the backpack song from Dora comes on. And she dances. It looks like a shimmy and it makes me smile or laugh every time.

We were downstairs and she was going through my stuff next to my desk and the Nickelodeon mega music fest comes on. The first person on is Dora. I said, "Naomi, Dora's on!" And she looked at me - the T.V. is on the other side of the desk so she couldn't see it. I picked her up and turned her to the T.V. Then it switched to Go Diego Go or The Backyardigans - I don't know. But she squealed and was glued to the T.V. smiling. They were singing Black Eyed Peas and so we got up and danced and she was so happy. And I had tears come to my eyes because she was so happy! And I realized, I get it.

I get why parents wake up at 3 a.m. on black Friday to get their kid Tickle Me Elmo. Or sit at the computer and the second the clock strikes 12 they are clicking away to buy Hannah Montana tickets. Or whatever it is.

It makes her so happy! Such a simple silly thing to us, but whenever Dora is on T.V. she is smiling and making happy noises and talking and squealing. I guess I adore the girl. I probably wont buy her any Dora paraphernalia any time soon. And probably wont pay hundreds for her to go to a concert. But for now, I think I get it.

Egg Recall

2010-08-19T14:06:00.000-06:00

Have you heard about the egg recall?

Normally, when I hear about recall's I'm just sitting around looking things up online. The only other time I had something that was being recalled was the infants tylenol this last spring. This is how it went for me today:

Naomi crawling all over me this morning whining and even when I'm holding her she's not quite happy. She tries to crawl on the floor, so I let her down, then she turns right back around and wants back up. Repeat, repeat, repeat. So I'm exhausted when I put her down for her first nap.

But I want to read! I'm more than half way through the fourth Harry Potter book and it's been three years since I've read it so it's almost like reading it again for the first time. Almost, except that I know the end result. So it's exciting again.

Anyway, so I put her down and read a chapter, then lay down myself because, remember, I'm exhausted. I get maybe 40ish minutes and then Nae is awake. So, I go in and grab her. She wont drink much of her bottle, she is all whiny again so I take her outside - in just a diaper. And I live in the middle of nowhere but that is when everyone decides to drive to my neighbors across the street and some of the farm boy's decide to drive into the yard - right past me in stretchy pants and a giant t shirt, holding this mostly naked baby.

I bring her back in, she is still a bit whiny, wont take her bottle and so I give up and walk out of the room and start cutting the egg's that I boiled. Well, had to RE boil because I originally boiled them last night, but upon opening one of them found that they were not all the way hard. Annoying. So, I'm peeling and cutting and peeling and cutting. I had just read a few days ago that I can now give Naomi a whole egg. So, I decide to take about 1/3 of one of the egg's, mash it up and put it in avocado and mash that all up. Her first time with egg and avocado. I probably should have just introduced one at a time, but I was feeling adventurous.

She is eating it, pulling some faces, but eating it. Jaren comes home and it's all over. She wants him to hold her and she's whiny again. So I handed him the bowl and he fed her and that satisfied her. I grabbed the computer to look up my itinerary for next week because I thought I was flying out of Portland early in the morning and getting back into Idaho Falls late afternoon. (I was wrong, by the way, flying out in the afternoon and not getting in until later in the evening). I open my email and found an email from Jaren's sister with the link to the egg recall. I told Jaren to stop feeding her and grabbed some bananas and strawberries and he fed her that instead. I got out both our cartons of egg's and looked up the numbers. Turns out - we are safe.

But seriously! The day I decide to make egg salad sandwiches, and feed Naomi egg for the first time AND I had an omelet yesterday! Next thing I know I'll find out all my baby food I bought for Naomi (probably enough to get her through the rest of her puree'd food stage - $70 worth or more) is all bad.

So I added some lemon and seasoning salt and ate the guacamole with egg in it for lunch. With half an egg salad sandwhich. Sure hope those are the only infected numbers on that site, or we'll have a sick family.

Spunky

2010-08-17T20:58:00.000-06:00

Does any other word come to mind when you see this?

I haven't tried piggies yet, but they will come soon.

Lately

2010-08-16T16:06:00.000-06:00

In the past few weeks I have:

Had a birthday - Happy Birthday to Me! I am now a qualified 24 year old. I was doing an exercise video and that night told Jaren that I'm getting old (sarcastically, because it get's a rise out of him) and that I feel 24. Before I could explain my thought process he laughed and laughed. He is 28 and turning 29 in a few months. I only meant that I did that video 3 years ago and was flying all over the place like it was no big deal. And now I'm not really flying as much.

Made my own birthday cake! It turned out good... but not super duper fantastic amazing. I want to try to do a 7 layer chocolate fudge like I eat at restaurants someday. If only I can find the recipe.

Jaren brought me home some beautiful flowers. I love flowers. And chocolates and a gift card to Gap. Which I am going to happily spend in a few weeks when we (Naomi and I) go to the beach in Oregon.

Had to baby-proof everything at crawling level since Naomi learned to switch it in drive. She only knew how to reverse for a few weeks and it was really starting to frustrate her. We are all much happier in this house now.

And she ate one of my birthday cards. I tried to tell her she would have her own in a few months but she wouldn't listen.

Started re-reading the Harry Potter series since part 1 of the 7th book is coming to theaters on Jaren's birthday. He told me no Harry Potter themed birthday parties... but I'm still considering doing it anyway. I am currently working on book 4.

Had a few 100 mph wind storms that would blow through about the same time every day anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. That happened around 4 or 5 days in a row. Our power went out three of the times and one of them the internet and phone lines went out too. Just down the road a power pole was blown down. And for the next 5-6 days I didn't have the internet.

Got behind and am almost caught up on clients pictures. Because of the internet issue. I'm silly and don't look at the pictures on the online viewing gallery (which are numbered differently than the ones on my computer) and compare them to the ones on my comp and pull them all into a separate folder to be edited. Because then when the wind tries to blow my house down (and it succeeded at knocking down some really big branches from my giant tree in the backyard, one of which came VERY close to the house) and the internet goes down I will still be able to get all the editing done. So... I had to wait for the internet to get back up and then kicked it into high gear.

Have been re-doing my photography website. I think I'm pretty happy with it right now, although I might change the size of my slide show as it takes up the entire screen. Although, I'm horribly discouraged with the amount of traffic. I don't know how to get people to go there. I need to get it up on more search engines. How do I pick and choose what people will type and what will bring it up? Like, Target, has anyone noticed that no matter WHAT you type up target comes up like it has everything anyone could ever want? But really.. it doesn't. I really want to come up when someone types in, "Rexburg, Idaho Photographer" Because that's what all the college kids who want engagements and whatever else will type.

I've been spending some time with my sister, Lindsey. And ever since she has gotten married she is a totally different person. We don't fight anymore like we used to and we laugh and laugh and really LIKE being around each other. It's quite refreshing. I really don't want her to move. Ever.

Jaren started grain harvest today. So that means that the once hour long lunches I used to get with him are gone for the next 2 months. And the coming home at 7ish is gone as well. Bye sweetie pie.... see you in October.

Thanks for the birthday flowers, sweetie pie pants.

Naomi is 10 huge, long, gigantic months old now. I can't believe that in 2 months she will be a whole YEAR old. Time really flies. Just seems like a year ago I was in Lake Tahoe trying to hold in my tears as my tummy had some sharp pains while riding in a fast boat in the front. It was bouncing and bouncing and so was I. And so was my tummy and I moved to the back and tried to hard to feel her move. It took her a good 30 minutes or so to come back from being jiggled silly. And I wore my frilly black swimsuit at the lake and was giant and took Unisom every night and went to bed at like 10 and everyone else went to bed at 1 or 2. I was a party pooper. But I was always pooped!

It seems that most everyone I know has a big party for their kids first birthday party. AND it has a theme. So... I can't figure out what to theme Naomi's party in two months. She likes balls.... and cords..... and this lion toy that "Rawwrs" at her and plays music. I could have some lions on cords chasing balls? No... that could be catastrophic. I'll figure it out.

Oh, and I went floating down a river on Saturday with my church's youth group since I'm a leader in the girl's group (Young Women). I've not really been outside for long periods of time since I was training back in June. But I'm so pasty and I didn't want to be anymore... so I put 6 year old tanning lotion on and am now the same color as a pale cherry tomato. I couldn't reach my back and was in a hurry so my back is probably the color of a fully ripened cherry tomato. I want so badly for Jaren to have sympathy for me, but whenever I say, "I hurt..." he says, "Should have put on sunscreen, huh?" "Like I told you, huh?" Blah Blah Blah... he may have said as I was running out the door, "Did you put sunscreen on?!" I may or may not have said, "I put on tanning lotion!" and he may possibly have pointed out, "Your going to burn!" I didn't anticipate a THREE hour long super slow moving ride in a tiny tube. Well... lesson learned.

Lindsey and I went out and took some bridals of her out in the wheat before they cut it. The sun went down WAY too fast and so we are going to do it again this week. But here is a picture that I am so so so excited about because I thought it up all by myself while trying to fall asleep the night before. And it turned out better than I imagined.

I can't decide which I like better: color or blank and white. I love them both oh so much.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

2010-07-26T12:32:00.000-06:00

If you saw the weird girl taking pictures of herself and her husband in a mirror in an ice cream shop in Jackson Hole last week... it was me.

I was still trying to get a picture of the two of us together and thought it would be perfect to get one in the ice cream shop. But there were a TON of people and I still haven't quite perfected the "Hey will you (drop everything your doing, your conversation, your ice cream, your purse, your own camera and) take a picture of us?" I mean, I don't mind at all when I'm asked... but do others?

There we were, standing in line and Jaren get's a phone call. He goes outside and I'm standing in front of this mirror and I want to get him in it, too. So, I'm testing it out and taking a few pictures of myself to get the settings right and the line is moving! There is a little break in line in front of me and a guy starts moving towards it. And that is where this comes from:

See this face? It says, "Who do you think you are? Can't you see I'm in LINE?!" Then I saw that he was just going to talk to his wife who was in front of me. Oopsey....

Jaren came in and I was past the mirror. We got our ice cream and I asked the people who were about to move in front of the mirror if we could take a picture. He waited, but obviously his look says, "Hey lady, hurry up so I can get MY ice cream!" Jaren wasn't very excited about the idea, if you can't tell. But being the good wonderful husband he is he stood there for me. But didn't smile. Ah well. It was a little awkward.

On a side note I'm running an August Special for my photog business. Here is the flier or check it out at whitneykathleen.com

Jackson Hole

2010-07-20T22:11:00.000-06:00

FINALLY. Finally after four years we made it to Jackson Hole. Back in 2006 while we were dating Jaren took me all the time! In one summer we went three times, which was quite a bit. Every summer since then we talk about going, make plans to go and then things come up and we never do it. I'm always very bummed.

For the last 3 weeks we've been talking about going and planning on going and then push it back and back and back. Well, it went from Saturday to Monday and then to for sure Tuesday. I never really get my hopes up. But this Tuesday it was!

We didn't get on the road till 1:30 because he still put in half a day of work, then we got Naomi ready to go to her Grandma's after she woke up from her nap. But it was just so nice being with him - I don't get to see him all that much because he is so incredibly busy.

I wanted our picture in front of the signature antler thinger, but couldn't stop anyone to take it, so we did some individuals.

Isn't he so dreamy? :)

And Jaren was so sure he could take one of the both of us. So I let him try, but told him my lens wont allow that.

So, we walked around for an hour and a half, going through shops. We found Jaren a super snazzy beautiful (well I thought it was beautiful) shirt. We got some ice cream and ate it in the park. We wanted to have dinner at the Cowboy Bar or whatever it's called but they and every single other eatery didn't open till 5:30! And Naomi decided that she didn't want us to have a real date day and only napped an hour so we had to cut it short. So instead we headed back and ate in Driggs.

But before we left I asked someone to take our picture!

And I took one of the arch msyelf.

And Jaren took this one of me. I think I may put it as my profile picture I like it so much.

All in all it was so nice to finally have some time to just talk and be together. Even though I didn't get to ride the Gondola like I wanted or the Alpine Slide like I hoped the time we were able to spend together was priceless. Although I'm hoping for another trip before snow falls so I can finally ride that Gondola! And next time I wont wear such squeaky shoes....

We stopped in a clearing of wild flowers on the way home that I'll post about next.

Oh, and like my new header?

Busy

2010-07-11T21:42:00.000-06:00

I have been busy! Busy cleaning, busy exercising, busy mommying, busy trying to create my website and busy taking and editing pictures!

I am pretty excited about this new adventure I am now on. It's been a month now since I've decided that I'm for sure going to do this and I've thrown myself into it. I wanted to do it right the first time so I've been taking my time with things.

My website is up and running. It is a work in progress. For one I cannot figure out how to get text under my photos - it's under it while I'm composing, but when I publish it goes on the side. I'll be working on that. So, be prepared to see plenty of changes in the next days/weeks/months.

The name. So, the poll on my sidebar - Whitney Rae won and it happened to be the one I liked best anyway. Well, whitneyrae.com was taken and I debated whether or not to go through with the same name anyway - I mean, her business is "coming soon" and mine is here and I doubt she is in South Eastern Idaho. So then I checked Whitneyk and that was taken. So, I figured I am probably the only Whitney Kathleen in existance, and turns out I pretty much almost am. At least I am in the photography world. So, Whitney Kathleen it is. I still like the sound of Whitney Rae better, but Whitney Kathleen works. I just wanted something simple.

My site is whitneykathleen.com and I have a facebook page as well - it's on my sidebar. I'm still doing my free shoots for the next few weeks in July. I've done 3 and have 4 more. I'm ready to start making money so I can expand! I.E. (did I use that properly?) equipment/photoshop stuff/new camera/pay things off.

Currently I am working on my packaging. I really like what Jenna has done. I want it to look nice and professional. I want it to be something people look forward to about booking with me. So, I'm trying to come up with my own stuff (and using some with permission- the tin and tissue paper and box idea). Thanks Jenna!

Here is one I took of my super cute nephew last week:

Baby Favorites: Part 3

2010-07-02T07:50:00.000-06:00

Ointments, Creams and Pastes: One thing I didn't know - I'm sure this is common knowledge to all Mommies, but no matter how much baby sitting I did (a whole lot) I never had this explained or did I learn this. But you should always use an ointment, paste or cream when changing a diaper and not just baby powder. We didn't know and alternated between both when Naomi was first born and she got a really bad rash. We then only used an ointment and it went away and she didn't get another till she was 5 months old and eating solids. And even that was only caused by the Carrots. Or her sitting in her poo for too long (when she started sleeping through the night).

When she got her first really bad open sore one I went on a massive diaper cream/ointment hunt. I had to find which one worked! Amazingly the best thing was lots of nakey time and lansinoh (did you know it's not just for boobies?) right on the owie, then I put the thickest cream I could find. I changed her diaper every 2-3 hours and have continued with that. I tried out two different Desitin paste's/cream's (the two tubs you see) and found that the light blue "rapid relief" comes off easily. I wanted something that didn't. So I found the purple tub "maximum strength" (also super expensive.. yikes) and that was wonderful! It didn't come off easily (which means you use quite a bit of diaper wipes during diaper changes) so that when she pood or peed it would stay.

Once her rash was gone I went back to Aquaphor during the day (it's a clear ointment and is easy to remove and does a good job of protecting) since I change her diaper every 2-3 hours. Then at nights I put the purple thick cream on and it's still there in the morning with her super full wet and or poopy diaper! That's my diaper cocktail.

I like triple paste, too, but it's uber expensive as well, but only a few bucks more than the purple Desitin so I may try it once I'm out of that tub. I haven't seen what all the hoopla is about with ButtPaste. I've used it and it comes off pretty easily. But maybe the tub is thicker paste like the Desitin tubs?

Mommies, share your thoughts!

There's A Super Giant Owl In My Tree!

2010-06-30T09:45:00.000-06:00

We had heard a story about a woman who lives around here who had a bunch of cats and one by one they went missing. One night she looked out the window and saw a giant barn owl swoop down and pick up the cat in the yard and fly away with it.

I guess I believed it, but at the same time... I've never seen an owl big enough to carry a full sized cat!

Until now!

Jaren came home a few nights ago telling me about a giant owl that was in the yard when he came home with a huge wing span. I wanted to see it!

So then, maybe two nights later he comes in and takes me outside and points up to a grain silo and there are two of them! I wished I had my camera because it was just their silhouettes and it was a sight to see. They were huge! Jaren walked toward them making a crazy noise and they flew away and I saw how big they were. It was awesome.

So yesterday morning he was outside setting up the sprinkler (Dooey) in the yard and I could see him looking at something in the tree. So I opened the sliding glass door and he said there was an owl in the tree. I told him I wanted a picture so he came in, grabbed the camera and went out and took these:

See the robin flying up above it? Jaren thinks the wing span is around 4 feet.

So, then later that day I'm walking around the yard with Naomi and we are under the tree and I look up and wam! There he is again! Scared me silly!

So what do I do? Go inside, set Naomi down and grab my camera.

I shoot on Manual so I had my settings set, then extended my telephoto lens and was afraid he'd fly away so I took a bunch of pictures without checking them. Stupid. My aperture changed when I extended my lens and underexposed every photo. So I fixed them in photoshop as best I could.

This next one is my favorite

And then he flew away! We are going to stop bugging him so he will stay because I'm pretty sure he is eating all the mice that want to make our house their home. Or maybe he is a she?

This morning I looked for him out my kitchen window and found him/her on a higher up branch just sitting. I think he's about 7ish feet from a black birds nest and so the black bird kept yipping at him. I wish he'd eat the black birds - they dive bomb at me every time I go outside. RRRRg. And it's 3 hours later and he/she is still there - looks like he's trying to sleep. I really like having such a giant fascinating pet outside - especially when I can spy on him without him knowing. :) I decided we needed to name him. So his/her name is now Hoots. Because I do hear him/her hoot quite a bit.

Baby Favorites: Part 2

2010-06-29T17:52:00.000-06:00

Diaper duty, anyone? What? No takers?

First up:
Changing Table
I don't have an actual "Changing Table". I have a borrowed dresser and put a changing pad on top. I personally think that buying a changing table with the frame for the changing pad built in is a little dumb. Because what will you use it for when your kid is either too big for the changing pad or is out of diapers? I would rather purchase a dresser and put the pad on it or a lot of the dressers that come with nursery sets have a removable frame. That way when they are older and you still want to use that dresser as a dresser you can and it wont look like it belongs in a nursery. That's my opinion.

Changing pad. I received one at my baby shower. I wanted one because I have a sister in law who has one and always uses it. I also have 2 other sister in laws who don't have one and just change their kid on the floor. I wasn't sure if I would use it or not. It sure looks cute in the room with the matching fabric from my bedding on it.

(I moved it to my family room for lighting purposes)

We have an automen and when Naomi was a newborn it was just easy to change her on that. I have a diaper caddy (talked about below) that comes with a plastic changing pad - I used that and then laid a receiving blanket over it. It wasn't until she was over 5 months old that we finally moved her changing station into her own room. I changed her on the changing pad for ever diaper change. And gradually in the last month or so, I've just started changing her diaper in the front room. Before she goes to sleep she get's a bottle and I change her while drinking that - so it's easy to do it on the floor. But, I still have my diaper cady in by the changing pad.

Do I think they are a waste of money? No. They are relatively cheap - here is one for $25 at Target. I think you have to think if you are going to keep everything for baby in baby's room. Jaren likes a nice clean picked up home and having Naomi's changing station in our living area bugged him. Also, do you have hardwood or carpet? I guess I prefer not to lay Naomi down on super hard surfaces - we have carpet.

Diaper Caddy: I love love love mine. I have a J.J. Cole Diaper + Wipes Caddy ($30 at Target) in brown and if I could buy one for each of my friends I would. It's easy to grab and take anywhere in the house and we even take it on road trips. I don't carry it to the rest stop (I use my diaper bag), but we take it to the hotel or house or wherever we are staying and have everything in one place. The plastic mat that comes with it is good sized. Right now I have it folded and put away in the front room for whenever I need it. I will lay it on the floor then put a towel over it for when Naomi takes her baths - I put her on it. Or when we are doing nakey time this is what she lays on. Always with a towel or blanket because I would think it would be uncomfortable to be laying naked on plastic. I highly recommend this!

This week I'll also do Diaper ointment/creams/paste's!

Super Fantastic Amazing Cookie Dough

2010-06-25T10:00:00.002-06:00

I love cookie dough. And brownie batter. My super duper calorific treats of choice.

I have been using the Toll House recipe and wasn't liking the way they cooked flat and the dough would crunch when I bit into it. I really don't like crunching on the sugar. I like smooth soft dough and fluffier cookies.

So I Googled; "How to make your cookies fluffier" - I love that you can type anything and it yields results and 98% of the time I find what I'm looking for.

I came to one of those Yahoo question and answer pages and someone had the same question. Maybe a little more eloquently worded. Someone answered with a big long answer on how to make cookies three different ways: fluffy/puffy, soft/chewy and flat/thin. I went for a bit of a mixture between fluffy and chewy, because I don't want my cookies too cake-like.

Except this time, with this recipe the dough is so unbelievably good and exactly what I have been dreaming for I'm not even making the cookies. I'm just going to eat the dough. And half of it is already gone.

So, if you love dough more than the actual cookie - here is the recipe (I changed the amount of flour from the original. I also used regular flour instead of bread flour):

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 2 1/2 dozen cookies

2 sticks unsalted butter
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
Hardware:
Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets
Mixer

Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.
Pour the melted butter in the mixer's work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.
Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.

Here is the question and answer page.

Did You Know?

2010-06-24T15:00:00.001-06:00

First, let me say thank you to all of the nice comments on my 2 posts below. I've been so nervous about what the reaction would be and I'm so happy to hear that I'm not a looney who is out of my league. If you haven't, vote on my poll on my sidebar on which name sounds better for my business name. Man that sounds weird...

And here is a picture I took today of Naomi playing outside for our first outdoor playtime. The weather has finally been good enough (no wind) for me to take her outside! Joy!

And back to my Did You Know? post.

That I am a certified Aerobic instructor? I really enjoy it. I just don't have a building to teach in or time in my schedule at the moment.

That I know how to fix everything on the header of my swather(tractor that cuts hay/alfalfa) back home? I always felt so handy out there with my tools replacing blades and guards and screws.

My toenails are never naked

My fingernails are always naked

I like my hair blonde better but hate the grow out and it's so spendy to keep up with it

I had half a treatment of laser hair removal back home in Washington on my underarms. Then I moved and never went back to finish it. It would cost $75 here to finish - something I really want to do

I have sprained both of my ankles. One tripping on an apple and the other playing soccer - both during soccer season taking me out for the rest of the season my 9th and 11th grade years.

I hate mustard. Jaren loves it. He tried to get me to eat it while pregnant because he was convinced Naomi would like it.

Courtney's Maternity Shoot

2010-06-23T08:55:00.000-06:00

If you haven't already, read the post below.

I noticed all of these places around my house that I wanted to take pictures of someone in front of. I immediately thought of Courtney, my roommate from when I first met and started dating Jaren in March of 2006. She is expecting her first, a little boy early this fall.

This was my first "real" photoshoot and I enjoyed every second of it. Her husband Jordan came and I am so glad because some of these smiles wouldn't have happened without him there. And we got some sweet shots with him in there, too.

I like so many of them I am having a hard time choosing what to put up. So here are a whole lot.

And probably one of my favorites:

What is the most amazing thing is that I took these pictures next to my fence, fiber glass, overgrown bushes, cellar door, shop door, grain silos, a ditch, side of the road and sand dunes. Totally random places that came to life.

There you have it. What do you think?

Me? A Photographer?

2010-06-22T19:29:00.001-06:00

This is something I've been thinking about and thinking about for a while now. I have always loved taking pictures, but didn't discover such a love for it until I got my DSLR May of last year. And even then I had no idea what it would turn into once I discovered how to actually use it!

Starting January of this year I started reading everything I could come across on aperture, shutter speed, ISO and white balance. I wished I had discovered this obsession in college so I could take classes. I probably would have minored in it.

I bought a book called "Understanding Exposure" off of Amazon and that is when the rest clicked for me. I started using my light meter (bingo!) and I just practiced and practiced and practiced. So much that we had to buy a desktop to fit all of my pictures on. I used up every ounce of space on my laptop and we have moved most onto our external, but I needed a desktop to work with.

I've also been using Photoshop Elements since January of last year, but just for scrapbooking. Then last winter after Naomi was born I discovered editing pictures with it. And so then I began to mess around with that. Now I'm using CS5 and am learning how to use that. I cannot believe the amount of things you can do with it! It's very exciting.

So. I was sort of sure that I didn't want to become a photographer. But then I fell in love with it. I really didn't want to be one of those girls or SAHM's who get a DSLR and call themselves a photog and charge and take mediocre pictures. So I practiced some more. And I had my first real "shoot" last Friday with a former roommate of mine who is now pregnant and I had so much fun. I have been scouting locations for this particular shoot for weeks and have kept my eye out for places for months. It was so awesome to see the fence in my backyard come to life! Or the bushes I thought I would rip out. Or the fiberglass under my porch! Simple things started to stand out to me and had such potential.

My confidence has been boosted by this and my roommate. She has nothing but such good things to say about these pictures and I would like to think she's not just saying it :) I know I have a whole lot of room to improve but I want to. I want to take more pictures and learn and improve and get better and experiment.

This new world is exciting and fun. If you want me to take your pictures email me! I am looking for more experiences to build on. I am also trying to decide on a name; Whitney K or Whitney Rae. K is the initial of my middle name and Rae is my Mom and Grandma's middle name as well as the beginning of my last name(Well, it's Ray, but I like the look of Rae (the middle name) better). I'm going to put a poll up on my sidebar to see which sounds better. Let me know :)

Tomorrow I'll post pictures from Courtney's Maternity shoot!

Project Clean House

2010-06-21T15:38:00.000-06:00

Is underway. Since I've been done with my race I've not ran more than a mile and a half.... I feel a little guilty, but I'm getting so much done around my house!

My sister has come out and helped me a bit and I am so grateful. I'm planning on totally ransacking the entire thing then putting it back together again room by room.

First up is the kitchen. That has been cleaned, but just needs to be maintained. Oh man how I hate unloading the dishwasher. Only takes 5 minutes, but for some reason drives me crazy. But I don't mind loading? So weird.

Next is the family room. Lindsey dusted and wiped down all of my shelves. Just need to fluff cushions, switch cushions, vacuum couch, vacuum floor, clean windows, clean blinds, scrub floorboards and... umm.. re-decorate. But that wont happen for a while.

Thursday I cleaned out my closet. Something I had been needing to do since I could fit back into my old wardrobe. I have quite the give-away pile. I still need to organize and dust. And re-decorate. Which is something that may happen in the near future! Wahoo!

Bathrooms. Basic cleaning and need re-decorating. Cleaning will get done this week, re-decorating may take a few months. If only money grew on tree's.....

Naomi's room. STILL have not hung her stuff. I'm annoyed every time I walk in there because of that. But I need 2 people! It's a problem because either she is sleeping or Jaren isn't home.

Dining room. A work in progress. Needs picked up and a rug and the hutch sanded and re-painted. Oh, and new chairs for our table.

Should I post before and afters of everything? I plan on doing it with the decorating thing. But maybe not the cleaning thing. Cause that would show just how messy I've let things get in my quest to run really far really fast consecutively.

Today

2010-06-17T22:39:00.000-06:00

I woke up at 1:00 a.m. and stuck a bottle in the babe's mouth and she downed almost 6 ounces in her sleep. (so proud)
Woke up at 5:50 a.m. for the day - touched up my previous days make up and washed the rest of my face, got dressed, pop tarts in toaster and packed the diaper bag
6:20 a.m. woke up the babe, changed her, put her in her car seat and headed to the hospital
7:20 a.m. nurse comes in to take Naomi away - she is NOT happy to be taken away from me in a strange place, by a strange lady - so I walk her to the O.R. doors - my heart breaks
7:35 a.m. Doctor shows up while we are watching and playing along with Dora the Explorer - surgery went great - just some fluid in her right ear, she'll be back when she wakes up
7:40 a.m. Naomi comes in and is not happy with us
8:10 a.m. find the faucet entertains her enough to stop screaming her feelings at us for a few minutes
8:50 a.m. We check out of the hospital and she is still not happy with us or anyone else
9:30 a.m. Finally home after getting her prescription ear drops - she is happy happy to be in her room, in her crib and goes right to sleep
10:30 a.m. after eating some toast and having a "feelings" (as we like to call them) talk with Jaren I lay down and sleep for the rest of Naomi's nap
12:00 p.m. wake up, Nae is up, feed her some pear's and raspberries (which she loves) and fight with a bit of her fussyness
1:00 p.m. playing with the babe - still fighting the fussy's, but is still a happy girl
2:15 p.m. lay her down again for her second nap and think, "Oh man, I hope she is sleeps longer than an hour and a half"
2:20ish p.m. answer formspring questions
2:45 p.m. clean out my closet. Put away clothes, try on clothes and have a huge pile of "give away" clothes. So happy to see my closet less heavy.
5:00 p.m. Naomi is still sleeping... starting to wonder if she will ever wake up
5:09 p.m. she wakes up
5:10 p.m. happy, happy, happy baby
6:30 p.m. eats her green beans and beef gravy mixture and is still happy happy happy
6:45 p.m. is in her Jumparoo while I unload the dishwasher only to notice she is currently pooping her pants
6:46 p.m. take her out of jumparoo, put her on floor, take off her diaper. let her finish pooping (she really likes emptying her bowels freely)
6:50 p.m. put her back in her Jumparoo and I clean the kitchen
7:15 p.m. give her a bottle and grab her pajamas
7:20 p.m. put her in jam's and hold her and sing to her until it's time for bed
7:35 p.m. lay her down and she get's angry when I try to put the drops in her ear - give her teething tablets and that makes her happy
7:40 p.m. eat my dinner
8:00 p.m. Jaren comes home and we talk and we laugh
8:20 p.m. I eat some cookie dough
9:13 p.m. watching the Real Housewives of New York reunion and blogging
9:14 pm. Happy for tomorrow with a happy pain-free-in-ears baby

The Teton Dam Marathon

2010-06-15T22:24:00.001-06:00

Half Marathon for me! 2 hours, 14 minutes 39.6 seconds. 32 minutes behind the first runner. I averaged a 10 minute 16 second mile.

Friday night I was so antsy. I ate a giant plate of spaghetti, 2 slices of garlic toast, 5 meatballs and a big glass of milk. It's been a long time since I've ate that much and felt that full!

I made a running play list for my iPod. And went to bed around 9:30 which is early for me.

Woke up at 5:50 a.m.to the wind screaming outside my house. 20-30 mph. I was immediately filled with dread for how the run was going to go. I was planning on wearing shorts and changed my mind to capri's, a tank top and then a long sleeved shirt over that.

I pumped, made breakfast: hash browns, kielbasa (mmmmm...), eggs and toast. Jaren and I ran around the house looking for safety pins to pin my number to my shirt. We managed to scrounge up three.

I left at 7:00 a.m. The Half Marathon started at 7:30. There was a lot of people there(377). I was surprised at all the different ages. Teenagers, 30 something Mom's, 20 something college girls, 40 or 50 something men. I thought it was awesome.

When it first started I felt a little claustrophobic. I didn't like that I had a hard time setting my own pace with people in my way in front of me, people passing me, bumping shoulders. And it was that way for the first 3 miles. Ironically, the first 3 or 4 were the hardest for me. I had never trained on hills and the entire first 8 miles was a constant steady incline and some steepish hills.

Right away I regretted wearing the capri's. The wind wasn't blowing as bad around town as it was out at my house. And within the first 15 minutes I got hot. Around mile 4 I pulled up my pants so they were up past my knees and that cooled me off a lot. Then at mile 5 I took off my long sleeved shirt and tied it around my waist. All while running! I had to undo my iPod and put it back on.

It was around that 5th mile that I started to feel good. At the 6th mile I ate my gel and got it on my fingers. I kept trying to lick my fingers and wipe them on my shirt so they wouldn't be sticky. It was annoying.

At mile 7 I had a banana and somewhere during that 7th mile into my 8th mile I felt amazing. I couldn't believe what a difference half a banana and that gel made! The hills didn't bother me and I was passing people every few minutes. My pace picked up and I got excited. I think being out in the country and not having so many people around me made a difference, too.

The course leveled out and started to do some down hills around mile 9. That was nice. Nice that they put that at the end because it was quite the spirit lifter. Not that I needed much - I was flying. I felt so good. So happy.

I had another half of a banana at mile 11 and it was around mile 10 I thought I needed to pee. But I was so close and didn't want to add to my time so I just kept going.

There was one point that I was running down hill a little and looked up and saw the sand dunes, the Junipers, the beautiful blue sky and thought about all of the blessings in my life and felt so grateful. Grateful for this experience because I was actually enjoying myself. I was almost done with a huge accomplishment - something I had wanted to do for such a long time. I smiled at every volunteer I think. :)

The last mile and a half to two miles were totally downhill and I almost sprinted those. I just picked up momentum and kept going!

I had told Jaren to take pictures of me crossing the finish. I also told him he didn't need to be there till 10 because I was sure I couldn't run it in under 2 1/2 hours.

I looked for him and didn't find him. I was sad, but still happy and in a good mood because of what I had just done. I found a friend and he let me borrow his cell phone and I called him - that's when I saw the time. 9:50! I had ran it in under 2 1/2 hours!! Jaren was just getting into town. He felt bad. I'm saddened that I finished such a monumental thing for myself and no one was there. But I understand. How were we to know I would be that fast? I've never ran a race before. He promised next time he'd get there an hour and a half before we think I'd be in :) There was a professional photographer out on the course and I think at the finish line. They will post pictures online and I'm hoping there are some of me on there. I'll buy them. They are priceless to me.

This was the first picture he took when he saw me. I'm in the pink.

Random Thoughts

I think it was during the 7th mile that there was a clump of grass rolling across the road and I caught a glimpse around my feet and jumped because I thought it was a mouse. I felt a little silly and laughed. I wondered what the people behind me thought.
I also had a wedgie for 9 miles. I didn't want to pick it because there were so many people behind me! Then at that ninth mile I was far enough ahead of the people behind me that I didn't care anymore. I can't believe it took me 9 miles.
After I took my long sleeved shirt off I remembered I didn't shave my armpits. I hoped no one noticed. Such a silly thought, I really don't think anyone did.
Around mile 8 or 9 we ran past some of Jaren's fields up on the hill and I wished there was someone to say, "Those are my husbands fields. Those are potatoes poking through and that is his grain." But I didn't. So I just looked and smiled. (anyone seeing me smiling so often probably thought I was a weirdie)
Two of the four times I drank water from a cup when I passed the stations I choked on it. I didn't want to stop running so I tried to drink while running and I ended up splashing it on my face and inhaling it. So then I would cough and cough and feel silly.
When you pick up your water you just toss your cup when your done with it. The volunteers pick it up after wards. But each time I tossed my cup I felt guilty for littering. Even though I guess I really wasn't.
There was a lady with a visor who had candy taped to it. I wondered if she would notice if I casually picked the small Hershey bar off of it.

Oh yeah! My feet! They started bugging me at around mile 8 (I took three ibuprofen), but didn't really start to hurt bad until the down hill. All that pounding took it's toll. And now my left foot is killing me and my right feels okay. So weird.

My legs are so so so very sore. But everything else (except my feet) feels fine!

In the end I am so happy I did it. So happy I just bit the bullet and signed up for the half. Because I did it and I felt good (after the first 3-4 miles) and I was SO incredibly happy while running it. I am so proud of myself for setting a goal and reaching it. So impressed with myself for keeping a 10 minute mile pace and not stopping (except for the 2 seconds or less to peel my banana and throw it in the garbage(the one thing that would decompose I took the time to throw in the trash... ugh).

The thought of running a full scares the bajeebees out of me. But the thought of running a half did, too. So, who knows? I would consider it a huge huge life accomplishment if I ran a full. We'll just have to see!

Yay for me! Naomi was especially excited I got a metal.

Countdown: 1 Day

2010-06-11T15:41:00.000-06:00

My race is tomorrow. I've never ran a race before, at least an organized official one. I had always hoped to build up to a marathon by starting with a 5K, 10K, half marathon and then hopefully full. I have started training for a half marathon twice, one of the times I didn't get further than 2 weeks and the other I should be finishing tomorrow.

I originally started training to help lose the baby weight and then it turned into something a bit more. I learned I could push myself and see results. That the human body is an amazing thing. In school I minored in two things: Child Development and Exercise Science. I know what the body is capable of, I know down to the molecular level what it does during exercise and how to condition your body to certain degrees. But to learn is one thing and to experience is another.

The biggest struggle lately has been dealing with my feet. My Chiropractor adjusted them today (did you know you can adjust feet?!). And they feel better. Weird. That's what I'm most nervous about. Is having to stop running because of my feet when I feel good enough to keep going, cardiovascular wise.

Tomorrow morning at 6 I'll wake up, eat a nice big starchy breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth, put my hair up, tack on my number and head out the door. My goal is to finish below 3 hours, but what I would really like - considering everything goes well is to finish in under 2 hours and 40 minutes. I haven't taken any ergogenic aids (gels, energy bars, gummy bears, Gatorade, etc.) while running before so I'm hoping those will help and give me enough of a boost to keep a steady pace. I also hope I don't need to pee more than once since the clock doesn't stop for potty breaks.

Hidden Treasures

2010-06-10T14:44:00.001-06:00

Monday night I went around my house and took a few pictures after an inch of rain had fallen. The greens were so vibrant and the lilacs were beautiful.

Then I looked up and saw this:

That's when I decided to see what else I could find. I walked behind my house and looked under our deck. I know I've seen this little wagon before, but somehow it struck me as a pretty neat item. I decided I was going to get it out, clean it up and use it for something.

Pretty awesome, right? If I repaint it I'll lose the wee wagon name and I want that. So, I'll just find some use with the rust. Apparently it was Jaren's when he was younger which means it has probably been sitting there for over 20 years.

Baby Favorites: Part 1

2010-06-09T07:00:00.001-06:00

I am going to try to review some items and tell you what my favorites are. I'll see if I can start at what I loved for a newborn, 3 month old, 5 month old.. etc.

Baby Monitor
I didn't think much about these things before I had Naomi. Back when we went to Tahoe I noticed my brothers monitor that had a small video screen on it and I watched my nephew sleep. I thought, oh that's neat! And that's about all that ran through my head.

It was something like this from Summer. Priced on Amazon for $105.

Then Jaren's sister mentioned how she had free Amazon one day shipping the week before we went into the hospital. I told her I was pretty sure I wanted a video monitor. She sent me a lot of links to different ones and their reviews. They were all a bit spendy and I was looking for something somewhat like my brothers with that small screen.

Then I saw the 7 inch flat screen and Jaren was okay with the price. I didn't want to regret not getting the 7 inch and had already put out over 100 bucks only to want the bigger one and fork out the $160. Totalling to almost $300. So I bought it.

It was this monitor from Summer. Priced at $161.98 on Amazon.

We didn't end up using it until I started laying her down for naps in our room and I fast realized how grateful I was for it. Not just for the video, but for the big screen. I put it on my mantle and can see it from across the room. It wasn't until we had to send it in and replace it with a 5 inch T.V. like one that I appreciated the flat screen part.

The screen stopped working for some reason. The sound worked fine, but I wanted what I paid for. I sent an email to their customer service and found out the warranty is one year from date of purchase (if you have the reciept) or one year from manufacture date. Well, I didn't have the receipt and luckily I was with in the year of manufacture date. They sent me a label and I sent it in and had to wait a week for the new one. Well, I'm a spoiled little girl and had to have my video monitor! Jaren found a 5 inch T.V. like monitor at K-Mart for $70. We bought and now Jaren's parents have it at their house for when she stays with them. They had wonderful customer service - I just didn't like that I was stuck without a monitor for a week to two weeks (which was their estimated wait time).

This is the 5 inch monitor we bought as a replacement. $82.54 on Amazon. It was much much bigger, a lot louder (not so good when I wanted it turned way down while we slept) and didn't have color. Which wasn't too big of a deal. The picture wasn't as clear and it had more "noise". And you have to tune it like you did the old T.V.'s - kind of funny.

It was important to me to get her to have long naps (at least 2 hours) and to do that I would go in and replace the pacifier when she would start to wake up and she would quickly go right back to sleep. Which led into solid 2 hour naps. I also would be able to move the pacifier when it fell out of her mouth because she would lay her cheek on top of it and that would wake her up. I also could see when she spit up (she had really bad reflux) and I could go in and get her cleaned up so she wasn't laying in the wet and it wasn't drying on her face.

My camera's shutter is too loud to take a picture while she is sleeping in there so I get my pictures this way.

Not to mention that you can see what she is doing when she is crying. If she is just doing it because she wanted me to come in or if something was really wrong.

Of course, I love it the most for the sole fact that I catch the funniest, sweetest moments. It was worth every penny when I caught this (and this was the only time she did this):

Expensive? Yes. Worth it? Yes. The warranty is great, the picture is wonderful, the noise is perfect and only pick's up her noises. Many times I've heard a noise and thought to run in until I look at the monitor and see that it's in her sleep or that she is fine. It's easy to grab and move around. You can by extra monitors or camera's if you'd like. And we run this thing constantly (naps and sleep time) and it is still performing really well. I'm sure I could get away with no video just fine, but I kind of like this way too much - so why go without it? I love technology!

Weight Gain Throughout My Pregnancy

2010-06-08T07:30:00.000-06:00

I have been wanting to do this post for a long time. Since I am almost 8 months postpartum I figure it's about time.

I weighed myself every morning. I traveled quite a bit last summer and so there are a few gaps here and there (you'll notice the weeks were clumped together). I used the same scale so it would be accurate and followed the same routine each time. Wake up - pee - weigh - get dressed and then eat breakfast.

For those of you who are interested in week by week weight gain here is how it went for me. I also linked to my weekly posts. If you want to read about a certain week, just click on that number.

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks, but started weighing myself at 6 weeks.

1st Trimester
6 weeks: .4 ounces (120.4)
7 weeks: 1 pound (121)
8 weeks: 0 pound (121)
9 weeks: 0 pound (121)
10 weeks: 1 pound (122)
11 weeks: 1 pound (123)
12 weeks: 0 pound (123)
13 weeks: 2 pounds (125)

2nd Trimester
14 weeks: 0 pounds (125)
15 weeks: 1 pound (126)
16 weeks: 3 pounds (129)
17 weeks: 0 pounds (129)
18 weeks: 1 pound (130)
19 weeks: 1 pound (131)
20 weeks: 2 pounds (133)
21 weeks: 3 pounds (136)
22-23 weeks: 4 pounds (140)
24 weeks: 2 pounds (142)
25 weeks: 2 pounds (144)
26 weeks: 1 pound (145)

3rd Trimester
27-28 weeks: 4 pounds (149)
29 weeks: 3 pounds (152)
30 weeks: 2 pounds (154)
31 weeks: 2 pounds (156)
32 weeks: 2 pounds (158)
33 weeks: 2 pounds (160)
34 weeks: 4 pounds (164)
35 weeks: 1 pound (165)
36 weeks: 1 pound (166)
37 weeks: 0 pounds (166)
37 weeks and 1 day: Had Baby

It was really interesting to look back. I gained 5 pounds my first trimester. Twenty pounds my second and 15 pounds my third. It started piling on once I hit 21 weeks. I was running up until 23 weeks, then I would walk. When I was only walking I was going anywhere from 2.5 miles to 4.5miles 4-5 times a week. I started cramping really badly at 29 weeks and was told to stop walking which was really hard. I felt like the only thing I was doing to prevent some of the weight gain was off limits and I struggled with it.

It was really hard to understand why it was coming on so incredibly fast. I was eating healthy, of course I had my sweets here and there (I ate what I craved, but I had small portions), but I was exercising A LOT! During my third trimester I finally came to grips with the fact that my body must need it. For some reason this is how I was reacting to pregnancy. And I'm aware you need to gain during pregnancy, I just knew the healthy weight passed me at 30 pounds and most likely everything from there on was fat (and I know now it was) that I would have to lose after wards.

It didn't change the fact that I was depressed about it often. That I didn't feel like I looked like myself (see post below). And it was never about her - never about the size of my belly - I LOVED THAT. I loved how my tummy was round and big and how I could feel her move and know she was growing inside me. It was how huge my thighs were (I grew out of some of my pregnancy clothes) and my face was unrecognizable to me. I think unless you've been there do you understand.

I vowed to lose it all. That I wouldn't get pregnant again until I was back to 120 pounds (118 preferably). That I would train for a half marathon, because I've always wanted to run one, so the weight loss was my excuse to train and my motivation. And I was highly motivated!

Here are some photos following my growth:
The weekend before I found out I was pregnant. I felt sick the morning after this Jazz game and hoped it meant pregnant, but tried not to think much of it.

I was 10 weeks here dressed up for my dance final.

At 13 weeks - I believe I had to start undoing my top button here. I was very excited about this, it meant my tummy was getting bigger!

This is Sharlene and I, our due dates were 5 days apart (I ended up having mine around 2 weeks before her). I was 19 weeks and she was 20. (not sure why the picture looks a little distorted)

At 22 weeks in Michigan. This was the last week I wore my wedding ring. And the last week I wore those pants (I tried them on the other day and they were super baggy. It was weird)

At 25 weeks a front shot. These were a pair of the last pre pregnancy pants to go. (24 pounds gained)

Only a week later on my birthday

I felt like it was after this trip to Oregon that I really ballooned. I was very, very swollen.

28 weeks in Lake Tahoe. It was right after this trip I was told I couldn't walk (to exercise) anymore. And almost any walking for that matter hurt (because of the cramping).

Such a flattering picture, huh? 30 weeks at my baby shower. 34 pounds gained - 10 pounds in almost 4 weeks!

35 weeks. Two weeks before I had her. I think the preeclampsia had hit by this point but my doctors appointment wasn't until the next week. So I started to swell even more. 45 pounds gained.

This is the morning we went into the hospital. We stopped at Jaren's parents house for a minute and Jaren's mom took this picture. It's the only one of the two of us before she was born and the others of me before the surgery are on his phone.

They pumped 2 bags of fluid in me before the C-Section and I couldn't believe how much more swollen I got. It took a good week for all of that to come off. I had to stop taking the Ibuprofin as often. It was very uncomfortable to move (not only because of the giant hole in my belly, but because I couldn't even flex my foot). And I woke up completely wet from sweat for 2 weeks after.

And here is my almost 16 1/2 pound nugget now :)

Cassie Mickelsen of Pink Paisley Photography took this and the family picture in the post below.

The Difference 24 Pounds Makes

2010-06-07T07:00:00.000-06:00

We had our family pictures taken 3 weeks ago and we just got the pictures back. I really really like them!

But I had to laugh when I went back and looked at the one we had taken when Naomi was 4 weeks old.

Get a load of this:

Yikes! We didn't like how either of us turned out, but I had an extra 24 pounds on me - apparently 10 of them were in my face. On the bright side - the baby is adorable. And I made that dress!

Hard work, determination and a lot of running and breastfeeding led me to lose all 46 pounds I gained from my pregnancy. And we now have a family picture that looks like this!

Yahoo! Doesn't even look like the same person, huh? And might I say my husband is rather good looking. And the baby is adorable. And I adore them both!

Cassie Mickelsen of Pink Paisley Photography took both of these.

Countdown: 1 Week

2010-06-05T19:15:00.000-06:00

So I skipped a week. And I changed my mind.

When I went home to Washington for my grandma's funeral I ran 8 1/2 miles one morning. I didn't think I could do that so easily. And I felt good. I wasn't even tired when I finished, but my feet were hurting VERY badly. Especially my left.

I spent the next two days going through a mental battle - do I run the half and just suck it up? Or not because my feet will hurt too bad.

On one hand I was obviously trained enough for it and because I now know how badly my feet hurt I may not be able to run one that often. So will I be able to train for one and then run it? I should probably just run this one, suck it up and finish it so that at least I ran one once. Because right now I'm conditioned enough to do it.

In the end I decided just to do it. So, I signed up for the half on Monday.

I ran 5 miles Monday, 7 Wednesday and 2 Thursday (busy day....). Then 10 today!

I didn't stop at all any of those times. I was pretty impressed with myself today. Especially since the last mile I ran against 15 mph wind. That sucked.

My feet did a bit better for a few reasons. First I took Ibuprofen before I went (why haven't I done that every time?!). I also wore a bandaid/moleskin type thing (it's AMAZING) over the arch of my left foot that keeps getting blisters from the soles of my shoes and so that took away that pain. I also switched the expensive orthotics for the ones the shoes came with and that seemed to help. So dumb that I paid 45 dollars for those insoles that weren't helping. My Chiropractor tipped me off to that idea.

I don't think I'll be able to run the entire half without having to walk for a bit here and there, but I'll try. Even if I'm jogging 5 mph I'll still be happy that I finished without stopping. But, I'm okay with having to walk. My goal will be to make it at least 10 miles nonstop. Unless I have to pee. Does that count?

I'm excited and nervous. I'm feeling so sore right now and tired that I know I'll need a giant nap afterwards.

Countdown: 3 Weeks

2010-05-23T21:11:00.000-06:00

And a change of mind.

I decided to push the half marathon to July and run a 10K instead.

A few reasons. When I run I don't want it to be horrible. I don't want to finish and say, "Oh man, that was so hard, I'm never doing that again" or be in so much pain. And with how conditioned I am at the moment that's probably how it would be. I could run it and finish it, but it wouldn't be so fun and I want to enjoy it.

This week didn't go as planned. Thursday I received some news that my Grandma was dying. Now, her health has been failing for 3 or 4 years now so it was sort of expected. I just didn't expect to feel so emotional about it. I wasn't in the mood to run after receiving the phone call - I bummed around waiting for the final phone call that never came. I called my Mom later that evening and found out the bleeding had slowed and that she was still hanging on.

Friday I was going to run, but I had a friend over and then I just didn't feel like it again that night. I've been really beating myself up over needing to run and not doing it.

Saturday was going to be my 8 mile day and the weather was atrocious. Wind, rain, snow, hail - you name it. Running on the treadmill drives me nuts and for 8 miles that would drive me bonkers. And I wouldn't be able to go the entire time like I can outside because I can't set my own pace. So I kept putting it off. And I was in a funk of a mood.

Then that afternoon I got the call that she had passed and any thought of anything went out the window.

I've been struggling with feeling like a failure. I have been planning on running this particular race since last year and decided on a half marathon when I was pregnant to help loose the baby weight. Well, I lost the weight, but the training hasn't gone as I had hoped. I wasn't able to do any long runs (detrimental to long distance races) for a month and a half. With being out of town, weddings, being sick - it all worked against me.

I could finish the race, but it wouldn't be fun and it would be very, very hard and I would hurt for a long time afterward. So. I decided the best thing for myself and to relieve some of the stress - especially since this weekend will be spent in Washington at the funeral - is to just do the 10K. I can do 6 miles easy. And I'm going to try to do it within an hour. Give or take 5 minutes. Probably more like give.... And I'll start training for the half in July now.

Did You Know?

2010-05-18T14:43:00.000-06:00

That I pick the bread off the edges of my sandwiches and burgers? I feel like I have to have an even amount of stuff (meat, cheese, lettuce..) and bread. And around the edges there is too much bread. Drives Jaren nuts. But he says it's "endearing". I'm convinced that the things that annoy him he says are "endearing" to convince himself they are :)

I never felt, until recently (past 8 months or so... blaming it on pregnancy) that I have crooked teeth. Never had braces, but I almost want them to fix my two front teeth. My dentist says he can round them to make them look more strait. So now I want that and whitening, but don't want to shell out the $150 or so. So, I smile a lot with my mouth closed.

I cracked my nose when I was 5. Doctor wanted to put stitches in and I cried and told him No because I didn't want the scar. I'm quite proud of my 5 year old self. I still have the scar and can feel where the crack was.

I met Jaren in March and didn't let him hold my hand or kiss me until August. We dated off and on that whole time. It took me a long time to realize how I felt. And I didn't want to hurt such a nice guys feelings by leading him on, so I never let it happen.

I played Softball, Soccer, Basketball and was on the dance team in high school. I also played Softball for four seasons in college and was on the championship team three of those times. I'm currently looking for a league to join for this summer. But soccer is still my favorite sport.

I am a horrible housekeeper. Like now, I'm blogging and I have two basket's of laundry that need folded, two bathrooms that need to be cleaned and my entire house needs to be vacuumed. I have such a hard time being motivated. But once I get going I get a ton done.

I enjoy making cards. One day I'll show you what I've done. I want to sell them to feed my photography fetish. And my jean fetish.

I love jeans. I love designer jeans. I have never paid full price for a pair. I don't have quite the collection I would like. I have 5 pair and I'm looking for 3 more from different designers. But if you saw the amount of jeans I had in my closet you'd give me a good shove.

I have a ridiculous amount of clothes I don't wear. I wanted to get back down to my pre-preg weight so I could try them on and get rid of the ones that don't fit right or that I don't want. I need to do that. Last night I pulled a few, but most I thought, "I might need that someday". I just need to get rid of them. It will give me an excuse to buy new if the occasion ever comes where I actually need the item I discarded. The entire collection is from when I was 15 years old to now. It's silly.

I sing and dance for my daughter. I look like a nincompoop but she thinks I'm awesome. So I do it everyday.

I probably kiss her over 100 times a day. I am constantly lotioning her cheeks because of it.

Countdown: 4 weeks

2010-05-16T22:12:00.000-06:00

First week of serious training is done. I was a bit nervous about it. Running on the treadmill is harder than running outside. Seeing the numbers and not being able to control your own pace is annoying.

I ran 7 miles Saturday in 75 minutes. Not bad for having only ran 5 miles outside and it was a month and a half ago. I didn't stop once. Here is how it went for me.

I dropped a water bottle on the way to my In Laws (to drop the babe off) at the nexus of my route. I grabbed it at 1 mile took a swig, dropped it again (kept running). Grabbed it after 2 miles, 4 miles and 6 miles, then carried it the last mile back to the house.

After the first mile I started to think, "Oh crud, I'm already tired... how the heck am I going to run 13 miles?!" But, I thought, "I've ran 5 miles without stopping, I can think about walking when I get there." So I kept on. It wasn't until I had just turned to start my fourth mile that I started to feel really good. And I thought I could do it.

During my fifth mile my hips started to hurt, but conditioning wise, my respiratory system was doing great! I had hit my steady state and I knew I just needed to push my body. During my sixth mile my hips stopped hurting, but my feet, left ankle and left knee started to bug (man, I feel old with all these aches and pains). And it wasn't until the last half mile that I started to get out of breath and tired. Then my feet REALLY started to hurt. I'm attributing that to the new shoes that I'm still currently breaking in.

So, what I learned from this run is I need to work harder. That I still have 5 more miles to run in 4 weeks. So, I'm going to try to do 2 outside runs this week instead of one so I can continue to pace myself myself (yes, meant to say that twice).

I haven't registered yet and I wont until this week is over. I am going to see how training goes and how my 8 mile run goes Saturday. Or 9... not sure what I'm doing. But, since I already ran over a 10K yesterday I should just do it.

I'm just nervous! And excited!

I'm (Just About) Back!

2010-05-14T22:43:00.000-06:00

My body, anyway. Today marks 7 months postpartum and I am 1 pound away from my goal weight. I'm sure it will come off sometime in the next few weeks while running like a crazy.

There are a few things that are different after going through a 46 pound weight gain during my first pregnancy.

My back seems to be holding onto fat more than it used to(bra fat and love handles)
My tummy isn't totally completely flat like it used to be, but it's close. The muscles are - I just have a small tire going around my middle.
The arm acne. Never had it before, but it popped up while pregnant and has not gone away and has gotten worse and worse. It really really bothers me. I don't know why it's there and why it wont go away!
My breasts are different because of breastfeeding and will never be the same. Kind of bummed.
I'm a bit weaker. Can't do as many push ups like I used to.
My thighs are a little more shapely.
A few fading stretch marks on my outer thighs (never got any on my tummy!)

But these things really aren't bad. The only noticeable thing I think is the layer of fat around my middle. And it's not much, just a little. Maybe others may not notice it much.

I haven't posted a recent body picture, but I had Jaren take these 2 weeks ago.

Except this one. This is me a year ago 6 weeks preg.

6 1/2 Months Postpartum

Overall I'm very happy with how I've bounced back. I am not exactly as thin as I was before, but I feel like if I keep exercising hard I can be with time. If not, that's ok. At least that's the mood I'm in now. Tomorrow I may feel differently.

Countdown: 5 weeks

2010-05-10T21:33:00.000-06:00

Till the Dam Marathon that I plan on running. Well, not the full marathon - the half.

I've always wanted to run a marathon and wanted to be realistic with starting with a half. And gaining 46 pounds during my pregnancy was great motivation to train for one to help loose that weight.

I'm one pound away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I've been hovering at 2-3 pounds to go for the last 2 months! Annoying.

I'm worried about being able to run since I've not been able to train properly for the last almost month and a half! Every Saturday I've been busy and that is my long run day.

Then the last 2 weeks I've been sick. I ran 3 miles Friday and it wasn't very easy. So I decided I'm going to work super super hard and after two weeks I should know how easy it will be. Worst case I run the 10K.

I ran 4 miles today and it wasn't so bad. I'll do 5 Wednesday, 4 1/2 Thursday and 7 Saturday.

Good luck to me!

All Night Long

2010-05-08T09:33:00.000-06:00

I slept! Hooray for zonked out babies! We've had a few nights where she has slept from 7 - 5:30, but nothing where she sleeps from the moment she initially falls asleep till we wake up. Oh it is so nice. It took one night of her crying during the night. A lot better than I thought.

I ran yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks and I learned I am going to have to really push myself to run a half marathon in a month.

I did the laundry! And cleaned the kitchen! And got my new high chair!

I get as excited for new baby stuff as I do for new clothes for myself. The high chair came yesterday and I set it up with my Mother in Law. I love it because it straps her in like a back pack. With straps over the shoulders and everything. We've been having problems with her chewing on the left side of her bumbo while I'm trying to feed her. Crazy girl.

And I got new spoons that I am in LOVE with. Weird? Does this mean I'm totally a boring mom now that I am so excited about a high chair and SPOONS? Oh... don't get me started on the magical booger sucker.

Pictures of spoons and high chair and boring Mommy person to come as soon as I get my new desktop with space to unload the massive amount of pictures on my camera.

Today

2010-05-05T22:33:00.000-06:00

I had hoped to start running again. But didn't.

I thought I would get all of the laundry done and put away. But didn't.

I figured I could get my kitchen clean and spotless. Didn't get that done either.

I wanted to put away Naomi's clothes she has outgrown. They made it to the front room for folding, but not in their totes.

I needed to go grocery shopping, run to Wal Mart and pick up pictures. I did do that.

I also got a nap and played with a very happy squealy squirmy girl.

Maybe tomorrow will be more productive with all of those things I didn't do. Plus playing with the happy baby again. I don't mind repeats.

And on a side note here is a picture Cassie from Pink Paisley Photography took of me a few weeks ago. We are going back in a week and a half to have her take our little families pictures. I'm very very excited.

Life Lately

2010-04-29T22:11:00.000-06:00

The last month has been really busy and full of surprises! I have a lot of different emotions about it all.

We took our first trip as a family to Utah at the first of the month. I was a little nervous about traveling with a baby as she has only ever really been home. She has an amazing schedule and I didn't know how it would fare with dragging her around all over the place. But, even though some of her naps were cut short and she was awake a little longer than she was comfortable she did amazing. She slept really well in the hotel. We had to set the pack-n-play up in the bathroom so she was in a room by herself. Thank heavens Jaren's mom and sister were staying across the hall. We used their bathroom a few times since Naomi goes to bed around 7.

We came home Sunday and a few days later my family came for Lindsey's wedding. I had a full house with a brother, his wife and three kids staying at my house as well as Lindsey and her best friend Mackenzie. Then during the days my Mom, Dad, two other brothers, their wives and kids (3 total), Lindsey, Nate (fiance, now husband), and some other family members that came were here. I loved it. I really did. I loved having my family around and I was grateful that I lived there and could provide a place for everyone to gather. The only thing that was a little hard was that Naomi would go to bed at 7 upstairs and just down the hall from the kitchen/dining room. So, I was probably the most annoying person shhhushing my family when they were in the Kitchen. But I didn't care how loud they were in my basement or front room. :)

We tried to have family pictures taken on a very windy cold day. I am excited to see how they turned out. I am supposed to be getting them in the mail any day now. It was Naomi's first real experience with the outdoors and I can't say she was too excited about it. She did really good and didn't cry at all. Just freaked out when the wind blew in her face like she couldn't breathe. Poor girl.

Lindsey's wedding was beautiful and amazing. The day was really busy. That night we were woken up a few times by Naomi not being able to breathe. So, that morning I ran into the doctor and was able to get a decongestant for her. This was her second cold of her life. The first lasting a month (starting when she was 2 months old - so her entire 3rd month of life). The decongestant really helped. I was able to get Lindsey's hair done just in the nick of time - she left my house 10 minutes later than she had wanted. But wasn't late to the Temple.

After the sealing, which was beautiful and I didn't even cry! Well, until I hugged her afterwards. I still think I'm hormonal from having Naomi..... at least that's my excuse. I was going to wait in the waiting room with a curling iron to do her hair. But then I thought.... maybe they will let me back. And they did! Usually when you are getting dressed only one person can be there with you, but since there weren't many other brides in the bridal room (only one other girl) I was able to go back! It was really special being able to help her into her dress and fix up her hair. She looked beautiful. Amazing. Stunning.

Everyone left the next day and Naomi started doing better Monday. So, I left Tuesday night to go to Twin Falls to stay at my brothers. Jaren drove me the 3 hours because I think he was a little sad to see us go. His Dad happened to be there that day so he hitched a ride back with him. The next day we drove home to Washington. Naomi did really well in the car until the last 15 minutes of the 9 (I think it ended up being 9 hours) hour trip.

Again, her schedule was thrown off and she still did really well. It was so nice and sunny and warm! It was in the 70's the whole time and I took her outside in dresses. I don't normally get to put her in dresses very often because it's so cold here. And it's STILL cold here! She loved being outside. So much to look at! We got to see more family and my she was able to meet my grandparents for the first time. Their health is not so good so I'm glad they were able to meet her. She also met my best friend, Chelsi and that was fun :) I'm looking forward to her someday having a baby so I can spoil hers like shes spoiled mine.

Sunday she started coughing. I thought she had cought another cold and since it was a virus, no antibiotics. And I still had the decongestant so that was really helping her to be able to sleep. We came home and she started to go back into her routine really well. But then the cold turned into a really bad boogery mess with the coughing getting worse. She was still eating really well. Well, not really taking a bottle as nicely, but she was nursing better than she had in a long time! Wednesday I made an appointment to take her into the doctor just to make sure she was okay or see if there was anything else we could do. She wasn't sleeping well - AT ALL. For naps or during the night. Come to find she had a double ear infection and then whatever it was that was giving her the cold symptoms. We were given some antibiotics - I chose different than the Amoxicillin because last time it gave her a bad stomach ache. At least I'm pretty sure it did - since she can't exactly tell me.

Thursday I started to feel not so good. My throat was raw and my body was getting achy and tired. I figured I was getting what she had. I think it was Friday that Naomi started refusing to nurse. Or take a bottle. Each day it got a little worse where she wouldn't take ANY. Where before I could get her to latch for a few minutes. And each day I felt worse.

The only way I could get anything in her was while she was sleeping. She will stir a little and I go in and replace the pacifier with the bottle and she'll drink 3 to 4 ounces before she realizes what's going on and then she'll push it out. I've been doing pedialyte and milk. The poor thing had/has such a congested cough (it's getting better). And she is so boogery!

I feel so bad she is feeling so horrible. Especially since I'm in the worst of it now and it's horrible. My head is pounding and feels like it needs to explode. My ears hurt, and my teeth are killing me. I'm so stuffed and my throat is really bad at nights. Jaren started getting symptoms about 3 or 4 days after me. So we went in today and found out we have sinus infections and were given antibiotics. I found out I could take Tylenol Cold and Sinus (YAY!) and that has seemed to help quite a bit. Before I wasn't taking anything and can I just say I am so so so so grateful for drugs. They make such a difference.

The hardest part of this, besides seeing my normally happy wonderful temperament baby become over tired, sad, fussy and weak is her not eating. It has proven to be the most challenging and frustrating thing for me. She is all out refusing to nurse, I'm having to pump and my milk is going down again. A lot. I've shed a lot of tears because she wont take a bottle either. It's so hard to see hardly anything going in when she used to eat SO MUCH! She is taking solids okay. But not as much and I have to just keep spooning it in her mouth whenever she opens it. It is taking about three times as long to feed her. And I just sit and wait till I hear her stir in her sleep enough that she wakes up a little. Then I jump up, heat up some milk/pedialyte and run in hoping to catch her before she falls all the way back to sleep and I cross my fingers she'll drink more than an ounce.

I don't think it helps that I'm really not feeling well either. And she has diarrhea and we have been having to change her 2-3 times during the night, most times she poops out of her diaper and we have to change diaper, onsie and pajamas. Then that wakes her up and it is the ONLY time she will nurse is in the middle of the night. So I feed her and that winds her back down and then it takes her a while to fall back asleep. And she wakes up crying a lot of the night and Jaren and I take turns getting up and putting the pacifier back in her mouth. And I get up a few times to feed her.

In the most normal/healthy of circumstances I would just let her cry. She is old enough she doesn't need fed during the night and she can learn to put herself back to sleep. But, because she isn't eating and I know her ears/tummy/head/throat/everything hurts I can't let her cry. So, this has been going on now for a week and a half and it's taxing. I'm in need of rest and am lacking energy. I'm trying to nap when she does, but the second she makes a noise I'm jumping up to get her some sort of liquid so she's not dehydrated. It's seriously the only time she get's any liquid down is while she is sleeping.

It's been hard to see my sweet little girl not be herself. Normally she laughs and smiles so easily at almost anything and everything I do. But not now. Only a few times a day she smiles and I am lucky to get her to laugh. Each day I see that she has more energy and is playing and smiling a bit more. Tonight I even got her to laugh a bit. I can't wait for Sunday because that is the first day she is off her antibiotics and I'm hoping that will solve all of our eating problems. I miss my happy baby.

I officially (even more than 4 months ago) hate hate hate that babies get sick so easily. I don't regret trying to keep her inside this winter and not letting very many people touch her. I keep getting, "but she is building antibodies!" Yes, she has her entire life ahead of her to do that. AND I'm breastfeeding so I'm giving her mine. I don't think she needs to get sick so young just so she can build her immune system. Yes, it's good that it is, but I'd rather it happen when she knows how to clear her throat and isn't choking on her own boogers. When I can hold a tissues up to her nose and say, "blow" rather than hold her head down with her arms flailing and her screaming at the top of her lungs so I can suck out her boogers.

So, if you are around and your sniffling or coughing don't be offended when I don't let you hold her. Or I don't let your kid play with her or her toys if they are showing signs of being a bit under the weather. Call me anal, call me whatever the heck you want but I will do whatever I can to keep her happy and healthy for as long as I can. Yeah, there will be a lot that will be out of my control. That's fine. But when there is something that can be done I will try. Some colds aren't so bad. The first one she had a few weeks ago wasn't bad. Just congested, but still happy and had energy. It's this last one, this giant infection that has me upset and turning into a crazy person. Maybe it's because I'm sick too and sleep deprived. Maybe it's because I'm home alone all day because Jaren is gone all day and doesn't come home till 30 minutes before we go to bed or later. I'm a very social person who is lonley. Maybe I'm just turning into an anal parent. One I didn't want to be. Whatever the reason.... maybe it will be better later. In a week, a month when it's all over and I have my sweet girl back. Or maybe it's because I haven't been able to exercise in over a week and my half marathon is less than a month away and I am worried I wont be able to do it because I haven't been able to train properly *breath*. Whew. Long sentence. I think it's all of these things making me crazy. Oh, and I haven't been able to go outside because it's been cold and rainy/snowy/windy. And I've not been outside much since September last year.

Either way.... it feels good to vent. Here is another long post with my real feelings. Last time I got some crap for my breast feeding post. So, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it all.

Because I adore this sweet, happy, messy, smiling face.

Umm, Excuse Me. I'm Full.

2010-04-05T15:12:00.000-06:00

First - let me say Thank You to those who left such wonderful supportive comments in my post below. It really helped and made me feel so much better. I'm still struggling with my milk supply but most of the sadness is gone. It will be what it will be.

I have now had my nice camera for 11 months. And since I've had Naomi I take pictures every day (for my 365 blog) and I just can't seem to keep it under 15 pictures. It's usually more.

I am now paying the price. I have no room on my computer! To do anything in Photoshop I have to go delete like 50 pictures first. So, I've been sorting through my albums and deleting duplicates and blurry images. Then I've been trying to also re-size the keepers.

I can't believe the file sizes of the raw images! I'm now on the hunt for a desktop with massive - MASSIVE amounts of space for my pictures. For now - my external hard drive will have to do.

This is one of the reasons my Project 365 blog is so behind. I'm editing my sister's engagements for her receptions (SATURDAY!!) and that is taking so much time (and space). So, hopefully I can get that updated after all of the shenanegans in the next few weeks.

Because - how could I ever delete pictures of these leggings?!

Or those legs

I Just Don't Get It

2010-04-01T09:27:00.000-06:00

My body. I don't understand why it's so finicky.

My milk has dropped again. In the last two days it has dropped by 50% or more. It has to be the running. I stopped and went from 20 miles a week to 4 for 3 weeks and started pumping/feeding every 2 to 3 hours. Drinking over a gallon of water a day. Eating more. Taking 18 fen-gre pills a day. Eating oatmeal. Drinking Mothers Milk Tea 2-3 times a day. It went up a bit, but not enough to give her a full feeding. So, we started her on rice cereal and I gave her a bottle of expressed milk and formula 3 out of her 5 (including middle of the night) feedings a day.

I've been doing this routine now for almost 7 weeks. I started to notice what running was doing for me. Because when I stopped I got my head aches back, my back was hurting again and I was tired all the time. No energy. The torpedo weight loss I was experiencing slowed to about half a pound to a pound a week. And in the last 2 weeks I've not lost anything. I'm hovering at 2 to 3 pounds to go.

I struggled and struggled with what to do. I went to my doctor, I talked to family and friends and the most important opinion to me was Jaren's. We decided that the benefits of exercise to me was needed. So, I started to train again. It was hard starting over. Before I stopped I was running 4 miles 5 times a week and ready to jump up to 5. And starting again, 3 was a chore.

I kept up my pumping/feeding, water, pills, tea, food routine and it stayed the same. In fact, because I was supplementing some formula I was able to store quite a bit of milk. It made me feel better that I wasn't giong to have to just give her a bottle of formula without any weaning. I hoped I wouldn't have to do that. I hoped I would still be able to give her breastmilk with it for... I don't know. I had hopes to get her to 8 or 9 months.

So.. the weight loss has pretty much stopped. That is depressing. My clothes are fitting, but not the way I'd like. The running, on the other hand has helped my head aches. They are all but gone. My back is feeling so so SO much better and I have more energy. Most days.... because lately she has been a finicky sleeper. Which means we don't get good sleep.

Before bed I would usually pump 4 1/2 to 5 ounces. The night before last I pumped 2 1/2. It just dropped in like, a day. When I would put Naomi down for bed I would pump 2 to 2 1/2 ounces and now I'm lucky to get over 1.

I'm feeling so incredibly sad about it. Because now I'm pretty sure it's all about the exercise. And it's not even as much about weight loss anymore. Running helps me in so many ways. I'm struggling with, "am I selfish to keep going?", "even if I stopped I still wont make enough to feed her", "does this make me a bad mom?", "I feel like a failure."

Whenever I heard, "Nursing was so hard for me." I figured it was becuase the baby wouldn't latch. I was asked, "how is nursing?" I would respond, "Oh it's wonderful, she latches so great!" Then I started having problems with my supply and I realized there is so much more to nursing than just having a baby who eats properly from you.

I have a lot of friends who are running more than I am or exercising more than I am and never had a problem with their milk supply. I have come to the conclusion that my body just can't handle both. My Mom had a hard time keeping her milk supply up, so I'm wondering if part of it is genetic.

I'm supposed to run 4 miles today..... I'm just so sad. It's hard to feel super motivated when this is going on. I tried feeding Naomi strait formula yesterday. Just 2 ounces. She downed an ounce, then started tasting it and realized it wasn't what she normally get's and pushed the bottle out and spit out what was in her mouth. I tried to give it to her again and she would start to eat and then do the same thing. It broke my heart. Because it looks like she's going to have to get used to something she doesn't like much.

We started feeding her solids. Peas is this week and she is loving real food. Now she wants to eat whatever we are eating and she is pooping everyday! With rice cereal it was every 4 or 5 days if we were lucky. But yesterday she blew out her diaper TWICE. We are now, as of yesterday, feeding her solids for two meals in the day. It feels nice to have some of the pressure off. That I'm not the sole nutrient provider.

I'll continue with what I'm doing until I no longer am producing anything. I'll try. I am trying. And I'm realizing that formula isn't the worst thing in the world. Some women are making me feel/think that it is. You know what? A can of formula is 24 dollars and with how I go through it it has lasted me a month. One bottle of Fen Gre pills is 28 dollars and I go through a bottle a week. It's insane. I thought formula was expensive. Turns out trying to keep my milk up is more.

I don't want any advice - I've heard it all. I don't want any guilt - I've gotten that all. Support would be nice. I'm struggling and I'm doing everything I know possible and it's draining. Emotionally and physically. I need to do the things for myself to help me be a better Mother and Wife. If I'm constantly in pain with no energy nobody wins. Especially my daughter who needs someone to take care of her and play with her. When I wasn't exercising she wasn't getting played with as much.

I just needed to vent. I needed to share how taxing this is. I don't know what else to do. And right now I'm just struggling with the thought of my milk completely drying up. And I'm stressed. I have a huge list of things to do and not much time to do it in. Today isn't really a good day, I guess. And it's only 9:30 in the morning. Yikes.

It's About Time!

2010-03-29T21:15:00.000-06:00

That the weather is nice enough for me to run outside!

These pictures were taken the day I cut my hair.

It was 40 degree's and I was so excited about it. I bundled up my babe and got out my jogging stroller that I was so very excited about getting and headed out the door.

I went 3 miles and Naomi slept. The road out where I live is very rough so she was giggling all over the place so I don't think it was the best sleep. I don't think I'll take her out again until I can sit her in the front and I get a cover for wind/sun. Also when she will be awake for it.

Who knows, maybe she liked it.

I know I did!

In fact, Saturday I dropped her off with my Mother in Law and ran 5 miles without stopping. In 53 minutes! I'm very proud of myself as I haven't done that in almost 4 years.

Very exciting.

See how I'm running? :)

And now I have a snazzy amazing ponytail. Or.. part of one.

Bye Bye Long Hair.......

2010-03-21T21:36:00.000-06:00

I did it again. I chopped off all of my hair.

No. This is not the "Mom" haircut that all Mom's do. I guess it looks like that because it was so drastic and because it was so much hair. But that's not why I cut it.

I chopped all of my hair off almost 2 years ago(click on "again" above) and gave it to Locks of Love. I liked it short so much that I decided I wanted to keep it that way. But I also liked donating so much that I decided I would also try to grow it out during pregnancy (since hair grows faster) so that I could donate again.

Then the pregnancy happened and I grew it out and I gained 46 pounds and my face was a giant swollen ball and I couldn't cut it short until I lost most/all of my baby weight.

I was/am 3 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight and decided it was time.

So, chop chop chop and I'm left with VERY VERY short hair. A good 1-2 inches shorter than my first time. But, in order to donate I had to go that short.

Before

During

After

I love the way it feels, but am not sure if I like how it looks. I feel like I look older and I don't feel as pretty. And I was finally starting to feel like my face was looking pretty again after loosing the weight. I think it needs to grow out another inch. I'm enjoying the super short hair washing shower time and the fast styling.

Lately

2010-03-15T14:10:00.000-06:00

I have been a bad blogger
I have been obsessed with my daughter
I have not been as on top of housework as I'd like to be
Lately I have had to put off running
I have been sad about not running
I have lost endurance
I made a decision to continue training
I have been busy
It's been hard to see how busy I've been since the house isn't spotless and blogs aren't updated and the miles aren't climbing in my training log
I've been obsessed with photography and editing
I've been wanting things I can't have (like CS4)
I've been very, very grateful for our Heavenly Father
I have been dying for spring to come (I've not been outside for longer than 3 minutes since October)
I've been missing family
I've been missing friends
I've been lonely
I have been dreading April as the start of farming and Jaren wont be around so much
I have been excited for April since that's when my family is coming
I have been feeling stressed about April because my house is not ready for said family to come
I've been feeling better about myself physically
I've been wanting so badly to chop all of my hair off
I have been wanting to nap for more than 30 minutes in a day
Naomi has been sleeping 12 hours strait at night
I have been waking up in a lot of pain because Naomi doesn't need to eat at 3 a.m. anymore
I have been mostly, 97% happy (the other 3% has to do with self improvement)

Lastly, here is a picture Jaren took of me yesterday. One of the last with my long hair since tomorrow is the day I chop it off and send it to Locks of Love for my second time.

Can you tell I've not been outside since September?
I'm trying to decide if I want bangs or not. And not the kind that go all the way across your forehead. I was annoyed with them while I was pregnant and let them grow out. But now I think I may want them again.... thoughts?